Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Some days are (muddy) stones

And that’s ok.

But sometimes you feel the need to bitch about it.  I’m having a ‘wahhhhh’ few days.  I try not to whinge and generally try and stay positive but it’s been going on for a while now so I thought I’d try blog therapy – see if that helps.

So I apologise in advance for the whinge factor of this post.

Things are fine, they really are.  But I’m just struggling slightly.

And I don’t really know exactly why!  There’s a bit more going on but I thought I’d tell you about the superficial stuff.  This is all frivolous crap.  But sometimes frivolous crap affects us too.

The street I usually drive down to go to boot camp...
Firstly QLD floods related stuff has been getting to me.  I don’t want to complain because I am one of the lucky ones – I have family and friends and colleagues who have had major damage, trees through rooves, lost belongings, some awful stuff.  My heart breaks for them and I do not compare at all.  So please don’t judge me for whingeing about my effect from it which pales into absolute insignificance.  Absolutely two separate issues.  Those with real problems --- and then me. ;)

The Situational Factor

So if I can forget the comparisons for a sec and solely looking at my own little selfish personal world for this blog post, my teensy tiny affect from the floods is still annoying me.  I’m on Day 4 of having no power at home.  When I say no power, I have 5%.  I can charge my phone and that is all and let me tell you how grateful I am of that!  I can’t wash my clothes, cook,  see, use anything, my internet has gone etc.  It’s been a gradual thing over the 4 days.  I was late this morning because I had to wait for the sun to come up to put my makeup on because I couldn’t see anything.  I’ve been using public bathrooms to get ready too.  My basement got a bit flooded and water got into the communal stairwell so it’s musty and smells.  I got warned by my electricity company not to use my water but I have been.  I’m apparently risking an electrical shock each time I shower or wash my hands.  But my house already smells enough from the carpet and half washed clothes without me not showering as well.  It’s been hot at night so I haven’t been able to get comfortable with no fan on.  There’s been a fair bit of candle and wind up torch action at my place.  I know I'm not the only one - so many people are without power, some have had none for 5 days.  No cold food or drinks, having to eat out at most meals.  I feel lucky I don't have kids at times like this.  One friend with young kids is living out of an esky.  I know we survived in the stone ages without any electricity but far out do we miss it when we are used to it!

Boot camp?  Hello?  Anyone?

The thing that mainly got to me was all the food’s gone off in my fridge and freezer so I have to throw it out.  It’s annoying because I could have taken it to a friends house but because my electricity failure was gradual, I didn’t realise until I woke up yesterday morning that my meat was soft etc. and by then it was too late.  It was my birthday yesterday so it was kind of sad to wake up to that on this particular day.  I had to throw everything in my fridge and freezer out just a couple of months ago too and I’ve only just restocked up the basics again – just those staple things you always have in your fridge, plus portioned out meat etc. – it’s alllll got to go, again.

The street my workplace is on went underwater so I was locked out of work yesterday too which means loss of income.  But it was just one day and it meant I didn’t have to work on my birthday!  So not all bad.

The Exercise Factor

But the main thing that I’ve been sad about is heaps of my boot camps etc. have been cancelled while we had this weather.  I completely understand why (of course – the fields where we usually train have been completely underwater!) but that doesn’t stop me from being sad about it.  I didn’t realise how much it would upset me.  I actually cried about it.  Seriously Kate, get over it!  But I was really disappointed.  5 boot camps and 1 hike were cancelled.  I couldn't get my addiction #fix.  The weather was so wild and I believe all 3 boot camp training grounds I usually go to and the surrounding streets were completely under water.

We usually train right in front of this fence...I mean river...
And as a result, I didn’t exercise once in 4 days!  I feel sick about that! I was making a big deal last week about having a rest day, and then I don’t train for 4 days?  I didn’t realise how much boot camps keep me in line.  And because I didn’t work for those 4 days because of the public holiday and flood, I didn’t get to walk to / at / from work either.  So I did nothing.  I could have exercised inside my house!  It wasn’t the weather or boot camps fault!  Oh I can not believe I didn’t exercise!  There were some times when I wanted to train but it was at night / early morning and it was too dark to see, and then other times I was going to go for a walk/run outside but it was majorly raining / the areas where I wanted to go were flooded.  But I’m not going to lie to myself, there were plenty of other day time hours across the weekend where I could have done something indoors….and I didn’t.  I guess this was a good thing to experience to remind myself of other ways to train.

The Nutrition Factor

I mentioned the steak and chips I had at my family birthday dinner the other night.  Well yesterday on my actual birthday, I again chose to eat what I wanted.  I didn’t go overboard, I didn’t binge, I didn’t eat shocking, I didn’t even eat snacks or stock up on ‘crap that I’ve missed’ which is my usual downfall.  But I chose to eat an unhealthy meal at lunch and again at dinner.  And I had dessert.

I said I wasn’t going to let it get to me but it truly is.  I’m back to normal today and it’s not like I even went off track – I just chose a couple of not so great options, for a once-a-year-day.  But having that food has made me regress to when I eat bad and now I feel like I’ve completely gone off track because it reminded me of how I usually stuff up from letting myself have a small break AKA stuff up.  Augghhhhh!  I haven’t.  And I won’t.  But I feel like I have.  Which in a way is kind of just as bad?

The Scales Factor

And then (yes, just a bit more whingeing to go) – today, Weigh In Wednesday, I didn’t lose any weight.  I am exactly the same as last week – to the gram!  107.3kg.  I can’t believe I didn’t even fluctuate by 100g if anything!  I was surprised because I thought 4 days of no training and 3 (well, 4) not so great meal choices would take longer to affect the scales but there it was.  And in any sense, I was still hopeful for a miracle, that that stuff wouldn't affect me.  But - no weight lost.  Yes, no gain either.  There might be more going on but anyway that’s what it was.

So yeah that’s pretty much it.  There’s a whole other issue I’m dealing with feeling a bit lost but that’s a whole other blog post ;)  This is just superficial crap that will stop and I’ll get over.  But it’s bothering me so I just had to get it out.

This morning at boot camp (yes, my first one back!) :)  I suddenly realised the date today.  I can’t believe I thought of this because it’s not a date I ever think about.  But it flashed into my mind anyway.

My major weight issues started today, 16 years ago.  It was the day after my 16th birthday.  I turned 32 yesterday.  So it’s been exactly half of my life where I’ve had a major battle with my weight.   That’s a long time.  I had body image issues and constant diets before I turned 16, but the 30th January when I had just turned 16 had a big turn of events that churned out years and years of weight issues.  Exactly half of my life today.  Interesting :)  I’m just so glad that I’m well on the road to fixing it all now so I won’t have to make that any more years.  And despite my ups and downs from yesterday, I was smiling in the back of my mind all day that this year I am so much healthier and feel so much better than I was on my birthday last year. :)

Sorry for whingeing and I hope you don’t judge me because this stuff is all non important.  I know that.  Onwards and upwards from here, somehow.  As one lovely friend reminded me, it’s ok and normal to have blah days.  Some days are just shit and there's no point studying the ins and outs and meanings behind some of the stuff.  Coz there often isn't anything.  And I shoudn't sweat the small stuff and it is all small stuff.  But it's still shit stuff. :)

I just have to rise above it, KEEP GOING, and keep remembering my mantra from last year:

“Roll with the punches and love the good times.”

I’m going to make sure there’s plenty of good times coming up. :)

6 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks Aunty Tracey, love you too xoxo

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  2. Some times you just gotta get the shit out hun. Doesnt make you less of a person, just a real one. Love you xx

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  3. Kate, feel your pain and been the same this month without your reasons, but you need to remember the grand scheme of things. Yes you haven't trained and have eaten some ordinary meals, but you are working towards a better you and notice when things are not going as they should. In the past you wouldn't have done so. That is a huge step forward and you have also acknowledged you want to make sure you continue with your new way of life.

    Well done on that. You also need to remember that the real world takes turns that we can't control sometimes (floods, cyclones etc) and if we miss a couple of training sessions so be it, you are healthy, alive and ready to go when things get back to normal.

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  4. Wow its really nice to read an honest post about whats going on up there. Seriously my heart goes out to all affected!

    Dont let the few days of bad give you the guilts! Your human and at the end of the day, your going through a time which is really completely out of your control!

    I hope everything is getting better for you up there and the water has subsided! Maybe see your face at Finale!

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  5. CONGRATS on the yellow dress to! Thanks so awesome!

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