Thursday, 20 November 2014

Week 4 check in

Hey hey hey..

Just checkin' major revelation or epic running event to recap, just a "this is where I'm at in Week 4" kind of post.

So, yes, we're in Week 4!  Today was Weigh in Wednesday.  And I'm so pleased to say that I'm going well.  On the weight loss side of things, at least.

My last post was talking about my current weight loss attempt  #613899.  It was at the end of
Walking the other day
Week 2, so effectively I'd wasted 2 weeks of this round.  But I restarted on the Friday of Week 2, regardless.  I had 34 days until my 1st mini goal of my boot camp trip to Straddie.  I was Day 2 into it and things were looking good.  They usually look good on Day 2!

The awesome thing is, I am now Day 13 into it, and I am still going strong :)  I've lost 6.8kg in those 13 days!  It's always fast weight loss at the start, but I also know the contributor to this is me just working hard, and I am so proud.

My exercise has been almost perfect.  In saying that, I've had about 5 rest days - 3 were unplanned due to injuries.  I haven't skipped out on any training days with no good reason, although I wanted to some mornings!  Apart from my rest days, I've stuck to my plan and scorched those calories.

My nutrition has been 99% on track, too, which I think is what's made those scales move.  The 1% is because I've had maybe 4 squares of chocolate across that time, that I haven't
Caught on camera mid niece feeding me her watermelon.  Saboteur??
recorded.  On Saturday I had 1 bite of my Mum's chocolate crackle, 1 bite of my brothers vegetarian sausage roll, and 1 bite of my niece's quiche.  LOL that sounds a bit strange...I don't usually bite into my family's food!!  But I was at a party and wanted to taste this food, but didn't want to eat it all.  I got to try it all this way, and I even counted in some extra calories to cover it all.

I've had a couple of days where I've gone over in my calories accidentally (poor pre-planning).  

And tonight I just needed to eat.  I hardly ate on Monday (I'll explain) and I think my body was just crying out for a big, decent, meal, with no worries about calories.

I decided to listen to my body, and went to Woolworths after work to grab what I felt like eating.  It was a strange combination that you would potentially judge me on, so I won't describe it. :)  It wasn't bingeing or a treat meal, and the intention wasn't to inhale calories or eat something fatty.  My body just wanted to go nuts and eat a big meal, no matter what the cals.  Within reason.

The funny thing is, I couldn't help myself, and even though I wasn't supposed to care, I
One of my dinners last week!
tracked the calories anyway.  And the grand total I went over in my calories today, was....100.

That's right.  A rare, allowed night off and the best I can do is exceed by a mere 100 cals.  Rebel or what??

So apart from those few things, I have been totally on track with nutrition.  I haven't deviated, I haven't binged, I haven't even really craved for a binge!  This is so weird!  My whole time in losing weight, I would usually have cracked it by now.  Or allowed myself a little break.  But nope, not this time.  Each night I've packed my breakfast, lunch and snacks for the next day, and I've stuck to it.  I've been within my calories each day, and am just doing what I have to do.

I've even been sleeping so much more!  I'm a bit behind in updating my sticker chart but I will update you once I have a tally...but I would guess that the majority of nights, I've hit my sleep target!  (7 hours a night).  A friend encouraged me to get into bed early the first night, and I enjoyed the feeling so much that I've been repeating it pretty much every night!  

Who am I?!

My water is on track too...although I need to actually count it...but I am sure I'm hitting my target.

While all of this has been great, I can't see any difference in me yet, of course.  It's only been 13 days.  But that'll come.

It has been an incredibly difficult 13 days though.  I've had 4 medical incidents in this time.  I don't understand how I can have so many issues??  4 separate issues.  Far out.

I made snacks from the leftovers of platters I had to make. #score!
Across these 4, I've had 2 hospital visits, 2 ambulances, 2 at home doctors, a myriad of tests and a lot of stress and worry.  All within 7 days.

The first 2 incidents I'm not ready to talk about yet.  But I'll talk a bit about the last 2, which merge a little.

On Saturday night I had a bit of a fretful night and got a suspected fractured or bruised rib. 
Long story.

On Sunday I was in pain (and feeling a bit sorry for myself!) that I had to call a sudden rest day for myself.  Rest day as in no exercise, but also an actual physical rest day.  I lay in bed all day, in weird positions, trying to get comfortable with my rib/s, and watched DVD's.

On Monday I woke up and I couldn't move.  Although they were still sore, it wasn't my rib/s, it was my back.  

My back has a myriad of chronic issues (Osteoarthritis, Scoliosis, degenerated discs, spurs on my spine, major spine trauma....I could go on for a while).  They've caused me issues since I was 16:  Every few years I suddenly collapse - not faint, but my back just randomly gives way.  Sometimes I can't move and I have to hold walls to get myself up.  Pain is regular, and it's been getting worse.

For the past year or two, it's pretty much a daily occurrence for me, that when I wake up, I can't move.  It's like my back relaxes into my bed while I'm sleeping, and I temporarily lose muscle control?  Anyway, after about 5min. of being awake, I can move and get out of bed, and live a (very) active life!  It's no biggie, I'm just used to it.

But on Monday, 5min. came and went and I was still kind of stuck to my bed.  I started suspecting this was going to be a bad back day.  Little did I know....

It took me 20min. just to get out of bed.  It was ridiculous.  I had to very slowly slip and slide and shuffle and maneuver.  I gently let myself fall off the edge of my bed, and I managed to stand up.  But it was painful, and I was a little Bambi-like: uneasy on my feet.

I walked around to get ready for work.  I managed to dress myself, but it took double the time.  I did my hair and makeup but I was starting to get worried.  I could barely stand up.  When it came time to put my socks on, it didn't go so well - as in, I couldn't.  I lay back in pain and finally let myself acknowledge that I couldn't drive to work.

Instead I worked from home, assuming my back would improve through the day.

It didn't.  I couldn't stand or walk but I managed to crawl to the bathroom and the fridge.  I was only able to eat lying down, so I sucked the juices out of watermelon, and drank yoghurt.  I was too scared to eat the rest of the snacks next to me, as I can't eat too well lying down.  I couldn't prop my head up and it hurt too much to sit.  The pain got more intense, and by about midday, crawling was out of the question, as now I wasn't able to move an inch.

That's when I started getting worried.

I didn't know what to do.  Because there's not much that can be done for back issues!  So I waited.

But I soon realised though that I was in trouble.  I now couldn't even crawl to use the bathroom.  I was desperately trying not to drink, so that I didn't have to go to the toilet - but I needed painkillers so it was a Catch 22!  But not being able to get to the toilet - or do anything, was getting a bit more serious.  I was calling out in pain and not able to move, at all.  There was a snack next to my knee that I wanted, and I dropped the air con remote - I couldn't reach either.  I suddenly was desperate for one of those long claw toys that my brothers had when we were kids.
Position I was stuck in, standing on my own, and couch / drug time

After about 4 hours of being bedridden, in every true sense of the word, I called for help.  I called the at home GP service, and managed to navigate him to find me inside my apartment (I was by myself).  He just told me to go to hospital, and left me alone. (!)  When he said that the ambos would have to break their way inside to find me (!) I finally called a friend to help, and asked her to come over to let them in.  I live in a rental!

Somehow the paramedics managed to get me into the ambulance and to hospital.  ER were great and pumped me full of drugs.  Every 15min. they adjusted my bed height a little, to get me more into a seated position.  Finally about midnight, with the doctors help (and numbing drugs!), I was able to stand.  When I was able to walk a few steps, I was allowed to go home.

I've had two exercise rest days since, and will take tomorrow as well.  I'm fine now, but I'm just going to take it easy for a while.  Everyone's been asking what the diagnosis was, but there really isn't any.  I know what my issues are, it's just something I live with.  In saying that, Monday was the absolute worst it has ever been.  In the past if I haven't been able to move, it passes within 10min. to a couple of hours.  But being completely incapacitated for 12 hours, in the worst pain of my life, is not normal.  I believe it's because of Sunday's bed rest for my rib/s.  I usually can't move temporarily in the mornings from being in bed for 5-ish hours.  The other day though, I was (mostly) in bed for something like 24 hours.  That's not normal for me, but it makes sense as to why my back was then affected on an even bigger scale.

While there's not much I can do, I am going to make an effort to help things a little more from now on.  I'm so used to living with my condition, but Monday showed me how serious things can get.
  • I've spoken to my trainer and I'm going to take things a lot easier at training.  She's aware of my body and we work around it anyway, but now I'll downgrade the intensity even moreso, at least for a little while.
  • I'm going to make my few and far between Osteopath appointments a regular priority/necessity.
  • I've already limited my running, and I'll continue this for a while.
  • I'm going to look into water running!
  • And at my parents insistence, I'm going to see a back specialist.
The limited exercise aspects of my action plan SUCK.  I'm a runner, and I'm also someone
Reminding myself of this while I can't exercise
who's madly trying to lose weight.  Lessening my running and taking things slow and easy?  These things don't sit well with me.  But we have to manage, what we have to manage.  And as I've proven to myself before, there's always ways around things.  We may have to find alternative paths, but we can still get the same result.

So that's me in a past 13 days nutshell!

I'll be back soon to keep you updated, of course.  It's only early days on Attempt #613899, but I have a good feeling about it.  23 days till Straddie, and I intend to get to my Mini Goal #1 by then.


Kate xo

Saturday, 8 November 2014

Hello October Round

Ok, so it's actually almost the end of Week 2 of the October Round (far out, already!!) but
Second workout today.  No excuses.
hello to the October Round!

I'll try to keep this a brief post but I just wanted to share where I'm at, and share my goals for this round.

Really, to put it bluntly, this whole year has been a write off in the weight loss stakes.  When I say 'whole year', I mean from February till now.  Up to February I was smashing the kg's like there was nothing else.  And I plan to do the same from here on in.  

But all those months in between, well....they weren't so great.

This is no secret, I've shared this here before.  But I guess what I haven't told you, is just how bad it has gotten.

Do you know how some people (maybe it's you, maybe you've heard of people doing this),
Top up grocery shop + cool stuff in the post (no bills!)
try so hard to remember what it was like when they were bigger?  Like, they lose weight and can't remember exactly what it was like to carry around 50kg extra on them.  Or how it used to hurt to run/walk, or how those certain clothes didn't fit.

Or have you seen those reporters on current affair TV shows don fat suits and go undercover into malls, to film how they are treated when they're bigger?

Well I've done something not so great.  I've done it, for real.  If I forgot what it was like to carry extra weight, well, I've taken the experiment too realistically, because boy do I remember now!  Instead of wearing a fat suit for an hour (or adding weights to clothes like I did once), I've added the kilos, for real.

No ----- I am not back where I started.  No.  However, I have still gone so far backwards, that it's pretty shocking to me.

No, I didn't plan on this.  I didn't lose 50kg by January and feel absolutely amazing, starting to really allow myself to remember.
Day 1 back into it, and I am faced with 90 free pizzas for lunch!  Augh!
fit into Size 12 and have bucketloads of confidence, to turn around and say to myself...."do you know what, Kate, I kinda forget what it was like to worry about my weight on chairs...or to have a restrictive wardrobe.  Let's go so far backwards, to


I did not plan to do this.

But somehow, it's happened.  It doesn't matter 'why' too much - I've analysed myself thoroughly anyway.  What matters moreso, is how terrifyingly awful it feels, to find myself reverting to previous behaviour, that I had when I was bigger.

Before I lost weight, I had 2 outfits that I wore day in, day out.  I recycled these outfits
I broke my parkrun drought this morning!
continually.  I would wear them to work and socially; to casual functions, and to formal functions.  Both outfits were head to toe black.

Guess what I've found myself wearing lately?  All black.

It's terrifying me.

I left my all black clothes days way back ages ago.  To find myself reverting to black again, and having to wash said black clothes almost nightly, when I have a walk in wardrobe filled to the BRIM with awesome, colourful clothes, is almost soul destroying.

This is just one of my old behaviours I can see creeping back in.  I've started getting anxious about seatbelts on planes again.  They fit fine!  But the fact that I'm getting anxious (for good reason, mind you), is a bit of a worry.
Greek salad I made yesterday to accompany the next 6 meals

I've started hiding from photos again.

My worsening back isn't helping with this, but my running is getting more painful, and more slow....

There's more stuff, but they're my main pain points.

It's like a nightmare that's actually come true.  Or like I've closed my eyes and pretended I'm wearing a fat suit for a day.  But I've opened my eyes, and it's stuck on me.  It's not a suit, it's me.  No!  It's like I've taken an experiment too far.  I don't mean this has been an experiment though!  Not at all.  It's just how it feels.

If I kept going, I would eventually get back up to my start weight, and even heavier.  There's no way that I want that, or would let myself.  The damage I've done already is more than
enough.  I need to stop it here, before I go too far.

I've had a few false re-starts this year, like 152.  But I tried for the 153rd time, at the start of the October round last week.  New rounds give fresh hope to everyone.  It's like New Years Day.  The day is no different to the day before, but everyone feels hopeful.  Me included.  I love it.

So I geared myself up and tried to pull myself out of the hole I was digging for myself for the 153rd time.  I went ok, until I went away for the weekend.  I allowed myself to relax with food while I was away, but I am not good at stopping that relaxed mindset, once I get home.  Week 2 has been an up and down battle to get myself back on track.  I tried again yesterday morning, for Attempt #154.

So we're 2 weeks in, and I've had a stumbling start to the round, but I'm ok.  I know inside me that I've got this.

I have a whole list of stuff that will help me, including some mini goals that I've set, so that I won't get overwhelmed by the big picture.

I've split the weight I have still yet to lose up into 8 parts.  Each mini goal is pretty significant - either a number on the scales that I want to see, or a point in time where I want to feel good about myself. 

Goal #1 is my boot camp trip, to Stradbroke Island (Straddie).  It's 5 weeks away, and I want to feel confident when I go across with my team mates.  So this is my first goal.

Goal #2 is Christmas Eve.

Goal #3 is New Years Eve.

Goal #4 is Week 12 of this round.
The clothes I had collected

Goal #5 is my birthday.

Goal #6 is weight based.

Goal #7 is also weight based.

Goal #8 is my ultimate goal - goal weight.

So while I have 8 little goals, all I'm trying to concentrate on for now, is Goal #1, Straddie.  The beach.  All I have to worry about is the next 5 weeks.  Then I can move onto the next goal.  But one thing at a time.

One of the new things I've done (as in, I just put it together last night), is redoing my rewards system.

My old rewards system was a bit outdated, as in, I set the rewards so long ago.  The other issue is, I can never afford my rewards when I achieve them!

So I'm in the middle of rehashing them.  Yesterday I went to the $2 shop and spent $8 on
buying little gift bags.  They're presents for me.  I've gotten a few pieces of One Active clothing lately when it's been mega cheap, on sale.  With the tags still on, I've put a piece into each bag, that I can start wearing each piece when I reach each goal.  I also have an anklet that I bought months ago, to give to myself when I got to a certain weight.  I've put that into my Goal 4's bag. :)  I'm going to try and add to each bag the small things I'm aiming to reward myself with, along the way.  Things like new nailpolish, movie tickets, magazines etc., or the cash for these things.  Nothing too extravagant, but some pre-organised little presents.  It's saving me money and making me excited to get each bag.  It's probably a little weird, but man, seriously?  I would wrap myself up in banana leaves and chant "Mary Had A Little Lamb"
8 presents ready for ME!
while standing on my head every morning, if I thought it would assist me in getting to goal weight.  Sometimes it's the little things that spur you along.

And I need all the little things right now.

I've also set my 12 mini milestones for this round - I'll add them to my Goals page, but here's a little overview:

Week 1: Girl In Blue.  Yes, this one is back again.  I still haven't done it!  I set this goal ages ago and explained what it is in this post.

Week 2: Try a new parkun. This one is pretty self explanatory!  I've been to 4 different parkruns before, and tend to stick to these ones.  (When I actually go!)  But I'd like to spread my parkrun wings and try a new one, just for a change.

Week 3: Walk home from work. I live 8km from work and haven't walked home in ages!

Week 4: Makeover and dinner.  I did a mini makeover for myself last round, but didn't really feel anything at the end of it (probably because I did it over a week - one small thing a
The anklet I've been waiting to wear
day!)  So this round I'm going to do it again, all at once, (just simple things like face masks, home foot spas etc.) and then actually go out for dinner to make myself feel good!  My friend Mel's agreed to do it with me.

Week 5: Iceskating.  Another carry-over goal.  Just for fun.

Week 6: Run Mt Coot-tha's loop road.  Yep, another carry-over goal, explained in this post.

Week 7: Go to Luna Park.  I've never been!  Each time I'm in Sydney, I remember that I want to go.  So I am aiming to do this, this round!

Week 8: Play a game of baseball.  I haven't played it since I was in primary school.  I used to love it!

Week 9: Buy togs.  Wear togs.  Explained in this post!

Week 10: Beach workout.  You guessed it, explained in this post.

Week 11: Do the steep hill next to my old work.  The title of this is pretty self
Yesterday - 35 days till Straddie
explanatory!  I said 'do' because to run it would be insane.  It's ridiculously steep.  I'll find out the gradient.  I used to have a bit of a fear factor of that hill, as years ago I slipped and fell at the top, one morning on my way to work.  I must have damaged a tendon or something because I hurt myself so much, that for the next week, at random times something would pull on the top of my foot so weirdly, that I physically couldn't walk.  It was still sore two years later.  Needless to say, I've avoided that hill ever since.  But I'm keen to go back and walk it a few times (?) as exercise - as years ago I used it as a means of getting from my car, to the office.  This time it would be to burn calories!

Week 12: Do a photoshoot.  Another carry over goal.  I just have a couple of vouchers that I haven't used yet.  I was meant to do this last round but lost too much self confidence to do it...

I'll of course keep you up to date with how I go!  And just a little message to anyone who's been in the same boat as I have been lately: 

We always have the power to stand up and dust ourselves off.  Forget about the failed attempts, just know that they've made us even stronger, and know that we can still get to where we want to be.  It's not too late.  We always have the power.

"Anything worth having is worth fighting for."