OMG all I wanted to do was lose weight!

This weight loss thing.  IT'S NOT JUST A WEIGHT LOSS THING!

At the tri last weekend

So you think your list is going to look like this:

1. Decide to lose weight.
2. Lose weight.

WRONG!

Did you know there are about 500 steps, or moments, in between there?  The number differs for each person but for arguments sake let's just call it 500.  And before you jump up and down, yes I am completely generalising here, and no, not everyone has the 500 moments.  Some of you may be lucky and have the 2 points listed above.  But for a lot of us, especially those with 30+kg's to lose?  There's a whole shebang of 500 other steps that no-one warns you about....

Some of these moments are wonderful and exciting and monumentous.  I can't wait to get to some of them; some of them I've already reached.  You know, like:

Step #424: The moment you get to wrap a normal sized towel around you with no gaps.
Step #473: The moment you can get a photo of yourself in one leg of your old 'fat pants'.

Me with the gorgeous Courts and Lyndall: IWDFR buddies

Step #167: The moment you are able to run 1km without stopping.
Step #63: Your first organised fun run/walk that you hyperventilate about beforehand but survive.
Step #256: The moment the scales get under 100kg.
Step #4: The moment you realise you have a new found addiction to selfies...
Step #486: The moment you realise you are actually going to get to goal.
Step #488: The moment you realise you are actually going to get to goal and are ok with it.

You get the picture....so many of us have these same moments.  It's a finger printed, individual journey yet with so many similarities along the way.

At the IWDFR 5km finish line today

And as with life, we have our disappointments mixed up in all of that.  If the 500 Steps of Losing Weight were all fantastic, we would have done them years ago.  Nope - in the middle of all of that are the hard bits.  The moment where you eat some bacon chips at a party then think you've stuffed up all of your hard work so you follow this up with a cheeseburger meal, and a Magnum.  Oh, and some Chicken Crimpy Shapes...  The moment you repeat this behaviour two weeks later and again two months later then beat yourself up because surely you should have learnt by now?  The moment you injure yourself so much that you can't train like normal.  Your first boot camp / gym class / walk in public.  The moment it all gets too hard and you seriously stop to consider that it might actually be easier to be overweight for life.

These moments are interspersed into our journey and seem to flare up just when we think everything's going ok....  It.Can.Be.So.Hard!

So often I think: "all I wanted to do was lose weight".  Yet I constantly stop to find myself having this amazing, wild, fantastic, terrifying, courageous, brilliant, tearful, gut wrenchingly insane ride to get there.  When did it get so complicated?  Can't I just lose weight??  These 500 steps are hard work!  I'm sure some people are reading this and thinking "Umm, I just actually lose weight and that is it..."  Well that is great :)  But for me, and for I think many of us, there is so much that we go through while that was happening.  Things come out of the woodwork that we didn't realise was there - or didn't want to think was there.  I'm personally trying to solve the world's problems (AKA my own) along the way.  I've lost weight before.  Then gained it back again.  This time for me, is for real - so I'm trying to do this properly.  I'm questioning, challenging, delving and opening everything I find while I do it.  And sometimes it's really tough.

I've had one of those weeks this week.  It's been one of my hardest weeks yet and to be honest it's still going on.  I've been a bit MIA and I've retreated from everyone and everything that I can.  I had the triathlon last weekend.  Things were rough before then but this day just ripped me apart.  It wasn't that bad, really.  Nothing major happened, and I finished it.  But oh wow.  It started with a lifeguard missing my signal when I thought I had to be rescued and ended with me shivering in a disabled bathroom wrapped in toilet paper...hmmm.  Something went wrong.  I guess it was Step #242: The moment you do a triathlon and you subsequently fall apart afterwards. ;)

I'd usually do a blog post about an event like this but I'm going to leave this one.  I decided I'll paste a screenshot of the post that I put on my personal Facebook afterwards.  It pretty much summarises it.  There's no point writing out the whole story.  That can stay between me and the waves from my first open water swim...unless one day you ask me about it.  Just take it from me for now that my experience (not the event), was pretty awful. :)

My summarised triathlon report

So just a quick update on everything else while I'm here:

I got to Step #250: I'm halfway!  Well, past halfway, kg wise.  I was 102kg on Wednesday's weigh in which took me over my half way mark, from start weight to my goal weight.  A couple more significant milestones are very close now... :)  I'm losing kg's but I gained cm's in my Week 1 to Week 4 measurements!  This was tough!  I don't know why....

I've started getting more into the training for my half marathon which I have been loving.  Apart from this encounter below!  This was the first time I had trained outdoors, running, by myself - what a welcome!

#snakesonpaths

Craziness :)

Climbing Mt Coot-tha yesterday

Apart from dodging snakes, I've been focussing on getting my training organised and have done up a new training plan (more on that later).  And yesterday I climbed a mountain and today I did a 5km fun run.  I loved both - some photos are below.  I think I enjoyed this weekends events because I had some amazing girls by my side.  The tri sucked for many reasons but one thing was I did it all alone.  I've decided that I don't like that.  Especially when right now, I need a bit of support.  I'm such a fiercely independent person that I think I can do everything on my own.  Most stuff I can, but maybe not everything.

I Nikko'd all over my arms for the tri, as you can see in the photos.  My right hand said "BREATHE"...my left arm said "WILDLY BRAVE".  And my left hand said "Keep going".  This has been the catch phrase of my week.

All I wanted to do was lose weight.  Umm, yeah.... Step #252: The moment where you realise there's a lot more to it than that.

Keep going.

1km, 2km, 3km, 4km and 5km finished!

 

The 5km course today

Oranges after!

Crossing a creek Bear Grills style

Tri fuel: special protein pancakes #spoilt

Met these beautiful girls yesterday

#matchingshirts #pre-tri-hugs

It's all fun and games to do a pretend stressed selfie before a tri until the tri is a disaster...

Beautiful Cathy presents

Just in case... #youcantbestoosure ;)

Top of the mountain!

 

Climbing Mt Coot-tha

Oranges and bananas never looked so good

Yes we are!!

Lovely girls doing Mt Coot-tha

The beautiful Rina

Saddest photo but an important one.  Middle of tri...tears...sweat...rain...starting to flood in the background.  #struggling #keepgoing