Thursday, 16 July 2020

So, how is it going so far?

It's going well!

I am by absolutely no means eating what one would consider dietician approved, well rounded, nutritious, healthy meals.  At the moment.  I needed to start slowly.  Every single other attempt, I have lived up to my usual 'all or nothing' attitude, and attempted to change everything 'perfectly' from Day 1.

This time I plan on doing it in stages.  Other than having a definitive start date of a few days ago, there's no dates or pre-prepared timelines for these stages.  The first, initial stage is simply focusing on cutting out the majority of the crap I was eating.  Note, I said 'majority'.  I have, in the last 3.5 days, eaten chocolate, chips and pizza.  That sounds terrible and laughable; I know.

But my intake since Monday morning has been miles ahead of what I was shoving down my mouth every day for the last 6.5 years (bar a few attempts 3+ years ago).

And each of those foods were eaten intentionally and with reason, in itself a marked improvement of past behaviour.  For example, last night, I had a visitor surprise me by bringing over Dominos pizza for myself and the girls.  They were doing it to be kind, and it was a situation where it would have, in a way, hurt them, had I declined to eat any myself.  (They don't follow Coco Girl 😉 (so don't yet know of my changes)), and I made the very intentional decision to eat some.  I decided to have one piece, and have my planned dinner later.

But of course one piece made me want a second.  I would usually have eaten about 4 pieces.  But I just had the 2, and felt satisfied.  And later on I asked myself if I really wanted the planned dinner and decided that I didn't.  So instead of eating my usual 4 pieces, or having extra food later, or declining altogether and feeling deprived, I just enjoyed the spontaneous, crazy, loud, pizza dinner that was bought with kind intentions.

So it was obviously not the ideal dinner, but I have zero regrets.  My choices were an improvement, I enjoyed the food and atmosphere, and I was intentional and therefore in control.

And the most important part is, I don't feel like I stuffed up the last 3 days and may as well visit Binge City and start again next Monday.

Other than that, I've cut out the rest of the main crap that I was inhaling.  My food choices have been yummy to me; not (yet) portion controlled, not calorie counted, but better.

I'm not ready to exercise yet, but that will come.  (I'll explain this more on a future post).

Also, these things don't sound like they're related, but a few other things I've changed this week are:
  • I started wearing makeup again for the first time since about March
  • I put on some of my jewellery for the first time in about 2 years
  • I've made realistic to do lists for each day and have actually been actioning most things on the lists
The makeup thing still surprises me.  In that I didn't wear it for 4 months.  I have not been seen without makeup for 20 years.  Going makeup free recently may sound positive, like it was because I was being comfortable in my own skin, blah blah blah.

But it was the opposite.  It was because I just didn't care anymore.  COVID / lockdown didn't help.  I was seeing very few people of course, and it just went from there.  But even once we were allowed out more, I didn't pick up on my self care.  Once you drop one thing, it's easy to drop more, and self care becomes a snowball that gathers speed and tumbles quickly away from you.

So, wearing makeup (and jewellery) again is a positive thing for me.

Anyway, I have a whole lot more to share, but I'm trying to just get things done and not over analyse as much (or overwrite!) so I'll just wrap up this brain dump now, and chat to you more soon.

😘

P.S. Following the theme of self care, I also got my hair done the other day.  One day I might be brave enough to show you the 'before' photo.  Tip: self care wise, you can let everything go, but never let your hair go.  It was b.a.d. 😳


Monday, 13 July 2020

Day '1'

Hiiiiiiii!

Happy July 😉 So last we spoke, I was bruised and accidentally making my baby a penis cake 🙈 for my twinnies 1st birthday party.

Eight months on and I still haven't written Part 2 of that story.  And that right there pretty much sums up part of what this post is all about.

Not doing things for seven months, twelve months, 3 years, however long, has been my jam and as of today I'm attempting my hardest to stop this habit.

This is a topic I'll have to explore over time and future posts, but basically from today I'm making a more concerted effort to get things done.  I've been on a quest to simplify my life for a while now and there's a million things that feel like they are 'choking' this quest.  My 'procrastination' thing is not really procrastination; it's actually due to a couple of significant reasons and I think I have to allow myself more grace over this and forgive myself.  I'll talk more about this another day but it's certainly not due to laziness or a can't-be-bothered attitude.

However whatever the reason, not actioning stuff is holding up so much for me, including simplifying my life.  I long to be back in an organised state, so that I have the brainspace to be able to focus on what matters and to feel I have control again.  So while my stories will forever be complex (that has never changed 😉), I don't want my lifestyle to be.

And the major and most significant (and relevant to share here) change I'm making from today is that I'm focusing on my health once more.  In the past I'd refer to this day as 'turning over a new leaf' or 'Day 1' or  'restarting' or 'resetting' or 'Attempt #347221' or 'Operation Birthday / Christmas / Easter / Mothers or Fathers Day / any day' but I'm doing things a little differently this time.

I'll share more over time of course.  I may even call today one of those things from time to time.  But there's no well thought out title to 'inscript' on the 13th July 2020.  (Edit - I'm titling this post 'Day 1' because I can't think of anything else more apt for it - but I use the term loosely).

There'll be no charts (I know!), no jars, no tracking, no goal number, none of my usual recording stuff.

I haven't attempted to lose weight for years (literally, it's been at least 2-3 years between attempts, if not more).  I was sick of trying and failing.  I know that you never truly fail unless you give up trying.  But that's the thing.  I have never given up.  I of course haven't been actively 'trying' - the Maltesers chocolate block wrappers on my bedside table can attest to that - but I've never given up on the goal.  I always knew that I would get there again - but the reason it's been so long in between 'start dates' is that I wanted to be confident in how I was to approach it (the process) the next time.  I know that so much needed to change; hence how I've gotten to this place of now doing things differently.

I'll be honest (of course! 😂); I have no concrete plans.  I have nothing written down.  I haven't cleaned out my kitchen of junk.  I haven't done a huge healthy grocery shop.  I haven't charged let alone put on my smart watch to track my daily calories in and out.  I have no idea how (few) steps I've done today, nor do I care.  I've done nothing in preparation (yet on the other hand, I've done everything 💗).

The only things that I've done that are like I've done before, are:
  • I decided on a 'start' date and mentally worked towards it
  • I've weighed myself so I know where I 'started'
  • I haven't told anyone (until this post - why not make the first person that you share it with, be the whole world? Haha no, seriously, I don't know why but I have always been like this - my 'start' dates have always been something I need to keep to myself?)
  • I ate KFC for dinner last night.  Because are you even starting afresh if you don't have KFC the night before??

But that's it.  I'll be taking each step at a time.  And there will be steps and they will not go in a straight line.  I will not kid to myself that it'll all be muesli and chicken salads from here on in.  It won't be at all.

And while I haven't shared this plan with anyone until now, that's where my privateness in regards to this ends.  One thing that has definitely worked for me in the past and that I'm happy to continue, is to share the ups and downs of this journey, and allow strangers (and family and friends) to be my cheersquad

That fruit / yoghurt / oats breaky that I shared on the 'gram this morning might make more sense now.😉

Welcome back to me.  Thank you for hanging in there until I was ready.

Monday, 18 November 2019

Bubbles, bruises and a penis cake - Part 1

Okay, I feel like a bit of an overachiever tonight: publishing one post and starting another?!  #whodis

EDIT - I only got a few paragraphs written and it's now a few days later as I continue this. #thereiam

EDIT AGAIN - It's now a week after that and I've finally finished writing this post 😄

So, my baby girls turned the big ONE year old last week.  I've been using Instagram stories 
Madeleine
Ashley

in a way like my pseudo blog over the last few months; which has been as therapeutic as it has been fun.  I wanted to recap how the birthday went, but the story is way too long for even stories, so blogging it is.  If this can be the start of regular blogging again; I'll be stoked.  I miss it and it helps me so much.


By the way, despite how my Instagram grid looks at first glance, I have not transformed into a 'mummy blog'.  A lot of my posts and stories are mum related, but that's because I don't have anything else going on at the moment. 😆  I still have my other stuff (mainly weight loss) to share, but there's a few baby(ies) related stories to sift through before I get back to that soon.😉

Anyway, their 1st birthday.

So, in true Kate fashion; I knew about it for a year, and started getting things done 3 days before.
I've known about their birthday for a while...


I do not recommend this.

I had been imagining how their birthday would look for months.  But quite annoyingly, 'envisioning' does not equate to 'doing', and I found myself a week out, with nothing done, except for having sent the invitation a few weeks prior.

Their birthday fell on the Saturday, but due to my family's availability, we had the party on the Sunday.  I knew the gist of what I wanted:

Their actual birthday: Wake up to balloons.  Open presents.  Go out and do a fun activity.  Start family birthday traditions.

Their party: Have a simple get together in the park.with family and friends.  Minimal fuss and effort.  An opportunity to get together to celebrate the girls, but also to thank those around us for their care and support over the past year.  Extremely importantly to me, a cake EACH (rather than sharing).  Allow the girls to eat their cakes and try sugar for the first time.  (They had not consumed sugar as an ingredient before this).  Have some special way of thanking people who came.  No theme - just bright colours and fun.

I'd deliberated over the theme aspect for a long time and finally realised I didn't want to project a theme onto them for the sake of having one, if that makes sense?  I also realised that this may be the only year or one of the only years where I can choose - once they start getting interests, I won't have too much of a choice.😉

So I had the ideas, and as mentioned had managed to get the invitation out.  But that's it.

The girls recently started day care and currently go Mondays and Fridays.  So I planned for Friday (yes, two days before), to be my runaround day and tick everything off.  (And Monday to recover).

One thing I did manage to do before Friday was to book the hire of a number '1' cake tin.  How good is that, that you can hire them?  I had no idea that you could.  It cost me $7 to have it for 3 nights.

I bought the Women's Weekly kids cake cookbook as soon as I got pregnant.  In fact I may not have even been pregnant yet.  It was one of the first things I bought.  You know, buying all the important stuff first.

That cake book, like so many Aussie kids, was one of my favourite childhood memories.  Each year my brothers and I used to pour over the book and carefully select which cake our poor mother was expected to recreate for our respective birthdays.

I talked about this on my Insta stories, but it was important to me to make their first birthday cakes.  I may outsource in the future, but their first year I wanted them to be homemade, by me.  Which is an extremely annoying desire, seeing as I hate baking and cooking SO much.  I'm going to share the Insta stories I did on this, here, to save me repeating it:















Buy WW cake book before pregnant.
Flip through it in the car the day before
your babies first birthday.
So, Friday morning came around and I had barely put together a to do list for the day, let alone a semi organised one.  I dropped the girls at day care and drove to the cake tin hire shop.  I ate breaky in the car in the car park before going in and for the first time since I bought it, started flicking through the cake book that I'd shoved in my handbag, trying to get inspo for the icing and decorations.  My cakes may have been from the heart, but that heart lies within the most disorganised body!

I picked up the cake tin, feeling somewhat accomplished.  TICK! ✅

Now, just to do every single other thing for the party.

My non-planned out, somewhat sketchy goal for the day was:

  • Complete all shopping and errands before lunch
  • Be at home before 1pm for my friend Dani to drop in* (see below)
  • Bake both cakes in the afternoon - a la Suzy Homemaker 
  • Pick up the girls - a la a got-it-together 'Tupperware Mum'
  • Ice and decorate the cakes after the girls were in bed, - a la Nigella Lawson
Cake tin acquired. Only 216 things left to do

So far, so good.  Other than the cake tin, I had to go to:

  • Big W
  • Spotlight
  • Kmart
  • Woolworths

I ticked off Big W and Spotlight quite quickly.  I ordered balloons in person at Spotlight as I just hadn't been able to get my shit together prior to this.  I went up to the staff member in the party section, and looking and sounding helpless (no acting required, coz I was), she helped me order the balloons.  I got 2 huge '1's to tie onto the girls cots made up to take away while I was there, and then I ordered a handful of bright balloons to be ready for Sunday's party.

Jenga.
It was now lunch time and I hadn't made it to Kmart (to print photos) or to Woolies (to buy the cake ingredients and the food for the party) yet, but I was all cool.😎  I needed to get the balloons home, I needed to meet my friend and I had to sit down and get my photos organised before actually heading to Kmart.  Could I be any less organised??

So my beautiful mother's group friend Dani was dropping around, because she had messaged me to say that she had baked for the girls birthday party.  She wasn't even able to attend, and of course I hadn't asked her to do anything!  But she just baked and messaged me photos of her creations and asked when she could drop them off.  Gobsmacked much??  She had made pink macaroons and these marbled biscuits with the girls names embossed / stamped into them.  Like a professional!  "MADDIE AND ASH" and "ASH AND MADDIE".  I couldn't believe it.

I got home, hid the balloons, met the angel Dani, and sat down to organise the photos to
Made with the greatest thoughtfulness
print.  I rescheduled my day.  This afternoon would now be the rest of the shops - Kmart and Woolies, and I now had to also run back to Spotlight for one thing.  I also had to pick up the girls outfits.  They'd arrived at the post office after being express posted from interstate the day before, after I'd finally worked out what I wanted them to wear.  *Shaking my head at myself*.


I'd have to bake the cakes that night, but that was fine.  I could still ice them on Saturday, leaving plenty of time.  As long as the baking was done on Friday.

I finally sorted the photos and drove to Spotlight.  As I was in the checkout line, I got a
Dani's amazing pink macaroons
notification from day care on my phone: "An incident report was written up about Madeleine."


What?  Talk about a heartstopper notification!  As I scrambled to open it, I reasoned with myself that if it was anything serious they wouldn't let me know via a basic notification, and I was right.  Maddie had just slipped while crawling and bumped her head a little.  She was fine, but they of course had to write an incident report.  My first parental incident report - a little anxiety inducing!

It was now almost 4:30pm.  I really didn't want to have to take the girls to Kmart, but I knew that if I tried to 'duck' there now, before picking up the girls, it would likely take longer than expected.  I'd then be rushed, late and stressed, and the girls would be more tired and grumpy etc.  I also just wanted to run to Maddie and cuddle her after getting the report.  I knew she was ok, but I wanted to be with her.

So I went to pick the girls up, via the post office to get their outfits.  I bundled them in the car and off we went to Kmart and Woolies.  I decided that I'd see how they went.  If they were getting too tired then I'd just buy the cake ingredients and order the party food online.  But the cake ingredients were a non-negotiable to buy that day.  As I walked into Kmart, I was mentally slapping myself to be doing this at 5:30pm on the eve of their birthday weekend.  Next year I would be organised!

We got to the photo centre and I sat down to order the prints.  ...And the girls started to crack it.

They are truly amazing babies.  They are so placid and well behaved, they don't whinge or cry or scream for no reason and they're just very good, smiley and happy girls.
Ashley's outfit

But they're also 12 months old.  They were tired after a big day care day, it was just past their dinner time, and Mummy's sitting down in a bright shop looking at a computer??  They didn't like that at all, and started to show it.  I tried to keep them happy while I madly chose photos to print, but to no avail.  We were on dummy rations (we own 20.  I can only find 2).  I didn't have any food with me (disorganised oversight).  They threw every toy and interesting and safe object I could find in my handbag out of the pram, and were getting louder and more upset.

They got so loud that the young staff member from the photo centre actually came over and asked if she could help me.  (Remember, with two babies you get stereo sound!)  Without direction, the staff member knelt down in front of the pram and engaged on eye level with the girls, while I madly finished selecting photos.  What an angel.  I managed to find a pouch of food in my bag (a Mary Poppins bag at it's finest!  I had no idea that I had it there).  So that helped a little.  I ordered the photos and we started pacing Kmart to get the last few things that I needed, while we waited for the photos to print.
Maddie's outfit

My idea was to have some really well thought out, cool, safe, healthy, interesting or creative party favour to hand out to the kids attending.  Not that I'd worked out what that would be yet...  I can't wait to make party bags like I remember from my childhood when the girls are older, but for their first birthday where the kids attending were such a mixture of ages, I wasn't about to put together little bags.

I've seen my brother and sister-in-law make the most incredible party favours for their kids parties over the years, which is probably why I hold such high party favour standards.  One year my brother hand drew and made colouring in books that were personalised for my niece's birthday for her friends.

So with that inspo; here I am, trudging the floors of Kmart on my kids birthday eve, last minute settling on handing out mass produced plastic bubble wands to the little party guests.  Same same!

They were the opposite of creative and well thought out, but they were 50c each and I had to just decide on something.  And all kids like bubbles, don't they??
Last minute 50c Kmart plastic bubble wand party favours
#wellthoughtout #creative #unique
#personalised #interesting


I had no idea how many kids were coming, because I hadn't checked the RSVP's.  (C'mon, to do that I would have had to be semi organised, remember?)  I did a super quick estimation while standing next to the bubbles display in the outdoor section of Kmart, and picked up double that.  There was no way I wanted any kid to miss out because I didn't have enough!  I reasoned I could return any surplus to Kmart the next week, because the packaging would be untouched.

I thought running through the aisles of Kmart would interest and settle the girls, as they love being out in the shops, but we were well past the point of no return.  They continued to lose it, crying being VERY LOUD.  Because they've only lost it in public a couple of times, I'm really not used to it and I guess it gets me a little flustered.

I had well and truly decided that our visit to Woolworths (in the same centre) was definitely only for essentials (birthday cakes ingredients).  I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed.  I was looking forward to being in Woolies because I could find some food for them.  It was 6:30pm-7pm-ish and I was feeling like the worst parent in the world for having the girls out at this time.  We definitely go out at night for dinner etc. occasionally, but that's always planned and they're always well fed.  This early evening disorganised shopping trip was my fault and I was so mad at myself for leaving everything to the last minute.

We grabbed the photos and finished up at Kmart.  I raced us to Woolies, and before I had a chance to get to the baby snacks aisle, I remembered the 'free fruit for kids while you shop'
Hallelujah
thing!  I'd never used it for my own kids, but that changed this night!  The best invention ever!  I grabbed 2 bananas and the girls chomped on them while I paced the aisles of Woolies, only stopping to google 'simple butter cake recipe' and 'how to make purple food colouring'.  My knowledge of primary colour combinations was completely lost in a haze of double baby brain and last minute party prep overload.  I was making one cake with pink icing (Ashley) and one with purple (Maddie), so I grabbed pink, red and blue food colourings.


The bananas quickly got demolished, and they needed something else.  I've never done this before, but I grabbed a packet of rice crackers in the baby food aisle to crack open instore, and pay for when I left.  I was so frazzled and the girls needed food so I would have just gone ahead and done it, but I did make my way over to the service desk and ask permission to do so before opening the packet.  The manager I asked was kind and said it was fine, but she made a joke about my honesty and when I walked away I was blinking back tears.  Miss Sensitive, much?  Okay, so now 3 of us were tired and teary.

I almost just grabbed a couple of packet cake mixes, but I was so determined to make these cakes myself (from scratch).  I still hadn't quite worked out how I was going to decorate the cakes, so I pretty much decided in the Woolworths aisles that evening.

I grabbed the last few items, as well as 2 more bananas from the free fruit basket.  The girls smashed these down as well.
My twins on their actual birthday


Finally, we were on our way home.  It was about 7:30pm.  I was focussed.  Girls: dinner, bath, bottle, bed.  Me: dinner and bake 2 cakes.  The rest of the prep could wait till the next day.

Walking briskly, we walked outside of the shopping centre and crossed the pedestrian crossing that led to the pram car parking, where we were parked.

We got to the other side of the crossing, to a pedestrian island within the car park, and I realised there was no ramp for prams or wheelchairs to go down on once you were on the island.  So we turned around and went back onto the pedestrian crossing via the ramp that we had just come on, now needing to walk on the road to get to our car instead.

I took a few steps on the road and pushed the pram over a small speed bump.  And in what felt like both slow and fast motion, I felt the pram off balance.  In that split second, as much as I tried, I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do about it; as suddenly the pram tipped, and flipped upside down, on top of me, with both babies strapped inside.

I looked up to check on the girls, who were upside down but thankfully completely strapped in (in hindsight the design of the pram saved them).  Having them looking down at me was a horrible image.  Ash seemed fine but I couldn't see Maddie's head straight away.  I moved a bit of the pram and I was then able to see her, too.  I don't have words to describe those horrible couple of seconds.

Once I knew they were okay (conscious and alert at least), I realised I needed help.  I needed someone to lift the pram off me and upright in a way to make sure that the girls were protected, and to allow me to get off the ground.  I was also aware that we were on a road and it wasn't very well lit.  It was just a road in a car park, but a car could still come along at any time.

Maybe it's just me, but I just assumed that people would come over and offer help.  It felt like we'd been on the ground for a couple of minutes, but no-one had come.  It was 7:30pm on a Friday night so it was much less busy than usual, but there were definitely people around.  Quite a few in fact.  But no-one came.

I realised I had to call out.

"Can someone please help?!  Can someone please help?!"

I yelled it out, but still no-one came...

My gut wrenched.

I have never felt more alone in my life.

I kept yelling.

"Can someone please help?!  Can someone please help?!  Can someone please help?!"

After the second lot of yells, 3 young men rushed over.  They picked the pram up and turned it upright.  I got up.  I think it was my yelling that started the girls crying; they were silent before that.  They both started that horrible, heartbreaking cry that babies do when they're terrified.  Where there's silent gasps in between each cry.💔

The guys had no idea what to do.  Which I understand.  

I was crying myself and all I could say was "I just need to hold my babies."  I unstrapped each girl from the pram and tried to comfort them at the same time.  All 3 of us sobbing.

The guys just stood there.  Kindly, but not knowing what to do.  One of them offered me a cigarette.  Helping in the way he knew how.  I remember saying that I wished I did smoke.

I was so shaken and upset and I remember just feeling in that moment that I needed someone to look after me (us) and take control.  But there was no-one to do that.  I was the mother, I couldn't just lie on the road and sob my heart out, like I felt like doing.  I had to pull myself together to some extent and direct the scene.

I asked the guys if they could just please accompany us to my car.  They picked up my groceries and 24 bubble wands that had spilled a little over the road, and pushed the pram to the car.  They didn't know what else to do and appeared awkward so I thanked them and they left.

It probably sounds over the top, but I felt so extremely broken in this moment.  Aside from the obvious of not knowing if the girls were ok, I'd had such an extreme feeling of emotion while lying under the pram, simply for the fact that no-one came to help straight away.  It took a lot of yelling to get those guys to come over.

I feel embarrassed sharing that, like maybe I'm expecting too much, but that's how I felt.

Six years ago I was in a car accident   It was in a busy inner city area in peak hour, with so many people around; in cars, on foot and in shops.  I was trapped in my car and no-one, including the occupants of the at fault car who were pulled over nearby, came to see if I was ok.  I had to use Facebook to call for help while inside my car and eventually managed to crawl out the passenger door.

I got a bit of PTSD from that car accident, and I think that in this pram situation, having to yell out many times until someone came to help, just brought on the same feelings.  To be 'trapped', no matter how minimally, with people around but not assisting, leaves you feeling invisible and so alone that it hurts.

(Even if that is momentary).

After the guys left, I put both of the girls into the car (unstrapped) and closed the door so
My Ash
that I could sort myself out with free hands.  I was craving for so
meone to take over.  I'd already been feeling like I had a lot on my plate to do myself, so this incident just floored me.  I was also really sore - I'd been hurt and didn't know exactly how.  I also didn't know if the girls were completely okay.  They were visibly fine.  They were even moreso after I'd put them into the car: they thought it was Christmas, because they weren't strapped in.

When we go to the car at home to drive somewhere, I don't have the pram, so I'm carrying both babies.  Maddie just recently realised that when I place her into her car seat briefly unsecured so that I can walk around and put Ash in and strap her in before coming back to do Maddie, that she can stand up within her car seat and move around.  She thinks that she's extremely clever, and that it's the best thing in the world and absolutely hilarious.
Very proud of herself.

So I switched them, and started placing Ash in; then would walk around and secure Maddie before coming back to secure Ash.

Of course though, Ash very quickly learnt this awesome freedom as well, so now it doesn't matter which baby I place in first, they ignore my requests to "please sit down and wait for Mummy", and move around and laugh at me.🤦  (Exhibit A in this photo taken on Friday.  (She's not wearing a shirt because we were on our way out the door when I felt that she'd wee'd on said shirt; I already had both girls bundled up so I took off her wet shirt, grabbed a clean one and changed her in the car).

So this evening, with both of them not strapped in, it was frigging party time, and they were having THE BEST TIME EVER.

Meanwhile, their mother's standing outside of the car, crying in an emptying car park.

Aside from making sure the girls were okay (their fits of giggles from within the car was very reassuring), my focus from earlier was still the same, just a little more heightened: I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed.

But I knew that I wasn't in a state to drive, and I just felt so lost and alone.  I hate asking for
My Maddie
help and stupidly strive to never do so.  But this night, I pushed any pride and concerns about inconveniencing people to the side, and was brutally honest with myself.


I needed help.  

I began calling family and friends.  I started with people who lived closest to me, to lessen their inconvenience.

Murphy's Law, I had 1% battery on my phone at this point.  It lasted, however.  After a few phone calls, one of my friends answered.  He lives a street away from me so was close to the shopping centre where we were.  And ironically, he's also a nurse at the children's hospital.  I think he even turned up in his scrubs.🙂

Because, he, of course, said he'd be right there, and turned up 5 minutes later.  He was great, he was confident that the girls were fine, and helped us get home.  (Escorted - I drove after I'd settled to a safe extent).  He helped me carry everything and everyone up the stairs and then helped me get the girls fed, bathed and in bed.  We ordered Thai, and he left about midnight.  

Needless to say, there was no cake baking done that night, after all that.  After he'd left I ordered the food for the party to be delivered the next day via Coles Online.  I got to bed
about 2:30am, after tying the '1' balloons onto each girls cot; watching my now official one year olds sleeping peacefully.

I managed to wake up just in time to see their reactions to the balloons, which was really fun.

I'd woken up though, feeling like I'd been in a car accident.  I was so, so sore.  The whole left side of my body (and some of my right?) was starting to bruise.  My elbow was grazed and I was limping.  And I was feeling really emotional about the night before.

Other than feeling like I'd been hit by a truck (funny; I call the pram "the truck"!🙄), the day (their actual birthday) went mostly as planned.  I laid out the girls presents (that I'd bought months ago... yet had wrapped that morning (#organisedaf)).

...And I then opened the presents that I'd wrapped myself just 10 minutes earlier because the girls had 5% interest in helping me do so.

I gave them their first doll each, a personalised puzzle of each of their names, and a book to share about being able to be anything you want to be.  I lit their very first birthday candle each and sang happy birthday to them (individually) for the first time.  My beautiful friend Donella came over and we took them to the park for a little swing and a play in the grass in the late afternoon.
First birthday present ever

Maddie had a temp for some of the day.  Nothing too bad, but not nice for her all the same.  Aside from that, the only other thing that made the day go different to how I imagined it, was that, of course, I still had a zillion things to do before the party.  In particular, I had not yet baked either cake, let alone iced or decorated them.  If I felt like I was leaving things to the last minute on the Friday, not being any further ahead on the Saturday just bumped the disorganised stakes up by 1000%.

This blog post is already epically long and we're not even at their party yet, so I'm going to leave this one here, and do a Part 2 to finish off the story soon.

In Part 2 I'll share how I accidentally baked a penis cake for my daughters first birthday.  As all good mothers do.

Back soon, 
Love Kate 😘

Good morning - you're 1 today!

Good morning - you're 1 today!



Both girls instantly put the dolls dummies in their mouths

My children are geniuses.  They spelt out a word.😆

Ash swinging on her birthday

Maddie swinging on her birthday

Turning one is exhausting

First nap as a one year old

If the crown fits...


Happy birthday Miss Maddie

Happy birthday Miss Ashley