tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61255755787867436982024-03-18T22:38:59.952+10:00COCO BUTTERCoco Girl's transformation, out of the COCOon and into a BUTTERfly: A blog about weight loss and fitness gain: my transformation from morbid obesityCoco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.comBlogger307125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-40118295208122544112024-03-18T22:38:00.000+10:002024-03-18T22:38:06.717+10:00Fluids, tick. 'Purée' in progress.<p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm;"></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg3wlW1FTPczAgs8CaenpJ8j6HYXBuMmsvrq7XdUUSk9dF9kpufJaRj1iF_nI0rd0WRxQyAkRr1ppBZIMEXlN2EInxICE6O4KqSt_4w719N7X3OovXpd8E5R7KgmcUM25ljVmUpes66jGTErXiq6nLwStQynDeWZwP1oUiPRhrY3RVpgqYu1uc6FkvBQo/s4032/IMG_1361.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgg3wlW1FTPczAgs8CaenpJ8j6HYXBuMmsvrq7XdUUSk9dF9kpufJaRj1iF_nI0rd0WRxQyAkRr1ppBZIMEXlN2EInxICE6O4KqSt_4w719N7X3OovXpd8E5R7KgmcUM25ljVmUpes66jGTErXiq6nLwStQynDeWZwP1oUiPRhrY3RVpgqYu1uc6FkvBQo/w240-h320/IMG_1361.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Typical lunch box this week</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So I started to update on my stories how I was going with Day 1 and 2 of the purée stage, but I fell asleep half way through the sharing and haven’t had time to continue since. It’s now Day 6. 🤦🏼♀️</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />Sooo, a quick summary instead:</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>Day 1</b></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">I shared that I had the yoghurt and 'squashed' strawberries for breakfast.</span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjyuLfb0WjxqRfhJhjgtMa8ALF3U_n23VuXA8nVBhqw_qVT3DEq9opH7SQh_ljLIMlqOOy3x3VPalmtaE3svI-lxp7IbN6jKBZyTWQAechz2pOB_QEz7h6RLAy_mMiS4cE4B9i60TpH97jfhRsYESfOwMjEP_4HuofPOrur2kIiGamqmNiN4Yhv3aqY7s/w320-h240/IMG_1322.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Cruskit, avocado dip & feta</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I then had this: 1 Cruskit with avocado dip (as the avocados I bought were too unripe) and feta. And as I said it went down extremely easily and didn’t fill me up at all.<br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">So I continued with a Salada (1 Salada that breaks into 4 squares), with avo dip on it.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I think I had some crackers and dip in the arvo.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>Anyway, dinner was the thing that ‘concerned’ me the most. I had salmon and feta. (There’s many foods I’m not allowed to eat yet hence these non balanced meals btw).</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">This was on a side plate, not a dinner plate. I think the salmon was about 120g (I’d cut a larger piece in half and didn’t </span><span style="font-family: arial;">even think I should be able to manage all of this.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3005" data-original-width="3005" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg65mPVBxb2VOz_GVREQ5LXjVlG2TCeMZtCWbDmF2nOJzoS4bSrfeLglWpgLrA4-tOle4qz41ufu3oj_SwzVQFZPwyzbjdozMzRnIs5ttTe6xQa_uqUJK_RC7vRV_QROAupWhaXWDBDqqOiMipmEb5gmIZBQxFwAfwS2sriki6QAJRyWtX1471kZNHRkbE/s320/IMG_1349.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">'The' salmon</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg65mPVBxb2VOz_GVREQ5LXjVlG2TCeMZtCWbDmF2nOJzoS4bSrfeLglWpgLrA4-tOle4qz41ufu3oj_SwzVQFZPwyzbjdozMzRnIs5ttTe6xQa_uqUJK_RC7vRV_QROAupWhaXWDBDqqOiMipmEb5gmIZBQxFwAfwS2sriki6QAJRyWtX1471kZNHRkbE/s3005/IMG_1349.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: arial;">But I did; and I didn’t even feel full afterwards. I felt satisfied enough though. My dietician said I probably wouldn’t feel restriction until the soft food stage; but I was really starting to worry. I know I was just Day 1 of purée, but surely I shouldn’t be able to eat a piece of salmon that big and not even feel full? </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Reminder: </span><br /><b><i><span style="font-family: arial;">Day of APC: clear fluids </span></i></b><br /><b><i><span style="font-family: arial;">2 weeks: fluids</span></i></b><br /><b><i><span style="font-family: arial;">2 weeks: purée</span></i></b><br /><b><i><span style="font-family: arial;">2 weeks: soft food </span></i></b><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><i>After that, food of any texture.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2xyeDS74MlomjmbzHr_PLMXjTBbVpqTxtdlnc6Kwn3SVhkInS-9Ajj-mvyO3ts5tG42A3I_xvefkQt2HSUkO0uDW54BlefjhHS0gRSu4lv9IUG7bW-LsO1jCeMaPbmW3pZGqWc6llJBAWN9jbbziW7ZCsTcSRUd-dDRztl2MR81xTNcHqOq8PSPRt_xQ/s320/IMG_1403.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Salmon patties dinner before</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2xyeDS74MlomjmbzHr_PLMXjTBbVpqTxtdlnc6Kwn3SVhkInS-9Ajj-mvyO3ts5tG42A3I_xvefkQt2HSUkO0uDW54BlefjhHS0gRSu4lv9IUG7bW-LsO1jCeMaPbmW3pZGqWc6llJBAWN9jbbziW7ZCsTcSRUd-dDRztl2MR81xTNcHqOq8PSPRt_xQ/s4032/IMG_1403.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></a><span style="font-family: arial;">Completely coincidentally, the following morning (<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>Day 2</b> </span>of purée), I had a check in Telehealth appointment with my WLS surgeon. Ie. the surgeon who did my gastric bypass 18 months ago (I just realised, it’s 18 months tomorrow!!)<br /><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">He referred me to my APC surgeon (they work closely together) but it was still very separate. I did my gastric bypass privately (using my Super), and the APC was done publicly. So he wasn’t really across me having had the APC when he rang.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">He seemed to have some concern also about the salmon, so he asked to speak to me again in a fortnight.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Day 2 was pretty similar. I’ve been eating mostly crackers, dip, yoghurts, squashed strawberries, smoothies, salmon and cheese.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iwpxhTi5CRG4jalKGULM_3O_n11K-wJK5eHlv-YD_9CMmBNeMVto1CchCX3RUtx_XYEpKvWA8O2UMPWfp_ztsygnVUUXlsIlqkeiTInttivM-ncxQtLnciLb8V3jAVQ1ggC1AQsXOfbnamkpbrewHBxb4BoxeOXnMtNsvFmqnfbwuoGJGWXgJ0gGSIs/w240-h320/IMG_1405.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Salmon patties dinner after</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I made salmon patties for dinner and had them with sour cream. They gave me a little bit of hope, in that I put two on my plate, and could only eat one.🤞🏼</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_iwpxhTi5CRG4jalKGULM_3O_n11K-wJK5eHlv-YD_9CMmBNeMVto1CchCX3RUtx_XYEpKvWA8O2UMPWfp_ztsygnVUUXlsIlqkeiTInttivM-ncxQtLnciLb8V3jAVQ1ggC1AQsXOfbnamkpbrewHBxb4BoxeOXnMtNsvFmqnfbwuoGJGWXgJ0gGSIs/s4032/IMG_1405.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></a><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><br /></b></span></div><span style="font-size: x-large;">Days 3-5</span></b> were pretty similar. There was possibly some small amount of restriction but overall not much. I had salmon a couple of those nights and was able to leave a little bit on my plate each time.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I am trying to trust the process, and although it doesn’t sound like it, these foods are ‘purée’ (consistency when swallowed) so I really shouldn’t judge the success of the procedure until I’m eating completely solid food.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZaiXZLaFUjKxVEcYTFXYZPPa3Lmqf-uLZLW7-9Jza0CEWrFHY3RVON6h5N5Yjmb0e9sPM8XEJOnNwuFsP2LCZ1FLGUX5ybsWj2CJiDtN2KkU3uesTa8uwrID5VZhZvv88WPtkVLlNktn4wMgH3kl1zgJ6WN36WtsOMt5TP9oNwTLSZC0PAGnI-p1mxvQ/s320/IMG_1596.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The wedges<br /></span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">But that first night of salmon……. 😕<br /></span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">On Saturday night, Day 4, I went out to a very last minute dinner to celebrate my brother's birthday. It was at as pub and I ordered wedges. It seemed (even to me) strange that I was allowed to eat that. But other than chips, it was actually the only thing on the menu that I could have. They did have steamed vegetables but I thought they might be too tough. I sort of need to have very soft veggies that I can mush in my mouth. Purée stage is so weird. And the available choices don’t even seem overly healthy, either. Crackers and dip aren’t amazing choices. And at dinner others appeared a bit confused that I could eat the wedges. 😬</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzq5pCkQ7jZdAY-Aed03hKWosiHtmhNolgMHdrLWLCfeqeRhWYlR9pfNUfnsqy6hYWs_IbRA6wZkEf7liS0PVS5JB6DaUz84gYMkeWgJVGVnP42SZCYdTH9yn0y1vqH8ZvTERPyH1fn55P_aOO_SQGCfhJy7b9QEZ5IWjS5TmEYOgFTiEG_CuWf52TzQ/s320/IMG_1780.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dinner tonight before</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></span><span style="clear: right; float: right; font-family: arial; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />Anyway, I shared the wedges with my niece; we didn't finish the bowl; not even close, but I managed many more than I thought I should be able to at the moment. </span><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTzq5pCkQ7jZdAY-Aed03hKWosiHtmhNolgMHdrLWLCfeqeRhWYlR9pfNUfnsqy6hYWs_IbRA6wZkEf7liS0PVS5JB6DaUz84gYMkeWgJVGVnP42SZCYdTH9yn0y1vqH8ZvTERPyH1fn55P_aOO_SQGCfhJy7b9QEZ5IWjS5TmEYOgFTiEG_CuWf52TzQ/s4032/IMG_1780.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: arial;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>Today was similar, however tonight (<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Day 6</span></b>), has ended up being amazing. Literally a few hours ago I was lamenting to a friend about the restriction concern and wondering how long it might be that I have to wait to get another APC (it’s not unusual to need more than one). I even had a fleeting thought that I wish I had that ‘full’ feeling where you actually feel sick and uncomfortable when you eat. I had that a few times early on after the bypass. No one should wish to feel unwell, but I was just craving to have some hint of hope or proof that the APC has tightened me up. And feeling uncomfortable and/or sick is a big sign of that!</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">And then I ate dinner.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I ate salmon and roasted potato and sweet potato. (For reference of these photos, all of these meals have been eaten on small side plates). Tonight's piece of salmon was a lot smaller than that first night.</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, I was so full about halfway (?) through the meal and then felt that discomfort feeling, in a HUGE way. I even thought I might bring it all up again and looked around for something to grab if I did get sick. (I didn't).</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5tfOGqDV5E9tTGIg_8wXuMAeXN3nwZiQ3YjkjLLMSGc1QbQEhYMctyl8N04qDDPDPD8I9O18sbcFFk4AqtBzfDE9RcyaIH9Besh9QxYQLuFkWPZM9oRKpNzyhxHbr2TuaHh4Ixic_G_R9JrG5BxD30aBP4l6rpl7fib5TG_Cdu27J0cmx4YXdfQPwkBE/s320/IMG_1781.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="240" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Dinner tonight after</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5tfOGqDV5E9tTGIg_8wXuMAeXN3nwZiQ3YjkjLLMSGc1QbQEhYMctyl8N04qDDPDPD8I9O18sbcFFk4AqtBzfDE9RcyaIH9Besh9QxYQLuFkWPZM9oRKpNzyhxHbr2TuaHh4Ixic_G_R9JrG5BxD30aBP4l6rpl7fib5TG_Cdu27J0cmx4YXdfQPwkBE/s4032/IMG_1781.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: arial;">Physically it didn’t feel good, but mentally it’s excited me! Maybe it has worked better than I thought?</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">We will see.🫠 Patience and hope, Kate, patience and hope...</span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">So far I’ve lost 5.3kg since the APC; (2.5 weeks).</span></div><div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZaiXZLaFUjKxVEcYTFXYZPPa3Lmqf-uLZLW7-9Jza0CEWrFHY3RVON6h5N5Yjmb0e9sPM8XEJOnNwuFsP2LCZ1FLGUX5ybsWj2CJiDtN2KkU3uesTa8uwrID5VZhZvv88WPtkVLlNktn4wMgH3kl1zgJ6WN36WtsOMt5TP9oNwTLSZC0PAGnI-p1mxvQ/s4032/IMG_1596.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></a></div><br /></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-70157840166308812442024-03-04T07:16:00.000+10:002024-03-04T07:16:06.601+10:0080kg down WLS update!<p style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I haven’t had time to upkeep my sharing lately but finally, here’s a summarised WLS update! (That was meant to be a 'brief' Instagram post update but my understanding of 'brief' is somewhat skewed and I thought it would be best fit into a blog post). So there you go; my first blog post in a little while, too. 😉</span></p><p style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I had the RNY Gastric Bypass in September 2022</span></b><span style="font-size: x-large;">.</span> I lost 70kg by May 2023. And it was about that time that my restriction (surgically restricted exit from my smaller stomach) relaxed…a lot. Meaning it wasn’t as physically tight as when the surgery was first done. Soon after having WLS, my surgeon warned me that this is normal and is likely to happen 6-12 months post surgery. The nerves at the exit point heal, and over time, relax, and therefore become flexible, allowing stretching, <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikdXVY5MS4YagTKUxNdRLzmo57sL9ZntcFnJreRdeAvEUNQneRcooHtZvFm-4v3zRoK_zjpKB7J7A67FoUvFRd5v5yVTZ-UyEwF5mypyOQcneM5IoYJevWTm_rIB9r5KSeIiP1QUZge03xnkYoO_Mx1_RBclz-6XWihsxBsruztLPjTkkcFidRqq384w4/s1080/388E6836-8B9B-4B48-9045-2970E5C01250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="842" data-original-width="1080" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikdXVY5MS4YagTKUxNdRLzmo57sL9ZntcFnJreRdeAvEUNQneRcooHtZvFm-4v3zRoK_zjpKB7J7A67FoUvFRd5v5yVTZ-UyEwF5mypyOQcneM5IoYJevWTm_rIB9r5KSeIiP1QUZge03xnkYoO_Mx1_RBclz-6XWihsxBsruztLPjTkkcFidRqq384w4/s320/388E6836-8B9B-4B48-9045-2970E5C01250.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">-80kg</td></tr></tbody></table><br />which allows more food to get through. He emphasised that when this happens it wouldn’t be my fault or his fault, it’s just how our bodies naturally adjust.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">To be honest I didn’t realise or understand this properly, and when I finally did,<span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">it was a bit of a hard pill to swallow (still is).</span></b><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span>I thought (unless I got it reversed), that this was permanent! Yes, I knew you could overeat and stretch it that way, but for the nerves to naturally relax over time??<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So from May-August 2023 my scale weight plateaued. I believe the ‘bypass’ component of the gastric bypass is what saved me from putting on weight, as I found myself naturally being able to eat more and more quantities. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">And because I could, I did.</span></b></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">In August I started on Ozempic.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b>After a month I started feeling it working, and I lost about 10kg from September-December. I've hovered around the same couple of kg’s since. I've been within 1kg of losing 80kg for a few months; I just hadn't quite reached it yet: Until this morning when I did my usual Monday weigh in and <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I've finally lost 80kg!</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b>(Which is pure coincidence that I hit it the same day as posting this update!)<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">The restriction however kept loosening</span></b> and it’s gotten to the point I sometimes feel I have no restriction left. It depends on what food I’m eating, so I clearly have some restriction. But for the most part, the quantity I can consume is hard to accept, knowing how much I paid for this surgery and more importantly, why I want and need it to continue working!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Just to reiterate, this has been a natural relaxation of the nerves - not me overeating to stretch! <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">#PleaseSaveAnyJudgementalComments</span></b><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The bypass component of my surgery hasn’t changed - food exits my smaller stomach and </span><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBxdyPUP6vq3uoiWhIRs66CltOoqbK9hTBouVPS-_uNU3LmaZ6CYWQu4sxWiiQfrdn_yvJv6KJghFQNuTRO8AxnxK69BAP54bIEKbSyU4L-8Kq7ZY3rZPNJXxxctq4_U0j8GM2qQrcVZpVlPijrbKwzeM07GX-xzt0wFcQMUhPKChQmT9a-ser2EscB4/s1907/IMG_0107.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1907" data-original-width="1170" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmBxdyPUP6vq3uoiWhIRs66CltOoqbK9hTBouVPS-_uNU3LmaZ6CYWQu4sxWiiQfrdn_yvJv6KJghFQNuTRO8AxnxK69BAP54bIEKbSyU4L-8Kq7ZY3rZPNJXxxctq4_U0j8GM2qQrcVZpVlPijrbKwzeM07GX-xzt0wFcQMUhPKChQmT9a-ser2EscB4/w245-h400/IMG_0107.jpg" width="245" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">My surgeon's sketch</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />travels along the rerouted route of my intestines that my surgeon created. So food that I eat ‘bypasses’ a lot of my intestines; so that <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>I have less opportunity to absorb as many calories</b> </span>as I would otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So the gastric bypass sort of has two components -</span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">1)</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b>the smaller stomach and exit point to reduce what you can intake - and then</span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">2)</span></b> the bypassing / rerouting of where it goes once it exits the stomach). <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The intestinal rerouting is absolutely what has saved me from putting on any weight since I’ve been able to fit in more and my eating choices have become poorer. I’ve basically ‘hovered’ since the 70kg in May 2023, and then ‘hovered again’ since the 10kg from the Ozempic. (Until today 😅) Usually plateaus and maintained weight would be awesome! But not quite yet for me, who still has a LOT of weight to still get rid of.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Concurrently though, mid 2023 I started actioning something that could help. There’s something called an <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">‘APC’ - which stands for<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>Argon Plasma Coagulation.</span></b> I’ve included a screenshot of what it’s about, and if you’re interested in the correct medical terminology, definitely Google it.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWCSfVh2fjs7JpEZKQQ20dsbf3IwwMNJnJSV_R5cT3aZjHOh-MexkkD7dpAyyvsnsPe_zG-HnRghlKzuXrC8tOQUqXt2iQcvO_H6s6AV121UUHDd8mZHeHLyxCgoPvSWRV7B9dtZRanMPY7gaMKOwlXWC1GWFPnlrCwJh61axOvM-Hvj6eCCGSa3ODYTg/s1704/IMG_0104.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1704" data-original-width="1169" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWCSfVh2fjs7JpEZKQQ20dsbf3IwwMNJnJSV_R5cT3aZjHOh-MexkkD7dpAyyvsnsPe_zG-HnRghlKzuXrC8tOQUqXt2iQcvO_H6s6AV121UUHDd8mZHeHLyxCgoPvSWRV7B9dtZRanMPY7gaMKOwlXWC1GWFPnlrCwJh61axOvM-Hvj6eCCGSa3ODYTg/w275-h400/IMG_0104.jpg" width="275" /></a></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;">But in MY OWN words as I understood from my doctors; basically they can go into your </span><span style="font-family: arial;">stomach via an endoscopy, and use argon gas to BURN the exit point from your stomach.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />When you burn skin, it ‘shrivels’, and the <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">scar tissue</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b>that is created from that is something that can <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">give you more restriction back</span></b>; to a similar point to when I first had the big surgery.<o:p></o:p></span><p></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It’s basically reducing the relaxed / stretchy opening between the stomach and the small intestine, and ‘tightening’ it up.</span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfC1lRf1oeoIUnV2LVEJTN-oOQIzBCkChddb_TlBu8NUz3_55nTnL2257I_e5OgBhhh7DzX9uhxWix0SGys3DQTFK70Gy_I_oLziie1yS4TIWpQJq24sNtLvwo3juR2Skn77iTXV9PAGni_xs2fGght_F085wxpOfmdvP-vI54Hv9mvhEVeEk0_0hSH1Y/s1198/IMG_0106.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1198" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfC1lRf1oeoIUnV2LVEJTN-oOQIzBCkChddb_TlBu8NUz3_55nTnL2257I_e5OgBhhh7DzX9uhxWix0SGys3DQTFK70Gy_I_oLziie1yS4TIWpQJq24sNtLvwo3juR2Skn77iTXV9PAGni_xs2fGght_F085wxpOfmdvP-vI54Hv9mvhEVeEk0_0hSH1Y/w313-h320/IMG_0106.jpg" width="313" /><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span></a></div><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In June 2023 I met with the surgeon who performs APC’s, and via an endoscopy, he measured my exit point, to see where we were at. He told me that when the initial surgery is done, the exit point is approx.<span style="font-size: x-large;"> <b>8-10mm</b></span><b style="font-size: x-large;"> </b>in diameter. <o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In June, mine was <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">12-13mm</span><span style="font-size: large;">.</span></b> You wouldn’t think that a few extra millimetres would make much difference, but, look at my dinner plate one night: it does.😳<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">He agreed I’d be a candidate for an APC, and put me on the books to have a consult with him to discuss. (Although referred from and partially managed through my initial WLS private surgeon, the APC process has been through the public system here in Queensland, Australia).<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I had the appointment in November 2023, he was thorough in his explanation, I agreed and signed the consent form to have it done. I was marked as a ‘Category 2’, and they said it would be about a 3 month wait to get a spot. I was craving it get it done so much! My Ozempic wasn’t working <i>as</i> effectively (it still worked and I would still take it, but this seemed like a better way for me to go, (especially with the current shortage).<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyOiVqBykrOccR7hQpj1vblMo_bc_2wx1vy-mH6Xw9q0FWwFtVPF1WDFsIv-OxWKreJUaQ9EDRWX9RcUgctAKMdsBuUrLdDtledGsyU-jwPVq_gaPtgP4n7Z4SDtkoOk-kkkRDDAyElETI95urIlTqIes4gnIqQwc5okWrMMAV1zptYKlVd2dYaB9IRw/s4032/IMG_0095.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOyOiVqBykrOccR7hQpj1vblMo_bc_2wx1vy-mH6Xw9q0FWwFtVPF1WDFsIv-OxWKreJUaQ9EDRWX9RcUgctAKMdsBuUrLdDtledGsyU-jwPVq_gaPtgP4n7Z4SDtkoOk-kkkRDDAyElETI95urIlTqIes4gnIqQwc5okWrMMAV1zptYKlVd2dYaB9IRw/w300-h400/IMG_0095.HEIC" width="300" /></span></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><p></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Anyway, a few days ago, I got it done!</span></b> It went really well, but we won’t know for a few weeks yet whether it’s been successful. There’s no way of pre-telling how each body will react. While they aim to ‘tighten’ it back down to 8-10mm; some people restrict too much, to the point they can only intake fluids, and would therefore need a dilation.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Likewise some people might not have much of a change in restriction at all, and therefore would need a further APC (or multiple). My surgeon told me that APC’s can be done almost as often as you need, and that many people have them done ongoing, following WLS. I found it interesting when he said that he sees the way of the future of WLS patients maintaining their surgery being managed by a combination of APC's and Ozempic (or something similar).<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I haven't had any side effects or issues (within the last few days anyway), other than a tiny bit of reflux on the day of the procedure.</span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">The thing that sux the most</span></b> (right now) is that following an APC you need to go back and do the same post-op diet that immediately follows the initial big WLS. Which is 6 weeks of slowly reintroducing food textures into your stomach, so that the exit point has a chance to heal properly. You have to be on clear fluids only while in hospital. And then the diet is predominantly:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><i>2 weeks of fluids only </i></span></b></li><li><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><i>2 weeks of puréed foods</i></span></b></li><li><b><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><i>2 weeks of soft foods </i></span></b></li></ul><p></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">While I get it and accept it and know that I’ve managed it before; right now, a few days into the fluid only diet, it frigging SUX. Especially as I don’t feel any new possible restriction just yet. (That should 🤞 come when I start on soft foods). <span class="apple-converted-space"> </span>I can have soups, smoothies and yoghurt, and those things are keeping me somewhat sane. But for the most part I’m hangry and grumpy and I hate it. 😭😭</span></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndxKX3ZIPvOg9p5DVEeIpf3rhcZhim5mCyYF-xf5EkzpHI_JSIlHi7Gq6r-i1vFPRUjqN7BX_xFRvg8pLS7-4lS2vwhaHp3CluCG5n-x4CD07bX_WLpddGZExGypTUlFSy6mOX7dd9AthOEKSOSjjDtifUCSsjGJJtxuoKOBLCS9O6mOjUTz1lDOcuuQ/s4032/IMG_0430.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgndxKX3ZIPvOg9p5DVEeIpf3rhcZhim5mCyYF-xf5EkzpHI_JSIlHi7Gq6r-i1vFPRUjqN7BX_xFRvg8pLS7-4lS2vwhaHp3CluCG5n-x4CD07bX_WLpddGZExGypTUlFSy6mOX7dd9AthOEKSOSjjDtifUCSsjGJJtxuoKOBLCS9O6mOjUTz1lDOcuuQ/w300-h400/IMG_0430.HEIC" width="300" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Grateful for snow cones at the school picnic</span></td></tr></tbody></table><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span><p></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, I’m hoping this will be a successful venture, and that it will kickstart me into the next phase of this huge journey. (Surely the stupid post-op diet should skim off a few kg’s in itself, seeing as I’m not eating anythingggg right now). 😩<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; margin: 0cm;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So just a reminder that when you tune into any stories I manage to post over the next few weeks, that they’re coming from a place of hanger and headaches and that I’m not happy about it!! (I know that it’s worth it…just not right now while I drink a protein shake as I prepare, handle, smell and cook food for my kids).</span></p>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-78398084632595933362023-02-22T12:16:00.003+10:002023-02-22T13:19:29.406+10:00Is running like riding a bike?<p><span style="font-family: arial;">So, I'm worried about how my knee will hold up on Sunday's event</span><span style="font-family: arial;">.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">This week I've been daydreaming about being able to run the length.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">(Yes, it's a fun 'run' but you are allowed to walk it.</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span><span style="font-family: arial;">So no, I'm not shooting into an event with no training, I know that I'll be able to walk).</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">But, still, I wondered... I haven't even attempted to run since I injured my knees. Why would I? But this week I started wondering... <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">is it like riding a bike? </span></b> What if I just start running? My body will just do it, surely?</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">How amazing would that be? <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">When I asked the doctors whether I could ever run again, </span></b>they hesitated to say a straight out 'no', but I could tell that's what they were thinking. They said they have seen stranger things (or words to that effect).</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So, me being me, I decided then and there that I would in fact run again. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">If it's possible then I will make it happen!</span></b></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I guess despite having completely damaged knees, I've still, on the inside, never given up hope, and genuinely can still see myself as a runner.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Which is how I came to wondering this week if it is like riding a bike...</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I tried today (two days before the event), and while it genuinely felt like riding a bike to 80% of my body and that I fitness wise could just keep going, <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">my left knee said NO.</span></b></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm really upset about it.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Attempting to run (just around the loungeroom) was a big reminder to the fact that yes, my knees are actually stuffed! My right knee seemed fine, but my left just felt so weak and it hurt. *shaking my head*</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The rest of my body was screaming YES! We remember how to do this! I 1000% felt like I could run - and keep running. Except for that left knee. I looked at some scans and you can clearly see that I have literally no padding between the bones on my left knee - well, less so than on my right. It just felt like it wouldn't hold up, like there was zero support.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So maybe running can very well be like riding a bike! .........unless you have a stuffed knee.😞</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">In a flurry I quickly jumped online and ordered a knee brace from Big W to pick up tomorrow. Yes, not my most medically sound purchase I've ever made, but I don't have the time or the money to get a proper one before Sunday, and I reasoned it could only help.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'll just walk it. Of course I won't go out and hurt myself but I just want to run it so much!!!</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway this event is not about me running 1km, or 1 metre for that matter.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It's about all the reasons I listed on my previous post.</span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p>
<p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I just digressed because the running aspect is on my mind today.</span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></p><p style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I want to run it so much!</span></p>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-30776936107665256132023-02-20T12:10:00.006+10:002023-02-20T12:15:01.911+10:00Entering my first fun run in 6 years!<div><span style="font-family: arial;">Okay, I'm starting to write this on Friday 17th February, but I won't be publishing it until at least Sunday 19th. I'll likely come back and do a few edits before I do publish it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">Why?</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Because <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I've entered my 4 year olds and myself into a FUN RUN on Sunday</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b>and I haven't told anyone about it yet!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i>What the actual thing am I doing??</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i>Until this week</i> (YAY, go me!) I hadn't exercised in 7 years (see my current Instagram posts about this):</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CokBiADPg8-/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank">Exercise update post 1</a><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Comtid4PnXc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank">Exercise update post 2</a></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And I haven't done a fun run since...looking up now...26th January 2017: The Australia Day Running Festival, a 5km event. [Side note: Oops...okay, that was more likely the last day I exercised, not a 2016 boot camp. Okay, so it's been 6 years since I exercised. And, fun run wise the exact same.]</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Literally just over 6 years.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">REALLY, what am I doing??</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">How did I get to this strange point?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So back when I was doing my run of Pinkie Tris and fun runs, like 10 years ago, I started getting inspired to one day take my nieces along to one of their events. They have a few kids events on the day and it's heaps of fun. Heaps of people dress up and there's glitter, tutus and the colour pink EVERYWHERE.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I was in awe of the parents and kids there and thought what a cool and amazing thing to do as a KID. So good for them and so much FUN. It was so inspiring to watch. I had two brand new nieces at the time and this ultimate aunty visualised myself taking them to one myself one day.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Fast forward a few years, add a 'few' too many kilos, a few too many injuries, a not so healthy bout of social anxiety, and I have been of course in no state to even consider participating in an event any time soon. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">But the dream never left me.</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">In 2021 when the girls were 2, it occurred to me that umm, I now have two of my own daughters now! Yes, I was very aware that I had become a parent. But it just made me realise that hey - I could actually bring my OWN kids along to an event!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I was absolutely nowhere near close to being ready to enter one in 2021, but I started daydreaming and googled the events out of interest.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Yes, they still had kid events. They had two kids triathlons, and 3 fun runs: 1km, 3km and 6km.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">There were minimum age limits for the tris and fun runs (7 years old), but I couldn't see any age restriction for the 1km event...?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I emailed the event organisers and asked them whether there was a minimum age for the 1km. They replied and said that no, there wasn't! They did say if they were under 5 they would request an adult to run with them, which of course I would do regardless. But it was cool to know that <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span>whenever (??) I was ready,</span></b> </span>that I had a green light to bring my own two little girls along! </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I didn't imagine I'd be ready for a couple of years anyway (let alone my 2 year olds! lol!)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, fast forward to late 2022; I was daydreaming again. I'd had the surgery fairly recently so was definitely going down in kg's, but I wasn't ready to enter a fun run yet of course! I was still limping with each step that I took, and <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span>I hadn't even inadvertently walked longer than the length of the local shopping centre in years.</span></b> </span> But my eyes were opening up to many possibilities </span><span style="font-family: arial;">and opportunities again.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I jumped online and looked up the dates of the events near me. I'm lucky in Brisbane, in that we've got 3 events each year that we can easily get to: Brisbane, Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'd done them all many times. It appeared now that the Sunshine Coast event was no more, but I still had Brisbane and the Gold Coast!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Of all the days for me to think to look it up, it happened to be the date of the 2022 Brisbane event - like, that very day. It was happening as I was googling.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That meant that the next Brisbane event would be a year away. As much as this is about my girls as well, my googling this day was more about me trying to find an event for <i>me</i>, one that I could set as a bit of a goal and work towards; physically and mentally. And a 1km event (THAT COMES WITH A MEDAL! You need a medal) - was the perfect starting point for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Possibly overconfidence speaking here, but I was hoping that I would be far beyond needing to stick to a 1km event in one years time.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So I looked up the date of the Gold Coast event.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I wasn't too keen on the GC - I do love the GC! - but it's about an hours drive, and taking along my young twins to a different city for my first foray into events since 2017...I don't know...I needed to make this huge goal as simple and achievable as possible for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I looked it up anyway and the next event date was set for the 19th February 2023.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Hmmm.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">As much as the date was better than a whole year away, I didn't know if I could be ready by then! (I was looking this up in October/November). <span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>I'm still hugely morbidly obese and I need a double knee replacement. February was very soon...</b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But, me being how I am, I started considering it, for real...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I started a 'dummy entry' just to check the cost of entry for the 1km, but it wouldn't let me put my girls dates of birth in...? I pretended they were 7 years of age instead, and this time it let me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I emailed the event organisers with my previous email trail below, and </span><span style="font-family: arial;">enquired about it. I asked whether the rules had changed and did they now have a minimum age for the 1km event too, or was it was just a technical error.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">They didn't comment on what I was told a couple of years ago, but just said that they do have a minimum age of 7, but if I wanted to enter, then to let them know and they could request special permission from the race director.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><span>Oh, Kate. It may be 6 years since your last event, but it seems you haven't shaken the irony of somehow having officials or special circumstances going on with your events. <span style="font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;">At least (at this stage anyway!) there were no police or loudspeakers involved... 😳.</span></span><b style="font-size: x-large;"> </b>(If you're a new follower you can find previous blog posts about all of my interesting event experiences listed <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com/p/blog-page_1.html" target="_blank">here</a>).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I didn't want to have to ask for special permission or anything! 😅 I'm a just-go-with-the-rules person / rules follower. If the mininum age is 7 then I'll bring the girls in 3 years time! 🤷. No biggie. The only reason I was enquiring about it is that they had told me themselves that there was no age limit. (And their website actually says that there's no age limit lol). 😉</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This being said, I did of course appreciate the offer of getting special permission.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I kept it at the back of my mind for all of like two days haha, and then emailed again and said that capital 'Y'; <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">Yes, I have decided, I do want to enter. </span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">WHAT? </span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I have no idea where this gusto and confidence came from, but I went with it...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">They replied soon after and said that the race director had given the girls special permission to enter. 😆😂 Oh goodness...I've only ever wanted to blend in at events, and it's never managed to happen...and it seems that continues. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">We hadn't even entered yet and already we have special permissions... 😜🙈</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So, I entered us.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And that's how it came about!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I've tried not to think about it too much. I am excited. I'm looking forward to:</span></div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Sharing this experience with my girls</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Watching them participate in their first event</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">To give them this experience</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">To perhaps kick off something that they'd like to continue (eg. running / fun runs / athletics)</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Getting myself back into events</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Getting medals. Derr! 😆</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Being proud of how bloody much mere grit and strength its taken for me to make this day happen (in several respects).</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Achieving something I daydreamed about doing 10 years ago. With my own children. 😭</span></li><li><span style="font-family: arial;">Going to the beach afterwards! The girls LOVE the beach.</span></li></ul></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And that's why I'm doing it, and why we'll be turning up.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>But I am equal parts terrified.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOXTgHZmdJ_yDrQ7pFK8GgwZ9GJDE76auAhAeTv2GTOTeC7Ml7VAanQIMCk3MuA1FqFzuKu1weTg_RUIRXtlgP4Fun6XqTF4zI_yoSVVucBMfvdKiOvUddKeBDbSBUKy9dZ6UKLMiNdqF8nNUMKTbI5LglzCz3tCAeqZcWeCYdITeipjaM0pnDiyE/s1472/FA289D70-AEAA-46DA-BCB5-9A3DED395ACC.JPG" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1472" data-original-width="828" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqOXTgHZmdJ_yDrQ7pFK8GgwZ9GJDE76auAhAeTv2GTOTeC7Ml7VAanQIMCk3MuA1FqFzuKu1weTg_RUIRXtlgP4Fun6XqTF4zI_yoSVVucBMfvdKiOvUddKeBDbSBUKy9dZ6UKLMiNdqF8nNUMKTbI5LglzCz3tCAeqZcWeCYdITeipjaM0pnDiyE/w113-h200/FA289D70-AEAA-46DA-BCB5-9A3DED395ACC.JPG" width="113" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>My social anxiety is bloody intense man. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I struggle walking into Woolworths.</span><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b> And here I am planning on attending a SPORTS STADIUM - in a different city, to participate in a running event alongside hundreds of fit people? Like, who does that?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I got our race numbers emailed to me the other day and it blew my mind. It's been 6 years since I've been given a race number. And to also see my babies names on their own race numbers... oh gosh. 💓</span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And then I checked the address and realised the venue is called the Gold Coast Performance Centre... whaaaat? Hahaa</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It's the same stadium I've attended the same event in many times before. But it must have changed names over the years and now it sounds even more elite than it already did.</span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi84RgE5LtUd9oNSi6SP1FeN7ax2x6sHzuhAoHWs2kgf8ZC_yDgTpU1Kr-zXkZkqijchxvSuWtHet1nCvKMKx7oNhA7MbcWflcQxVBvEv5lOEtTFx1GcwkiKBnp4oXrrYwu7dZCTKoLF63QiT1I6LBbmq1fqPy5nnX1R2d2uPba3nO8zwnZ1bgRSrbO/s1472/0549D567-B140-4834-A4DC-4F995194E134.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1472" data-original-width="828" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi84RgE5LtUd9oNSi6SP1FeN7ax2x6sHzuhAoHWs2kgf8ZC_yDgTpU1Kr-zXkZkqijchxvSuWtHet1nCvKMKx7oNhA7MbcWflcQxVBvEv5lOEtTFx1GcwkiKBnp4oXrrYwu7dZCTKoLF63QiT1I6LBbmq1fqPy5nnX1R2d2uPba3nO8zwnZ1bgRSrbO/w113-h200/0549D567-B140-4834-A4DC-4F995194E134.JPG" width="113" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">A few days ago I was reading <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com/2012/10/keep-your-head-held-high.html" target="_blank">one of my blog posts</a> from my first Pinkie event in 2012 and I said this in that blog post and will say it again now:<span style="font-size: x-large;"> <b><span>'I don't tend to frequent sports stadiums.' 😅</span></b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And the reason I haven't shared what I'm doing in advance, and why I won't be publishing this post until after, is not because I'm unsure if I'll do it, or anything like that.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It's sort of sadly because I told someone a couple of months ago what I was planning, and they kind of laughed at / dissed me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed and haven't wanted to tell anyone since! It's a bit of a stubborn response on my behalf, but I was hurt and ashamed.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Yes, 1km is nothing. </span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKPh51iwNTs9GGassLZ64Kq0oazC9WXPyYVVnDpC5i5C0c9ghH63lxN5uKRFWFi9O7B0Qvve9oAQ0jRgtWj0OS92_0kQy5ugTq9Ltc_T8tDchIu6U2KqxNzaFW9sLCIBFiJ25EbJp0LPoQZ5upaSWGexubrW9VGh_WyhI3DHiL1gSs4ugFPEsLpLl3/s1472/830ACEA1-9655-4144-9B3A-39C3FB628FA4.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1472" data-original-width="828" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKPh51iwNTs9GGassLZ64Kq0oazC9WXPyYVVnDpC5i5C0c9ghH63lxN5uKRFWFi9O7B0Qvve9oAQ0jRgtWj0OS92_0kQy5ugTq9Ltc_T8tDchIu6U2KqxNzaFW9sLCIBFiJ25EbJp0LPoQZ5upaSWGexubrW9VGh_WyhI3DHiL1gSs4ugFPEsLpLl3/w113-h200/830ACEA1-9655-4144-9B3A-39C3FB628FA4.JPG" width="113" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But to me, at this exact stage in my life, this is like me doing a half marathon.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>If I can run 30km, I can walk 1km, right?</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>If I can dream it, I can turn up to the Gold Coast Performance Centre on Sunday and do my first event since 2017, right?</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm not actually asking.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">😊</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCsS-Voz1EbW8LMb2KmFUuNhi6Srht2myM_v1RJVvZQKIJRJUwtd92z3dcLb8TRqSUmio8ROtSuEIR22A7in7XpCZ-OlUUvlbBQakOf250oqtc2jibqBUBeIrPMIcKG_IdHa03dKFimwlo8c-mQG_rMR9IFu1deeRCGV7rhf9qzjn1DTu4k0BS_xNC/s1792/IMG_0096.PNG" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1792" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCsS-Voz1EbW8LMb2KmFUuNhi6Srht2myM_v1RJVvZQKIJRJUwtd92z3dcLb8TRqSUmio8ROtSuEIR22A7in7XpCZ-OlUUvlbBQakOf250oqtc2jibqBUBeIrPMIcKG_IdHa03dKFimwlo8c-mQG_rMR9IFu1deeRCGV7rhf9qzjn1DTu4k0BS_xNC/w148-h320/IMG_0096.PNG" width="148" /></span></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It's been years since I had a race timetable 😌</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHQl6IZiy6Q_7QtCV37pbNT0ISC4zCK3omc6CNqdihA4tOL6ieRljXzVQqiSERm9QpZAvwAHtvCLLPGHakCj3wQ8J63SYsrDFGHVSNoK_4VbwpGjgYUDSlgJpMMuFInCNQYZsBqW7Rhd-gfMTc63DKKcgylhSKU1wp9-0mjzULWaXPtcSgYh7hwOwJ/s1792/IMG_0097.PNG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHQl6IZiy6Q_7QtCV37pbNT0ISC4zCK3omc6CNqdihA4tOL6ieRljXzVQqiSERm9QpZAvwAHtvCLLPGHakCj3wQ8J63SYsrDFGHVSNoK_4VbwpGjgYUDSlgJpMMuFInCNQYZsBqW7Rhd-gfMTc63DKKcgylhSKU1wp9-0mjzULWaXPtcSgYh7hwOwJ/s1792/IMG_0097.PNG" style="display: inline; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1792" data-original-width="828" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHQl6IZiy6Q_7QtCV37pbNT0ISC4zCK3omc6CNqdihA4tOL6ieRljXzVQqiSERm9QpZAvwAHtvCLLPGHakCj3wQ8J63SYsrDFGHVSNoK_4VbwpGjgYUDSlgJpMMuFInCNQYZsBqW7Rhd-gfMTc63DKKcgylhSKU1wp9-0mjzULWaXPtcSgYh7hwOwJ/s320/IMG_0097.PNG" width="148" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">😳</span></td></tr></tbody></table></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-74563411213287378142023-01-25T23:49:00.005+10:002023-01-25T23:53:01.925+10:00"You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns."<div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i>"You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns.</i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><i><br /></i></div></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This is a direct quote from something my dietician said to me on Monday. 😅<br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;">(Although she said my actual start weight). (I'll be ok to share what it was one day, by the way. No time soon though!)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It may sound brash or a strange thing to say in a dietician consultation, but it was actually quite the comfort to hear this.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Ever since I started this journey properly (as in, decided on a surgeon), I've been regularly seeing both a bariatric surgery dietician and a bariatric surgery psychologist. Obviously both are accredited in their individual fields for general help in their areas, but they choose to specialise in assisting people who are or have undertaken weight loss surgery (WLS). I believe my psychologist will <i>only</i> see WLS patients now! (She doesn't see any clients who don't. She still counsels in any area you need to talk about; it's not just WLS related talking, but her client base are WLS patients only).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">When I first announced to my GP that I wanted to have WLS, the first thing she said was that I need to make sure that I find a surgeon who takes a holistic approach, and incorporates both dietetics and psychology within their team, as these aspects are crucial for long term success. From my own research, most WLS surgeons do have teams that include these, but they vary surgeon to surgeon in terms of how much it's encouraged that you use them. Some surgeons have them as part of their 'official team', ie a dietician and psychologist who work alongside them in their physical clinic, and some surgeons just have recommended people you can contact.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">My original surgeon had a very strict plan in place as to how often you had to see his. I remember going to visit for my very initial consultation, and I firstly spoke with his head nurse. I was a 'WLS freshie', as in, I was bright eyed and eager and uneducated.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">She showed me an A4 piece of paper, which had the process that their clinic followed, to do WLS. The first step was to have the initial consultation with her. TICK!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">My eyes wandered down the page, as I took in all of the other things I had to tick off.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Rightttttttt down the bottom of the typewritten A4 page, was 'Surgery'. It was at the very bottom of a long list of pre-work that they needed me to do first.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It was surprising, but comforting, that they were so detailed, and this proved to be the main catalyst for why I ended up choosing to go with them (originally, until I changed my mind!)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">As part of their protocol, they required all of their patients to visit their:</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><b>Dietician:</b><b> </b> <span> <span> </span></span>2x before surgery / 1x after surgery</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><b>Psychologist:</b><b> </b> 1x before surgery / 2x after surgery</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So, 3x total each. You could always see them more as you saw fit, but those numbers were the clinic's minimum requirements.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Conversely, my actual surgeon (the one I ended up swapping to), had no such requirements. You had to see one of his dieticians before surgery, because you had to be educated on your pre-op diet, but aside from that, I don't believe they had any mandatory visits that you had to tick off.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So my original surgeon required me to see the psychologist 3x in total. My actual surgeon didn't require me to see the psychologist at all.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>To date I've seen mine 13 times.😂</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I've taken full advantage of the holistic view that my GP originally mentioned, and have made it a (self motivated) priority to see them both regularly. (I've seen the dietician 8 times).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And I will continue to do so! I feel so lucky, in that I adore both the psychologist and dietician, so it's easy to want to continue appointments</span><span style="font-family: arial;">. The irony is not lost on me that I can say that about a dietician. No offence to the worldwide cohort of dieticians and nutritionists out there, but up until now, I was not a fan of them. To be fair I can't even recall having a terrible experience with one, to make me form this overarching opinion. I must have talked to one at one stage though, because I've always been very anti them. I was losing my mind when I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD) in pregnancy and was forced to see a GD dietician. I visited them (internally) kicking and screaming. (Fortunately they decided I didn't need to continue to see them, and immediately released me from their books).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But the reason I hated the idea of them so much, (I'm sure they're all lovely people!) is that I didn't need to be told what to eat. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I may be fat, but I do know what to eat. I just <i>don't</i>! </span></b> A dietician, in my mind, was never going to solve that issue for me. I needed a weight loss psychologist.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, the dietician that I was paired up with from my original surgeon was just the best. I was happy enough to see her initially because I knew that she had a specific task to do for me: to educate me on the pre-op diet, and to coach me through safely introducing foods again to my rerouted and surgically altered digestive system. That was fine. I was cool with that. It was about physical restrictions. No problem. I needed an expert for that, yes. That was okay. What wouldn't have been cool was if she had lectured me on how to eat a balanced diet and discussing the food pyramid.🙅</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">She did all that (the coaching through restrictions), but she's also been almost like a weight loss psychologist herself. She's very understanding, respectful and I guess also 'accomodating' of my history with food. She's done more for me than just coach me on the physical food restrictions and reintroductions. Obviously I discuss more psychology based stuff with my psychologist, and definitely see her more, but the dietician has been a surprising highlight to my 'health team'.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I asked her, sensitive and tentatively on Monday, whether she has other clients with binge eating disorders / behaviours, and she threw her head back almost laughing and exclaimed "yes! Of course! That's why there's such a thing as weight loss surgery!"</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">In retrospect it was a silly question. But I was feeling quite low in confidence and was starting to feel like the only person who's ever had an issue with overeating.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I've been struggling a bit with old habits creeping in and its been getting to me. <b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">You don't want to spend thousands of dollars and physically alter your body, for it not to work.</span></b><span style="font-size: x-large;"> </span> I mean, every weight loss venture, you want it to work! But this time feels like there's a lot more (expensive) stake.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And of course, it's not that it's *not* working, <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">it's just that its fucking scary when you realise how vulnerable you actually are. </span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">-I decided to have the surgery.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">-I had the surgery.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">-I dealt with all of the restrictions.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">-Now I have an altered digestive system AND free reign of food, so now it's 1000% up to me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">And I've said this before, it's not like surgery fixes your brain.</span> </b> You go to hospital one morning and a few hours later you've been cut at and rewired physically. But that's it. <b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-large;">Decades of learned behaviours don't get fixed in that hour in theatre! </span></b>(I wish they did)...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Have you ever heard of people talking about how it's still possible to stuff up weight loss surgery because you can find ways around everything, for example, melting down a Mars Bar and drinking it through a straw?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It's an old adage that's been around for years. Years and years before I even remotely contemplated having surgery myself.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">To be honest it was probably a contributing factor as to *why* I never seriously considered doing surgery myself.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyzymwVZV8ze82YX2aaW5emJ9_VxoNLlOryFoPzPmEx48SfcZD3NG5DBrpVc4pgHavEKGtWc77bKIgFlpaLn65evpTGn3QaDOxd5HL8PgIEyJMkGMXx0ZOmX0cwVW3e75Iu_B9WKXn28n773ETo7Hw8cY6LzRy5OQwhxdNK-ued2edLR_FKJw2bD0V/s210/IMG_8571.PNG" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="92" data-original-width="210" height="92" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiyzymwVZV8ze82YX2aaW5emJ9_VxoNLlOryFoPzPmEx48SfcZD3NG5DBrpVc4pgHavEKGtWc77bKIgFlpaLn65evpTGn3QaDOxd5HL8PgIEyJMkGMXx0ZOmX0cwVW3e75Iu_B9WKXn28n773ETo7Hw8cY6LzRy5OQwhxdNK-ued2edLR_FKJw2bD0V/s1600/IMG_8571.PNG" width="210" /></a></div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>Not that I would ever melt down a Mars Bar and drink it.😅<br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But I guess I've starkly realised this month, that <i>you don't have to melt down a Mars Bar to stuff up weight loss surgery.</i> (I mean, you can bloody EAT a regular Mars Bar like before, anyway! Why would people even need to melt it??😜)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But there's so many other things you can do, and that's really scaring me. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This whole journey has had it's 'hards'. It was 'hard' to navigate the process of having WLS. It was 'hard' doing pre-op. It was 'hard' to recover from major surgery. It was 'hard' having 3 months of restrictive eating.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">But this part feels the hardest -</span></b> coming to the realisation that it's VERY easy to still 'overeat' (whatever that means for you).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I haven't fixed old behaviours. I've been trying! And I'm making progress! But the issues are still there and will take longer than a day in surgery to resolve, or at least manage.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And that's why my dietician said what she said on Monday:<i> "You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns."</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I was discussing the old behaviours that I've noticed creeping up. <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">(I feel like I officially 'binged' for the first time since surgery 2 weeks ago).😞</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">She looked at her computer, and she said "Kate, I don't think you're ever going to completely cure your binge eating behaviours."</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That statement took the breath out of me. I was instantly crushed.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I felt like she'd lost hope in me, and that she'd deemed me a failure.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That's not it whatsoever, but I've been feeling low and that's how I initially took it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(Two days later, I remembered that I'd already realised this fact years ago! More on that another day).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But on Monday this is what was the catalyst for her to comfort me by saying what she said, about how you don't get to my size without fucked up eating patterns.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">It was so true and just so comforting to hear in that moment, because I was feeling pretty failure-ish!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">A minute later she also said: (I scribbled these in the notes of my phone so I could remember them):😁</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: x-large;"><b>"You can’t expect to unfuck yourself in 3 months".</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Again, true. (Well, its actually been 4 months since my surgery, but I'm sure the same statement still stands for 4 months too).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And it'll be the same for 5, 6, and so on.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I guess I just have to remember that I accepted a few years ago that I will always have an issue with eating behaviours. And as much as it was confronting to be told that this this week and remember that it's actually likely true, it's actually not as scary as it could sound. It's probably a fact, and <b><span style="font-size: x-large;">the sooner you can accept stuff, the more freedom you acquire. </span></b> And that in turn gives you more time to deal with things. And manage them, which is all I need to do.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I've given myself this HUGE, helpful tool to catapult me forward, but it's always going to need management, and new strategies and habits, which are technically within my control. Frightfully hard, and marred by my eating disorders, but literally still, within my control.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm making progress, I'm making improvements, I'm inching forward and I'm making better choices overall. And maybe this is simply a good time to remind myself that life, and success, is never quite linear, and all I can do is to keep trying.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">xx</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">P.S. Apparently you can get these: </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpYPscVWb_M-hPz0Ro_klDRc_I6Q63oadcOU0pjZ2waPKBu1rO8yIhL5FxGBCgi07ckz_Vtd12DomDCjyfKtkBvsZCDKsDgAeOwEkslMXZANe2lKijL5YE_icXjPskWTCz7LVKpUiUhs4G6clz5nE3DD2sIm5UY5YU4KKIzJrESPzAxnlOli5O70X_/s875/IMG_8572.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="875" data-original-width="598" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpYPscVWb_M-hPz0Ro_klDRc_I6Q63oadcOU0pjZ2waPKBu1rO8yIhL5FxGBCgi07ckz_Vtd12DomDCjyfKtkBvsZCDKsDgAeOwEkslMXZANe2lKijL5YE_icXjPskWTCz7LVKpUiUhs4G6clz5nE3DD2sIm5UY5YU4KKIzJrESPzAxnlOli5O70X_/s320/IMG_8572.PNG" width="219" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">You don't even need a straw 😉</span></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-66870537510925517002023-01-24T14:39:00.000+10:002023-01-24T14:39:51.076+10:00What type of weight loss surgery did I have?<span style="font-family: arial;">Hi! 👋</span><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Okay, so in true Kate fashion, it's now 9 weeks since my previous post, surgery is on Monday....in FIVE DAYS - and I haven't even told you what type of surgery I'm getting. (Let alone anything else, but let's focus on one topic at a time).😅</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">EDIT - I started writing this in September and never finished it. I only had a little bit more to write; it was practically done. It's now January and '<i>Kate fashion</i>' needs to be entered into a dictionary to describe the most annoying term of not getting things done because I'm actually ridiculous. I'll fill you in when I can but let me just finish and publish this blog post first! (I'm now currently 4 months post op).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Before I delve into the details on any part of this, can I please just say for the record that I feel a bit weird sharing info about any part of this process. Why? Because it really feels like everyone who's battled their weight has already had weight loss surgery (WLS). I feel like I'm the only one who's never looked into this prior to now, and I'm finally jumping onboard with what everyone else has already done, and thus is all over.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I know that it's not entirely correct, and maybe I just happen to know of a LOT of people who have had it done. <b><span style="font-size: large;">But I still feel really late to the party.</span><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span></b>I'll share anyway because when do I not Hahaa, but also it's possible that there's someone out there who is struggling, is contemplating this path or is just interested.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I guess what I'm saying is my apologies to those readers who have gone before me. And for everyone else, please remember that I am in no way an expert, this is just my own experiences. I've had to educate myself very quickly about how this all works.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">SO! My usual disclaimer is now done haha.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I really wanted to tell my story consecutively, so that it organically make sense. But...if it's taken me 9 weeks (EDIT: + 4 months!) to get around to my first real insight, then let's just let that idea go and get my stories</span><span style="font-family: arial;"> out there, in whatever order!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Because of this there's going to be things that don't make sense until I get to explain them, such as the fact that 3 weeks into pre-op, I decided to change surgeons. I'll share why in another post, but to help me tell stories such as this one, for now I'll call them <b><span style="font-size: large;">Original Surgeon and Actual Surgeon.</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So I went into this with the idea that I wanted to have 'the sleeve' (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG)). Because I never thought WLS was for me,<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>I was very uneducated about the entire process.</b></span> I really knew very little, including the types of WLS's available. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">My old boss had had lap band surgery many years ago, and I was vaguely aware that that wasn't really done anymore. I'd heard of the term 'mini bypass' but the method that I'd heard used the most was the sleeve. #GastricSleeve and #vsg were the only hashtags I ever noticed.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I knew what the sleeve was, and it sounded like it was the new 'go to' WLS option. The current gold standard. So, before I did any research, I was confident that that's what I would want. With some things in life, I just like to go with the majority. It's going to sound like this regardless of how I attempt to explain it I think, but it's really not at all like me being a sheep or a follower. But instead, for many things, I like to do the average thing: take the safest route. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Such as with WLS, if 80% (I made that figure up just now) of WLS patients have the sleeve, then I'm not going to be inclined in the slightest to want to do some other method that's less well known. I am very strong minded and research and educate myself fully about things so that I can make informed choices. But I'm also going to be very influenced by the figures. There's a reason most people do the sleeve!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>Okay, I still totally sound like a sheep, I know. But I'm really not! 😂</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, so that thought process was the first line of influence for me, and I started getting ready to do my own research.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Once I made the decision to do (some type of) surgery, I was full pelt into it. I don't ever do things by halves. lol, case in point:</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjma0hOSGd6StLOMnURFsJnOOWztsBlsSkeIjoBZ2v9nHNSiosVmsY1Oihmxh_xNapDg0P6Fbrbgo_uyf1tRydtWtjhoYpydpCY7OS1hfQyz2GvkIjq38ENW-D6C78a-XV2QWoo_QRrqHJFoXBAfMdAIvomiuWban_6Wwc2Dy9XuJEoJc-D6mv3wvZR/s3024/2018-11-06%2022.26.38.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjma0hOSGd6StLOMnURFsJnOOWztsBlsSkeIjoBZ2v9nHNSiosVmsY1Oihmxh_xNapDg0P6Fbrbgo_uyf1tRydtWtjhoYpydpCY7OS1hfQyz2GvkIjq38ENW-D6C78a-XV2QWoo_QRrqHJFoXBAfMdAIvomiuWban_6Wwc2Dy9XuJEoJc-D6mv3wvZR/w320-h320/2018-11-06%2022.26.38.jpg" title="Why have 1 baby when you can have 2?" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Why have 1 baby when you can have 2?</span></td></tr></tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">The very first time I saw my GP after I made the decision, we only had 2 minutes to chat, so it was a very rushed mention. She was so supportive and encouraging about it, and I said that I'd come back the following week after I'd done a bit of research, to talk properly about it and to get a referral.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">As I was walking out of the door, I remember her saying that different WLS methods are good for different types of people, and that she wasn't too sure herself, but she thought that bypass surgery was the one that would probably suit me better?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I was so surprised, because as I said I'd already assumed I'd be 'normal' and be on track for the sleeve! She said again that she wasn't too across the different methods and maybe she was wrong and had it mixed up?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I briefly looked up what the bypass was, and I was like yeah, nah, just the usual sleeve still, thanks!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">You can google yourself all of the different weight loss options, but if I had to explain this to someone unfamiliar sitting in front of me right now, this is how I would describe them (and how I did, each time I discussed the options with family and friends while I was deciding).😆</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(Again,<b><span style="font-size: large;"> these are my (VERY non-medical, VERY non-technical) words! </span></b> Just trying to get the idea across: please don't take my layman's terms as anything other than what they are.😂)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">________________________</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Lap band: </span></b>where they put a 'rubber' band around your stomach so you can't eat as much. Not often performed any more.</i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><i><b><span style="font-size: large;">Sleeve: </span></b>where they cut 80% of your stomach and remove it from the body. This causes restriction as to how much you can eat. Not reversible.</i></span></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Mini gastric bypass:</b></span> where they cut your stomach and make a little pouch (but leave the remaining stomach inside you), and reroute your intestines so that food 'bypasses' some of the digestive track. So that you have a smaller stomach but also less chance for calories (and nutrients!) to get absorbed. So this results in weight loss via restriction like the above, as well as malabsorption. Reversible.</span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Roux-En-Y gastric bypass: </b></span>same as the mini bypass but there's more rerouting of your intestinal tract. (Two joins rather than the one that the 'mini' bypass has). Reversible.</span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>SADI: </b></span>a combination of the sleeve and bypass.</span></i></div><div><i><span style="font-family: helvetica;"><br /></span></i></div><div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">________________________</span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">There are other types and I think there's different names for some, but these were the ones I started learning about. I'd obviously crossed the lap band off my list, and I crossed the SADI off my list too. One surgeon told me something along the line of that the SADI used to be called something else, and it had poor outcomes or something bad happened, and they renamed it...yeah that was enough for me to cross that one right off my list! 🙅</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Here's a diagram of the main ones I was looking at; sleeve vs one of the bypasses:</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCyuJZ5qdkNQrcfM01GdiccIwxIu_tX1yNJtwxlym5TewuNVSyDCEafmZ8tUMfrjN073cdY5v3a8idy1bc0DPBINOzsOQp6H9R92JsPN1FTVmzW8wQxzs-WUn3yFm1a04NtnABtUYaWJ-JQgV2U2nurhYxctjwPPYHoD3d0joVpKIkACt2EuPN3Nv/s739/IMG_8462.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="415" data-original-width="739" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLCyuJZ5qdkNQrcfM01GdiccIwxIu_tX1yNJtwxlym5TewuNVSyDCEafmZ8tUMfrjN073cdY5v3a8idy1bc0DPBINOzsOQp6H9R92JsPN1FTVmzW8wQxzs-WUn3yFm1a04NtnABtUYaWJ-JQgV2U2nurhYxctjwPPYHoD3d0joVpKIkACt2EuPN3Nv/s320/IMG_8462.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Sleeve vs bypass</span></td></tr></tbody></table></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway I started to do my research and everything supported my desire to choose the sleeve. I went back to my GP and got referrals to weight loss surgeons.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I had initial consultations with two different surgeons to compare (Original Surgeon and Actual Surgeon).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">My first appointment ironically was with my current surgeon (Actual Surgeon). Still very new to this whole thing, I rattled off that I would be looking at the sleeve but would be guided by him as the expert. I asked what he would suggest for me, and he said, and I'll always remember this:<b><span style="font-size: large;"> "If I had to bet my own life on giving you the right surgery, I'd do a bypass on you today."</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">What? </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Another professional saying bypass...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This surgeon is very renowned and an expert in his field. I'd first saw him on TV actually, on an expert panel. So while I remembered what he said, I still was stuck on the majority, and was hoping I could convince myself that this expert didn't know what was best for me.😂</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">The following week I went to meet the Original Surgeon for the first time. Similar conversation, but less strong wording on his behalf. I told him I was looking at the sleeve, and what would he suggest. He said it was up to me (as did the other surgeon), but if he had to suggest something, he'd suggest one of the bypasses.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Damn.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So, as I thrust myself forward into choosing a surgeon, starting preparation and then pre-op, and getting everything organised, I continued my quest to prove to myself that the sleeve was the better choice for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'd chosen the second surgeon I'd met with ('Original Surgeon') as my surgeon to go with. I started meeting with his dietician and psychologist, and they too were both gently leaning toward a bypass within conversations.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I didn't have to decide until I signed the consent forms a couple of weeks out from surgery, so there was no imminent rush to choose. But it was still hanging over my head. <b><span style="font-size: large;">I felt exactly like it was when I was trying to decide on birth options for my twins: attempt to deliver naturally, or choose a caesarean?</span></b> Everyone (medical professionals) were recommending a caesarean, and deep down I knew that was what I should do, but I really wanted to attempt a natural delivery. (I ended up choosing the caesarean, which I think I already knew that I should*, but it took months of pondering for me to finally be able to make that decision). </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">*Should = do what was best for my babies and me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(A C section ended up being the safest thing for us 3). </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, that was pregnancy, this is weight loss surgery!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I first met with the surgeons in May. My surgery was planned for early August. Late July it was time for my consent paperwork to be signed. And I still couldn't make up my mind. I rang the surgeon's office and asked if I could meet with the surgeon one more time to discuss the different surgeries before signing on the dotted line.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(This will have been only the second appointment with him, its not like I'd been to see him 7 times and kept going over the same stuff).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">They said they could make that 'consent appointment' actually a discussion appointment, and I could always come back the following week to sign the paperwork. I knew that I would, because there was no way that I would have wanted to go in and discuss alternate options and then sign immediately after! </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>However, ironically, that's actually what I ended up doing...</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I went along and met with him. I asked him to be specific as to why he suggested a bypass for me. In a nutshell, the reason this was everyone's suggestion, was that a gastric bypass was proven to be better for long term weight loss, especially when you have a lot to lose, like I did.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I also remember my Actual Surgeon telling me that it was <b><span style="font-size: large;">very common for patients to get the sleeve, but then end up coming back 1-2 years later and requesting a revision surgery from sleeve to bypass, </span></b>because the sleeve was no longer working for them. He said let's not waste my time and an enormous amount of money twice over, and just get the right* surgery first up.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(*Right surgery for me). </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So, back to the Original Surgeon 'consent appointment' that was now a 'discussion appointment'...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">After he discussed the different surgery options, he then said that they had had some results come back for me. This surgeon had required me to do 101 tests prior to surgery 😳</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">One of those was a gastroscopy (endoscopy) (where they shove a camera down your throat and check the upper part of your digestive system).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'd had all of the required tests and as far as I knew, had gotten all of the results back from each one, including the gastroscopy, and everything was fine and in order. (?)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>He proceeded to tell me that they'd discovered that I had something called 'Barrett's Oesophagus'.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I had no idea what that was, and to be honest, still am not very confident in my education of it. <b><i>In my own words</i></b> to sum up the brief overview that he gave me in the room that day, Barrett's Oesophagus is damage to the oesophagus: Apparently the cells in our stomach wall are tough and 'hardened', so to withstand all of the stomach acids that we have. The cells of the wall of our oesophagus, however, are 'not tough'.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Over time though, if people have a lot of reflux (stomach acid coming up into the oesophagus), the cells in the oesophagus can change, and harden, to mimic the type of cells that are in the stomach. (To handle the acid).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And then over time, with the cell changes, they can change even more and become cancerous.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Whoah. I was just expecting to have a chat about which type of surgery was best to fix my weight problem. I was so blindsided from this diagnosis; I wasn't expecting to have any results given to me this day.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That's pretty much all he told me, and all I was able to ask was "so it's not cancer though, is it?" Because hearing the words 'cell changes' is pretty frigging scary. As is asking that question...</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">He said no, not currently, but I would need to have a gastroscopy every year to monitor it, and that this diagnosis would be another reason to support me having the bypass done.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b>Sold.</b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">That was the defining moment that made me finally make a decision. I specifically remember saying to him <b><span style="font-size: large;">"ok, well I'm not going to muck around with that, bypass it is then."</span></b></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">(Apparently bypasses are better for reflux because physically it's harder for the stomach acid to come back up due to the rerouting of your digestive tract; whereas with a sleeve it can come straight back up just like it used to).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I'm still surprised by this diagnosis, because as far as I knew, I've never really had a reflux 'problem'. I had really bad reflux during the second half of pregnancy, but surely that wouldn't be enough to cause this, having been from such a concentrated period of time? I've experienced reflux other times for sure, often when I've eaten a lot of high sugar foods. But not often! Maybe pregnancy tipped me over the edge from the little I already had?</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, I dunno. I already have to have annual colonoscopies, so it'll be easy to add in the endoscopy and do both ends at once. I'll have a chat to my specialist and doctors one day and try and get a bit more understanding surrounding it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Anyway, so I signed the consent form right then and there, and never looked back! </span></b>(Never looked back at the surgery type I chose, I mean). I looked back many times and as mentioned ended up changing surgeons the week after this appointment! Which I will explain. But that's how I came to decide what surgery type was best for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I remember being told that it will also depend on the day when they open you up, as to whether they can even go ahead with your chosen type of surgery. I was told that even if I chose a bypass, I would be consenting to both a bypass and a sleeve. Because if for some reason anatomically they couldn't perform a bypass, they would change to a sleeve on the day, while you're opened up! I don't know in what circumstances this would happen, I imagine it could be an issue if they couldn't reach certain organs, especially if your liver was too big, which is the point of pre-op, to shrink your liver for surgery.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I remember my Actual Surgeon also mentioning at one point that unless he told me, I would have no idea of knowing what surgery he performed, once he'd closed me back up. (Btw it's keyhole surgery, so technically you're not actually 'opened up'.😅). But he was just saying this to hint at the point that when all is said and done, all weight loss surgeries basically work in a similar way, so not to get *overly* caught up in which is best. <b><span style="font-size: large;">They're all weight loss surgeries and you still have to work at each and every one.</span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">On the day of my surgery they <i>were</i> able to perform the bypass, so that's what I have had done!</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">A Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.</span></b>😊</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And because I posted my first 'before and after' photo on my Instagram just this morning; here it is here, too. My first one that I've shared in 9 years.💗</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRmxrGPEzh8I77pOzcDxKqqlNGEzGjKLe6uMb0eXUSeMPOfUHnYjHeqk5e1lxPi9KZH8sUeYK8WV0DETaA7W8aP7DR9UQO57BSTch6MCL6wtoMXB2TYe-S8z7j8Z02m_PSSIcISYcDAUsb07YVBB5qk_QFplimp4v_F9olwIt4ysYBfPrwRr6P0MVx/s2800/IMG_8459.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2647" data-original-width="2800" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRmxrGPEzh8I77pOzcDxKqqlNGEzGjKLe6uMb0eXUSeMPOfUHnYjHeqk5e1lxPi9KZH8sUeYK8WV0DETaA7W8aP7DR9UQO57BSTch6MCL6wtoMXB2TYe-S8z7j8Z02m_PSSIcISYcDAUsb07YVBB5qk_QFplimp4v_F9olwIt4ysYBfPrwRr6P0MVx/s320/IMG_8459.JPG" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-50007065383432784312022-07-11T08:50:00.001+10:002022-07-11T12:01:00.882+10:00I think you've tried for long enough<div><span style="font-family: arial;">HELLO 😀</span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">My goodness. So, it's been a while. 🙈</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I don't know how to start a blog post - the words aren't coming...but never fear, my words always arrive...oh yes, they do. That hasn't changed.😂</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">So, what has changed? My twinnies are now 3.5. How, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I just blinked. (Don't blink.😞)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And me? Well, <b><span style="font-size: large;">I've gotten fatter. </span></b> A lot fatter. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Yes, my size doesn't define who I am / I am more than my weight, and yes, I've had a lot more change than just my fat stores.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Buuuut, my size is dictating most things in my life right now; it's (in some ways literally 😳) <b><span style="font-size: large;">suffocating who I really am</span></b> and how I want to live my life, and....this is a weight loss / health transformation blog, so let's not chit-chat about parenthood (because let's be honest, that's really the only other thing happening in my life 😂), and talk about what we're actually all here* for. (*Here = as in on my blog, not in life 😅).</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I've been battling my weight for 25 years. </span></b>Twenty-fucking-five. Aside from being elbow deep in navigating IVF and solo parenting twins, there's another reason I haven't been as active in writing this blog for a few years. It's that I got to a point where I was so sick of doing the same thing over and over with attempting to lose weight and it continually not working out long term...and then writing about it.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I've spent much of this time in some kind of 'freeze' state. Never giving up, but also not attempting the same ways as before. And as a result, my disordered eating habits have ensured that the one thing that <i>hasn't </i>frozen, has been my size. It's crept up and up and<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I am currently the.biggest.I've.ever.been. </span></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This is not the blog post to do it, but one day I will share just how much my weight has affected me and just how big I've gotten. What I will share today though, is a big decision that I've made on my next step.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">And that is, <b><span style="font-size: large;">I've decided to have weight loss surgery.</span> </b><b style="font-size: x-large;"> </b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">I never imagined that I would end up going down this path. Weight loss surgery was never something I thought was for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Yet, I'm all booked in to get it done. Soon. My pre-op diet starts...tomorrow.😳. Whaaaat. Yes, today is the day of the last supper(s). Goodbye, food. Nah, not really, I can still eat, of course. But it sure feels like goodbye food.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">This, (like me), is huge. There's sooo many aspects to update you on, of course. But for now, think of me while I indulge in my last 24 hours of my current way of eating. (This has been me for the past fortnight (but there's no broken fridge, just impending weight loss surgery):</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiZOw2jOncu3iFDg5UTvUBvpO7JCCi-9EzwW7Ig33PpwNy4XmrMLRt3fRsGgBCHAWutci-wuOQ3p9uMF-GS8f2wH71POTYFDfQvxkKEIcQjGsP4Xnq7XZaTdMS4kAh7cRfLV_Cys0JEbiFQiZI8wlVPXTnlLB52L0hWJN7tWteyxmxmQQAX8DYm9RW/s1256/Joey%20fridge.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1244" data-original-width="1256" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiZOw2jOncu3iFDg5UTvUBvpO7JCCi-9EzwW7Ig33PpwNy4XmrMLRt3fRsGgBCHAWutci-wuOQ3p9uMF-GS8f2wH71POTYFDfQvxkKEIcQjGsP4Xnq7XZaTdMS4kAh7cRfLV_Cys0JEbiFQiZI8wlVPXTnlLB52L0hWJN7tWteyxmxmQQAX8DYm9RW/s320/Joey%20fridge.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><span style="font-family: arial;">I thought my first blog post / Insta post / story about this would be explaining the whole background, decision maker, journey so far, plans, all of the information.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">But unlike everything else in my life, let me try and make this post (sort of lol) short and sweet. I'll be bringing you guys along for the ride, and I will of course get you up to speed. But to summarise this whole decision, let me leave you with what my GP said when I told her that I wanted to do this:</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: arial; font-size: large;"><b><i>"I think you've tried for long enough."</i></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">25 years is a long time to battle something. This surgery is not at all taking away the battle! I am going to have to try, and work harder than I have before. But it’ll just be in a different way, because everything I've tried for 25 years has ultimately not worked. Surgery will be giving me a tool, or a helping hand to get myself out of the situation I've put myself in.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Enough is enough.</span></b> I've tried on my own for long enough. I need help with this.🙋</span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: arial;">Welcome, Kate, to the world of weight loss surgery... 🙈</span></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-64041157211530757202021-03-04T16:49:00.000+10:002021-03-04T16:49:33.740+10:00Weight loss update<div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Hi!</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Last you heard from me, I was 3 days into my first attempt at losing weight in approximately 3 years.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It's now 8 months later.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'd love to say that while I've been unfocused on blogging, that the weight loss is going well and I've made significant progress with the scales, clothing sizes, fitness, health and my relationship with food.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">But while the former is true (I haven't been focused on blogging), the rest of it is not.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">There's a reason, but it's not my usual one.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">When it comes to weight loss endeavours, ever since I can remember (prior to my July attempt), I've stuck to plans, used numbers, tracked everything under the sun, became obsessive and <b><span style="font-size: large;">strove for perfection.</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">While that way may help others, it took me years to realise that it wasn't for me, and that it was hindering every bit of progress that I made. That's where I was at in July and what helped me restart - with a renewed focus of no tracking or numbers.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The first week was great. I weighed myself at the end of week 1 and was stoked to see that I'd lost 6kg.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I was re</span><span style="font-family: arial;">minded then that I was <b><span style="font-size: large;">saying no to <i>all </i>the numbers</span></b>, so after that weigh in, I opted not to weigh myself regularly like I always had before.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The next week I continued, (as my previous two blog posts explain), and cut out most of the crap, still eating some but mostly eating mindfully. I got to the end of the week and didn't weigh in, coz #nonumbers</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">The next week I continued, but found myself eating a bit more crap - I was 'allowed' to, but I was having a bit more than I should; because <span style="font-size: large;"><b>who was going to know?</b></span> How was it going to affect me if I'm not weighing myself? An extra packet of chips here or KFC meal there was so much easier to slip in.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">This gradually continued and pretty soon I became lost again. The line became very blurry between 'eating mostly junk all the time like I don't care' and 'eating occasional junk because I'm trying to lose weight but in a way that's kind to me so I don't feel deprived.'</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Before I knew it, I was <strike>in a sense</strike> completely back to old eating habits, but not acknowledging it as such, because I wasn't weighing myself.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I wasn't so daft that I was believing 'who will ever know...?', but let's just say that ignorance is bliss.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">And of course, in my defence, it wasn't ignorance alone. It was 30 odd years of habits and comfort eating. I never drew the line in the sand and said "that's it, the diet is OFF!" (I use the term 'diet' extremely loosely, because this is for life, but you get what I mean). But I also wasn't kidding myself that I was actively actioning it. The days, weeks, months just rolled over and the next minute it was 2021.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">During this time I realised that I do need *some* accountability, and while I definitely didn't and don't want to be a slave to fixating on calories in and out, I realised that I needed to track something. I knew that if I kept going, eventually I'd see progress in my clothes fitting better, that sort of thing. <b><span style="font-size: large;">But *not weighing* myself wasn't working. </span></b> I guess I needed more immediate confirmation that I was on the right track.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It's still not about the scales, and I'm not setting goal numbers by certain dates, and don't necessarily have a weigh in day (although I have been weighing weekly so far). But I know that I need to weigh myself. My intention is to just use it as a check-in and guide eg. if I don't lose weight for 2 months,<b><span style="font-size: large;"> it might be time to lessen the frequency of KFC 6 piece feeds,</span></b> that sort of thing.😉</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><span><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">My birthday is at the end of January, and it was a significant birthday this year; so I used it as a type of <b><span style="font-size: large;">'fresh start'</span></b>. I waited for a few days after it so I could eat all the birthday cake, and like July 2020, the only fanfare of starting is that I had a 'start date' (Tuesday 2nd February), and I weighed myself at the start.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">For those following along at home, I was about 1kg heavier at my start date this time, compared to July. So technically I'd put on 7kg in that time (including the 6kg I lost that first week). But most of that 6kg would have been water weight so my weight gain was closer to the 1kg than the 7kg. Which I think is bloody amazing, considering the crap I've been eating for 8 months.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Anyway, it's now been a month and I'm finally ready to share that I'm actively working on it. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0if6sCTDrSxOrwTYppRHC7P9r1V-C3mz_KP-_S7uJDBwTZ3m0wld8631cxtuPmSpikhX2yJdFeys0Pt8z4ICDwWcTxjMPgbcPa-WQcqB3WkGxFnNlBIDgGOqgqOHp3WrFFUpW4MDWEJ8/s225/successful+man+quote.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="225" data-original-width="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0if6sCTDrSxOrwTYppRHC7P9r1V-C3mz_KP-_S7uJDBwTZ3m0wld8631cxtuPmSpikhX2yJdFeys0Pt8z4ICDwWcTxjMPgbcPa-WQcqB3WkGxFnNlBIDgGOqgqOHp3WrFFUpW4MDWEJ8/s0/successful+man+quote.jpg" /></a></div><br />I've lost 5kg in that time. I wanted to wait for a few weeks before talking about it with anyone, just to make sure the new way of doing things was working for me first (process wise, not scale results). It was pretty embarrassing in July to say "hey guys, as of today I'm losing weight!"... 7 days later share the scale victory and then never speak about it again,🤣</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Maybe I'll fuck it up, but I feel good about it. 5kg in 4 weeks / 1 month is super slow for me, but it's in the right direction, and that's my focus and reason for weighing.</span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I'll share how it's been going in my next post, because it's been a bit up and down.<br />💓Kate xo</span></div>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-77216847885860127682020-07-16T14:33:00.002+10:002020-07-16T14:33:47.307+10:00So, how is it going so far?<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's going well!</span><div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am by absolutely no means eating what one would consider dietician approved, well rounded, nutritious, healthy meals. At the moment. I needed to start slowly. Every single other attempt, I have lived up to my usual 'all or nothing' attitude, and attempted to change everything 'perfectly' from Day 1.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time I plan on doing it in stages. Other than having a definitive start date of a few days ago, there's no dates or pre-prepared timelines for these stages. The first, initial stage is simply focusing on cutting out the majority of the crap I was eating. Note, I said 'majority'. I have, in the last 3.5 days, eaten chocolate, chips and pizza. That sounds terrible and laughable; I know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But my intake since Monday morning has been <i>miles</i> ahead of what I was shoving down my mouth every day for the last 6.5 years (bar a few attempts 3+ years ago).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And each of those foods were eaten intentionally and with reason, in itself a marked improvement of past behaviour. For example, last night, I had a visitor surprise me by bringing over Dominos pizza for myself and the girls. They were doing it to be kind, and it was a situation where it would have, in a way, hurt them, had I declined to eat any myself. (They don't follow Coco Girl 😉 (so don't yet know of my changes)), and I made the very intentional decision to eat some. I decided to have one piece, and have my planned dinner later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But of course one piece made me want a second. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I would usually have eaten about 4 pieces. But I just had the 2, and felt satisfied. And later on I asked myself if I really wanted the planned dinner and decided that I didn't. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So instead of eating my usual 4 pieces, or having extra food later, or declining altogether and feeling deprived, I just enjoyed the spontaneous, crazy, loud, pizza dinner that was bought with kind intentions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So it was obviously not the ideal dinner, but I have zero regrets. My choices were an improvement, I enjoyed the food and atmosphere, and I was intentional and therefore in control.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the most important part is, I don't feel like I stuffed up the last 3 days and may as well visit Binge City and start again next Monday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Other than that, I've cut out the rest of the main crap that I was inhaling. My food choices have been yummy to me; not (yet) portion controlled, not calorie counted, but better.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I'm not ready to exercise yet, but that will come. (I'll explain this more on a future post).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, these things don't sound like they're related, but a few other things I've changed this week are:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I started wearing makeup again for the first time since about March</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I put on some of my jewellery for the first time in about 2 years</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've made realistic to do lists for each day and have actually been actioning most things on the lists</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The makeup thing still surprises me. In that I didn't wear it for 4 months. I have not been seen without makeup for 20 years. Going makeup free recently may sound positive, like it was because I was being comfortable in my own skin, blah blah blah.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it was the opposite. It was because I just didn't care anymore. COVID / lockdown didn't help. I was seeing very few people of course, and it just went from there. But even once we were allowed out more, I didn't pick up on my self care. Once you drop one thing, it's easy to drop more, and self care becomes a snowball that gathers speed and tumbles quickly away from you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, wearing makeup (and jewellery) again is a positive thing for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, I have a whole lot more to share, but I'm trying to just get things done and not over analyse as much (or overwrite!) so I'll just wrap up this brain dump now, and chat to you more soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">😘</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S. Following the theme of self care, I also got my hair done the other day. One day I might be brave enough to show you the 'before' photo. Tip: self care wise, you can let everything go, but never let your hair go. It was b.a.d. 😳</span></div>
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Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-67268107385067642482020-07-13T14:57:00.001+10:002020-07-13T14:58:23.013+10:00Day '1'<span style="font-family: arial;">Hiiiiiiii!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Happy July 😉 So last we spoke, I was bruised and accidentally making my baby a penis cake 🙈 for my twinnies 1st birthday party.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Eight months on and I still haven't written Part 2 of that story. And that right there pretty much sums up part of what this post is all about.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Not doing things for seven months, twelve months, 3 years, however long, has been my jam and as of today I'm attempting my hardest to stop this habit.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">This is a topic I'll have to explore over time and future posts, but basically from today I'm making a more concerted effort to get things done. I've been on a quest to simplify my life for a while now and there's a million things that feel like they are 'choking' this quest. My 'procrastination' thing is not really procrastination; it's actually due to a couple of significant reasons and I think I have to allow myself more grace over this and forgive myself. I'll talk more about this another day but it's certainly not due to laziness or a can't-be-bothered attitude.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">However whatever the reason, not actioning stuff is holding up so much for me, including simplifying my life. I long to be back in an organised state, so that I have the brainspace to be able to focus on what matters and to feel I have control again. So while my stories will forever be complex (that has never changed 😉), I don't want my lifestyle to be.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">And the major and most significant (and relevant to share here) change I'm making from today is that I'm focusing on my health once more. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">In the past I'd refer to this day as 'turning over a new leaf' or 'Day 1' or 'restarting' or 'resetting' or 'Attempt #347221' or 'Operation Birthday / Christmas / Easter / Mothers or Fathers Day / any day' but I'm doing things a little differently this time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">I'll share more over time of course. I may even call today one of those things from time to time. But there's no well thought out title to 'inscript' on the 13th July 2020. <i>(Edit - I'm titling this post 'Day 1' because I can't think of anything else more apt for it - but I use the term loosely).</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">There'll be no charts (I know!), no jars, no tracking, no goal number, none of my usual recording stuff.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">I haven't attempted to lose weight for years (literally, it's been at least 2-3 years between attempts, if not more). I was sick of trying and failing. I know that you never truly fail unless you give up trying. But that's the thing. I have never given up. I of course haven't been actively 'trying' - the Maltesers chocolate block wrappers on my bedside table can attest to that - but I've never given up on the goal. I always knew that I would get there again - but the reason it's been so long in between 'start dates' is that I wanted to be confident in how I was to approach it (the process) the next time. I know that so much needed to change; hence how I've gotten to this place of now doing things differently.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">I'll be honest (of course! 😂); I have no concrete plans. I have nothing written down. I haven't cleaned out my kitchen of junk. I haven't done a huge healthy grocery shop. I haven't charged let alone put on my smart watch to track my daily calories in and out. I have no idea how (few) steps I've done today, nor do I care. I've done nothing in preparation (yet on the other hand, I've done everything 💗).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">The only things that I've done that are like I've done before, are:</span></div>
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<li><span style="font-family: arial;">I decided on a 'start' date and mentally worked towards it</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: arial;">I've weighed myself so I know where I 'started'</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: arial;">I haven't told anyone (until this post - why not make the first person that you share it with, be the whole world? Haha no, seriously, I don't know why but I have always been like this - my 'start' dates have always been something I need to keep to myself?)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: arial;">I ate KFC for dinner last night. Because are you even starting afresh if you don't have KFC the night before??</span></li>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">But that's it. I'll be taking each step at a time. And there will be steps and they will not go in a straight line. I will not kid to myself that it'll all be muesli and chicken salads from here on in. It won't be at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">And while I haven't shared this plan with anyone until now, that's where my privateness in regards to this ends. One thing that has definitely worked for me in the past and that I'm happy to continue, is to share the ups and downs of this journey, and allow strangers (and family and friends) to be my cheersquad</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">That fruit / yoghurt / oats breaky that I shared on the 'gram this morning might make more sense now.😉</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Welcome back to me. Thank you for hanging in there until I was ready.</span><br />
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Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-70731220229142855802019-11-18T00:49:00.001+10:002019-11-18T00:59:17.261+10:00Bubbles, bruises and a penis cake - Part 1<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Okay, I feel like a bit of an overachiever tonight: publishing one post and starting another?! #whodis</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>EDIT - I only got a few paragraphs written and it's now a few days later as I continue this. #thereiam</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>EDIT AGAIN - It's now a week after that and I've finally finished writing this post </i>😄</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, my baby girls turned the big ONE year old last week. I've been using Instagram stories <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhik3pPDjlMv6S8c22BqV80CbQJPHCusar6aiS-Gktxul8Yp6wFJXgIF4lmM2NNSThzbHZBN3L08_ujKcBe9YQuxzmIeaweNE46zRS4DpbqOwdNoiFbuGvrXfig1yh79G3uUIMkgbrh5Wk/s1600/IMG_2155.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhik3pPDjlMv6S8c22BqV80CbQJPHCusar6aiS-Gktxul8Yp6wFJXgIF4lmM2NNSThzbHZBN3L08_ujKcBe9YQuxzmIeaweNE46zRS4DpbqOwdNoiFbuGvrXfig1yh79G3uUIMkgbrh5Wk/s320/IMG_2155.PNG" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Madeleine</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6EYdgAWDSc2y8TgHGKiEw4A5RZ-saim-nVk1Qp7XLfet1gjtUYdB2hoHX00J0KZpdQhYs0uDX7Oyktz0Fo7Zbc-6q75jVEWysr2RIm9eG7e2BqnPE7J85mXfQzSb7GIzyoa9svd_ef_o/s1600/IMG_2004.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6EYdgAWDSc2y8TgHGKiEw4A5RZ-saim-nVk1Qp7XLfet1gjtUYdB2hoHX00J0KZpdQhYs0uDX7Oyktz0Fo7Zbc-6q75jVEWysr2RIm9eG7e2BqnPE7J85mXfQzSb7GIzyoa9svd_ef_o/s320/IMG_2004.PNG" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ashley</td></tr>
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<br />in a way like my pseudo blog over the last few months; which has been as therapeutic as it has been fun. I wanted to recap how the birthday went, but the story is way too long for even stories, so blogging it is. If this can be the start of regular blogging again; I'll be stoked. I miss it and it helps me so much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">By the way, despite how my Instagram grid looks at first glance, <b><span style="font-size: large;">I have not transformed into a 'mummy blog'. </span></b> A lot of my posts and stories are mum related, but that's because I don't have anything else going on at the moment. 😆 </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I still have my other stuff (mainly weight loss) to share, but there's a few bab<strike>y</strike>(ies) related stories to sift through before I get back to that soon.😉</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, their 1st birthday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">So, in true Kate fashion; I knew about it for a year, and started getting things done 3 days before.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7Mtdzf-buxNa0Ue24rsMJrwWA-TnJ04VkJ5jSGSlwgIMj9VgOLGvxJH_rXiFgmPlVAhmbLkWc2QHzZB6P_H22fDtd3vOWLlnI0a-4Mi7Z5oCnDwxWqG-R8nIOmr-G6Gpst8_JF4NejM/s1600/59AA056D-87A8-412B-AD3A-8C8FBBE5F7BA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="743" data-original-width="750" height="317" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjD7Mtdzf-buxNa0Ue24rsMJrwWA-TnJ04VkJ5jSGSlwgIMj9VgOLGvxJH_rXiFgmPlVAhmbLkWc2QHzZB6P_H22fDtd3vOWLlnI0a-4Mi7Z5oCnDwxWqG-R8nIOmr-G6Gpst8_JF4NejM/s320/59AA056D-87A8-412B-AD3A-8C8FBBE5F7BA.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 12.8px;">I've known about their birthday for a while...</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I do not recommend this.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had been imagining how their birthday would look for months. But quite annoyingly, 'envisioning' does not equate to 'doing', and I found myself a week out, with nothing done, except for having sent the invitation a few weeks prior.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Their birthday fell on the Saturday, but due to my family's availability, we had the party on the Sunday. I knew the gist of what I wanted:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Their actual birthday:</b> Wake up to balloons. Open presents. Go out and do a fun activity. Start family birthday traditions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Their party:</b> Have a simple get together in the park.with family and friends. Minimal fuss and effort. An opportunity to get together to celebrate the girls, but also to thank those around us for their care and support over the past year. Extremely importantly to me, a cake EACH (rather than sharing). Allow the girls to eat their cakes and try sugar for the first time. (They had not consumed sugar as an ingredient before this). Have some special way of thanking people who came. No theme - just bright colours and fun.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH2tKztlTudz6mt_jj8RDzQ4xcZlnx73IO_dqRDtqZicmIuVv54KQ4XrEEB0fNCDEqguJA7Nx6OOH5yufVE_YEPaIkEXmDKLDJqNfXC95DNqPc4YO0zz10f8TdlVqlP3mhkMtiZM98KD4/s1600/Photo+30-9-19%252C+3+10+25+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="576" data-original-width="665" height="277" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH2tKztlTudz6mt_jj8RDzQ4xcZlnx73IO_dqRDtqZicmIuVv54KQ4XrEEB0fNCDEqguJA7Nx6OOH5yufVE_YEPaIkEXmDKLDJqNfXC95DNqPc4YO0zz10f8TdlVqlP3mhkMtiZM98KD4/s320/Photo+30-9-19%252C+3+10+25+pm.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd deliberated over the theme aspect for a long time and finally realised I didn't want to project a theme onto them for the sake of having one, if that makes sense? I also realised that this may be the only year or one of the only years where I can choose - once they start getting interests, I won't have too much of a choice.😉</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I had the ideas, and as mentioned had managed to get the invitation out. But that's it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The girls recently started day care and currently go Mondays and Fridays. So I planned for Friday (yes, two days before), to be my runaround day and tick everything off. (And Monday to recover).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One thing I did manage to do before Friday was to book the hire of a number '1' cake tin. How good is that, that you can hire them? I had no idea that you could. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It cost me $7 to have it for 3 nights.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I bought the Women's Weekly kids cake cookbook as soon as I got pregnant. In fact I may not have even been pregnant yet. It was one of the first things I bought. You know, buying all the important stuff first.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That cake book, like so many Aussie kids, was one of my favourite childhood memories. Each year my brothers and I used to pour over the book and carefully select which cake our poor mother was expected to recreate for our respective birthdays.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I talked about this on my Insta stories, but it was important to me to make their first birthday cakes. I may outsource in the future, but their first year I wanted them to be homemade, by me. Which is an extremely annoying desire, seeing as I hate baking and cooking SO much. I'm going to share the Insta stories I did on this, here, to save me repeating it:</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHV60yS28vu1lasM7dksQ52J4O65H4Sa_ksXb-skD6QzSc0uPLlO0qtlxG3GgOWmbS6FGpvPMTRJuw-b9YmUOCBFFVJ-oE_ZYPH2XmzggslJdOVUc-EZk_Rt25YBcm3xyQgud0t3JKDy0/s1600/Photo+17-11-19%252C+10+47+54+pm.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHV60yS28vu1lasM7dksQ52J4O65H4Sa_ksXb-skD6QzSc0uPLlO0qtlxG3GgOWmbS6FGpvPMTRJuw-b9YmUOCBFFVJ-oE_ZYPH2XmzggslJdOVUc-EZk_Rt25YBcm3xyQgud0t3JKDy0/s320/Photo+17-11-19%252C+10+47+54+pm.png" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Buy WW cake book before pregnant.<br />Flip through it in the car the day before<br />your babies first birthday.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, Friday morning came around and I had barely put together a to do list for the day, let alone a semi organised one. I dropped the girls at day care and drove to the cake tin hire shop. I ate breaky in the car in the car park before going in and for the first time since I bought it, started flicking through the cake book that I'd shoved in my handbag, trying to get inspo for the icing and decorations. My cakes may have been from the heart, but that heart lies within the most disorganised body!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I picked up the cake tin, feeling somewhat accomplished. TICK! ✅</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now, just to do every single other thing for the party.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My non-planned out, somewhat sketchy goal for the day was:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Complete all shopping and errands before lunch</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Be at home before 1pm for my friend Dani to drop in* (see below)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Bake both cakes in the afternoon - a la Suzy Homemaker </span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Pick up the girls - a </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">la a got-it-together 'Tupperware Mum'</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ice and decorate the cakes after the girls were in bed, - a la Nigella Lawson</span></li>
</ul>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJfT5kgxY4idVra3r7nzE5Hju5OYYUyKkPmbwdSRWFaXp1WppAHnz8ERIAhZ5RPfRismHwHsjA8hfY0npdpYYLLA6Bu3tqANtQDVzmE9-dLOosoPz_js1RoXETAcdQK4lb76iK7Uvpj8/s1600/IMG_0939.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpJfT5kgxY4idVra3r7nzE5Hju5OYYUyKkPmbwdSRWFaXp1WppAHnz8ERIAhZ5RPfRismHwHsjA8hfY0npdpYYLLA6Bu3tqANtQDVzmE9-dLOosoPz_js1RoXETAcdQK4lb76iK7Uvpj8/s320/IMG_0939.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cake tin acquired. Only 216 things left to do</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So far, so good. Other than the cake tin, I had to go to:</span><br />
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<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Big W</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Spotlight</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Kmart</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Woolworths</span></li>
</ul>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I ticked off Big W and Spotlight quite quickly. I ordered balloons in person at Spotlight as I just hadn't been able to get my shit together prior to this. <b><span style="font-size: large;">I went up to the staff member in the party section, and looking and sounding helpless</span></b> (no acting required, coz I was), she helped me order the balloons. I got 2 huge '1's to tie onto the girls cots made up to take away while I was there, and then I ordered a handful of bright balloons to be ready for Sunday's party.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6mLmgokyM42TTXTN_R4ICEGijvIZjCbNy925fxrcart1H12Acb6Sm0rCGlsmr6voOglTuT0M-Fu__crsuS_Ht8P1fpiohKL5zUbV14G9yPQ09p_lbknUlZHRVUUWXpF0EgUh5NurexLc/s1600/IMG_0960.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6mLmgokyM42TTXTN_R4ICEGijvIZjCbNy925fxrcart1H12Acb6Sm0rCGlsmr6voOglTuT0M-Fu__crsuS_Ht8P1fpiohKL5zUbV14G9yPQ09p_lbknUlZHRVUUWXpF0EgUh5NurexLc/s320/IMG_0960.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jenga.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was now lunch time and I hadn't made it to Kmart (to print photos) or to Woolies (to buy the cake ingredients and the food for the party) yet, but I was all cool.😎 I needed to get the balloons home, I needed to meet my friend and I had to sit down and get my photos organised before actually heading to Kmart. Could I be any less organised??</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So my beautiful mother's group friend Dani was dropping around, because she had messaged me to say that she had baked for the girls birthday party. She wasn't even able to attend, and of course I hadn't asked her to do anything! But she just baked and messaged me photos of her creations and asked when she could drop them off. Gobsmacked much?? She had made pink macaroons and these marbled biscuits <i>with the girls names embossed / stamped into them</i>. Like a professional! "MADDIE AND ASH" and "ASH AND MADDIE". I couldn't believe it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I got home, hid the balloons, met the angel Dani, and sat down to organise the photos to <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji1q2qVXIAuNi9AlDJFOJAj1LuruFJM8F_c6fStX4idhCt9IwwHQ-MrPMfXXLMswMKBJRhKfeIL_udkzWJX3NnudygdUOmEKDRC7J9Q4EWpWBxJwq4L8ArvCtDmX3-KmXKIPJ5beKjA-E/s1600/Photo+31-10-19%252C+6+19+31+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji1q2qVXIAuNi9AlDJFOJAj1LuruFJM8F_c6fStX4idhCt9IwwHQ-MrPMfXXLMswMKBJRhKfeIL_udkzWJX3NnudygdUOmEKDRC7J9Q4EWpWBxJwq4L8ArvCtDmX3-KmXKIPJ5beKjA-E/s320/Photo+31-10-19%252C+6+19+31+pm.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Made with the greatest thoughtfulness</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
print. I rescheduled my day. This afternoon would now be the rest of the shops - Kmart and Woolies, and I now had to also run back to Spotlight for one thing. I also had to pick up the girls outfits. They'd arrived at the post office after being express posted from interstate the day before, after I'd finally worked out what I wanted them to wear. <span style="font-size: x-small;">*Shaking my head at myself*.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd have to bake the cakes that night, but that was fine. I could still ice them on Saturday, leaving plenty of time. As long as the baking was done on Friday.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I finally sorted the photos and drove to Spotlight. As I was in the checkout line, I got a <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw47Zdxq94O1rsfxn7b9SCq8FtZHCkbbKy3hoBwzaXNUwGOUoydcxnfbsA8e8yny79itBBbUkmOGrXuvQCdHBIW0OtIz4qGlxiwGCMGHRW3AsORRfNIp3hOxoXxCkcklOFwlGQ7vs4WTg/s1600/IMG_0916.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw47Zdxq94O1rsfxn7b9SCq8FtZHCkbbKy3hoBwzaXNUwGOUoydcxnfbsA8e8yny79itBBbUkmOGrXuvQCdHBIW0OtIz4qGlxiwGCMGHRW3AsORRfNIp3hOxoXxCkcklOFwlGQ7vs4WTg/s320/IMG_0916.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dani's amazing pink macaroons</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
notification from day care on my phone: <i>"An incident report was written up about Madeleine."</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What? Talk about a heartstopper notification! As I scrambled to open it, I reasoned with myself that if it was anything serious they wouldn't let me know via a basic notification, and I was right. Maddie had just slipped while crawling and bumped her head a little. She was fine, but they of course had to write an incident report. My first parental incident report - a little anxiety inducing!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was now almost 4:30pm. I really didn't want to have to take the girls to Kmart, but I knew that if I tried to 'duck' there now, before picking up the girls, it would likely take longer than expected. I'd then be rushed, late and stressed, and the girls would be more tired and grumpy etc. I also just wanted to run to Maddie and cuddle her after getting the report. I knew she was ok, but I wanted to be with her.</span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEu969al8CnYsw6a_BHFIdZ9UcDUTMzpMIMxhDhF2qTuX_K1LuyaRrDaexmSq3sAXRyMOFlbZWJvs-gDJw1ry4fxnJsgoov7JphSSzZyySF_qpki_xIWDqneziI5yrOc4jEjIzg_IAwYE/s1600/0C3C7DB4-8E16-497A-9E87-88392BF10BBC.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEu969al8CnYsw6a_BHFIdZ9UcDUTMzpMIMxhDhF2qTuX_K1LuyaRrDaexmSq3sAXRyMOFlbZWJvs-gDJw1ry4fxnJsgoov7JphSSzZyySF_qpki_xIWDqneziI5yrOc4jEjIzg_IAwYE/s320/0C3C7DB4-8E16-497A-9E87-88392BF10BBC.jpg" width="179" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I went to pick the girls up, via the post office to get their outfits. I bundled them in the car and off we went to Kmart and Woolies. I decided that I'd see how they went. If they were getting too tired then I'd just buy the cake ingredients and order the party food online. But the cake ingredients were a non-negotiable to buy that day. As I walked into Kmart, I was mentally slapping myself to be doing this at 5:30pm on the eve of their birthday weekend. <b><span style="font-size: large;">Next year I would be organised!</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We got to the photo centre and I sat down to order the prints. ...And the girls started to crack it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They are truly amazing babies. They are so placid and well behaved, they don't whinge or cry or scream for no reason and they're just very good, smiley and happy girls.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqX0EJonuT8qhjIAUZtY8HTPUBxvwvNrmSInP2bZ5_x7L1WYJM-PO5Mm-vNH8csDdgG21K1yW9EQ5Y_L0-vwfwajR3AetTj9zV0j_EjMQCZY-DbpjpAdZN6zMdEmunM2-R05x6dP5uqqs/s1600/IMG_0918.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqX0EJonuT8qhjIAUZtY8HTPUBxvwvNrmSInP2bZ5_x7L1WYJM-PO5Mm-vNH8csDdgG21K1yW9EQ5Y_L0-vwfwajR3AetTj9zV0j_EjMQCZY-DbpjpAdZN6zMdEmunM2-R05x6dP5uqqs/s200/IMG_0918.JPG" width="200" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ashley's outfit</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But they're also 12 months old. They were tired after a big day care day, it was just past their dinner time, and Mummy's sitting down in a bright shop looking at a computer?? They didn't like that at all, and started to show it. I tried to keep them happy while I madly chose photos to print, but to no avail. We were on dummy rations (we own 20. I can only find 2). I didn't have any food with me (disorganised oversight). They threw every toy and interesting and safe object I could find in my handbag out of the pram, and were getting louder and more upset.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They got so loud that the young staff member from the photo centre actually came over and asked if she could help me. (Remember, with two babies you get stereo sound!) Without direction, the staff member knelt down in front of the pram and engaged on eye level with the girls, while I madly finished selecting photos. What an angel. I managed to find a pouch of food in my bag (a Mary Poppins bag at it's finest! I had no idea that I had it there). So that helped a little. I ordered the photos and we started pacing Kmart to get the last few things that I needed, while we waited for the photos to print.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCMbAHe5CKg7Ua-0xiGk8hjp-GVWlr5Ql6Bkb0fgNhDj-8DjGpblP-YwTxCdlToNKavtK4ur3Z4jL-Fy-sVwAb489mkgIAS6_pqLVg_ckUNjuTSF4cUThvP9OUt2VCC6-osJJMKDYfuc0/s1600/IMG_0921.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1024" data-original-width="1024" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCMbAHe5CKg7Ua-0xiGk8hjp-GVWlr5Ql6Bkb0fgNhDj-8DjGpblP-YwTxCdlToNKavtK4ur3Z4jL-Fy-sVwAb489mkgIAS6_pqLVg_ckUNjuTSF4cUThvP9OUt2VCC6-osJJMKDYfuc0/s200/IMG_0921.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maddie's outfit</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">My idea was to have some really well thought out, cool, safe, healthy, interesting or creative party favour to hand out to the kids attending. </span></b>Not that I'd worked out what that would be yet... I can't wait to make party bags like I remember from my childhood when the girls are older, but for their first birthday where the kids attending were such a mixture of ages, I wasn't about to put together little bags.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've seen my brother and sister-in-law make the most incredible party favours for their kids parties over the years, which is probably why I hold such high party favour standards. One year my brother hand drew and made colouring in books that were personalised for my niece's birthday for her friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So with that inspo; here I am, trudging the floors of Kmart on my kids birthday eve, last minute settling on handing out mass produced plastic bubble wands to the little party guests. Same same!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">They were the opposite of creative and well thought out, but they were 50c each and I had to just decide on <i>something</i>. And all kids like bubbles, don't they??<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3xvLUFGTv3yUd1aAUsBZfL6rQ5bXwnHLpJNIOqqE-XLTF3x7Lbxmw-hE-QKTzxRV8cIl5uyBd6SXLEEBXyPzy0GPdT1eqwuKvfa69SZiG4o6xN36lAYoWmg-jW8QUk0xODoKeykz29SQ/s1600/IMG_1021.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3xvLUFGTv3yUd1aAUsBZfL6rQ5bXwnHLpJNIOqqE-XLTF3x7Lbxmw-hE-QKTzxRV8cIl5uyBd6SXLEEBXyPzy0GPdT1eqwuKvfa69SZiG4o6xN36lAYoWmg-jW8QUk0xODoKeykz29SQ/s320/IMG_1021.HEIC" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Last minute 50c Kmart plastic bubble wand party favours<br />
#wellthoughtout #creative #unique<br />
#personalised #interesting</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">no idea how many kids were coming, because I hadn't checked the RSVP's. (C'mon, to do that I would have had to be semi organised, remember?) I did a super quick estimation while standing next to the bubbles display in the outdoor section of Kmart, and picked up double that. There was no way I wanted any kid to miss out because I didn't have enough! I reasoned I could return any surplus to Kmart the next week, because the packaging would be untouched.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I thought running through the aisles of Kmart would interest and settle the girls, as they love being out in the shops, but we were well past the point of no return. They continued to lose it, crying being VERY LOUD. Because they've only lost it in public a couple of times, I'm really not used to it and I guess it gets me a little flustered.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had well and truly decided that our visit to Woolworths (in the same centre) was definitely only for essentials (birthday cakes ingredients). <b><span style="font-size: large;">I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed.</span></b> I was looking forward to being in Woolies because I could find some food for them. It was 6:30pm-7pm-ish and I was feeling like the worst parent in the world for having the girls out at this time. We definitely go out at night for dinner etc. occasionally, but that's always planned and they're always well fed. This early evening disorganised shopping trip was my fault and I was so mad at myself for leaving everything to the last minute.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We grabbed the photos and finished up at Kmart. I raced us to Woolies, and before I had a chance to get to the baby snacks aisle, I remembered the 'free fruit for kids while you shop' <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzBGIvM0vdATURFfSiTfj0Qf2FXxiJgTltm2nWMf8s0TFiPNNF9phGCGuyKtCgbOYRMtnpjKPYCiPJCknIFJwpCk3fcH3Fl9eeio49TJMkw1tPylldT5KjgsZ-mS15lyt2F5nM6PL-1Vc/s1600/IMG_1015.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzBGIvM0vdATURFfSiTfj0Qf2FXxiJgTltm2nWMf8s0TFiPNNF9phGCGuyKtCgbOYRMtnpjKPYCiPJCknIFJwpCk3fcH3Fl9eeio49TJMkw1tPylldT5KjgsZ-mS15lyt2F5nM6PL-1Vc/s320/IMG_1015.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hallelujah</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
thing! I'd never used it for my own kids, but that changed this night! The best invention ever! I grabbed 2 bananas and the girls chomped on them while I paced the aisles of Woolies, only stopping to google <i>'simple butter cake recipe' </i>and <i>'how to make purple food colouring'. </i> <b><span style="font-size: large;">My knowledge of primary colour combinations was completely lost in a haze of double baby brain and last minute party prep overload.</span></b> I was making one cake with pink icing (Ashley) and one with purple (Maddie), so I grabbed pink, red and blue food colourings.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The bananas quickly got demolished, and they needed something else. I've never done this before, but I grabbed a packet of rice crackers in the baby food aisle to crack open instore, and pay for when I left. I was so frazzled and the girls needed food so I would have just gone ahead and done it, but I did make my way over to the service desk and ask permission to do so before opening the packet. The manager I asked was kind and said it was fine, but she made a joke about my honesty and when I walked away I was blinking back tears. Miss Sensitive, much? Okay, so now 3 of us were tired and teary.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I almost just grabbed a couple of packet cake mixes, but I was so determined to make these cakes myself (from scratch). I <i>still</i> hadn't quite worked out how I was going to decorate the cakes, so I pretty much decided in the Woolworths aisles that evening.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I grabbed the last few items, as well as 2 more bananas from the free fruit basket. The girls smashed these down as well.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh94RVJL51tOOSladGolDo9hwdGXolMl2CJegYC9kSSPmeH1ivFy5jZClH8tBTsvG5fiLsfxaZk2C7302yUDjUtG2fS3EJIyai7dqSKiskg_o_RlCBvYQCwauWjzXDnp7P49uAemtANLA8/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+13+06+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh94RVJL51tOOSladGolDo9hwdGXolMl2CJegYC9kSSPmeH1ivFy5jZClH8tBTsvG5fiLsfxaZk2C7302yUDjUtG2fS3EJIyai7dqSKiskg_o_RlCBvYQCwauWjzXDnp7P49uAemtANLA8/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+13+06+pm.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My twins on their actual birthday</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Finally, we were on our way home. It was about 7:30pm. <b><span style="font-size: large;"> I was focussed.</span></b> Girls: dinner, bath, bottle, bed. Me: dinner and bake 2 cakes. The rest of the prep could wait till the next day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Walking briskly, we walked outside of the shopping centre and crossed the pedestrian crossing that led to the pram car parking, where we were parked.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We got to the other side of the crossing, to a pedestrian island within the car park, and I realised there was no ramp for prams or wheelchairs to go down on once you were on the island. So we turned around and went back onto the pedestrian crossing via the ramp that we had just come on, now needing to walk on the road to get to our car instead.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I took a few steps on the road and pushed the pram over a small speed bump. And in what felt like both slow and fast motion, I felt the pram off balance. In that split second, as much as I tried, I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do about it; as suddenly the pram tipped, and flipped upside down, on top of me, with both babies strapped inside.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I looked up to check on the girls, who were upside down but thankfully completely strapped in (in hindsight the design of the pram saved them). Having them looking <i>down</i> at me was a horrible image. Ash seemed fine but I couldn't see Maddie's head straight away. I moved a bit of the pram and I was then able to see her, too. I don't have words to describe those horrible couple of seconds.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Once I knew they were okay (conscious and alert at least), I realised I needed help. I needed someone to lift the pram off me and upright in a way to make sure that the girls were protected, and to allow me to get off the ground. I was also aware that we were on a road and it wasn't very well lit. It was just a road in a car park, but a car could still come along at any time.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maybe it's just me, but I just assumed that people would come over and offer help. It felt like we'd been on the ground for a couple of minutes, but no-one had come. It was 7:30pm on a Friday night so it was much less busy than usual, but there were definitely people around. Quite a few in fact. But no-one came.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I realised I had to call out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"Can someone please help?! Can someone please help?!"</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I yelled it out, but still no-one came...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My gut wrenched.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>I have never felt more alone in my life.</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I kept yelling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<i><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Can someone please help?! </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can someone please help?! Can someone please help?!"</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After the second lot of yells, 3 young men rushed over. They picked the pram up and turned it upright. I got up. I think it was my yelling that started the girls crying; they were silent before that. They both started that horrible, heartbreaking cry that babies do when they're terrified. Where there's silent gasps in between each cry.💔</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The guys had no idea what to do. Which I understand. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was crying myself and all I could say was <b><span style="font-size: large;">"I just need to hold my babies."</span></b> I unstrapped each girl from the pram and tried to comfort them at the same time. All 3 of us sobbing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The guys just stood there. Kindly, but not knowing what to do. One of them offered me a cigarette. <b><span style="font-size: large;">Helping in the way he knew how.</span></b> I remember saying that I wished I did smoke.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was so shaken and upset and I remember just feeling in that moment that I needed someone to look after me (us) and take control. But there was no-one to do that. I was the mother, I couldn't just lie on the road and sob my heart out, like I felt like doing. I had to pull myself together to some extent and direct the scene.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I asked the guys if they could just please accompany us to my car. They picked up my groceries and 24 bubble wands that had spilled a little over the road, and pushed the pram to the car. They didn't know what else to do and appeared awkward so I thanked them and they left.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It probably sounds over the top, but I felt so extremely broken in this moment. Aside from the obvious of not knowing if the girls were ok, I'd had such an extreme feeling of emotion while lying under the pram, simply for the fact that no-one came to help straight away. It took a lot of yelling to get those guys to come over.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel embarrassed sharing that, like maybe I'm expecting too much, but that's how I felt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Six years ago I was in a car accident It was in a busy inner city area in peak hour, with so many people around; in cars, on foot and in shops. I was </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">trapped in my car and no-one, including the occupants of the at fault car who were pulled over nearby, came to see if I was ok. I had to use Facebook to call for help while inside my car and eventually managed to crawl out the passenger door.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I got a bit of PTSD from that car accident, and I think that in this pram situation, having to yell out many times until someone came to help, just brought on the same feelings. To be 'trapped', no matter how minimally, with people around but not assisting, <b><span style="font-size: large;">leaves you feeling invisible and so alone that it hurts.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(Even if that is momentary).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">After the guys left, I put both of the girls into the car (unstrapped) and closed the door so <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOBo3tLzxeJtUKdYMopOzF6EuIhKX4w8X1cVFvqDf6ycmNsPGOIMnW51q__Z0dlexpWmSuulfzI3i5S7_UpE4yyno_hQYxKr1Varp2GIAmTkch8kDXMZKszx7MtMHrXd3iMz2imeQchgI/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+23+12+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOBo3tLzxeJtUKdYMopOzF6EuIhKX4w8X1cVFvqDf6ycmNsPGOIMnW51q__Z0dlexpWmSuulfzI3i5S7_UpE4yyno_hQYxKr1Varp2GIAmTkch8kDXMZKszx7MtMHrXd3iMz2imeQchgI/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+23+12+pm.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Ash</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
that I could sort myself out with free hands. I was craving for so</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">meone to take over. I'd already been feeling like I had a lot on my plate to do myself, so this incident just floored me. I was also really sore - I'd been hurt and didn't know exactly how. I also didn't know if the girls were completely okay. They were visibly fine. They were even moreso after I'd put them into the car: they thought it was Christmas, because they weren't strapped in.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When we go to the car at home to drive somewhere, I don't have the pram, so I'm carrying both babies. Maddie just recently realised that when I place her into her car seat briefly unsecured so that I can walk around and put Ash in and strap her in before coming back to do Maddie, that she can stand up within her car seat and move around. She thinks that she's extremely clever, and that it's the best thing in the world and absolutely hilarious.</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC3qzJSjNztDQlHEzj7sv464Tj71qElukz9H6HaZC60sdnF8yuk2jv-x7wst4GIIE6wAB3aU0mT1yECY76lQ0UoeILvWsbwtZ2PMcVXb1-xWpaZPWvKUDBxNqAwa8qRCGq_VyF6fDcw0I/s1600/IMG_3043.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC3qzJSjNztDQlHEzj7sv464Tj71qElukz9H6HaZC60sdnF8yuk2jv-x7wst4GIIE6wAB3aU0mT1yECY76lQ0UoeILvWsbwtZ2PMcVXb1-xWpaZPWvKUDBxNqAwa8qRCGq_VyF6fDcw0I/s320/IMG_3043.HEIC" width="240" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Very proud of herself.</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I switched them, and started placing Ash in; then would walk around and secure Maddie before coming back to secure Ash.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Of course though, Ash very quickly learnt this awesome freedom as well, so now it doesn't matter which baby I place in first, they ignore my requests to "please sit down and wait for Mummy", and move around and laugh at me.🤦 (Exhibit A in this photo taken on Friday. <i>(She's not wearing a shirt because we were on our way out the door when I felt that she'd wee'd on said shirt; I already had both girls bundled up so I took off her wet shirt, grabbed a clean one and changed her in the car).</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So this evening, with <i>both </i>of them not strapped in, <b><span style="font-size: large;">it was frigging party time, and they were having THE BEST TIME EVER.</span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Meanwhile, their mother's standing outside of the car, crying in an emptying car park.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Aside from making sure the girls were okay (their fits of giggles from within the car was very reassuring), my focus from earlier was still the same, just a little more heightened: </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I knew that I wasn't in a state to drive, and I just felt so lost and alone. I hate asking for <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggefwUprybaxclfLdK7hgWw_fz1Y-54BVD8PY27qaq8dFPG7gQT8IyaGpU0kKW5ouVRUAXSX5cSw4mqUaHbh0tzNSYCHgHmKOWhdFTCfTCT8vd41iPOOvhA4ZuG5xg_ggR3M_Jtlhy58I/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+25+01+pm+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggefwUprybaxclfLdK7hgWw_fz1Y-54BVD8PY27qaq8dFPG7gQT8IyaGpU0kKW5ouVRUAXSX5cSw4mqUaHbh0tzNSYCHgHmKOWhdFTCfTCT8vd41iPOOvhA4ZuG5xg_ggR3M_Jtlhy58I/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+25+01+pm+%25281%2529.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Maddie</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
help and stupidly strive to never do so. But this night, I pushed any pride and concerns about inconveniencing people to the side, and was brutally honest with myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>I needed help. </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I began calling family and friends. I started with people who lived closest to me, to lessen their inconvenience.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Murphy's Law, I had 1% battery on my phone at this point. It lasted, however. After a few phone calls, one of my friends answered. He lives a street away from me so was close to the shopping centre where we were. And ironically, he's also a nurse at the children's hospital. I think he even turned up in his scrubs.🙂</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because, he, of course, said he'd be right there, and turned up 5 minutes later. He was great, he was confident that the girls were fine, and helped us get home. (Escorted - I drove after I'd settled to a safe extent). He helped me carry everything and everyone up the stairs and then helped me get the girls fed, bathed and in bed. We ordered Thai, and he left about midnight. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Needless to say, there was no cake baking done that night, after all that. After he'd left I ordered the food for the party to be delivered the next day via Coles Online. I got to bed </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjnG5jCcK7XNZ3v1KG6qK3ACVOufbgupqwzII5X7U4OyoY1QGhjUCNpVj8I_fcrxj7yyzY0eEsUATiW_46cFHdH-YRSNzLQwvHQAPmEKfT_3AN1XXHVjfWanjGNuCSrzs20CFJ4AIaGbg/s1600/IMG_1057.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjnG5jCcK7XNZ3v1KG6qK3ACVOufbgupqwzII5X7U4OyoY1QGhjUCNpVj8I_fcrxj7yyzY0eEsUATiW_46cFHdH-YRSNzLQwvHQAPmEKfT_3AN1XXHVjfWanjGNuCSrzs20CFJ4AIaGbg/s320/IMG_1057.HEIC" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">about 2:30am, after tying the '1' balloons onto each girls cot; watching my now official one year olds sleeping peacefully.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I managed to wake up just in time to see their reactions to the balloons, which was really fun.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd woken up though, feeling like I'd been in a car accident. I was so, so sore. The whole left side of my body (and some of my right?) was starting to bruise. My elbow was grazed and I was limping. And I was feeling really emotional about the night before.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtZAaTC8hZBdI1t6v7WlYE3JyJ8Pag1kLj8c1w1mfnGSsNtZbjmsg_i8-J6DCJShMX3XDzcRGVMmscJr5fYQmWxDZrmWU0XhMdfnhWb4c5bvMQ4cCm_iTBkgGSG3U7b-iAFakhRAg17Sg/s1600/IMG_1106.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; display: inline !important; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtZAaTC8hZBdI1t6v7WlYE3JyJ8Pag1kLj8c1w1mfnGSsNtZbjmsg_i8-J6DCJShMX3XDzcRGVMmscJr5fYQmWxDZrmWU0XhMdfnhWb4c5bvMQ4cCm_iTBkgGSG3U7b-iAFakhRAg17Sg/s320/IMG_1106.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Other than feeling like I'd been hit by a truck (funny; I call the pram "the truck"!🙄), the day (their actual birthday) went mostly as planned. I laid out the girls presents (that I'd bought months ago... yet had wrapped that morning <b><span style="font-size: large;">(#organisedaf))</span></b>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">...And I then opened the </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">presents that I'd wrapped myself just 10 minutes earlier because the girls had 5% interest in helping me do so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I gave them their first doll each, a personalised puzzle of each of their names, and a book to share about being able to be anything you want to be. I lit their very first birthday candle each and sang happy birthday to them (individually) for the first time. My beautiful friend Donella came over and we took them to the park for a little swing and a play in the grass in the late afternoon.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3COlTeFElJ-o2fQkj0Ujjbm9P7x4RbGqh6yD8h3ci0gb64NHqAG-sJ_kEB2lYa8ICvATVeyfNrvyoiZw1ZEqWOZEql8N6AZDBmMRDbEk7PGQ_gPXoiHvoTo03Aw0sDsKcZ93qZKvU_M/s1600/IMG_2151.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjt3COlTeFElJ-o2fQkj0Ujjbm9P7x4RbGqh6yD8h3ci0gb64NHqAG-sJ_kEB2lYa8ICvATVeyfNrvyoiZw1ZEqWOZEql8N6AZDBmMRDbEk7PGQ_gPXoiHvoTo03Aw0sDsKcZ93qZKvU_M/s320/IMG_2151.PNG" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">First birthday present ever</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maddie had a temp for some of the day. Nothing too bad, but not nice for her all the same. Aside from that, the only other thing that made the day go different to how I imagined it, was that, of course, I still had a zillion things to do before the party. In particular, I had not yet baked either cake, let alone iced or decorated them. If I felt like I was leaving things to the last minute on the Friday, not being any further ahead on the Saturday just bumped the disorganised stakes up by 1000%.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This blog post is already epically long and we're not even at their party yet, so I'm going to leave this one here, and do a Part 2 to finish off the story soon.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In Part 2 I'll share how I accidentally baked a penis cake for my daughters first birthday. As all good mothers do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Back soon, </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love Kate 😘</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhLJh48ETBEWoNUa24HqK_LoqW53Ytvil4922BwZWSPgmHpAfdpMAcTbNwdRh_nOossBSkqcxbV9ok72x6wVumVI4uOobCjrV0YyXBTDJ_9xzBvJZVF3u6E8lboKfiGJoH0ADo9X9rSw/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+7+21+38+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkhLJh48ETBEWoNUa24HqK_LoqW53Ytvil4922BwZWSPgmHpAfdpMAcTbNwdRh_nOossBSkqcxbV9ok72x6wVumVI4uOobCjrV0YyXBTDJ_9xzBvJZVF3u6E8lboKfiGJoH0ADo9X9rSw/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+7+21+38+am.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Good morning - you're 1 today!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAao6TgX95frj7QkixfV-vdSKDY_LdiE9pIvMG50lv52qH3xpGgr0Dr6sW1cdQqp_O9-82Lw-HuRNwb8RSCdv2xlkomom_hxEFWvklXqX9SzJck27c6KVk-9NZcX424ORjJHfX72ZIdR8/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+7+25+44+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAao6TgX95frj7QkixfV-vdSKDY_LdiE9pIvMG50lv52qH3xpGgr0Dr6sW1cdQqp_O9-82Lw-HuRNwb8RSCdv2xlkomom_hxEFWvklXqX9SzJck27c6KVk-9NZcX424ORjJHfX72ZIdR8/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+7+25+44+am.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.8px;">Good morning - you're 1 today!</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiCwVAwsn2LmMeIsJgq8hksQdFHOvfmfuBKZuc4GOsJBfohj3DfuldPznTXbmy4j5nhAGciourl8OMwsNepEaxt6emcnTwJqsXmO0-gDPNl1j7e6-jcc4J2KtYD-U7QHOLipbzdVO5LI/s1600/Photo+5-11-19%252C+10+36+42+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkiCwVAwsn2LmMeIsJgq8hksQdFHOvfmfuBKZuc4GOsJBfohj3DfuldPznTXbmy4j5nhAGciourl8OMwsNepEaxt6emcnTwJqsXmO0-gDPNl1j7e6-jcc4J2KtYD-U7QHOLipbzdVO5LI/s320/Photo+5-11-19%252C+10+36+42+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghgQgtG4mYhgJwdOPcel3YlE4u2MBtxfL6WH1xNiZvQme8FFikE8uwaaVlrVI3HPfNKDej1QC4aticOUzzvfqQ4lRgBnDCnwBcC6FGOIQrx6ZSQAXPb5HAtKCnmky9ZRa9D7mmAApwbuc/s1600/Photo+5-11-19%252C+10+37+56+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghgQgtG4mYhgJwdOPcel3YlE4u2MBtxfL6WH1xNiZvQme8FFikE8uwaaVlrVI3HPfNKDej1QC4aticOUzzvfqQ4lRgBnDCnwBcC6FGOIQrx6ZSQAXPb5HAtKCnmky9ZRa9D7mmAApwbuc/s320/Photo+5-11-19%252C+10+37+56+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXjeU1xue3ekmyTq1e58AUmjhkqUtkIr2cmfW0mK5f1z_ZrmMGrHMD2MmiprIwZQhwcSR3XCqxAJ3Z90hKn99a9sM2r3u7AQhbNpH3Ya4uJqY_hcN6J3PaP5Cee3IX20AefxUOMyh47w/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+8+56+01+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqXjeU1xue3ekmyTq1e58AUmjhkqUtkIr2cmfW0mK5f1z_ZrmMGrHMD2MmiprIwZQhwcSR3XCqxAJ3Z90hKn99a9sM2r3u7AQhbNpH3Ya4uJqY_hcN6J3PaP5Cee3IX20AefxUOMyh47w/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+8+56+01+am.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Both girls instantly put the dolls dummies in their mouths</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdBEPHKn-6og-ulkueTWhJv0imECzQeo68UxBi9H_WvjuI2VWNGdXDrLmZipX31EQXSr0g9ulr7vnEpBHTOZl1lI6B4HUSw5IqJBP73jtVVKk2QViShXT6b4guNitHQ4uxybmw_bUzjg/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+9+04+05+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjVdBEPHKn-6og-ulkueTWhJv0imECzQeo68UxBi9H_WvjuI2VWNGdXDrLmZipX31EQXSr0g9ulr7vnEpBHTOZl1lI6B4HUSw5IqJBP73jtVVKk2QViShXT6b4guNitHQ4uxybmw_bUzjg/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+9+04+05+am.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My children are geniuses. They spelt out a word.😆</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitj4LJ8t9KlLDlghBjcDg0AbfUChSY7o1jr2SIQ6ZBBnEz-XlLyQJbBbpsYjIJlviGpPhq-nK6eae31bHoTsmbpdBy52gGnM-RAFnwJv39wrC0gmZ7BoaB-vmvjwWUiLg6FwTEtMv0Qcg/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+06+01+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1143" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitj4LJ8t9KlLDlghBjcDg0AbfUChSY7o1jr2SIQ6ZBBnEz-XlLyQJbBbpsYjIJlviGpPhq-nK6eae31bHoTsmbpdBy52gGnM-RAFnwJv39wrC0gmZ7BoaB-vmvjwWUiLg6FwTEtMv0Qcg/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+06+01+pm.jpg" width="228" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ash swinging on her birthday</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaMS_yLtv_C4QK40saV9cahWJB9_lC0aj4EGT7B2OwbTaI22KwKWdoXpla_EImaIgUhvKt9V-iR-bHAc8ptv4-N8axyqIDVTlbleo6TmKbqUyrtzRE1IIhjYSludCd3CdT1Uz9l8An5I/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+50+41+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaMS_yLtv_C4QK40saV9cahWJB9_lC0aj4EGT7B2OwbTaI22KwKWdoXpla_EImaIgUhvKt9V-iR-bHAc8ptv4-N8axyqIDVTlbleo6TmKbqUyrtzRE1IIhjYSludCd3CdT1Uz9l8An5I/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+4+50+41+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maddie swinging on her birthday</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFMqjWIA-hh5WYfouUMNemJbjTWnByRZVVn32YbJeCOIk5mu6NhvMWGPBPRmUoulREcEo-gen-YZfAiZ1ArfrkxXohVqgSXeRzFWHlBAiA9GbXX8KdhSeJuJMF8EEZB3zZABrAh6kWCkw/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+10+23+49+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFMqjWIA-hh5WYfouUMNemJbjTWnByRZVVn32YbJeCOIk5mu6NhvMWGPBPRmUoulREcEo-gen-YZfAiZ1ArfrkxXohVqgSXeRzFWHlBAiA9GbXX8KdhSeJuJMF8EEZB3zZABrAh6kWCkw/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+10+23+49+am.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Turning one is exhausting</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9pMQOHs7L8QC6CRTRbRBg-wPSuqUrBWuCwcb89dbTo1_H9n3D3sTUw6rz-9lWMzhVoresVvrBE50iOQ_psrEjmmPH11nn5TCLVFjqWjR6aT7nW77kOfmNp4Uxakfu-YtUyLhiDTueoQ/s1600/Photo+2-11-19%252C+11+23+47+am.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA9pMQOHs7L8QC6CRTRbRBg-wPSuqUrBWuCwcb89dbTo1_H9n3D3sTUw6rz-9lWMzhVoresVvrBE50iOQ_psrEjmmPH11nn5TCLVFjqWjR6aT7nW77kOfmNp4Uxakfu-YtUyLhiDTueoQ/s320/Photo+2-11-19%252C+11+23+47+am.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">First nap as a one year old</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXyHs4YQt6CRqAHea5FOecCPuCdhTLeAjD47FJKGcx_PsaGbN1FXBaIOJW98b83RgecPTaqHjkluDGFjrWAgOc6jvYmFex7UdLMVNH6GzH3D18bviuZptiJsckn7aC1Vx9X3yg8lpVbU/s1600/Photo+4-11-19%252C+3+18+35+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXyHs4YQt6CRqAHea5FOecCPuCdhTLeAjD47FJKGcx_PsaGbN1FXBaIOJW98b83RgecPTaqHjkluDGFjrWAgOc6jvYmFex7UdLMVNH6GzH3D18bviuZptiJsckn7aC1Vx9X3yg8lpVbU/s320/Photo+4-11-19%252C+3+18+35+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If the crown fits...</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggKMqHZyHyQwg9EMLvK1Hg7ORoNjpNJDuQGmGeo3_WXQKtO_ngQerFvCP_8TBddd2LB03KQZDTBDFr6LQrV9-cNMEfI6IO8gNpJwM5dA74ebp8DZpJVYHSSjuITd_UUr1xVUISwY6E4uE/s1600/Photo+4-11-19%252C+3+19+52+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggKMqHZyHyQwg9EMLvK1Hg7ORoNjpNJDuQGmGeo3_WXQKtO_ngQerFvCP_8TBddd2LB03KQZDTBDFr6LQrV9-cNMEfI6IO8gNpJwM5dA74ebp8DZpJVYHSSjuITd_UUr1xVUISwY6E4uE/s320/Photo+4-11-19%252C+3+19+52+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyY8zLJuaTz67LQk00AcZ7n0mNVl7kATooZfdfdwV2E_33ic_p1yq6AcyBYgmSSNvQj0irgGkZ2iq38KgflR_-3NLEGuawptSh4wme3g2xeUTfgvmLNPkMRV9eUEdOB4Hy3WcwWSZX4I/s1600/Photo+4-11-19%252C+10+38+56+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiyY8zLJuaTz67LQk00AcZ7n0mNVl7kATooZfdfdwV2E_33ic_p1yq6AcyBYgmSSNvQj0irgGkZ2iq38KgflR_-3NLEGuawptSh4wme3g2xeUTfgvmLNPkMRV9eUEdOB4Hy3WcwWSZX4I/s320/Photo+4-11-19%252C+10+38+56+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Happy birthday Miss Maddie</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiET9xzVHjMgAu9zUweV3xqXzH9aqDHMSR_lkwU6Gy3WT981Xa87TV1jNOOKqvDEoh2OLGmsoX2cXcVN0gjmu7IOopUE2ErP8kSvBGbjl8eqmpfeaCGu3-raRaUO7NCIAPNSR4epFH7qDU/s1600/Photo+4-11-19%252C+10+39+46+pm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiET9xzVHjMgAu9zUweV3xqXzH9aqDHMSR_lkwU6Gy3WT981Xa87TV1jNOOKqvDEoh2OLGmsoX2cXcVN0gjmu7IOopUE2ErP8kSvBGbjl8eqmpfeaCGu3-raRaUO7NCIAPNSR4epFH7qDU/s320/Photo+4-11-19%252C+10+39+46+pm.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Happy birthday Miss Ashley</span></td></tr>
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<br />Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-267522037271538932019-11-08T22:51:00.002+10:002019-11-08T22:51:54.846+10:00"Very soon" can mean 6 months<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hey guys!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Okay, so on my <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com/2019/05/umm-hello-there.html" target="_blank">previous post</a>, I said to keep an eye on my blog "very soon", so I could catch you all up. Well, that was on the 8th May and today is coincidentally the 8th November, so I maybe shouldn't have said "very soon". But when you have baby twins and currently live a very disorganised and overwhelmed life, "very soon" can genuinely equate to 6 months.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So like last time, I wanted to break the drought and just <i>write</i>. I have SO SO SO SO SO SO much I want to say, but I get so overwhelmed that I don't do anything (or in terms of blogging, I don't write anything). It's a credible, endearing habit (NOT), that I am trying to kerb. In terms of blogging, it's hard to start writing because I wonder where I should start? I have a very large gap I want to fill in - in the time between my previous two posts, I got pregnant and gave birth to two babies. And that's not to mention the other stuff that I talk about on here.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So as much as I love <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_von_Trapp" target="_blank">Maria von Trapp</a> and she advises to "<a href="http://www.metrolyrics.com/doremi-maria-and-the-children-lyrics-the-sound-of-music.html" target="_blank">start at the very beginning</a>", I am going to actually just start somewhere; anywhere; and eventually I should fill in all the blanks.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;">Love Kate xo</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBjaH6etdk6yzBqhlu8uv49TYVtlNkS5F8-9ujTd5_bcrGoK64_-Lupt5nGeMsrwRE61imFh-cQ-KOCm5Ay4hR7CioxnrBJx6GBDNxLWASCXsCtbrJbEdvY43xQwoT-RGYuNnSdDJ0wbM/s1600/clojure-expect-delays.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="309" data-original-width="640" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBjaH6etdk6yzBqhlu8uv49TYVtlNkS5F8-9ujTd5_bcrGoK64_-Lupt5nGeMsrwRE61imFh-cQ-KOCm5Ay4hR7CioxnrBJx6GBDNxLWASCXsCtbrJbEdvY43xQwoT-RGYuNnSdDJ0wbM/s320/clojure-expect-delays.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My catchphrase</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: arial, helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-21842516881504405512019-05-08T23:54:00.001+10:002019-05-08T23:54:28.994+10:00Umm, hello there<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, hello!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It’s been <strike>a little while</strike> almost 18 months since I blogged. It was not intentional and I wish I hadn’t had a huge break, but there’s been a pretty good reason why I disappeared. Two pretty good reasons, actually.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Say hello to my beautiful twin baby girls. Who are currently 6 months old. If you don’t follow me on Instagram etc., then SURPRISE! Ha!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How have I gotten to here? There’s fairly obviously so much to catch up on. For now, I just wanted to break the drought and post SOMETHING.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now that the drought is being broken, I can get to blogging again. I think you know that you miss blogging when you blog ‘in your head.’ Kind of like when people say that they texted back ‘in their head’ but didn’t actually send a text? It’s like that, but I’ve been blogging ‘in my head’. It’s time to get it out of my head and onto the interwebs though. :)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Keep an eye out on here very soon, as we have a lot to catch up on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love Kate ...AND Maddie and Ashley xoxo 😍</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBZ9ClbWxrCUFnCzefHT8c530GffEJrcX_K2SgWXBkfP0pIY3_tu6iqEL9FflY59fppnGs9oPIdEbDrGh5R42xy-B_aJfmzSOQF_krlXDwAyRKX7NZRxKd30jVBNk0Aj5fqdVKU6Szifw/s1600/97F11DBB-62EA-4D7A-A42E-8322CB7BAD07.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBZ9ClbWxrCUFnCzefHT8c530GffEJrcX_K2SgWXBkfP0pIY3_tu6iqEL9FflY59fppnGs9oPIdEbDrGh5R42xy-B_aJfmzSOQF_krlXDwAyRKX7NZRxKd30jVBNk0Aj5fqdVKU6Szifw/s320/97F11DBB-62EA-4D7A-A42E-8322CB7BAD07.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-54148053614135797142017-12-31T01:27:00.001+10:002017-12-31T01:27:53.213+10:00'The new years spirit'<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzMv4q3uo8k16ZD61IEwdXHDWpLT2VkU9OdW7PYJsabsQ1MXB5WG8Y5aUTkilVY96synyQdhQaIwVSlWMoL8LCp0yB6zCql_tYcoqDX8b7CACC6eFP9q83zixajgeqIETYNiubE39oHEs/s1600/IMG_2834.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzMv4q3uo8k16ZD61IEwdXHDWpLT2VkU9OdW7PYJsabsQ1MXB5WG8Y5aUTkilVY96synyQdhQaIwVSlWMoL8LCp0yB6zCql_tYcoqDX8b7CACC6eFP9q83zixajgeqIETYNiubE39oHEs/s320/IMG_2834.PNG" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Happy 2018, love Coco Girl</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well, almost! As I type this I have 24 hours and 27 minutes left of 2017. (It's just after 11:30pm on Saturday 30th December here in Brisbane, Australia).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I just wanted to jump on here and wish everyone a happy new year in 2018.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I mentioned in my <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au/2017/12/when-youre-grieving-at-christmas.html" target="_blank">previous post</a> that Christmas has always been my favourite day / time of the year. But I realised today that for now, at least, it's actually the New Year that I love the most.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I never thought I'd say that, as I have had some of the worst New Years Eve's ever - they're way too awful, personal and inappropriate to even start to share here.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQRCSWkOBjeKqFYrGbVwHnVzAXiup2zqvlXe726sHE5jAvzqNO1GPxpaP2fa0TTTLaR-qY_sM6QCPlnBlFUejltZRyX642EZSlmbIlD8oV2zm01Z3__e_b-9Pd3IziT6OA2nevrfKnsk/s1600/IMG_2851.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="349" data-original-width="612" height="182" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwQRCSWkOBjeKqFYrGbVwHnVzAXiup2zqvlXe726sHE5jAvzqNO1GPxpaP2fa0TTTLaR-qY_sM6QCPlnBlFUejltZRyX642EZSlmbIlD8oV2zm01Z3__e_b-9Pd3IziT6OA2nevrfKnsk/s320/IMG_2851.JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But it's not the "New Years Eve celebration" that I adore (or detest)...it's the fact that so many people - <b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>so many, </i>see so much hope ahead of them. </span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Social media becomes flooded with images of sparkling numbers and quotes about hope and turning dreams into fruition, fresh starts, resolutions and new habits; and feel-good hashtags come out in full force, such as #hope #dream #goals #believe #newyearnewme and so on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know that for every pretty new year Instagram image there's a person who (fairly) turns their nose up at people who make resolutions and jokes about how gyms are full only for the first week of the new year. I know that even the best intended resolutions often fall by the wayside, <b><span style="font-size: large;">and that new habits can be forgotten before you can say "January."</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But I personally find it so inspiring and I proudly put my hand up and say that I get caught up in the hype. Other than the rallying of community and the outpouring of human kindness and generosity that follows tragic world events, when else do we see such an influx of people with a sparkle of hope in their eyes? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">That's what I love the most. No matter what kind of year people have had, so many have the strength and hope to look forward to a better year - a better world - a better them. <b><span style="font-size: large;">Who cares if the success rate of new years resolutions is as low as the amount of people's </span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">New Years Eve plans expectations being met?</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I love living in a world where individuals can dream of better things ahead. As a human race, we need it. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs6Knv8hIz-xTAKUiEfvFq0IqtChocH2QU_-ft5PJ45liSPtwrhXcrBhdj4hqGVbpj_Rws7_QMWd0FhF1qce7aYLMnszLu4I-rEZ0Po67PrlfjpCIgxpziafBcRPj1afwz1WizqhyKzuM/s1600/IMG_2840.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="403" data-original-width="750" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs6Knv8hIz-xTAKUiEfvFq0IqtChocH2QU_-ft5PJ45liSPtwrhXcrBhdj4hqGVbpj_Rws7_QMWd0FhF1qce7aYLMnszLu4I-rEZ0Po67PrlfjpCIgxpziafBcRPj1afwz1WizqhyKzuM/s320/IMG_2840.PNG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each year is going to have it's ups and downs, and let's be real: the fact that it's January 1st and not December 31st, <b><span style="font-size: large;">will not have any bearing on how far we're going to excel in our specific quests for greatness.</span></b> It is, in fact, just another day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But where there's a sparkle in someone's eye, a glimmer of hope; there's possibility. <b><span style="font-size: large;">And that's how all dreams begin.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I for one, am not one to squash that.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have so many dreams for 2018 and have changed from previous years. Gone are the days where I feel that midnight needs to be perfect, or I have to have my to do list in good working order, or my filing done before it's January (!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: bold;">Instead, I've alleviated my shoulders from perfectionism, </span>and it feels amazing. I plan on <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWp_qwLpdEOkzuqVcmIq0SlhyphenhyphenxBVWAF8tfXqeo0eOw1W4iboC1r61yAAPdMZpuLqTFAYdB6Rx220wleA4SsNEg0H7s9HeCgq90Nr0oevmPq7dYQ3a7Hy4MIjl8Qy7r_MpOWNcPDgUee14/s1600/IMG_2806.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWp_qwLpdEOkzuqVcmIq0SlhyphenhyphenxBVWAF8tfXqeo0eOw1W4iboC1r61yAAPdMZpuLqTFAYdB6Rx220wleA4SsNEg0H7s9HeCgq90Nr0oevmPq7dYQ3a7Hy4MIjl8Qy7r_MpOWNcPDgUee14/s320/IMG_2806.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My January book</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
focusing on my core values and checking myself on whether what I spend my time on is aligned with those values and what I want to achieve. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've removed pressure in that I no longer have '2018 goals', '2019 goals' and so on. I just have goals.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To support me to achieve my gazillion dreams and goals, I plan to learn more, read more, move away from things that aren't serving me, and improve on my downfalls. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't have rules, but I have acceptance. Acceptance that I'm human and that I can only do the best I can do.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I hope that however you see things, that at some point you can feel the 'new years spirit', too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether you're a mad fan of goal setting and have your<b><span style="font-size: large;"> planners, diaries, vision boards, stickers and highlighters</span></b> ready to go tomorrow night, or you simply have a few quiet dreams simmering in your mind... </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether you'll be spending the night in with a couple of friends and a cheese platter, or in a<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpSQ76rsJSr8PLW5yx92lQVS-kyZ74qJ403qvwC6dt5Y-gmmtfvlkKSLanH5d1IMVUk4ewZy7fW6jSrGtZmRS0x2BEQzvZGEXYUwZ9l7-gtIQ8jrxN7Zh6kjKZlHjs8dl_o-bk6QETQ8/s1600/IMG_2849.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="736" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimpSQ76rsJSr8PLW5yx92lQVS-kyZ74qJ403qvwC6dt5Y-gmmtfvlkKSLanH5d1IMVUk4ewZy7fW6jSrGtZmRS0x2BEQzvZGEXYUwZ9l7-gtIQ8jrxN7Zh6kjKZlHjs8dl_o-bk6QETQ8/s320/IMG_2849.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Focus for the new year. Less time wasting.</td></tr>
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club, restaurant or waterfront with a million revelers and a few too many vodkas...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether you'll be sound asleep by 9pm; <b><span style="font-size: large;">barefoot and holding your shoes waiting for a cab or Uber along with the rest of your city at 2am;</span></b> or be woken up on the hour with a crying newborn...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether you see in midnight under fireworks or under your bedroom ceiling...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whether you have a new years kiss or the comfort of a teddy bear...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Whatever your situation, and no matter how you feel your 2017 has gone; my wish for you is that you can at some point take a look around and see the hope that is in the air. It's a rare occurrence, but if you look closely, you'll see that it comes out at least once a year: <b><span style="font-size: large;">that sparkle in people's eyes.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And if you're not feeling it, as they say, if you can't beat 'em; join 'em. Just give it a go.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And as for goals and resolutions, you don't have to change the world or move mountains on the 1st of January; or any time in fact. <b><span style="font-size: large;">Just be kind - to yourself and those around you. That really is enough.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wishing you each the happiest new year, and <b><span style="font-size: large;">may your midnight wishes meet your hard work and make your dreams come true in 2018.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">#thenewyearsspirit</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Love,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coco Girl / Kate</span><br />
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<br />Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-30615116433689316732017-12-24T21:29:00.000+10:002017-12-24T21:29:24.653+10:00When you're grieving at Christmas<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hiiiiiiiii,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, it has been a while...for good reason this time. I still intend on catching you up on the last few months, but today's not that day. In brief though, as at last Weigh In Wednesday (today's Saturday), I've lost 19.3kg since resetting on the 1st July. The way I've been eating</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsN46WHJFgNCe9fPuHlb2nhUf0_LvnPmfYqhS072HY2cBbl9sZQXCvZyK44I3WhqtWobD8akPDFfC238H817RZZRIHp_wm7MFZfIncaq6LsUxVTmcatWZxpbmaYh-M6-s7gKTB_X1bk5E/s1600/IMG_0858.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsN46WHJFgNCe9fPuHlb2nhUf0_LvnPmfYqhS072HY2cBbl9sZQXCvZyK44I3WhqtWobD8akPDFfC238H817RZZRIHp_wm7MFZfIncaq6LsUxVTmcatWZxpbmaYh-M6-s7gKTB_X1bk5E/s320/IMG_0858.JPG" width="179" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> this week will probably make next Wednesday's weigh in go in the 'wrong' direction, but let's talk about that later.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm super proud of the 19.3kg, and while it's taken almost 6 months, that does not bother me at all. The learning's and changes I've made in these months are worth their 'weight' in gold. My blog topic list still stands, don't you worry, and I will fill in the gaps.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But, as the title of this post says, this one is not focused on battling chocolate or sharing my meal prep. (Although both of those things have gone out the window this week!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As the title suggests, I feel the need to write about grief at Christmas time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b>Before I go on; just for the record, I am not qualified in anything about this topic. I'm not a psychologist, psychiatrist, counsellor, doctor or medical practitioner of any kind, and I don't have the answers. For anyone needing grief or any type of counselling, please contact a crisis organisation in your area. In Australia, we have Lifeline: <a href="http://www.lifeline.org.au/">www.lifeline.org.au</a> and many others. I just googled "international crisis contacts" and a whole range came up, including a few sites that list numbers to call in a whole array of countries. I don't want to miss any countries out, so instead of directing you somewhere, I ask that you google it. If you can access my blog, I imagine you can access Google. </b></span><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This post is not a "how to cope" guide, or anything along those lines, and I am not a professional in this area. I hope I have made that clear. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you need help, <i><u>please</u></i> reach out, as there ARE people who can help.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This post is simply about me chatting about how I am feeling. Maybe some people will be able to relate. I imagine many of you will.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's a little bit off topic for me, in a way. But while my predominant content is all about weight loss and fitness gain and everything that comes with those things, I'm very much human, and I do have a lot more things in my life other than trying to lose weight. :)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I was 9, my Dad gave me my first diary. I wrote it in most days, and I continued until </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">my early 20's. My diaries from the ages of 9 to 11 were very much factual, about what I did each day, like record keeping. I traveled a lot during those 2 years, so they were kind of the style of travel journals - what happened. Some days were simply "Today we played." It was pretty deep.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">:)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I hit 12 though, the writing style changed, and wow, now <i>those</i> diaries are hot property. They started with entries titled "My first bra" and "The first time I shaved my legs" and went on from there. I found I mainly wrote when I was really emotional, in whichever end of the glorious human emotion spectrum I was in. I overcame a lot of hurdles in my early 20's, and as such, my writing settled down, as I guess my need to, also diminished.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I feel that's quite like my blog - I find writing really therapeutic: when I feel the desire to.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And going by the title of this post, it's pretty clear that the desire is, sadly, there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, I'm grieving, and yes, it's Christmas.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And it's really hard. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know I'm not the only one to ever go through grief at Christmas time, and certainly not the only one who's going through it this year. You'd perhaps think that knowing this would be some strange comfort, in that I'm not alone. However it's one of the rare things in life that you <i>wish</i> you were alone in: I wouldn't wish grief on anyone. It makes me even more sad to think of how many others are having the worst time right now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Grief or sadness at any time of year is hard, but why is it that Christmas seems to make it more heightened, or more unwanted? Is it the expectation of tradition that Christmas is supposed to be a happy time? Is it that we miss our loved ones more on special occasions? I've always declared Christmas Day as my favourite day of the year. But I have to question myself on this at the moment.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKYQxaLVXkKQKUN288A2gUCRa9TkPGK_0WSfUPIqgEKiCP2Q7wAihiEF42G3qCk-ZhNnhvvKm2ZdJ9ylcwvq2qRGtc5PnjYnp3NR7SGx39VOtjlL251toPdSmsOlK0_LGwksFqwahmKiE/s1600/IMG_0895.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="509" data-original-width="509" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKYQxaLVXkKQKUN288A2gUCRa9TkPGK_0WSfUPIqgEKiCP2Q7wAihiEF42G3qCk-ZhNnhvvKm2ZdJ9ylcwvq2qRGtc5PnjYnp3NR7SGx39VOtjlL251toPdSmsOlK0_LGwksFqwahmKiE/s320/IMG_0895.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Christmas carols lyrics such as:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"'Tis the season to be jolly"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>"It’s the most wonderful time of the year"</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">jump out at me more than ever, ringing through my ears for hours after hearing them played in Coles. Is it pressure? Or is it just a reminder of Christmas's where I have been overwhelmingly happy, and I'm reminded that I'm not so much this year?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One of my relatives passed away a few weeks ago, and this week I lost a really close friend in a really devastating, confusing way. I was doing pretty well - actually very well, but there's no rules on grief, and I was starkly reminded of this on Thursday.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm trying so hard to focus on the blessings in my life. This is <i>certainly</i> <i>not </i>hard. I am completely blessed, and tonight (it's just clocked over to Christmas Eve as I type this) and tomorrow I am going to be under the same roof as my entire immediate family for the first time in two years. Part of my immediate family are 5 kids under 5, who are my world. They are so precious and one of two Miss Five's melted my heart today when she showed me how she's practicing how to sleep while Santa visits. My family love me and support me and I cannot begin to describe how blessed that I know I am.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And that's just for a start.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But grief seems to be able to overtake or skew the view of even the greatest of blessings that we have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Grief doesn't just come from loss. My heart is breaking for friends of mine who have very recently separated and are facing their first Christmas as a broken family. For an older friend who when I asked what she's doing on Christmas Day, she said "nothing" (because her friends are doing other things and she doesn't have any close family). For a few close people to me who have just been diagnosed with cancer. For multiple friends who are struggling to conceive. For a dear friend whose 3 year old daughter is going through chemo.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cruel things happen all year round but Christmas time it just seems to enhance the pain of it, and I can't pinpoint why.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've found it hard to find the Christmas spirit for the last few years. I surprised myself by 'finding' it a couple of weeks ago. But events since then have shook that up a lot.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One thing that is helping is to 'give'. For me it's been in the form of an unplanned over-surge in my Christmas shopping. I'm not materialistic and of course I know that t</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">here's so many kind ways we can give (give back). But with my focus out the window right now, buying far and wide just happened to occur. My bank balance may not agree, but it's made me feel good </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">as I've bought and wrapped.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I said earlier, this post is not about advice, rather than just sharing how I'm doing at the moment. And that makes me realise another thing that's helping me - writing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My eating has gone out the window; I haven't cared about what I've been putting in my mouth (hence why I said I'm sure that the scales will go in the wrong direction next week. But I haven't cared - it's been like "whatever". I'm sure I'll pull myself out of it and start making smarter choices, but I'm not about to put any pressure on, especially on Christmas Eve!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I really thought I was going somewhere with this post...but it appears not. I think I thought that writing it out will help me gain perspective or...something. But I guess it's more of a chatty post, with no resolution or advice or direction. Just "blurgh": this is how it is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">What I will say is that if you too are grieving, then please know that I'm thinking of you and am sending you my love. If you need to, please contact an organisation in your area, or call a friend or family member. I've been (unusually) very open with my family, and I'm sure they'll cut me some slack if I'm not myself tomorrow. We can get very good at hiding things,</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnwnF9Dl-wXbJ5lL9_gNI3DZZ6nmL2SGea4Dt_FbNy52Goo4tN3TA9hR9yT2f5TiwrzdkhbowuKUdcTjOmk1Co5fOzImKXtK58NG_JiGOVzaQYRFFOVdonkIMjcTvC9uCR12U6r1o8L5s/s1600/IMG_0898.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="737" height="315" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnwnF9Dl-wXbJ5lL9_gNI3DZZ6nmL2SGea4Dt_FbNy52Goo4tN3TA9hR9yT2f5TiwrzdkhbowuKUdcTjOmk1Co5fOzImKXtK58NG_JiGOVzaQYRFFOVdonkIMjcTvC9uCR12U6r1o8L5s/s320/IMG_0898.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> but sometimes it's a relief to just open up and know that it's okay to not be okay. Maybe some of the things that have helped me (trying to focus on my blessings, giving to others, writing, and looking towards the new year) may help you think of ideas for yourself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And if you're just feeling sad, that's okay. Never deny yourself feelings of any kind. Sometimes we know that we are blessed but it still hurts. Appreciating what we have doesn't mean you can't feel what you need to feel. Let's get through this day as best as we can, and make allowances for ourselves. The Christmas spirit is still there, and while we may not be feeling it as much this year, I pray that it comforts you in some way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know what I said before about Christmas carol lyrics, but there is one that I want to share with you. It's a carol called "The Christmas Hope", and a snippet of the lyrics are below.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">No matter what your circumstances are, whether you're grieving, feeling sad, are alone, or if things aren't going as you thought they would, I hope these words comfort you and give you a sprinkle of hope tomorrow.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones, whether they're with you tomorrow or not xoxo</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>"Hope is a present<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>A gift freely given<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>To all who receive<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>And open their hearts<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>Hope is a promise<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>For a better tomorrow<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>In a world filled with
sorrow<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>We always have hope"<o:p></o:p></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b>(The Christmas Hope)</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzKy9tMIHMAvZDl2MuiTELwhri8Wuzw-5kOESRDIIR0C2uaW14Z7zqfr3DOYLr-5yk2H0ZWMnHLzL0oom8r2_C8lnEKUJJqwBAPsc436vJgESSX82iCjLDTptDoC9ECK-qIZkGetI1D4/s1600/IMG_0851.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXzKy9tMIHMAvZDl2MuiTELwhri8Wuzw-5kOESRDIIR0C2uaW14Z7zqfr3DOYLr-5yk2H0ZWMnHLzL0oom8r2_C8lnEKUJJqwBAPsc436vJgESSX82iCjLDTptDoC9ECK-qIZkGetI1D4/s320/IMG_0851.JPG" width="179" /></a></div>
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Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-32135238900936170132017-10-01T18:59:00.000+10:002017-12-23T22:25:39.367+10:00Since the 1st July series: overview<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Okay.</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I reset myself on the 1st July and today is the 1st October. It's been 3 months - or 13 weeks and 1 day. <b><span style="font-size: large;">It's about time I start sharing what I've been doing!</span></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I said a couple of <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au/2017/08/breaking-drought.html" target="_blank">posts</a> ago, I genuinely mean to blog, but I get so ridiculously overwhelmed, so easily, that I put it off. Not just blogging, but everything. I haven't opened my Facebook in 3-4 weeks. The little red notifications number must be capped at 99, <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6rO9JeyDzqWgCdQ38PMPNq_Rl6HZIs48bQTnoW3OtTDtZI9_4fYlz2iP3FlptV-UCGQNWrITjUzk9yRJEZn4ZB70hMDdsPnsW9QjWIWWgFSs1RTW9iEkm_ljHXCaL1ediTbb5nbw5VzA/s1600/IMG_0813.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="197" data-original-width="197" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6rO9JeyDzqWgCdQ38PMPNq_Rl6HZIs48bQTnoW3OtTDtZI9_4fYlz2iP3FlptV-UCGQNWrITjUzk9yRJEZn4ZB70hMDdsPnsW9QjWIWWgFSs1RTW9iEkm_ljHXCaL1ediTbb5nbw5VzA/s200/IMG_0813.PNG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A screenshot of my Facebook app #shakes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
because it was 99 more than a week ago, and it keep refreshing. The more refreshing it does, the more I get overwhelmed, and the more anxious I get about opening up the app.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So I don't.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And it just gets worse (I get more behind).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It sounds ridiculous, because it is.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>But that's how overwhelm rolls.</b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And it's the same with blogging. As I said on that post I just mentioned, I had a genius idea to write a list of topics to direct me to write a series of shorter posts. Wonderful!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">That list is yet to be put together (I have 3 half lists). That in itself makes me overwhelmed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">SO.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm just going to start writing and see where it takes me. This is going to be an overview, and then step by step, just like all good journeys, I'll choose and write about one aspect of what I've changed / been doing. And then write the one after that. And then the one after that. Like the quote I used on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/cocogirlbutter/" target="_blank">Instagram</a> this morning:</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">"You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain."</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;" /><span style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: , "blinkmacsystemfont" , "segoe ui" , "roboto" , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(Tom Hiddleston)</span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, where I am at today?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">-16.7kg down, since resetting on 1st July.</span></b> This is my current monthly weight loss chart (I weighed in this morning to get September's result, so it is as up to date as you can get!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp5iqWRMIx4930OTwBXVwT3wiUVUzm5tbUyzExdbY5ZewfNV_u2YfQlA9Kb_zBMPUQGHNieXZZcUwXChtKaI6sJJJlFzd7rWde1-2o0gvuseezFnq79YcgZC1iKLZZ_5hNWOhfuhk4XlA/s1600/IMG_1655.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp5iqWRMIx4930OTwBXVwT3wiUVUzm5tbUyzExdbY5ZewfNV_u2YfQlA9Kb_zBMPUQGHNieXZZcUwXChtKaI6sJJJlFzd7rWde1-2o0gvuseezFnq79YcgZC1iKLZZ_5hNWOhfuhk4XlA/s320/IMG_1655.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While my weight has been going down (since 1st July, anyway!), everything else has been going up and down, like most humans. <b><span style="font-size: large;">(Life was never meant to be straight and stagnant, was it?)</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My food has been up:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghL_OMZ0R9PyhTXgRgWg76Uhqzt8JSZzzPDRW8kxvht1VFsB0aDpyks0nwlXq6Y1Muc-VX_iEvnxIDKj0wg5gnnLjg7z1clzkRs4gcuXU0w8wUepaQibrezE7IqWfXH_gQJ0TZ8960sdM/s1600/IMG_1280.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghL_OMZ0R9PyhTXgRgWg76Uhqzt8JSZzzPDRW8kxvht1VFsB0aDpyks0nwlXq6Y1Muc-VX_iEvnxIDKj0wg5gnnLjg7z1clzkRs4gcuXU0w8wUepaQibrezE7IqWfXH_gQJ0TZ8960sdM/s320/IMG_1280.JPG" width="179" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and down:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoM9IPR4yD9exVBAviJXqQ2nEHzRXLeO93k_syNGX8rmuTibbkAKX4u8xtHQqlK1L5ztqjS0_cLlXcr8ZthvYHXFrBxqOI1CiklH1V25dtAxEc5i_ONNgsjRwSnfCRyDraJnT88EvXnuU/s1600/IMG_1140.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoM9IPR4yD9exVBAviJXqQ2nEHzRXLeO93k_syNGX8rmuTibbkAKX4u8xtHQqlK1L5ztqjS0_cLlXcr8ZthvYHXFrBxqOI1CiklH1V25dtAxEc5i_ONNgsjRwSnfCRyDraJnT88EvXnuU/s320/IMG_1140.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My emotions have been up:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuWDF1lJ_86AUnF71UUxqIk5TGpsmyQVMxxEqqDDlepmAGRmmgQRY-ocaAJVVD_sooCBmgStYX1klb2b5NnSSixsmpA3DlnZh7ofk6DN_2PLS5daAfS9wParBRd2nnjaq7gCJh9qf48I/s1600/IMG_0950.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuWDF1lJ_86AUnF71UUxqIk5TGpsmyQVMxxEqqDDlepmAGRmmgQRY-ocaAJVVD_sooCBmgStYX1klb2b5NnSSixsmpA3DlnZh7ofk6DN_2PLS5daAfS9wParBRd2nnjaq7gCJh9qf48I/s320/IMG_0950.JPG" width="179" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and down:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAD5DV7dA6YztX_wiFSKGrHvgZeVR9bckragUDjQifY8gUfdar8VYANM_tICyUTf9Yc79CyvMWE5a5E8tEqMPt2kWc1pRrQVY5BLZw_CL6fKbvKiyRiawRE3JapUTBNGmZECPJp-EG4T8/s1600/IMG_1641.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAD5DV7dA6YztX_wiFSKGrHvgZeVR9bckragUDjQifY8gUfdar8VYANM_tICyUTf9Yc79CyvMWE5a5E8tEqMPt2kWc1pRrQVY5BLZw_CL6fKbvKiyRiawRE3JapUTBNGmZECPJp-EG4T8/s320/IMG_1641.PNG" width="179" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My habits have been down:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6Cpowzudpt5TpY8nE2ukWvdzE87IxbQuDsOuV8ypLobsVuSQs5U8ppbR2d1sQvPp86cS7svEvBlSs__rHpXbzOdN6wSZh6zxhmRkuI-r3owYmGxM4_RCzmWonQwZpKNTqv9BbUITyvU/s1600/IMG_5838.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEge6Cpowzudpt5TpY8nE2ukWvdzE87IxbQuDsOuV8ypLobsVuSQs5U8ppbR2d1sQvPp86cS7svEvBlSs__rHpXbzOdN6wSZh6zxhmRkuI-r3owYmGxM4_RCzmWonQwZpKNTqv9BbUITyvU/s320/IMG_5838.JPG" width="240" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">and up (yes, I changed the order of this one on purpose because I've battled this one, go me!)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53xD44XkMeJlnSYuV0UoAGiM_kO4oAJ2Hy0L1JMj1t9RgSorOMpUYM58t-9BLJBHIptZ-ZeMvjT0Ge6vgF3jT3J5hVdRygNikT69MvfpYRzzlpIetoyDA8YJJjIIVvBOXodTsepsybUc/s1600/IMG_1162.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi53xD44XkMeJlnSYuV0UoAGiM_kO4oAJ2Hy0L1JMj1t9RgSorOMpUYM58t-9BLJBHIptZ-ZeMvjT0Ge6vgF3jT3J5hVdRygNikT69MvfpYRzzlpIetoyDA8YJJjIIVvBOXodTsepsybUc/s320/IMG_1162.JPG" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">(I did keep scrolling)</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You get the picture. I've had some of the best days of my life and some of the worst. <b><span style="font-size: large;">And while I am an actress, I am not being dramatic.</span></b> It's been a whirlwind few months of ups and downs.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But through it all, not only have I gotten through it; I've maintained myself on this health journey, and I'm pretty frigging proud of myself for that.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Let me let you go for now, so I can get onto start writing the first post of the series of <b><span style="font-size: large;">"Since the 1st July".🙂</span></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This post only took me an hour to put together completely - I'm pretty impressed! Let's see how I go with keeping my posts short and succinct. Two words that I have never quite grappled so far in my early-mid age.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thank you for those who have been following me, some of who have done so for years. It's those of you who see what I believe in my heart, that I will eventually break through all of the barriers that I am trying to break through.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thank you", will never be enough.</span></b></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love Kate xoxo</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">P.S. Check out <a href="https://www.panmacmillan.com.au/9781925481532/" target="_blank">Michelle Bridges' new book, "Keeping It Off"</a>. It got released this week and there's a very special page that you should check out: page 39.😉 It's a bit about me! <b><span style="font-size: large;">Congrats Mish</span></b> on tackling such an important subject. I don't need to explain the relevance of the book's topic to me.💗</span></div>
<div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJigYbEWHkQx2lronvvsGdj8dVzUvi8N5IvspdhbqlP555NMOUnzOVhKmMh_nkQzsaglYqyBWjHNyYl6fZHIlXdMrg-uS3QOqddgwSvTP-2nwqnEYFQEJnwha9wYa9rdP_pjBAPYE6ewo/s1600/IMG_1493.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJigYbEWHkQx2lronvvsGdj8dVzUvi8N5IvspdhbqlP555NMOUnzOVhKmMh_nkQzsaglYqyBWjHNyYl6fZHIlXdMrg-uS3QOqddgwSvTP-2nwqnEYFQEJnwha9wYa9rdP_pjBAPYE6ewo/s320/IMG_1493.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Mish's new book</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3BdHYF245U6xT0QADoLixGs4A6GxJq7_mMLA1jAsB_Ge_Y4dOuHeL3st1XfdZiKuoaWzUWXnWdPCAbbzvflcNXqyvUgBQeKskZIwb33pRq9T0U2wPh8QutyEbiJYlBb9au-yKV6NImi8/s1600/IMG_1491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3BdHYF245U6xT0QADoLixGs4A6GxJq7_mMLA1jAsB_Ge_Y4dOuHeL3st1XfdZiKuoaWzUWXnWdPCAbbzvflcNXqyvUgBQeKskZIwb33pRq9T0U2wPh8QutyEbiJYlBb9au-yKV6NImi8/s320/IMG_1491.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Page 39</span>🙂</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaKzGxRBJr4AJy_bPpjCSyIxbeOoQBvd597_F3wA2vxzzl_55bO5gJuMN3BUNRsFLYz0fZzQrwZahumLEQT0XCNZUFnA2mMG2wfuqLqsb8eDPEPeit5w38yy3qB077LmN9GVFhyphenhyphensd7UX4/s1600/IMG_1492.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaKzGxRBJr4AJy_bPpjCSyIxbeOoQBvd597_F3wA2vxzzl_55bO5gJuMN3BUNRsFLYz0fZzQrwZahumLEQT0XCNZUFnA2mMG2wfuqLqsb8eDPEPeit5w38yy3qB077LmN9GVFhyphenhyphensd7UX4/s320/IMG_1492.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">P.P.S. I've still been updating my Snapchat and Instagram stories more than I have any other social media lately. (They're identical, I record on Snap and then upload onto Insta as soon as (and if) I have time, so Snap is more in the moment and used more.) But if those platforms interest you, then you can find me there in the (many times) I'm not blogging).🙂 <b><span style="font-size: large;">My Snapcode is:</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And then, of course, my beloved Instagram. I feel like I've been posting less since I started using Snap and Instagram stories, but it's still a constant for me:</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My Instagram</span></td></tr>
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Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-40586978296823596942017-09-23T00:51:00.000+10:002017-09-23T00:54:48.382+10:00Winners of the Brisbane Fitness Show competition!<div style="line-height: normal;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYcUDgaswVdA8i3uE6cXuLXDeSr_D3ML91RiDLTrXd1bgEGeqyjANLHFSWV200AuXfPSN-LyXfSk7uKFLKLHX2uCLh_yy2LvwZ645v9Jtg9VRzgZnbZ2NKmfHMm5Y2FvdH2zDpG8Vgirc/s1600/IMG_0879.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYcUDgaswVdA8i3uE6cXuLXDeSr_D3ML91RiDLTrXd1bgEGeqyjANLHFSWV200AuXfPSN-LyXfSk7uKFLKLHX2uCLh_yy2LvwZ645v9Jtg9VRzgZnbZ2NKmfHMm5Y2FvdH2zDpG8Vgirc/s320/IMG_0879.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Congratulations to the winners of the 2017 @ausfitnessshow @cocogirlbutter competition!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Stacie.W</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Bettina.Mc</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Michelle.G</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You have each been drawn out of a (literal) pink @m_b_active hat and each won a free double pass to the 2017 Fitness Show!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Check your email inboxes for all of the details, and thank you to all of those who entered; I sincerely wish I could have picked out more than 3 names.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Even if you haven't won, I highly recommend the show to anyone who can get along; it'a such</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; text-align: center;"> an inspiring weekend. 🏋🏼🤳🏼🥘🌿📝🏃🏼</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxC3oy-7-DiMSOASE0QmBQKPRNKJrGKhhXb29D2VOXFZp2gg9ox5h8azf4BfEMBkAfLMgX88rGicXVKODDAN7n9OCU4EiR_37XbVpn6OSQL7hM8WsVN_ihNeZB7gXRC7a96FzVqkg6zSk/s1600/IMG_0877.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxC3oy-7-DiMSOASE0QmBQKPRNKJrGKhhXb29D2VOXFZp2gg9ox5h8azf4BfEMBkAfLMgX88rGicXVKODDAN7n9OCU4EiR_37XbVpn6OSQL7hM8WsVN_ihNeZB7gXRC7a96FzVqkg6zSk/s320/IMG_0877.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Have a look at <a href="http://www.fitness-show.com.au/">www.fitness-show.com.au</a> for more details and to get information on features, timetables and celebrities. (Check out the line up - eeek!❤️😄🤳🏼)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Congratulations girls and thanks to everyone who entered xo</span></div>
Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-88539275021468482592017-09-11T23:47:00.000+10:002017-09-11T23:47:12.945+10:00Win tickets to the Brisbane Fitness Show!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWhCb5f-pFHS2NyBAzGwQLyk4fjjc4qzHsiNW71bB6ZDtjgfcbDOczo09d5cnIoVvWZnLGjRN6GXHS4z-Qfbtl9XJ09ZVi9dmYB_d960wGDhzV8Ms_wjlNBmQUJJIFcia3PhKAcG3Bi-A/s1600/IMG_9762.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWhCb5f-pFHS2NyBAzGwQLyk4fjjc4qzHsiNW71bB6ZDtjgfcbDOczo09d5cnIoVvWZnLGjRN6GXHS4z-Qfbtl9XJ09ZVi9dmYB_d960wGDhzV8Ms_wjlNBmQUJJIFcia3PhKAcG3Bi-A/s400/IMG_9762.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Attention Brissie babes, Gold Coast guys and gals, super
Sunny Coasters and everyone near and in between; Australia's largest fitness
and health expo, the Fitness Show, is visiting Brisbane next month! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">@cocogirlbutter has once again teamed up with the Fitness
Show and we have 3 double passes to give away to this years show. To enter,
simply follow the instructions on the attached picture.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each double pass is worth $40+ and will give you access
to over 150 brands offering show specials, as well as the opportunity to:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">🏋🏼Be inspired by
watching Powerlifting, CrossFit, Strongman, Bodybuilding and Sports Modelling
competitions<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">🤳Meet
fitness celebrities and sports models<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">🥘Learn
how to make nutritious and easy to prepare meals and get healthy living advice
at the Healthy Living Stage<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">📝Attend educational
seminars for fitness professionals<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">🏃🏼Workout with
celeb trainers<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Plus much more. Check out <a href="http://www.fitness-show.com.au/">www.fitness-show.com.au</a> for more
details and to get information on features, timetables and celebrities.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For your chance to win one of 3 double passes to the 2017
Brisbane Fitness Show, simply email your full name to <a href="mailto:cocogirlbutter@gmail.com">cocogirlbutter@gmail.com</a> by
Wednesday 20th September. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoPlainText">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Each double pass is valid for any one day of the show
that the winner chooses. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Entries will be drawn at random after Thursday 21st
September and shared across all @cocogirlbutter platforms and contacted
directly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You've got to be in it to win it! Good luck! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Coco Girl xx</span></div>
Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-37952451814885565912017-08-05T18:01:00.002+10:002017-08-05T18:02:26.472+10:00Breaking the drought<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Hellooooo!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For the 70th time since starting this blog, here I go again with a few (!) weeks in between saying hey. For those who follow me on IG or Snap in particular, you would have watched me many times in the last month or so saying "I'll blog the details" or "I'll explain everything on my blog" or "I promise I'll blog this weekend."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CQ0SdRw5__tlLVRAEbFkLP0xdWwOLj5lDbGbwkI9pVJV4C8yLl4KtrwuHvNaOhr0eiXcJrm4aYj7Daig9dbOBRhsQdudTFm3RzHQLbza17SKSjrWz4rUXz_LTDUw16x_TjARt4wz7dg/s1600/Willy+Wonka+blog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="504" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1CQ0SdRw5__tlLVRAEbFkLP0xdWwOLj5lDbGbwkI9pVJV4C8yLl4KtrwuHvNaOhr0eiXcJrm4aYj7Daig9dbOBRhsQdudTFm3RzHQLbza17SKSjrWz4rUXz_LTDUw16x_TjARt4wz7dg/s200/Willy+Wonka+blog.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I do mean it! But sometimes, like with weight loss, it just takes me a little longer than most to actually get it done.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I truly have so many stories and things to share; all things weight loss (and gain!), exercise, injuries, food, life ups and downs, lessons, overhauls, creating a better version of myself and of course my usual "only Kate" stories, that I just don't know where to begin. But I'm doing myself up a little 'bite-sized chunks' plan, where everything seems a little bit more achievable; so that I can share everything, where it won't take me 7 hours to write each post, and where you won't need to call each blog post a novel.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This post is just the quickest of quick summaries, (really - I've given myself 25 minutes!), simply to break the writing drought, to say hi and to give you the briefest overview of where I'm at.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My previous post was saying how nervous I was about my high school reunion at the start of June (far out, Kate!) Well, I survived that, just (that's on my list of topics). I continued to eat like it was the last supper all through June and piled on even more weight. I'll add my 2017 monthly weight calendar onto this post so you can see at a glance how my year has been in that department.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, somehow I pulled myself together on the 1st July and have been going well with the food thing since then. I've lost 11kg so far and other than the last few days of a slight <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRXwRibxXpOZIL8LMsya6o4leXd1cpaT4jDhIxTB50avLeomfYXQiXIGQJZh9wEFzbKgAsWcfMKS-APohflze023G_jpXtSiyFVKjZ04t9MclrSuF_OviQFTMSm7oX729fzhGoGYEFXpI/s1600/IMG_5757.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRXwRibxXpOZIL8LMsya6o4leXd1cpaT4jDhIxTB50avLeomfYXQiXIGQJZh9wEFzbKgAsWcfMKS-APohflze023G_jpXtSiyFVKjZ04t9MclrSuF_OviQFTMSm7oX729fzhGoGYEFXpI/s320/IMG_5757.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My 2017 according to the scales</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
chocolate overload, I'm still on track. I've been trying a few new things and they're working.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In a nutshell, I have never enjoyed my food so much, felt such a low (no) need to binge, and have never felt such 'food freedom' as I have in this past month. I can't wait to share all of my little stories, updates, recaps and explanations, now that I'm doing a plan and have officially broken the writing drought!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Be back soon, my 25 minutes is up!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love Kate xxoo</span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-46724244560923685792017-06-03T01:54:00.001+10:002017-06-03T01:54:32.976+10:00My high school reunion is tomorrow night<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVvPRBV-DcVMlHfmvpZ0WLN6SWSF80BYJzW4PPJvUA1V9DujxXWif2U5tZiicsjNLzOPXRK0Zspo6xB9SpXlMIkEysIjm7p6Mg5Uh9lI1RA2jgEVQdJ46KDqBp3xCz8-pFDpnth1od-Ko/s1600/IMG_0914.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1080" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVvPRBV-DcVMlHfmvpZ0WLN6SWSF80BYJzW4PPJvUA1V9DujxXWif2U5tZiicsjNLzOPXRK0Zspo6xB9SpXlMIkEysIjm7p6Mg5Uh9lI1RA2jgEVQdJ46KDqBp3xCz8-pFDpnth1od-Ko/s320/IMG_0914.JPG" width="215" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">How do you invent Post-It notes in 24 hours?</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For those who don’t follow my Snapchat and Instagram stories, I've been talking lately that my high school reunion is coming up, (it's now tomorrow night), and yes,
I’m freaking out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is a difficult post to share, because it’s so deep and personal,
and even still, I’m barely scratching the surface of everything that’s in my
mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, my entire blog is deep and personal :) but in the sharing stakes,
this is still one step further than I’ve been before.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve known about this event for at least 6 months, when I first got
that Facebook invitation </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with the words that make many adults….ummm, feel a wide range of emotions…. or in my case, <b><span style="font-size: large;">freak the fuck out and want to run screaming to the hills. </span></b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">("High School Reunion.”)</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What hills? I don’t know. But nowhere near the reunion, that’s for
sure.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdePh1koz9i7mtosNX2OJTRkGBmMuAXwNWNpWoqMN2wbFo_TrE69tIEY3si7928m59H_1qA204UMurbABzCWTBheBZMrCChfCW5HobzAy9t-69JLR4qUdSkkXkyGfrsfZHXM-Edja_SVU/s1600/IMG_0921.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1205" data-original-width="1600" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdePh1koz9i7mtosNX2OJTRkGBmMuAXwNWNpWoqMN2wbFo_TrE69tIEY3si7928m59H_1qA204UMurbABzCWTBheBZMrCChfCW5HobzAy9t-69JLR4qUdSkkXkyGfrsfZHXM-Edja_SVU/s200/IMG_0921.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’ve been worrying about this event for the entire 6 months. One of my school friends that I still catch
up with is the organiser, and I asked her over a teary coffee catch up one
night, “Why did you make it in June?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She explained that it was far enough ahead that people could plan in
advance, book travel if needed, make arrangements, save up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I looked at her, perplexed. “No,
I mean why did you make it in June, and not later, in November, because we
graduated school in November – that’s the real anniversary?” I was meaning the opposite to what she
thought. Time wise, I didn’t mean, why
was it so far out, I meant why didn’t you <b><span style="font-size: large;">give me an extra 5 months</span></b> to get my
life to a point where I feel confident in rocking up?? Dude!
Don’t short change me!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I had to do all of the ‘high school reunion things’:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Get married / engaged / find a long term
partner / find <i>a</i> partner<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Have babies<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Buy a house<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lose 50kg<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And invent Post-It notes!</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She explained that later in the year gets so busy with end of year
functions, Christmas events, kids sporting commitments, graduations, break-up
parties etc. etc. etc. I understood her
reasoning, and Kas is an absolute champ for taking on this task for all of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But on the inside, I was screaming for myself and freaking out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jump forward a few months, <b><span style="font-size: large;">and
I’m no closer to getting proposed to, am not knocked up, owning my own home is
still a long distant future possibility, I’ve put <i>on</i> weight, and don’t get me started on those Post-It notes.</span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsF1QZvubpXryJMFN_M2UklF3ujcqS8Ca7IepDJ1hH0Me5ro5vrNnVrPJ8bBw3RdZzgVpncUtQzA4zrU_5ASyxUUMcHXV8jv_FbuZIYrUr5l_Lt7_30JS1lfthboqNgcBzzaKXYg_vcfk/s1600/IMG_0909.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="245" data-original-width="500" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsF1QZvubpXryJMFN_M2UklF3ujcqS8Ca7IepDJ1hH0Me5ro5vrNnVrPJ8bBw3RdZzgVpncUtQzA4zrU_5ASyxUUMcHXV8jv_FbuZIYrUr5l_Lt7_30JS1lfthboqNgcBzzaKXYg_vcfk/s320/IMG_0909.GIF" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Now, for those few who believe everything they read (like me, haha), I list these things partly in jest, of course. There’s no rule book stating where you need to
be in life, at certain stages, nor what you need to achieve. So if you don't already, <i>please</i>
‘get’ my writing style and don’t think that that’s my real list. <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">[Disclaimer over.]</span></i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No-one cares where you’re at, and if they do, it’s none of our
business.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Success is individually defined</span></b>,
and that right there is the reason that I’ve worked myself up so much about
tomorrow night. And to be honest,
‘success’ is not the right word to describe how I’ve been feeling. It’s not about ‘success’ at all.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The pointy end of the whole matter is; </span><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m not where I want to be, at this stage of my life. <b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></i><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">It’s my <u>own</u> insecurities that I’m
scared of, or sad about. </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It’s something
that I have to deal with and feel myself, and work on changing every day – and
I do. But to feel that in a room full of
people who I haven’t seen since I was 16….</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While I think it’s natural to compare yourself and where Hollywood
movies make us believe that school reunions are all about sizing each other up,
it’s not so much about that for me. In
the digital age, where so many of us are Facebook friends with half of our
grade and anyone connected to the internet are unofficial private investigators
(aka stalkers), it’s easy to know where everyone’s at, <b><span style="font-size: large;">on a surface level,</span></b> anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
For me, it’s about facing up and being starkly reminded of what I’m still
working on. And to add an extra layer,
just for fun, I’m someone who is currently uncomfortably obese, who wasn’t
obese in Year 12, and as a result, have
near crippling social anxiety.</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></o:p></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxhHOLTPOe7jGNCMKAshnL3a8KHOBPvLfiQRVzgAnBbyufEBIsUsFpDdmgikN2uYL3sDbh-X_vcfFfvap5bXr41rSuWDJL6yhm0G-Lw9SisMQaeWjgeyGMBuu3IQn5BWkaki_wf8ep9E/s1600/IMG_0916.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxhHOLTPOe7jGNCMKAshnL3a8KHOBPvLfiQRVzgAnBbyufEBIsUsFpDdmgikN2uYL3sDbh-X_vcfFfvap5bXr41rSuWDJL6yhm0G-Lw9SisMQaeWjgeyGMBuu3IQn5BWkaki_wf8ep9E/s320/IMG_0916.JPG" width="320" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every time I share in my Coco Girl social media that I’m embarrassed
about my weight, I get people commenting that I shouldn’t be, that I should
embrace my size, and that they can’t stand the fact that I “hate my body”. One of my next posts is going to be about
this very subject, so I won’t get started now on how much this riles me up… but
I just need to mention briefly here, that I <i>do
not hate my body</i>. I feel uncomfortable
in it, at this size. There is a vast
difference.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, moving on…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I’m friends with quite a few people from school, and out of them mainly catch up
with a core group – there’s 4 of us (plus (their) add-ons – hubbies,
boyfriends, kids, dogs)). We spoke at
length about the impending reunion, and agreed to go if we all go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And ultimately, we have all decided to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Even me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You’re probably reading so far, thinking, “if it makes you so freaked
out, why put yourself out there? Why
go? You don’t have to!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You’re right – I don’t. I’m
lucky enough to have the freedom to choose, and as an independent woman, I can
make the decision not to go. Besides, we
have to pay $30 for this pleasure!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I thought it was going to do any damage, then I wouldn't be going. But as much as I have <b><span style="font-size: large;">horrendous social anxiety</span></b>, and as much as I <b><span style="font-size: large;">feel
grossly uncomfortable</span></b>; I somehow have <b><span style="font-size: large;">enormous inner strength</span></b> and foresight,
and rarely let it stop me from doing significant things that I might regret
later in life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t want to look back in 20 years’ time, and regret not going
because my confidence was at an all-time low, at that point in my life. I want to experience everything I can, even
though sometimes those things might be <b><span style="font-size: large;">temporarily
painful</span></b>. I think the rewards
(eventually, at least), will outweigh the anxiety that I’ll be feeling tomorrow
night – (and have done for 6 months). <span style="font-size: large;"><b>If the only thing holding me back is fear, then that's when I need to step up and be brave.</b></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiItM9Dm3lKDKsHvcv0FFQ6MxdCB94vT2WcIOlf-EFbcx9pjoBWLpOOSzDYqd6Vi-UaXluGmdCSyweJlgnhv6w4Wm1uu1QT61LgmeW1g3wsJbIXoEEsVKhTPPenri4VQ7nSyyJ6P0OD4rM/s1600/IMG_0997.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="829" data-original-width="750" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiItM9Dm3lKDKsHvcv0FFQ6MxdCB94vT2WcIOlf-EFbcx9pjoBWLpOOSzDYqd6Vi-UaXluGmdCSyweJlgnhv6w4Wm1uu1QT61LgmeW1g3wsJbIXoEEsVKhTPPenri4VQ7nSyyJ6P0OD4rM/s320/IMG_0997.PNG" width="289" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When the event was 6 months away, and my friends and I were
deliberating on whether we were going, I felt some hope that I could at least
lose a significant amount of weight, just to a point I felt comfortable and
confident. About a month ago, it hit me that, well, the reunion was a month away. And I
realised that:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<ol start="1" style="margin-top: 0cm;" type="1">
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was going to be fairly difficult to get
married when I don’t have a boyfriend,<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">There wasn’t enough time to get and be
pregnant for long enough to be able to both know and safely announce it within 4 weeks,<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My bank balance was not at a house deposit
stage,<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was impossible to lose 50kg without
some serious limb chopping,<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And I was still no closer to working out
that you could raise the viscosity of your resin to develop Post-It glue.</span></li>
</ol>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I've definitely been affected by what I call "Bridesmaid Syndrome" this year (I explain what that is in <a href="http://cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com.au/2014/06/marathon-fears.html" target="_blank">this post</a>). I updated my monthly weigh in picture today and it visually confirmed that! Check this out:</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh4cENjWFDF91m04nulkDl9Fu3DGP8C4sCgJgm16awYunPia8IHjZ1dimIHnWqxm6d4l9Whh2-_Wg4T3xNJKrrK0L0yDYJB1s3wZlvYPvrziTjVt0J16SaU5VGn01Qg3I9WTMDKEWKntc/s1600/IMG_0868.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh4cENjWFDF91m04nulkDl9Fu3DGP8C4sCgJgm16awYunPia8IHjZ1dimIHnWqxm6d4l9Whh2-_Wg4T3xNJKrrK0L0yDYJB1s3wZlvYPvrziTjVt0J16SaU5VGn01Qg3I9WTMDKEWKntc/s320/IMG_0868.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While my other school friends said that they’re not interested, and prefer
to look forward rather than back, the group of 4 of us agreed to go, RSVP’d,
and paid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwB7-zitDxUaLc0NkifaTLGzMkc415SNjdyukqoYx4AzfLmGDu4YG4MMaVceUPIdbHGyi-O5Q9sS1TMXRLTzPsgtlPxt1gpAUMSNTHDGqomX9QqMDW7NmS01N4ixqUsb9DCIRogm05c-Q/s1600/IMG_0913.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="219" data-original-width="419" height="167" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwB7-zitDxUaLc0NkifaTLGzMkc415SNjdyukqoYx4AzfLmGDu4YG4MMaVceUPIdbHGyi-O5Q9sS1TMXRLTzPsgtlPxt1gpAUMSNTHDGqomX9QqMDW7NmS01N4ixqUsb9DCIRogm05c-Q/s320/IMG_0913.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was around this time that reality set in. One day I mentioned to my GP that I had my reunion
coming up, and for some reason I found myself tearing/welling up, every time I
thought about it after that. We were talking about
something else, but my reunion kept popping into my mind, and my eyes would
instantly glisten, while I blinked back tears….!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was in this moment that I realised, that the reason I was so anxious
about going, was because I was going to be turning up somewhere, one night soon, and saying <b><span style="font-size: large;">"this is me"</span></b>. And almost instantaneously, I knew that I wasn't so much scared about being vulnerable in front of my school mates, I was scared because I realised that <b><span style="font-size: large;">this would be the night that I would be facing... myself.</span></b> And being forced into accepting where I am, and facing who I am. I <i>always</i> wear my heart on my sleeve - I don't know how else to operate. So it's not like I go around pretending I'm someone that I'm not. (Except when I'm onstage!)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But as much as I'm great at wearing my heart on my sleeve and baring all; I'm also great at getting overwhelmed, and figuratively covering my ears and eyes, singing "lalalalalalalalala, can't hear you!"</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_VrMkyLxfS3JC2VJUnndAp9vCNSg230ZMDLOnVORU1kklg1xFwijh5o5GsXrTvXk7L7-JQG9yWxLyCMXTLcfmGQ-BZndu8rlh5RytWMTRCy7IqMVh6081WgMtu5Jo3g7BEQX3nkBWmHQ/s1600/IMG_0911.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="252" data-original-width="480" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_VrMkyLxfS3JC2VJUnndAp9vCNSg230ZMDLOnVORU1kklg1xFwijh5o5GsXrTvXk7L7-JQG9yWxLyCMXTLcfmGQ-BZndu8rlh5RytWMTRCy7IqMVh6081WgMtu5Jo3g7BEQX3nkBWmHQ/s320/IMG_0911.GIF" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So this was my moment of truth, in the doctors office, realising what it was in particular that I was scared about. I'm still totally terrified about the whole thing but this will probably be really good for me: <b><span style="font-size: large;">facing up to... myself.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have my support group, my girls, so I'll have them to hold my hands. And we're meeting at my place to go together -<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I think they knew that I'm the one having a third-life-crisis</span></b> about this so they chose my place :) One of us is pregnant so she's our driver, so I can do my annual night of drinking, to bolster up the courage that I'm going to need. (I rarely drink - I maybe have a decent drinking night maybe once a year). Tomorrow will be 2017's night, lol!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCrYG0IBi52LenhRMtCFrmsy9KbMh5gYbSngCATEfSCJy3n8kAMjYH831PpIJgziWMUtyLSmUiaT-EDHiohoxplYNM7MgycySJ5DLEzjywoK4uMrIZkp5IrI22V_N2K7Bi37D1a1eHHXE/s1600/IMG_0917.GIF" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="278" data-original-width="500" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCrYG0IBi52LenhRMtCFrmsy9KbMh5gYbSngCATEfSCJy3n8kAMjYH831PpIJgziWMUtyLSmUiaT-EDHiohoxplYNM7MgycySJ5DLEzjywoK4uMrIZkp5IrI22V_N2K7Bi37D1a1eHHXE/s320/IMG_0917.GIF" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One thing that has helped calm me slightly about it this week </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and give me a different perspective</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, is speaking to a couple of older friends. I was chatting to a work colleague last week. She's about 10-15 years older than me, and it dropped into conversation that I have "The Event" to go to. She told me about her recent reunion, and how much she loved it. And she said a few things that stuck in my mind.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She said to "get guzzied up and get your hair done and you'll have a ball". I didn't say it out loud but I wanted to say "lovely, no amount of 'guzzying up' is going to hide my obesity, or give me the confidence I crave."</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBURD5PNHPRlFHgt0kKXXRFVyEe7br0Cv974Ti9PstnKfIPXSEqw9gbp7CF6fzCDb_xPpxSJGl87GDnyU5gZu-54K4JfZicElJD7-cKXS1SLCZl6SUM5mXFcXdXErUZNKBVhJtrl9oiAs/s1600/.filtered-1F20E4E5-5919-4269-88E6-C6B514C3069D.mp4" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="854" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBURD5PNHPRlFHgt0kKXXRFVyEe7br0Cv974Ti9PstnKfIPXSEqw9gbp7CF6fzCDb_xPpxSJGl87GDnyU5gZu-54K4JfZicElJD7-cKXS1SLCZl6SUM5mXFcXdXErUZNKBVhJtrl9oiAs/s320/.filtered-1F20E4E5-5919-4269-88E6-C6B514C3069D.mp4" width="179" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Snapchat this week: why are everyone staring?</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But the mention of hair... I realised that that was a key thing I could do to help me with my confidence. I texted my hairdresser because it's been 8 months since my last trim (whoops! I'm a very low maintenance female when it comes to hair) and asked if she had availability tomorrow, for a trim AND straighten, and she does! Straightening my hair gives me so much more confidence, and having a professional doing it will make that confidence even higher. </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So the extra $10 to straighten will (of course) be worth every cent!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know exactly what I'm going to wear, but <b><span style="font-size: large;">it will be whatever I feel the most comfortable in</span></b>, and yes, it will be black. Wearing a new grey and black stripey coloured top this week had everyone staring, so it's back to the more slimming black until I lose a bit of weight. :(</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When my girls asked what we wear wearing, I sent them these 3 pictures, so keep in mind that my black uniform is a positive decision. ;)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQfFRkn3KPpWFcUbaSwvIpVua-U-QZirfHimBUqhhwHFl7MZDDVAgMEC_9CqGktmWDNjDX5k82G-zayujqU5j4_reYon5876VdMOPFhkRRn4mNS8nIaFpUvduyrtyRwXFvSO8EaixYlY/s1600/IMG_0556.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPQfFRkn3KPpWFcUbaSwvIpVua-U-QZirfHimBUqhhwHFl7MZDDVAgMEC_9CqGktmWDNjDX5k82G-zayujqU5j4_reYon5876VdMOPFhkRRn4mNS8nIaFpUvduyrtyRwXFvSO8EaixYlY/s200/IMG_0556.PNG" width="111" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0miDA0azOUA2FW6qHTKzGaR79AR6IunNV8zqkZIOVgBFpnfGRWK3xqn6U3wimhNBwBI9CYlar3tAO1mFe178SRO_4MtqceWBJ7r9jJtWzdjgsVrlFF5MAKtkp0q4gMArqF_T81svJKc/s1600/IMG_0553.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0miDA0azOUA2FW6qHTKzGaR79AR6IunNV8zqkZIOVgBFpnfGRWK3xqn6U3wimhNBwBI9CYlar3tAO1mFe178SRO_4MtqceWBJ7r9jJtWzdjgsVrlFF5MAKtkp0q4gMArqF_T81svJKc/s200/IMG_0553.PNG" width="111" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwvxGSiiFDnhfx0Coit1-NHF-3CphagDBmmClK3kNQ1JTA8D4A_vqCjXv3LneZnqAJVRCnZifxmLSv4km9nPAuDjaL8LctaFZ99xyb5qFWqM8UFRCZeFmC0umqevJdJ2TyST2cRpGCeww/s1600/IMG_0554.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="750" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwvxGSiiFDnhfx0Coit1-NHF-3CphagDBmmClK3kNQ1JTA8D4A_vqCjXv3LneZnqAJVRCnZifxmLSv4km9nPAuDjaL8LctaFZ99xyb5qFWqM8UFRCZeFmC0umqevJdJ2TyST2cRpGCeww/s200/IMG_0554.PNG" width="111" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We did joke about wearing fake bellies to match our friend! For about the same amount of time<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I thought about hiring an escort haha</span></b>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the pregnant belly, I know what I would look like, too. Well, not at this weight. This is me playing a pregnant woman in a play - when I was much smaller. I've been looking through the photos tonight, and they've been making me smile - I <i>adored</i> that play and loved how confident I felt at that size.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me on the right, playing a pregnant woman in 2008</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Rehearsals</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another thing my older work colleague told me, was about how when she turned up to her reunion, she heard of 7 of her classmates that had passed away since school. She said it was such a shock for her to hear, and it made her realise she was fortunate to still be around to even attend. And in turn, it of course made me instantly realise that </span><b style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">I too, am lucky to be here and be able to attend. </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know of a few school mates who have tragically passed away already, so young. One school mate I met when I was 4, had even RSVP'd to tomorrow's event. I saw her comments on some earlier posts, discussing the plans, and extremely sadly she's since passed away. I'll raise a glass to her tomorrow night.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And then my work colleague wisely reminded me that "everyone has their thing". And I realised she's absolutely right. Here I am, worrying about my "things". But I'm not dumb enough to think that everyone has their shit together. It just feels that way. <b><span style="font-size: large;">Glossy social media highlight reels don't show the anguish, sadness and struggles behind closed doors.</span></b> I know it's out there. I'm not ignorant to that stuff, but man was it good to get a reminder.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOET507Qy_nk8iosazdflYesMk2OeTw88u50L0zlkeY79p_RVViTsNrrzQZYZ4ReNh2XcPaAcPXsc2PXvNjKDRDtZOpkJxaMNyY_sFd_EcWHEA7IvtHDZ-fd1BUuY9ortJ-tdLeopIrH0/s1600/IMG_0918.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOET507Qy_nk8iosazdflYesMk2OeTw88u50L0zlkeY79p_RVViTsNrrzQZYZ4ReNh2XcPaAcPXsc2PXvNjKDRDtZOpkJxaMNyY_sFd_EcWHEA7IvtHDZ-fd1BUuY9ortJ-tdLeopIrH0/s320/IMG_0918.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Another thing that helped was when my friend announced that there were 43 people going. I reasoned that 4 of those people were us, 1 was Kas, and another maybe 15 I'm Facebook friends with. So that left only about 23 people that I have to face, even less if some bring partners! My face changed when she then said it was 47, and I think the last count was 51 or something. Noooo! Lol. But glass half full, I'm not thinking about the 50 people that I will be seeing, but the 300 that I <i>won't </i>be! (There were <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA4-j3g7U0mnxwLCr1aHTp2VmePD_6q9MBTK81_KyEFP_A3xzUoeSl1bh9AXnOwbsL6yn_3CTvBvtZ-kIDrGXKlK3qg59EPPUjges3uh1_eMCJHfXBC6pkLy-cEvKePhXnN93XjY4LrQQ/s1600/IMG_2459.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgA4-j3g7U0mnxwLCr1aHTp2VmePD_6q9MBTK81_KyEFP_A3xzUoeSl1bh9AXnOwbsL6yn_3CTvBvtZ-kIDrGXKlK3qg59EPPUjges3uh1_eMCJHfXBC6pkLy-cEvKePhXnN93XjY4LrQQ/s320/IMG_2459.JPG" width="279" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Another one of my plays, we did the 'Romy and Michele dance' :)</td></tr>
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about 350 in our grade).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hopefully I'm not sounding like I have awful classmates or anything! Quite the opposite. It's just my nerves. And the thing is, <b><span style="font-size: large;">our last reunion was SO much fun.</span></b> I was nervous, but I had a ball. So I'm sure tomorrow night can be the same. We're also that little bit older and wiser at this one.</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>I am definitely thinking more positively about it </b></span>than I have for the past 6 months, that's for sure. That's not to mention I won't need my girlfriends and alcohol and to keep my head held high tomorrow night. But I'm not in a total freak out mode. Maybe not so coincedantally, my self esteem has been at an all time low lately. It'</span></o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">s also been a big week and I've been upset, extremely stressed and anxious about other things, so hopefully I can contain my emotions and just have a fun night out. The last thing I need is to be the drunk crying girl from Year 12 days haha!</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I type this from the comfort of my bed, in my pyjamas, in my safe space, a whole day </span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDFgVJkG-fKo6A9MhF1K-ZsUboPOEauecNwvTPeSGzZ5N36HaRWrEhVJaMWw9UeppVeLi4dj33xqU4fChxq0DxOVdoDS0Pov3an9Na-hL0YtnzQGlOzKzBeJyMAky9wEYR8WPHZbEA4zw/s1600/IMG_0618.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="746" data-original-width="750" height="198" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDFgVJkG-fKo6A9MhF1K-ZsUboPOEauecNwvTPeSGzZ5N36HaRWrEhVJaMWw9UeppVeLi4dj33xqU4fChxq0DxOVdoDS0Pov3an9Na-hL0YtnzQGlOzKzBeJyMAky9wEYR8WPHZbEA4zw/s200/IMG_0618.PNG" width="200" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">before, <b><span style="font-size: large;">it's easy to sound all cool about it. </span></b> I'm sure there'll be anxiety tomorrow. But I'll be putting myself out there, and <b><span style="font-size: large;">being brave.</span></b> This might sound dramatic, but tomorrow will be one of the bravest things I've ever done.</span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>What's more brave than accepting and being yourself?</b></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My personal list is just that, and it will be done in my personal time. (See my quote I put up on Instagram this week, to the left?) We all have one. Or sixty-two.</span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Also, not that comparisons are at all useful and I've established that it's not about sizing each other up, but if I'm being cheeky, I have to share that I'm a year younger than everyone in our grade. It <i>sucked</i> when they were all turning 17 (license) and 18 (clubbing), but as we get older it now always works in my favour, and I remind them of that all the time haha. So my point being, if I am getting technical, really,<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I have another year to catch up.) ;)</span></b></span></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Anyway, I've got my girls, I'll have some drinks, and I've got myself. Take it or leave it Kate, this is me.</span></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And, while I may not have invented Post-It notes, if all else fails, <b><span style="font-size: large;">I definitely own a mobile phone, if anyone needs to make a call. :)</span></b></span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wish me luck!</span></o:p></div>
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.S. I loved this play and the photos made me smile so much tonight that it was hard to choose, so here's a few more, predominately for my own viewing pleasure ;)</span></o:p></div>
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Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-17587893908497696442017-05-06T00:36:00.000+10:002017-05-06T09:31:34.572+10:00What this photo taught me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I took this photo last week and I just wanted to share a little bit about it because it's been on my mind so much.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The night I took this; I was going out for dinner with some good friends that I hadn't seen for ages. I was on holidays and<b><span style="font-size: large;"> I wanted to see them so much that it overtook most of my usual social anxiety feelings</span></b>. Feelings that, simply because it was in public, would normally cause me to not really look forward to it, but I'd go anyway and just handle feeling a little sick and on edge the whole night, wanting the ground to swallow me up. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway - despite this, it was actually still a very real effort to go out. I'd been almost completely bedridden for 2 days - (bad back stuff again, I'll fill you in on my next post) - but it had been bad. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">I hadn't brushed or done my hair in a couple of days</span></b>. It was in half a falling out pony tail that had been slept in twice and was further messed up from being stuck in bed during the day, not being able to move. And I'd also had a physio session. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'd managed to leave the house that morning, to get to my GP and a chemist. It wasn't exactly a social occasion, so I didn't care about how I looked, and did nothing to my hair. It was bed hair DOUBLE PLUS.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Later on though, when I was getting ready to go out for dinner, I threw on my 'black uniform' (just for something different) :( and knew that I had to at least pull my hair into a complete pony tail, or do something. <b><span style="font-size: large;">It was acceptable to be at a doctor surgery looking like a just woken toddler, but not at a restaurant</span></b>. Pass the bottle of milk. 🍼 </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, I managed to do that awesome girl thing where *sometimes* a <b><span style="font-size: large;">Long Shot Hair</span> <span style="font-size: large;">Punt (LSHP)</span> </b>works: I pulled one hair tie around my mop to one side with a strange twist, and it actually transformed into that semi dishevelled look that we always aspire to achieve but rarely pull off. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You know, that style that you get when you throw your hair up to have a shower before bed, or shove it back with an old bandana to clean the house....and it accidentally looks FREAKING AMAZING. Yes it's always awesome when this happens, but more often than not, it happens at those times where you're not going to see ONE PERSON. <b><span style="font-size: large;">The 'messy on purpose but actually looks good' thing never happens just before work or brunch or before running down to the shops in your active wear.</span></b> It's rarely caught (read: admired) by anyone. So many wastes... </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, even though LSHP's are hard to do, this night I managed to do it. Well, on my left side anyway. My right side was still <b><span style="font-size: large;">half-bed-head-kinky-wash-your-hair-Kate-bogan</span></b>: but let's just focus on the positives in this post.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I added a few bobby pins and voila! LSHP was pulled off! </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway, as I was rummaging through my bobby pins, I saw a big white flower clip / fascinator that I have for Melbourne Cup days. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was feeling pretty gung-ho about my instant bed hair transformation success, that, looking back, I think I started getting a little ahead of myself.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Looking at the huge fascinator, I caught myself thinking: "nah, I couldn't wear this, it'd make me stand out too much, as well as: <span style="font-size: large;"><b>"I'm too big to wear this".</b></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">...</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I picked it up, I noticed another flower clip underneath. It was a lot less Melbourne Cup size, and I must have forgotten that I owned it, because I started admiring it as if it was the first time I'd seen it. It was really pretty and I can remember now why I bought it. (Years earlier).</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I asked myself whether I should clip it into my half fixed bed hair.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And again, I found myself pausing and wondering whether it was appropriate...<b><span style="font-size: large;">for someone like me.</span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Like what? A female, a girl, a woman going out for dinner with friends, who would be surrounded by love...why wouldn't I?</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Because, of course my first thoughts were that I was too big to wear it. You know, because hair gets fat too. :/ I thought of it as one of my pretty accessories that I'll wear again when I'm at a size that I'm comfortable in. Because fat girls can't have pretty hair? </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes, I know how this all sounds. I'm just sharing what was genuinely going through my mind. And I realised in this moment that I have to be kinder to myself in terms of my appearance. Aka, take more pride - even if it's just in the areas that I can at the moment. Basically, don't save up the pretty flower hair clips for when I'm a Size 12. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The other thing for me as well though of course, was that I didn't want to draw any attention to myself. When you have social anxiety and are morbidly obese, <b><span style="font-size: large;">you already feel like you stick out like a sore thumb</span></b>. You never want to do anything to draw more attention to yourself than is probably already happening. This night I also had my limp - I left my one crutch in the car, but I was still walking like Bambi. I was definitely going to be sticking out already.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But something inside of me - I don't know what yet - personal growth (?) clipped that flower in my hair and I LIKED what I saw (on my left side anyway - remember we're ignoring my right). :) But I wore it out and it made me feel good. So good that I took this photo in the car as I left my place, and have kept glancing at it since.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I don't really have a summary to conclude this post, and don't know if I've conveyed what I felt that night, but I hope that someone can relate.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I need to stop saving my accessories for when I feel confident in myself. Okay, the clothes I like simply have to wait. But there are other things that I'm 'allowed' (and able) to use right now.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have head bands, ribbons, clips, earrings, bracelets, rings, scarves, sunglasses and more that I love. I haven't bothered with a lot of them for ages. <b><span style="font-size: large;">When you're obese and want to blend in,</span></b> I don't know - I guess they're just things that you put aside. Well, I have.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Maybe like a 'nothing can spruce this face up so don't bother' type of subconscious internal self belief. As sad as that probably sounds.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I guess this clip reminded me that I'm worthy of feeling okay about myself, even if it's only 1% of me. 1% is better than 0%!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The funny thing was that night, that I'd messaged my friends earlier to fill them in on what was going on, and said that I was still coming but <b><span style="font-size: large;">I wouldn't be staying long</span></b> because I was in a lot of pain.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the end, <i><u>I</u></i> was the one who kept talking, who kept bringing up new stories, that kept us all there for longer than probably even the others wanted to stay for. I was more chatty than I've been in a while and <b><span style="font-size: large;">left late, at the same time as everyone else.</span></b></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And I truly think it was thanks to the 1% confidence that a basic flower clip helped bolster up in me that night, and caused me to think a lot more on after that night.... :)</span></span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-3480687631242911052017-04-12T20:24:00.005+10:002017-04-12T20:24:52.590+10:00This picture says eight words 😀 <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z4JILXZW-bk/WO4ADXrRUdI/AAAAAAAAMrQ/bPF7la_Nl-sXFXW0jsNglcfSqZoOb8P6wCPcB/s1600/2017_04_12_20_23_05.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z4JILXZW-bk/WO4ADXrRUdI/AAAAAAAAMrQ/bPF7la_Nl-sXFXW0jsNglcfSqZoOb8P6wCPcB/s400/2017_04_12_20_23_05.jpg" width="223" /></a></div>
Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-50168540587308477812017-04-12T00:44:00.001+10:002017-04-12T00:44:45.951+10:00Does my bum look good in this? .....It doesn't even matter.....<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">You know those things that you keep <i>meaning</i> to do but procrastinate so bloody much that the easy task (that you chose to do!) seems (incorrectly) insurmountable?</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> Well, writing this post is one of them. I say allll the time on here how I have so many stories </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-__YLlFEnJVU/WOoEV08whyI/AAAAAAAAMoc/QfUMMHFV6cYGPpLN5GOlSfyF-YqjyFWagCPcB/s1600/2017_04_09_19_52_19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-__YLlFEnJVU/WOoEV08whyI/AAAAAAAAMoc/QfUMMHFV6cYGPpLN5GOlSfyF-YqjyFWagCPcB/s320/2017_04_09_19_52_19.jpg" width="179" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">to tell you, and this is one of them. It's a little overwhelming to write about, but mainly it's just such a long story that I have kept procrastinating starting.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> So that right there is a perfect segue for me to warn that this post will be long.</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> And it's not about weight loss, although it does affect it and it is 100% about health. So if that doesn't interest you, then stop reading now. It is, however, also one of the most significant things happening in my life, so if that interests you, then continue reading!</span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Also, the photos aren't all going to seem in consecutive order. Most photos were taken in the second year of this two year saga, but first I have to tell you about the first year. I like to balance out the illustrations of each post as best as I can; so I've scattered them throughout the post, not always in order of the text. So just go with it and the photos will make sense by the end.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I'm also going to be slightly biologically graphic in my descriptions of things, nothing too major, but hey, when have I ever sugar coated anything? Just let me say, you've been warned. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">And don't read this while eating.</span></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> ALSO, please remember that I am NOT medically qualified. (Other than when it's my turn to<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sent to a friend who'd gone through it before</td></tr>
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play the "docker" (doctor) with my 4 year old niece when we play "dockers and sore persons". :)</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> This story is about my own experience, described by how I've felt, information given to me and research that I've done. Please remember that this is my story, my feelings and my experiences, and I welcome feedback as long as it's thoughtful and not attacking. But <i>most </i>importantly, if you have similar issues, I implore you to seek professional medical advice. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> This whole saga started a little over 2 years ago. I'll never, ever, forget this night. By the </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">way, this part is probably the most graphic part of this post - so if you can get through this, you'll be sweet.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I came home from work on a Friday afternoon from my "day" job. I was looking forward to going out to a boot camp social dinner that night - we'd started having "birthday month" dinners, and although this was February and my birthday's in January, this was 'my' dinner (along with the other Jan and Feb babies).<br /><br /> We were going to a pub with the yummiest pub food, and I already knew what I wanted:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> battered fish and chips. This pub made the best fish and chips.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> Before heading to dinner, I just had to give my final approval for a blog post that I was writing for 12WBT. I emailed my contact Tanya who'd been waiting on it, and said that I'd just arrived home and that I was reviewing it right then, and would send her an approval within the next 10min.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I decided to go to the toilet before reading it - I'd sort of been needing to go for a few hours and for some reason had waited until I got home to go. I'm not a fan of going at work (as I'm sure no-one is!) but I'm not against it. When you work full time and you're a human, you kind of can't be!</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> This day, however, I'd put it off until I was home.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I emailed Tanya and ran to the toilet. I was in a rush, distracted, had end of the working week wound up on a Friday afternoon type feels, and was calculating the time I'd need to review my blog post and what time I'd need to head off for dinner etc. etc. etc.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Go go go.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> As I finished on the toilet, I was suddenly no longer 'go go go', but stunned, stopped in my tracks. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> The toilet bowl was filled with blood. I'm not talking about a little bit. The toilet bowl appeared to be a third filled with bright red blood. There was blood <i>everywhere.</i> And it was 100% from my backside / bowel. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I tried not to freak, but I had no idea what to do. <b><span style="font-size: large;">I had never had this happen before</span></b> - not even anything remotely similar. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> After cleaning up, I think the first thing I did was email Tanya. It probably sounds strange to</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> do that, but I'd just told her that I was literally reviewing the article as I spoke. I never could have imagined that a quick unmentioned toilet break would have such an impact in between emails.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I had no other symptoms, but I knew that it wasn't normal. I rang <a href="https://www.health.qld.gov.au/13health"><span style="color: blue;">13HE</span></a><a href="https://www.health.qld.gov.au/13health"><span style="color: blue;">A</span></a><a href="https://www.health.qld.gov.au/13health"><span style="color: blue;">LTH</span></a>. As I'm sure I've mentioned on here before, they've helped save my life before, so I hold their service in pretty high esteem!</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> The nurse ran through all of the standard questions, asked me what medications I was taking, if I had this symptom or that; etc. etc.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br />Nothing was raising any red flags, well, apart from the obvious (!), so he said to go and see my GP in the next however many hours.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> Just before we hung up, he asked me one more time, was I sure I wasn't on any other medications?</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I <i>was </i>sure - he'd already asked me a couple of times - but my eyes glanced around my bedroom, regardless. As I looked around, I noticed that on my bedside table were some anti-inflammatories that I'd been given for my knee - this was about a week or two after it had first started having issues. I said to the nurse really casually: "oh, sorry, I completely forgot, they're so insignificant, but yeah I've recently had some anti-inflammatories for my knee. But that's really it."</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> The nurse interrupted me and sounded shocked. "What? You're on anti-inflammatories? <b><span style="font-size: large;">Okay, you have to get yourself to an emergency room right away."</span></b></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I was so shocked. I may have even uncharacteristically questioned him. They were just anti-inflammatories! The way his tone and manner had changed, you'd think I'd casually mentioned that I'd just shot up heroin or something. For any fellow TV show Friends lovers, Rachel's reaction in this scene really aptly describes the conversation change.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Everything can be related back to Friends</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">So, I messaged my boot campers and said that I had a slightly inconvenient delay, but I was still hoping to make dinner. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>#dearkate...</b></span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I jumped in the car and drove myself to the hospital. I rang my Mum on the way to let her know what was happening. I'm not sure whether I spoke about this on the phone with 13HEALTH, whether my Mum and I figured it out, or whether I self diagnosed, but somehow we remembered that I'd been on Clexane at the same time as the anti-inflammatories.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> For non medical buffs, Clexane is known as a blood thinner. (Scientifically it's technically not, but it's the easiest way to describe it). I have to inject myself with this each time I travel for more than 3 hours - for the rest of my life - thanks to the PE's I experienced in 2012.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I'd done a lot of flying for work that week, so I was using Clexane. And on that work trip is where I happened to have first injured my knee - hence the addition of anti-inflammatories.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> By the time I got to the hospital, I was convinced that the combination of the drugs must be the reason for the huge blood loss. While in hospital I kept my boot camp buddies up to date time wise - I was still determined to get to that dinner! I don't know if it was because it was partly to celebrate my birthday, just the fact that I socially adored those dinners, or because I was obsessed with downing that glorious fish and chips that I wanted to go so much, but I did.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Hospital visits are <i>never </i>conveniently timed.</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I won't write about that hospital trip because I actually had a traumatic experience there that night. I would <i>never</i> use the word 'trauma' lightly, please know that. But I'll be using it several times through this blog post; and each time it is (sadly) genuinely used and carefully</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> The diagnosis was that they didn't know what had caused the bleeding, but that I would have to have a colonoscopy to investigate further. They also tested to see if I needed a blood transfusion because of the blood loss. I didn't, but I'll never forget that shock of lying there and being told they were even considering this. <b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>I donate blood</i> - when you do that, you never imagine that you could be the recipient.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">My lovely friend Jenna messaged me to say that they were closing the kitchen at the pub, and ever determined, (and delirious?) and because I was about to be discharged, I asked her to order me my fish and chips. (Once I had confirmation I didn't need a blood transfusion). </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2Qtx6EArP1I/WOoFJTl0LrI/AAAAAAAAMoc/WXI4QVQzviolKFq0Igd8uZmwZ9zGZvkTACPcB/s1600/2017_04_09_19_55_44.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2Qtx6EArP1I/WOoFJTl0LrI/AAAAAAAAMoc/WXI4QVQzviolKFq0Igd8uZmwZ9zGZvkTACPcB/s320/2017_04_09_19_55_44.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Every 3:30am dream :/</span></td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Yes, I know how utterly ridiculous that sounds.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br />Don't need a blood transfusion? Kthxbai. Fish and chips please! :/</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Looking back on it now, I can't believe that I continued on to have dinner that night. It was such a stupid thing to do. I was extremely shaken from the whole ordeal, and should have driven straight home.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> Everyone at dinner had finished eating; the birthday cake had been cut, and people were starting to wind down to go home. I got delivered my fish and chips from the warming area on the bench; the last meal to go out as the kitchen was closed.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> I tried to eat it but it didn't go so well. I was filling my friends in on what had happened. When I first told them that I'd be delayed earlier in the night, because I was in a frazzled state, I didn't choose the best words, and as such, I felt the need to explain, as the little that I had told them was even more embarrassing than the actual event. So in the end, <b><span style="font-size: large;">something that I'd usually be discreet about and keep to myself, was suddenly the table topic of conversation.</span></b></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The drink that never ends</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> I mentioned that I needed to have a colonoscopy. And immediately, it seemed like every single person at my table had had one, or knew someone who had. And they each gave me the same advice. Like, the same words. Seriously, it's like people who've had colonoscopies learn this phrase and pass it down through the generations. This spiel is what I've had from every single person over the course of a year. I can quote them, word for word:</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /><i>"Oh, they're not a big deal. The prep's the worst. The procedure itself is nothing. They might find 2 or 3 polyps, but they'll just remove them, and it's all over."</i></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">#officialcolonoscopyadvicescript</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I was slowly chomping down on my fish and chips and as soon as the girls told me that it was a proper procedure and that I'd be put under anaesthetic, I immediately lost my appetite and couldn't eat the rest of my oh so important fish and chips.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I'd told a friend literally the week before that 3 of my hugest medical fears were:</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> 1. Surgery / procedure</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2. Anaesthetic</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3. Needing a catheter</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> It may seem like a strange list, but each of them scared the FUCK out of me. And all of a sudden, I was finding out that I needed 2 of the 3? I know that it's just a procedure, day surgery, and not even necessarily technically surgery. But it was all the same to me.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I've had so many hospital visits since the PE's, but each of those was so different. I was conscious for each one. Do anything to me, do everything to me.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: medium; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">But don't put me under.</span></b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> The anaesthetic fear is just derived from being beyond terrified of people doing things to me while I'm knocked out. I've had local anaesthetics before, for moles being cut out and at the dentist, but never a general or twilight. And I'd developed a huge fear of them.</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1qPMz5qOGI4/WOoD4sd1shI/AAAAAAAAMoc/n8SxjkhZon8Zh74jZiHBmQYQ6FloJT32gCPcB/s1600/2017_04_09_19_50_08.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-1qPMz5qOGI4/WOoD4sd1shI/AAAAAAAAMoc/n8SxjkhZon8Zh74jZiHBmQYQ6FloJT32gCPcB/s320/2017_04_09_19_50_08.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Grandma gave me this booklet style card that someone gave my great-grandmother to comfort me <3</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I didn't think I</span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"> could handle being put out to it. I'm an </span><i style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">extremely</i><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;"> independent, in control person, and couldn't think of anything worse than people doing things to me when I'm not all with it to supervise. I know that they're trained medical professionals and that people get knocked out every day, but none of that mattered. I couldn't do this.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Snapchats to my parents</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> I went home from this dinner-via-the-hospital in a stunned state. I was so stressed about the impending procedure, and was feeling more and more traumatised about what had happened that night in emergency. I was also of course concerned about what could have caused all of that blood.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>All I wanted to do was to lie in bed under my covers all weekend.</b></span> But two of my best friends had organised a surprise weekend away for me - leaving the following morning. I had no idea where we were going or what we were doing. It's one of the most beautiful things that anyone has ever done for me. It was just the timing that ended up being awful.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> If it weren't for this special surprise, there's no way that I would have left my house. The trauma was growing, but I couldn't pull out of the weekend. They'd booked a hotel, tickets to events, given me clues; the works.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pleeeeeease</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I ended up going but felt stunned and violated all weekend. I tried my best to enjoy it, and I did, my friends are beautiful; but I had that sick, underlying feeling the whole time. What probably didn't help, was that while we were away, we found out that a close friend of ours had been diagnosed with bowel cancer. I remember being in their car on the side of the road, talking to him as a group on speaker phone, finding out what he'd just started going through. I felt sick for him, and at the back of my mind, of course, I was thinking of my Friday night experience and was too scared to ask him how it was discovered.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Soon after that weekend, I went to my GP with the discharge letter from the hospital instructing me to have a colonoscopy and...that's when things paused.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I was so terrified, that I didn't make it happen. <b>For a whole year.</b> My GP didn't make sure it happened either, so I kind of 'got away' with it. I know how terrible it sounds. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">An entire year.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">During the year, I bled occasionally but have never lost that much blood since that first night. Each time I bled, I'd get anxious, but continued to put it off...and put it off...</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Best.food.ever.eaten.</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Later that year I changed GP's and sucked it up, admitted what I'd been told to do, and started the process of booking one in. This GP wasn't going to let me get away with not doing one either. So it was going to happen.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">It was scheduled for 29th March 2016 at 7:30am.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">All through the year, and especially in the lead up, anyone I spoke to said the <b>#officialcolonoscopyadvicescript </b>as written above. I was thankful for their advice, don't get me wrong. But my fear of procedures and anaesthetic was extremely real and unusually extreme.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">And in true Kate fashion, what ended up happening was quite the opposite of the <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6onGdJSVk6s/WOoD664ysqI/AAAAAAAAMoc/dUrPCqDJO-AVvb6Rx-rBh5v9ml1jwINTQCPcB/s1600/2017_04_09_19_50_27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6onGdJSVk6s/WOoD664ysqI/AAAAAAAAMoc/dUrPCqDJO-AVvb6Rx-rBh5v9ml1jwINTQCPcB/s320/2017_04_09_19_50_27.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The selfies I took for Grandma</td></tr>
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<b>#officialcolonoscopyadvicescript </b>that everyone had drummed into me. The prep wasn't that terrible. It wasn't pleasant! But it was okay. The worst part was that the day before the procedure, I wasn't allowed to eat anything. I had to read the instructions twice to make sure I had it right - lol. Not eat for 24 hours??? Were you kidding me? Surely I was reading this wrong, but no. So that was the worst part of the prep!</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Any other day, I could think of that day and think "oh my gosh, get over it Kate, it's one day. You're not going to starve, you'll be fine!" I've skipped days of eating in my teens and when I've been sick, so it wasn't completely foreign, but when you're in the moment, on the day, and it's dictated to you rather than it being a choice, IT SUX. I couldn't even look at food ads and I tried to avoid Instagram, because all I could see was food. I even made a list of all of the food I was going to eat when it was over. I was angry and irritable AF.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Anyway, other than being <b>hangry</b>, the prep was ok. If you don't know what the prep involves, basically it's this (in my own words!). I'll title this section and colour it purple, so skip it if it's boring. Also remember that this was <i>my</i> diet and instructions; each hospital has </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">slightly different guidelines and it depends on what time your procedure is - so this is <i>not </i>instructional - I'm just sharing what I had to do.</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><b><u><span style="color: purple; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">The prep:</span></u></b><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">5 days before</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Start a specific low fibre diet. I call it the "stupid diet". It's not stupid,<span style="font-size: large;"> <b>I just hate being 100% restricted in food types.</b> </span> That's why I could never choose to follow a meal plan that dictates certain things you can't eat. That's just me personally. So that's why I refer to it as the "stupid diet". They give me a piece of paper with what foods are allowed and not allowed. There's a few veges and fruit I could have, but most are not allowed. Yet you can eat chocolate and ice cream! (Which was handy as my colonoscopy was on Easter Tuesday, so my "stupid diet" was all through the Easter weekend!)</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">4 days before</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Eat specific low fibre diet / "stupid diet".</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">3 days before</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Eat specific low fibre diet / "stupid diet".</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">2 days before</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Eat specific low fibre diet / "stupid diet".</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Day before</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Don't eat anything. I was allowed to eat jelly and clear liquids but I didn't read this part properly and hadn't prepared (set) jelly so didn't eat a thing. At 3pm I had to take 3 yellow tablets and what I call the "science experiment". This is a video of what it looks like when I made it up. It looks like it belongs in a laboratory, not in your drinking glass. I don't know if the video will</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">At 5pm, I then had to drink 2L of this orangey / citrusy drink (I call it "the stuff"), that forces you to clean out your bowels. So basically the night before the procedure, you spend on the toilet. I know people who set up laptops in their bathroom, perched for an (uncomfortable) movie marathon. I, however, choose to go 15 separate times. My legs would go numb sitting there for 3 hours straight! But mainly, I personally didn't find it necessary to stay put. By the time it's ready to go to sleep, they say your colon should be nice and cleaned out, and I went to bed dreaming of KFC bacon and cheese fillet burgers, chicken and salad sandwiches and roasted sweet potato. Basically, <b>all of the food</b>. Because I hadn't eaten <b>any of the food</b> all day.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"The stuff"</span></td></tr>
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<span style="color: purple;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Day of procedure</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">: Just to kick start your day of fun, just in case your 15 trips to the toilet didn't clear you enough, you get the pleasure of waking up at (in my case) 3:30am and drinking another 1L of the orangey / citrusy drink / "the stuff". Just what you feel like at that time of morning, snuggled in bed. I then got to go to the toilet some more, as much as I could, and that's when I wasn't allowed to intake anything else - no water or anything could pass those lips after the last 1L of "the stuff". And I'd thought the day before was 'nil by mouth'! I tried to get another hour or two of sleep, and then I turned up at the hospital at 7:30am.</span></span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Now I'm not going to describe what happened at the hospital this day for a few reasons:</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Explaining it would double this already lengthy post</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">It's too personal to write on the world wide web</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></li>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">In a nutshell, the whole experience was horrible and as a result I've since been <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Making "the stuff". No wonder I hate cooking.</td></tr>
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traumatised. As I said earlier in this post; I would never, ever, choose to use that word lightly, or incorrectly, but I have been. Everything went wrong from start to finish. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Remember the <b>#officialcolonoscopyadvicescript </b>that had been repeated to me for a year leading up to this?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><i>"Oh, they're not a big deal. The prep's the worst. The procedure itself is nothing. They might find 2 or 3 polyps, but they'll just remove them, and it's all over."</i><br /><br /> WELL THEY WERE LYING. Okay, they weren't lying. But that was certainly not my experience. The prep was pretty shit and the not eating caused me to have so much hanger I didn't even know was possible, however it was <i>nothing</i> compared to the procedure itself. For me, it was opposite - the procedure was worse.<br /><br /> I'm fairly certain that 90% of people reading this have probably had a colonoscopy themselves, and by reading this am thinking that I must be the hugest weakling in the world. It's not like I had triple bypass surgery, or anything remotely significant! But the muck up of events that day and my own personal stuff...it's not for this blog.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I don't know what I was worried about re the anaesthetic either. However I had a twilight, not a general, so basically I was completely knocked out, but didn't wake up groggy and awful like I know people do under general's.<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDkUAwBO6Fc8jqzd92YX97_i-Z70FvG9L8qfDhnfpz-3rML8cPHZcnQ8fkhjRNkDLitkQMm4DqrMRUxoMMnVCwgmU6Paee9MO3wq87yF1py1B-RKxRmAu6sW_a-j8_slXA09P8j2wz-a4/s1600/2017_04_09_19_49_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDkUAwBO6Fc8jqzd92YX97_i-Z70FvG9L8qfDhnfpz-3rML8cPHZcnQ8fkhjRNkDLitkQMm4DqrMRUxoMMnVCwgmU6Paee9MO3wq87yF1py1B-RKxRmAu6sW_a-j8_slXA09P8j2wz-a4/s320/2017_04_09_19_49_01.jpg" width="179" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Selfie for Jenna to say it was OVER! #stillhigh?</td></tr>
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<br /><br /> Waking up in recovery, I heard nurses whispering about me, saying the word "20". I remember being confused - surely I didn't have 20 polyps? As everyone under the sun had prepared me for, I was expecting 2 or 3, so maybe they were talking about something else.<br /><br /> Once I was a bit more awake, I asked the nurse how it went, and asked whether I had 20 polyps? She said that the doctor would speak to me. I saw my anaesthetist - I asked how it went. She said that the doctor would speak to me. Another nurse said that the doctor would speak to me. I waited patiently, inhaled the hospital sandwiches - my first food in over 24 hours - and waited for the doctor.<br /><br /> The end result was that I didn't get to speak to my doctor, and instead I was read out my results in the most inappropriate manner and situation possible. <br /><br /> From the little I was told and what I could read on my report:</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">They had discovered and surgically removed 32 polyps, with many more (polyps) still left inside of me.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">PURE EDIBLE GOLD</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Other than dealing with the rest of what had happened that morning (the results situation was just a part of it), I spent the rest of the day in a daze. I had <i>no</i> idea what it all meant. So much was circling around my head. I didn't understand any of it.<br /><br /> What the hell was this syndrome? What did it mean? The last thing you want to do with medical stuff is to Google it, but that was my professional instruction when I asked what it meant:<i> "look it up on the internet".</i> I kid you not. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>Six words I will never forget.</b> </span><br /><br /> I wasn't seeing my GP for 3 days, so I spent 3 days both Googling ---- while at the same time trying <i>not </i>to Google ---- what it all meant. I didn't really understand.<br /><br /> More than anything, I was devastated that I had to go through this all again in just 3 months. I was also angry - why did they leave some inside me? Why not take them all out while I was there? Why make me go through it again? The lead up was huge for me and the day ended up being traumatic, and I had to do it again so soon??<br /><br /> Didn't everyone say there'd possibly be 2 or 3 polyps? What was this 32 business?? <b><span style="font-size: large;">Surely that was a mistake.</span></b><br /><br /> And what the hell was this extended prep all about? I didn't like the sound of the word <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><3</td></tr>
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'extended'...<br /><br /> Up till now I've told the story in a very "Kate style", step by step manner, in order of what occurred. If I continue in this fashion it'll be the longest post I've ever written, so I'll try and summarise </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif;">from here on in what's happened since.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I went to my GP who printed some information about Serrated Polyposis Syndrome. It's been quite a journey to find out what it means (if you only knew...) but basically it's a genetic condition that means I have a lot of polyps, and I'm at a higher risk of developing bowel cancer. (Polyps can turn into cancer which is why they remove them).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: arial;">Which meant I then had to wait for my results...32 polyps. 32 biopsies. I remember having my first biopsy a few months earlier, on an unrelated lump on my cheek, and I was so anxious about that - and that was to see if one piece of tissue was cancerous. Now I was waiting on 32. It was an anxious wait, but thankfully they all came back as non-malignant.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /> I went back for colonoscopy #2 which went A LOT better than #1, but because of what happened with the first and other issues, I still found it traumatic. I also woke up during the procedure (!) but fortunately don't remember anything as they knocked me out immediately again. <br /><br /> I unfortunately got to learn what 'extended prep' meant, too. Basically it's the same as I <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Extended prep sachets</td></tr>
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wrote above; I do the "stupid diet" for the first 3 days, but then the day before 'no food / drinking "the stuff" / attached to the toilet' day; I have to do that for two days instead of one. <span style="font-size: large;"><b>It's shit. Literally. </b></span> It means I can't eat for about 50 hours, and I have to do the toilet day twice. So, what is usually a day procedure for most, for me is now a week long. I have to take extra time off work - the two 'toilet days' before, then the day of the procedure, and then the day after I have had to have off to recover each time. Last week I planned ambitiously to be a hero and work the day after, but I couldn't.<br /><br /> Anyway, when I woke up from #2, I did get a chance to finally speak to the doctor. He said that this time they'd removed 34 polyps, and that there were still some in there, and, like last time, I'd need to come back in 3 and then 6 months to remove the rest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>This time I was even more angry</b></span> - why did I have to go through this every 12 weeks?? Four colonoscopies in 9 months?? I asked him why, and he said that they had to do it in stages, for time and safety reasons. I asked him how many were left inside me. I mean, they'd already removed 66 so surely it must almost be over? He said he didn't count them but he thought maybe 50-60 were remaining.<br /><br /> I was in so much shock - so I had over 100 polyps?? To skip forward a bit, I ended up having 117. My grandparents tell me how they love to shock their friends with how many I have, because no-one believes them. Everyone around their age (87 and 90!) seems to have had at least one through their years, and when Grandma and Grandad said that their <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I learnt my lesson after #1 that JELLY IS A MUST. I can't stomach much though, as it tastes like "the stuff"!<br /></td></tr>
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granddaughter had 32, no-one believed them. And that was just after colonoscopy #1! Imagine when they got to say 117?? Well, there was no competition! (They say this in caring jest of course - first and foremost they're worried about me, don't get me wrong. It's definitely not a competition you want to win!)<br /><br /> I was still so angry that they had to be removed over 4 procedures, but as a smart friend said, imagine if someone had 100 skin cancers on their arm. They wouldn't be able to remove all 100 in one go - it wouldn't be safe - or probably even possible. As soon as I heard it said like that, I understood.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">There's not a lot of info out there about this syndrome; I understand it's only fairly recently </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">been 'discovered' - if that's the right medical term. So no-one's been able to give me a lot of information about it. I found a Facebook support group but I don't really go in there because it can easily add to the anxiety that I already have. All I know for certain is that it's genetic, I grow a lot of polyps, I have a higher risk of developing bowel cancer, and I'm under "</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">high risk colon cancer surveillance."<br /><br /> My specialist believes we'll be able to manage the cancer risk by regular colonoscopies - which I'll have to now have for the rest of my life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: large; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><b>...And I flipped out over having one...</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">The regularity of how often I'll have to have them depends on how quickly the polyps grow - and up until last week, this is something that we didn't know. I'd been growing the 117 for any number of years - we had no idea over what time frame those ones grew, and at what rate they currently grow.<br /><br /> So what the plan was, was after the fourth 12 weekly colonoscopy, once all were removed, was to then come back in 6 months, to see how many had grown since I'd had a 'clean slate' - as a figure of speech...<br /><br /> Fortunately and I don't know why but I am so grateful, during colonoscopy #3, my specialist removed all remaining (51) - instead of splitting this over two colonoscopies as originally planned. It saved me the pain and turmoil of needing an extra one in December, like I was told I would need.<br /><br /> So I had:<br /><br /><u>March</u>: 32 removed<br /><u>June</u>: 34 removed<br /><u>September</u>: 51 removed</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>All 117 biopsies have come back non-malignant</b> </span>which I don't </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">even need to explain the relief. Waiting for the 51 biopsies was particularly difficult. You have to stay positive and just wait out the results, but I just kept thinking of that 1 cheek biopsy I had - or a couple of moles I've had cut out - and lumps in my breasts etc.. over the years. Each time I was waiting on 1 result. I now had that feeling multiplied by 51. But so far, I've been cancer free.</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><br /><br /> So when I woke up in September, I had no polyps (well I think there were some forming but none remaining that were able to be surgically removed). And I was told to come back in March...which was what I had to do last week. This was the biggie - how quickly do they grow eg. how many would have grown in 6 months?<br /><br /> As much as my specialist believes regular colonoscopies will be enough, very early on he warned me that there's a possibility that I might need my bowel removed or resected. Basically, if I'm growing too many polyps, too quickly, it's not going to be practical or safe to have continual surgery. It may come to a point where the safest thing is to remove the bowel all together. Not having a bowel will mean they can't grow!<br /><br /><span style="font-size: large;"><b> So for the last year, I've been trying to get my head around the possibility that I may one day lose my bowel.</b></span> It's been a big thing to have at the back of my mind, especially because I thought that this would mean I'd need a colostomy bag. That was until last month, when in an outpatient appointment I found out that no, if we do end up needing to go down this path, I wouldn't need a bag! I'd still be able to go to the toilet like normal people! (Just a lot more often as I'd have no bowel (space) to hold 'stuff'). But no bag! That was the most positive news and something that would have been a little more comforting to know 11 months earlier, but anyway. :)<br /><br /> Because of what happened at colonoscopy #1, the Nursing Unit Manager (NUM) has gotten involved and is absolutely beautiful. She investigated everything and is now my go to person. She supervised colonoscopy #3 for me, even coming into the procedure room. She just made everything okay. Unfortunately, because of everything that happened, each procedure traumatises me. After #2 I even started having flashbacks. I dealt with #3 so much better because she was there.<br /><br /> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Terri" the NUM (Georgie Parker) on All Saints</td></tr>
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I call her my Georgie Parker...or my angel. The first time I heard of the term "NUM" was on the TV show All Saints; where Georgie Parker played the NUM of Ward 17, Terri...did anyone watch that show? I grew up watching it and loved it. Hence why I call her my Georgie Parker.<br /><br /> Ironically, my 4th colonoscopy was booked on 29th March at 7:30am...exactly a year to the date <i>and time</i> of my very first one.<br /><br /> So I went in last week. <b><span style="font-size: large;">This one felt like a big one - the decider</span></b> - because really, this one essentially (initially, anyway) was going to indicate how often I'll have to have them from now on. It was going to give me clues as to whether I'll need my bowel removed one day, and it affects so much, for example when I can get pregnant.<br /><br /> The beautiful NUM #mygeorgieparker appeared, and if you watch my Snapchat / IG stories </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">you might have heard me talking about it. Right before she appeared I was getting upset. I didn't know if I was about to cry, have a panic attack or walk out - but I wasn't handling it. So when she turned up I hugged her so tight and clung onto her - I felt so much more safe as soon as she was there. </span><span style="font-family: arial, sans-serif;">Writing this makes me realise I sound like a weirdo; it's just a colonoscopy. But so much else has gone on, to me it's more than you could imagine.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">It went okay, as much as they can, anyway. My anaesthetist was one of the best I've had. He pumped what he called "Super Valium" into my cannula before the anaesthetic which helped relax me. He warned me I may wake up with the oxygen tubes wrapped around my face (nasal cannula) which I'd had before, and I appreciated him giving me a heads up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I woke up however with something like a 'plug' up one nostril? I don't know the medical term and although it wasn't a big deal / obviously needed, it was uncomfortable. That, and the fact that when I woke up the nurses said I was on a ward, was a bit unsettling. I was half out of it, touching the thing in my nose and asking "why am I on a ward?? What went wrong?" But they just meant I was in recovery. Nothing went wrong.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">Because of #mygeorgieparker and a great anaesthetist and a few others, I wasn't as </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">traumatised as the others, but it still took a few days to completely settle. Other than my emotional state (!), the big question was of course, was what did they find.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">There were 12 polyps. I still don't know what to think of it. 12 is obviously a <i>lot</i> better than 117! However those 117 grew in however many years - this is 12 in 6 months. My specialist seemed pretty happy with them, and said <span style="font-size: large;"><b>I don't have to come back for 12 months!</b></span> Woo! That was, of course, music to my ears.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I'm a bit nervous that 12 polyps is an indication that I may need my bowel removed in a few years - because that will <i>possibly </i>be around 24 in a year, which I feel is getting closer to the magical unknown number where they might say "enough".</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">But, as a friend reminded me, in a year I may have 6! Or 12. Or 40. It's not really going to be clear for a while - I guess we can't determine how quickly they grow based on one 6 month period.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This colonoscopy I was craving ciabatta or crunchy bread</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I should be getting my biopsy results tomorrow - (and assuming they are all non-malignant!), I just have to sit back and wait for March 2018 to see where things are at then. Of course in that meantime I intend to continue my quest (action!) of a healthy body and mind, because while this condition is genetic and I can't do anything about it, a healthy lifestyle can only ever be a positive thing.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">While the last year has been really difficult, <span style="font-size: large;"><b>I do feel very blessed and lucky.</b></span> (Again, assuming these results are okay), <i>I don't have cancer.</i> I have two friends currently going through bowel cancer treatment at the moment, and <u>I know</u> that I'm bloody lucky. Not to mention a dozen or so other friends who've been through other types of cancer over the last little while. I found out that one friend's been diagnosed with breast cancer literally as I sat here typing this blog post tonight. So as much as I have struggled with my own stuff, I <i>know </i>how blessed that I am.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">The other good thing is that we've found this. I'm quite young in terms of getting a colonoscopy - if I hadn't had that horrible "blood night" 2 years ago, I probably wouldn't have had one until my 50's or 60's, or whenever they send those bowel tests in the mail that my parents started receiving when they turned 50 (?) And by then, I don't even want to imagine what could have been. So we've found it early.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I think the luckiest / strangest part of all of this though, is that apparently the "blood night" was not caused by my polyps or syndrome. All of my doctors have said this. I don't know what caused that terrifying experience, but I've been told in no uncertain terms that I can be pretty sure that it's saved my life. Hearing that <b><span style="font-size: large;">the 'warning sign' / what started this all off was coincidental / unrelated is a bit full on to grasp</span></b>, but I can only thank God that it happened, and be grateful.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">I'm still working through the trauma part of it all. On the inside, I haven't coped with it very</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"> well at all. Because of the circumstances of the first one and my own issues, the mere process of just keeping an eye on things has caused me distress and trauma. I'm going to say it again, I choose those words carefully and would never use them lightly. For me, it's the process that I have so much trouble dealing with. Obviously waiting for results is hard, and I wonder what the future holds. Apart from losing it (internally) every 12 weeks (and then 6 months) this past year, I try to think positively. But if I'm honest, which as you know I always am (!), I have really struggled to cope, and other than my GP, haven't told anyone just how much so.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">One good thing is that it's made me not scared about anaesthetic anymore! Knock me out baby! Case in point: My anxiety is so high at 'colonoscopy time' that after the first one, I asked both of my GP's separately if there was ANY WAY that they could knock me out for the week leading up to it and the week after. <span style="font-size: large;"><b> I was 100% serious and they were probably 100% horrified, </b></span>but both said a resounding "no" to what I believe would be called a requested induced coma.</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-AU;">It's a bit hard seeing on my reports "high risk colon cancer surveillance" at the top of each report, but hey, being 'surveyed' is a much better place to be than 'having no idea' or being <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The last meal is always precious ;)</td></tr>
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'treated'. Underneath I'm still unconsciously preparing myself for what might come, but this is probably better than being smacked in the face all of a sudden one day, with no pre-warning, like other people deal with every day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">So, yeah! That's one of my stories of late, that I've been wanting to catch you all up on. As I said, it's not weight related but it's "me" related - and this is just one of those curveballs - and we all have curveballs to contend with. It has affected my focus on the whole weight loss thing, for sure. But some things need to be dealt with first.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Now that I've told (sort of) the whole story, I can now speak openly on my Snap stories etc when I'm hangry AF and explain why I haven't eaten for 50 hours. Fortunately I won't have to do that for another 12 months though, which is so awesome!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">I'll let you know what the biopsy results are of the latest 12, but so far I've had good odds: 117 being non-malignant gives a fair bit of hope!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Hopefully I don't sound like a wuss by saying I've struggled to cope with the procedures, but if I do, well, I do. I know people have them every day and they're not usually big deals, and I wish I could say that mine weren't. As much as I've been pretty brutally open in this post, there's obviously a whole lot more underneath that makes this complicated and that's added to the distress. So while everything I've written here is 100% raw and real, <b><span style="font-size: large;">just keep in mind that this is just the surface - the 'high level' story, if you like. </span></b> (Imagine the length if I'd written the detailed story!)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">The past year has been, similarly to the past few, scattered with so many medical things that even I can't keep up. Every.single.week for over a year I've had anywhere between 1-8 medical appointments. Sometimes it's 4 a day. This colonoscopy saga is just one of the causes and over time I might mention other things, but usually I keep it all to myself (and my doctors). This has been one of my biggest things (ever), but sadly by no means is my only thing; and sometimes it feels all too much.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">I'm so sick of waiting rooms, so over scans and machines and waiting for results, too used to the emergency ward, and I recently noticed that I literally have multiple scars on my arm from blood tests - little permanent needle prick hole scars to add to my body's battle scars.</span><br />
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6125575578786743698" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: "arial";">But scars are from battles, which we all have, and all we can do is forge on. I </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">continuously put it all in perspective and think of multiple friends who are going through so many different things including many cancers, like my friends little 9 year old girl who has been fighting Leukemia for the past 2 years. <b><span style="font-size: large;">She doesn't know it yet, but she's my little hero.</span></b> When I think of them, my issues pale into insignificance. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">As much as my stuff has distressed me, I know that I'm one of the lucky ones. Everyone's got their hard stuff, and we can only do the best we can do. Perspective, positivity and acceptance helps so much. But no matter what your hard is, I also think it's important to let yourself have those moments. Cry, yell, tell someone, whatever it takes to let it out. We'd like to think we're made of titanium and that nothing can break our stride, but in the end we're all simply human.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Sending my love out to anyone who's going through anything hard right now. xo</span></div>
Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-58679851571594133392017-03-30T22:55:00.000+10:002017-03-31T09:39:32.970+10:00WE ALREADY KNOW<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'm lying in bed and can't sleep because my chest and stomach actually hurt. Not from pain, nothing's physically wrong, but it hurts. Like when someone's cruel to you. Or some you care about isn't kind. Like when the blood rushes out of you because someone's pushing you away. Or like when someone stabs you in the back.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It's actually hurting and I can't sleep.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Usually when I blog it's a 5 hour affair. No joke- it takes me sooo long to write. I write directly on my laptop, get the right photos uploaded, proof read, and no matter how much I try, it takes hours. Then again - have you read the length of my posts? ;)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Anyway this one is different. I'm lying in my bed on my side, typing this into my iPhone notes. I don't intend on finding a pretty picture and because I'll be posting it from my phone, I'm limited in what I can do. But that's ok, because (as always) it's the content that's the most important. And <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I</span> need to get this out before I go to sleep.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you follow me on social media you may have seen my post earlier tonight about how I read something that I shouldn't have. I'll screenshot it and include it when I transfer this from my iPhone notes to Blogger.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Instead of repeating it, you can just read it yourself:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Firstly, thank you so so SO much for the tons of comments I've been receiving on all platforms and a couple of friends who even called and texted. I feel so supported and you've all helped ease the hurt a little. I'm going to read the comments properly tomorrow but please know that they have not gone unnoticed.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This whole issue has me so riled up that it's ridiculous. I can't stop thinking about it. I'm supposed to be recovering today after an overwhelming day in hospital yesterday yet instead I feel even more unsettled than I did this morning. I was fragile but handling it, but now I just hurt.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I still get incredulous when I find out that people are talking about my weight, as if I don't know that it's an issue.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I read this thing years ago, and I have never forgotten it. It explains how I feel to a TEE. I've had a pretty decent Google search to see if I can find it, as it's right on the money, but I can't. If anyone knows where it originated from, or if anyone has a copy, please let me know as I would love to give credit to the brilliant author.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Basically it was one of those agony aunt / "Ask Alice" columns in a magazine or newspaper. (I don't know if the authors name was indeed Alice, but you get the picture).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"Alice" or whoever she was, would answer satirical, clever responses to her readers questions.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">One day someone wrote in and I'm going to write this out as best as I can remember. It went something like this:</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i><b>Dear Alice,</b></i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have a problem. My sister is really overweight and my mum and myself don't know what to do about it. We're worried about her health and we know it's a sensitive subject and we don't know how to broach it.</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Please help, how do we tell her that she's fat and needs to do something about it?</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">From L.K.</span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">-----</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Dear L.K.,</span></b></i><br />
<i><b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thanks for your message. It seems you and your mum really care about your sister.</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now, this may come as a shock, and I really hate to break this to you, but if she's fat,....... SHE ALREADY KNOWS.</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Love, Alice</span></b></i><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Alice's response was a little longer but I'll never forget that golden line: "SHE ALREADY KNOWS."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We already know! We know people care and I get that people want to help and they're worried about our health and our wellbeing and most of the time it's done out of deep love and concern and is almost always well meaning. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But, as "Alice" said, SHE ALREADY KNOWS. WE ALREADY KNOW. I ALREADY KNOW.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every morning when I pull on the same black outfits every day because they're the only items that both fit and more effectively hide the skin rolls that I'm so self conscious about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time I leave the house and someone, anyone looks at me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time I sit in a chair in my doctors waiting room, hoping that when she calls my name, I won't become wedged in the sides of the chair as I stand up, and take the chair with me. It hasn't happened yet, but it's a fear every single visit.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time I'm a bridesmaid and I go to a fitting with smaller fellow bridesmaids and blink back tears when the bride isn't looking because I don't look as pretty as the other girls.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time a medical professional uses the "Extra large adult" sized cuff to take my blood pressure, kindly trying not to be obvious about it. I know they're crimson in colour, I know when I see one. We both pretend that it's the normal adult cuff, but we both know the truth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time a particular relative glances me up and down every.single.time. he greets me, seemingly believing I can't tell where his eyes avert to. :/ #pleaseforoncejusthugmefirstbeforecheckingmyweight</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time I see girls, women, friends, colleagues, strangers, in gorgeous outfits. In clothes that they may not think twice about but I envy with all my might, mentally visualising what I would choose to wear right now instead of my black "uniform"<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, if <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was their size<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it every time I take one step inside a clothing store, and the sales assistant either completely ignores me or does the "Pretty Woman thing" to me. Yes, that doesn't just happen in 1990's L.A.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it with every break down of tears I have in shop dressing rooms, because nothing fits. That's if it make it in there in the first place. I stopped putting myself through that torture years ago.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know it with every heavy step I take, with every breath I take when walking up stairs, with every shower I take, with every time I'm in public, with every moment of every fucking day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have been trying to take action since I was 16 years old. (And on and off, before that, righ<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t from the age of </span>12). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You don't need to tell me. You don't need to want a doctor to tell me. You don't need to wish that I would take action.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I've been actioning it for longer than you even recognised it was a problem. I action it every second of every day. Even when I'm not eating well, even when it doesn't appear so, I'm actioning it. I'm slipping in those times - but even that's part of the journey.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I understand that people who have never been overweight, obese, fat etc., don't get it. I'm glad they don't get it! I wouldn't wish it on anyone.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But please - PLEASE. If you know someone who is overweight, please trust me - you don't have to worry about telling them. I don't know what the answer is- it's different for everyone - but maybe just support them, talk to them, ask them questions, ask what you can do to help, stand by them, try to understand, encourage them.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But please don't think that you need to tell them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Beca<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">use a</span></span>s Alice says, and I wholeheartedly back up, WE ALREADY KNOW.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And I'll bet you that more times than not, you'll be able to tell this by looking for the constant lump in our throat, choking back tears. I can't speak on behalf of everyone, but trust me, most of us not only know, but we ARE actioning it. </span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125575578786743698.post-45100489867797203302017-03-27T20:41:00.001+10:002017-03-27T20:45:38.742+10:00My subscriber email function has a mind of its own<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">H<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i hi!</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'m i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n the middle of writing a new post, a<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nd started to include this<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> (unrelated<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">) stuff in <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it. The post I'm writing is i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">mp<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">orta<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nt<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> and is already going to be a Kate style <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">length</span>, so I didn't want to clutter it wit<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">h off t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">opic<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> random stuff. H<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ence, this is a new p<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ost just to explain somet<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hing quickly<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">L</span>ast
week I was trying to clean up some of my posts on here, because I have
about 20-30 draft posts. Some of which ended up becoming published
posts<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> but they to<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ok <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">1 or 2 go<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">es<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">;</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a couple </span>that I publis<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hed and then changed my mind and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">reverted </span>them back <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">into <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">drafts<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">; </span></span></span></span>and <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">then </span>a <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">w<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hole stack of posts that I started but never finished.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While I was trying to clean the<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">m up, I republished a co<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">uple <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">of very <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">old ones, but they<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPz0CARYnsKu6hJmh8TTWh98zY3FmE3L-DbK8RWxHab4HpEZtwSD9Kj9nDn8Ev0928lPiqztFfqUqUfx8VIypnTI7BFSmwOGUu6CGWUjukwHnneNMnAgFwzMG3becHWB2zqnbkXdhMxRk/s1600/IMG_5497.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPz0CARYnsKu6hJmh8TTWh98zY3FmE3L-DbK8RWxHab4HpEZtwSD9Kj9nDn8Ev0928lPiqztFfqUqUfx8VIypnTI7BFSmwOGUu6CGWUjukwHnneNMnAgFwzMG3becHWB2zqnbkXdhMxRk/s320/IMG_5497.JPG" width="180" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cartoo<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n Kate</span></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
somehow posted as new, and then se<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">emed to have triggered a couple of subscriber emails to b<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e sent out- one high<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">light<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ing </span></span></span>my old/new <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">blog post, and another sending <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">w<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hat is appro<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ximately the last years worth o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">f blo</span></span></span></span>g posts in one email.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Augh<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. I don't know why, but the su<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">bscriber email th<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ing on my blog doesn't seem to work. I<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'ve always<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> been </span>on my own mailing lis<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t</span></span></span></span>, (<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t</span>o see what <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">gets se<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">nt out, not becaus<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">e I <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">like e<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">mailing myself<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">)<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">😉 and over the years of writing thi<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">s blog, I've never seen any cons<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">istency in the emails that I re<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ceive<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">. I've always just hoped that<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> my mind<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">-of-their-own, irregular emails in my inbox were random because I was t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">he author, and that everyone who subscribed got <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">a clean, pretty e<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">mail each time I posted, but <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">it <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">appears </span>that I'm blonde, and that's n<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ot the case<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, if you received some <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">odd<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ly timed </span>email<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ed posts from me last week, then please <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">know that I possibly wrote <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">one or two of the posts a few years ago. And if you received an email with a years worth of <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">blog posts all o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">n one email<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">: <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">happy read<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ng!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jokes.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I'<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ll try and wor<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">k out what the email issue is 'one day', but i<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t's not <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">high on the prio<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">rity list for now sorry. If you want to <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">keep up <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o date with my blo<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">g, i</span></span></span></span>t's probably best t<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">hat you read them '<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">live' here, and don't <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">re<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ly on emails as they see<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">m to come but once a year.<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">😊 And<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> if you<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">'ve <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">re<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">lied on them <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">up till <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">now, <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">you may have a fair bit of catch up reading<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span>to do!😑 Sorry. I've <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">also j</span>ust <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">disabled the function for now until I sort it out.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">, with that said, I'm off to finish off this <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">o<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ther new p<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ost.<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> It'll be up on my blog soon<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">; either tonight or tomorrow. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And it <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">may or may not be emailed to you, poss<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">ibly around April <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">next year.<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">😉</span></span></span></span> </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </span></span>Coco Girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00802284413316360060noreply@blogger.com0