Wednesday, 30 May 2012

"Oh, the places you'll go." (Dr Seuss)

"Oh, the places you'll go." (Dr Seuss)

Hello!  This is my very first blog.  My very first post.  The start of something big. :)  My name is Coco Girl.  I am 31, a female from Brisbane, Queensland, Australia.  And I am fat.  What defines me being fat?  I am 141kg.  I am officially "morbidly obese".  Morbid isn't a very nice word.  Nor is obese.  That's the fat stat: 141kg.  But the internal stuff is the bigger (?) issue.  I am not happy within myself.  I am rapidly developing stronger social anxiety every day.  My social anxiety means that I 'freak out' being in public at my size.  I don't catch public transport, I haven't done for about 3 years, apart from planes (necessity) and taxi's (privacy).  I breathe rapidly and feel sick walking through shopping centres because people can see my size.  I had a similar thing when I was 21.  I remember hiding behind a post in a night club so less people would see me.  How sad is that?  That ended up being a catalyst for losing weight and I lost 49kg after that.  But yet, here we are, 10 years later, and I am in the same position, and heavier yet!  I'm not a freak or a hermit by any means.  I go to work every day.  I go to the shops.  I go to parties.  I do everything.  I'm an actor and perform in front of theatres full of people.  I don't hide out, I do stuff.  It's just that sometimes I feel sick while doing it.  And I'm sick of that.  Sick of feeling sick. :)

That's just one small part of my complex issue.  Being 'sick of feeling sick' isn't the reason.  It's just one part that I happened to start writing about.  The 'thing' here is simple.

I am transforming myself.

That's it!  That's the reason for this blog.  That's why I'm here.  There are many complex reasons for doing it - you will find that I am a very complex person.  However really, when it comes down to it, when you dig deep enough, when you cut out all of the bullshit, there is only one thing that this is all about, and that is my transformation.

I have reasons, don't you worry, you will hear about them. :)  I have a commitment to myself.  I have stories to tell and stories to create.  Transforming doesn't even mean that it's only about my weight, either.  It entails many things.  But for now I just wanted to do the basics of introducing myself, and to JFDI and to start this blog.  This post is all that I have put out there so far - I will add bits and pieces as I go along, and of course, continue to post. 

My name is Coco Girl and I am transforming myself.  That is all this is about.  And I hope that you will join me on my journey.  Welcome to my transformation :) xx