Saturday, 30 November 2013

To the bullies, haters and trolls,

Please either watch this awesome You Tube clip...or read what I have to say below.  (It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure - you can watch the movie or read the book) :)

Well it's been 18 months now of having a blog in the public domain so I guess it was inevitable to eventually happen: dealing with negativity.  I've been fairly lucky.  Until recently, apart from anyone maybe speaking behind my back, the closest I've come to negativity was some guy named Trevor elegantly pointing out that my "tits had gone" under a before and after of me that 12WBT posted on their Facebook page.  Thanks for pointing that out, classy Trev.  You sound hot.

That's all I've had.  That's as bad as it's gotten.

Until recently.  I wasn't going to say anything publicly, because that's just not me.  No, it's not sweeping it under the carpet, or burying my head in the sand, or wearing rose coloured glasses.  Despite what some people think, I can see everything quite clearly.  I just choose not to let on and waste my time with those on that level.  And I wear pink sunnies coz I think they're pretty.  That's the only reason.

I just don't see the point of bringing stuff up.  And anyway - don't they tell you at school to ignore the bullies, don't give them the satisfaction of seeing they've upset you, coz that's what they thrive on?  Does the same go for when you're an adult, when instead of it being in a playground, it's behind the safe confinements of a keyboard?

There's no rulebook in life, so as with anything, we try and deal with things as best we can.  I was going to leave it, I started dealing with it my own way.  But after one friend, who is so supportive she makes my heart physically ache, posted on behalf of me and some of my friends behalfs today, I decided to say something.  I don't want it to seem like she has to do all of the standing.  And also - maybe - one day - there might be someone who has the unfortunate experience to go through similar, and this post might make them feel less alone.  Who knows.

Recently there were some comments made, both publicly and privately, which were not very nice.  I'm not going to say any more than that.  If I do, I fear I'll be down at their level and besides, unlike some, I try my best not to hurt people.  I won't go into it, the comments can remain on the screenshots we have saved.

Instead, as an adult, I'm going to tell you how this feels.

When I was in primary school I got chased.  I got thrown to the ground.  I got my head held down, pushed into snow and ice, suffocating me while someone else jumped on my back and kicked me.  One day I had a gang of kids march me out of school grounds, yelling and mocking through the streets of the village where I lived until I escaped.  I had bloody noses from being kicked in the face.  On a couple of occasions I ran from the girls bathrooms where they had followed me into and tried to grab me through locked cubicle doors, all the way home to find my mum as I couldn't find protection in the school.  (Hey, maybe that's where my running started?)  For a while, I got pinned up against walls in the school corridor and punched, on a daily basis.

This feels worse.

What was written isn't funny, it's not smart, and it certainly isn't true.  There's a name for what was written, and it's called cyber bullying, and it's down right cruel.

They say that what bullies and trolls write, says much more about them, and while this is definitely true, I wonder if they truly understand just how much their brave words can affect those they're targeted at.  You may suggest they don't care.  Maybe they don't.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that they actually do.  That sticks and stones rhyme?  It was wrong.  Words can hurt.  They can hurt very much.  I'm not going to be all fake and pretend like they don't.  Maybe we can tell 8 year olds that names can never hurt them.  But when we do, we're lying.  They can sting - bad.  They can crumble the strongest of people in a flash.  Let's just say that as a result of this, I have a new found understanding and respect for Charlotte Dawson...  YES, that's what I mean.  That is how deep words can be felt.  I know - my reaction shocked me too.

I've wasted enough time with this - late night chats with equally as hurt friends, answering Inbox and posts from supportive angels, 10min. of the finale group workout in tears because a beautiful someone tried to pep me up, two hours writing this blog post....wayyyyyyy too much of my time so I'll try to be brief so that I can move on.  Move on with losing weight, which is all that this journey has been about.

I will not change who I am, I will continue writing honestly and living truthfully, because I don't know any other way how.  When this girl -----> see picture on the right -----> started losing weight, it was not for anyone other than me.  And that is still the case.  If I was losing weight for someone else, I would have stopped ages ago.  I take 400000 selfies of every event I do for a few reasons:
    1) I am obsessed with photos.  My mum nicknamed me Katie Kodak when I got my first camera at 13 and I've just gotten worse.  This habit formed pre-full blown puberty and weight issues.  It's pretty ingrained and aint going anywhere soon, I'm sorry to say.
    2) Seriously?  Have you seen the length of my blog posts?  If I didn't have photos to break up the novels I write, people would seriously hate me.
    3) Because - every single one of the 400000 selfies I take represents every single time I hid behind poles in nightclubs because I felt I was too fat to be physically seen.  For every single time I sadly had to 'Hide' a photo posted on my Facebook profile and not share what I had been doing, because I was too ashamed for people to see how fat I was.  For every single time I took 50 selfies of myself until I thought I got a decent one, only to look back, crushed, and realise I looked just as huge as the other 49 and I was kidding myself that I could ever get a nice photo.  That is why I take selfies now.  For that girl above.  Because I can finally stand to look at myself.  Please don't try and take that away from me.

And please also remember, that the little you see of me and the 400000 selfies, that there's another 900000000 selfies that you don't see.  It's kind of like reality TV - they show you 22 min. of footage out of 24 hours in a day.  You don't see everything that happens.

I have been honest, upfront and truthful in my journey from the start.  I have shared more things in the past 18 months than I ever have before.  I have shared my ups and downs, my yellow dresses and my underwear.  I have been brutally honest even when it's been downright humiliating to do so.  If I wanted to make myself look 'good', trust me, I would.  Instead, I'd told the world about dirty green socks and bingeing.  About coming last and - oh - about coming last.  Again - and again.  About falling and about failing.  About starting and restarting again.  About the shame that I've felt and about the pain that I've had.

And I'll continue to do so.  Because that is who I am and I wouldn't want to be anyone else.  I'm trying to lose weight - that is all.  It's not simple and it's not quick.  And if my ups and downs help someone feel they're not they're not alone in this weight game, then this putting myself on the line by sharing what I am personally going through is worth it.  If not, then no harm done - I was doing it for myself anyway.  From the messages I get though, I know it's the former.  So, as hard as it is sometimes, and as much as it can hurt, I will continue to wear my heart on my sleeve.  And take photos of it.

As the tongue in cheek You Tube clip that I posted above says, I actually thank you.  Whenever I go through something in life, I feel thankful because it teaches me how to deal with something so I can then help other people.  I've never experienced cyber bullying first hand before, and now I have some insight - however small on the scale it is.  I thank you, because now I can have more of an understanding on how to help my innocent baby nieces and future children, if anyone, God forbid, ever EVER even TRIES the same thing on them.  I thank you for being one of many catalysts who have helped in reminding me of how much support I have around me, how amazing my friends are and how beautiful strangers can be.  I thank you for giving truth to the chorus in Kelly Clarkson's famous song.  And I thank you for making me even more steadfast than I already was in myself and my own ideals, in that I will never stop being who I am.  

When you keep your head held high, no matter what is happening on the ground below, you will always come out on top, always.  I've still got weight to lose and am in the middle of doing so, so please, no more wasting my time.

As you were.

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

Week 3 check in

Transformation Tuesday!
Hi!  Just checking in coz it’s been over a week, whoops.

Not too much to report ---- well actually I just lied, I have heaps.  So I’ll split this over a few posts.  This one is about the general ‘where I’m up to’ stuff illustrated by some of this weeks Instagram photos :)  This is a bullet point type post so here we go...

    Hard training session on Monday!
  • Today is Week 3 weigh in – it’s Week 3 already -  far out.  I wasn’t too happy with my result this week.  I still lost weight!  And I am happy with that of course.  But the number on the scales reflected the work that I have done.  So I can’t be mad about that.  But that’s the point.  The number reflects the work that I’ve done….(so exact actually that it’s scary in a reassuring way).  I did well but I could have done better.  I wanted better results.  To get those better results I needed to have put more of an effort in.  It was a good reminder to myself.  I can’t be upset about the results that I didn’t get from the work I didn’t do.....  I have been working so hard – really, really hard this round.  But I know I could be doing better.
    This mornings run test
  • Aside from the numbers on the scales, I am so happy with my non scale victories.  My weekly 12min. run test result today put a huge smile on my face.  My Start test I ran 1.66km in 12min.  Week 1 I ran 1.6km (yes, less).  Week 2 I ran 1.61km.  After that I made a goal with a lovely lady I was chatting to on Instagram, that we would try and improve our results in Week 3 by 20m.  We both thought of each other today and pushed ourselves and we improved!  I improved by 100m!  So I ran for 1.71km.  I was really proud. :)
  • I’ve restarted Operation Denim Jacket, Operation Leather Jacket and Operation Green Dress after faltering in Round 2 and 3.  I’ve been putting my photos up on their pages (here).  Last night I went to do my Week 3 photos, not thinking too much, just going through the motions, and I ended up over the moon with the results.  In Week 1 of this round I could only just do up 1 button on the denim jacket.  Last night I managed to get all of the buttons done up!!!!  That is in just 2 weeks!  It’s tight and gaping and squashes me etc. so it doesn’t fit properly yet.  But I was so overwhelmed that I could change so much in 2 weeks.  The hard work is paying off.  The green dress fit so much better too – I felt I could pull it down over my chest.  It’s a baby doll dress so it looks really awkward when I don’t, but I hadn’t until I felt like I wasn’t pulling it too much, that time was last night.  The leather jacket went well too but the others were better.  I put this pic up on IG and a few places as I was so excited – and the individual pics are at the links above.  I can't get over that my body has changed so much in 2 weeks.  But I can really feel it and see it changing.  I can actually see myself shrinking in the mirror and I don't often see that so it's really motivating.
    TWO WEEKS.  That is all.
  • I did my 5th triathlon on Sunday!  I’ll do a separate post about that. :)
  • My sticker chart is going pretty well.  I’ve pretty much gotten a nutrition and training sticker every day since I started.  Just a few days where I have been a little liberal in my decisions.  Sleep is shocking but I’m slowly improving it – I’ve been getting 1 sticker a week but my goal for this week is to get 3 stickers.  I’m up to 2 so far for this week and it’s Day 3 so I’m going ok.  My water has surprisingly not been great.  I have no issue with drinking water…but lately I’ve found I’ve been too lazy to drink it at night.  So I’m going to try and drink more during the day as I find it easy to do at work.
My beautiful, pretty jar
  • I also implemented a rewards jar system to correlate with my jar.  I stole the idea off the amazing Emily - I just adored this idea!  Basically you get $1 per sticker you earn, and then at the end of the round you can go and spend it on clothes or whatever you like.  I’ve worked out a little system of how much I get and I can earn up to a few hundred dollars for the round – it depends how hard I work!  I have a very expensive Rewards system that is awesome but I can’t afford to grant myself my rewards when I earn them!  I need to look at this.  But this rewards jar is cool coz I shouldn’t miss a few dollars each day.  I can see myself borrowing from it before pay days (!) but I’m going to try and keep on top of it.  I’ve earnt myself around $80 so far!  Check out my beautiful jar – I LOVE IT!  I completely copied Em, I even copied her colour scheme and decorating ideas coz I loved hers so much!

    I actually got to meet the beautiful Em properly last week - we had lunch!

  • I’ve rejigged my inspiration wall also!  I’ve moved it from my home ‘gym’ that I NEVER use and into my bedroom.  It makes my walls really cluttered and away from just a sleeping space that I try to create but I’m happy with my decision.  I can now see my inspiration stuff from my bed and all the time and it peps me up and motivates me.  And that’s what's important to me, at this stage of my life.
  • Last week I also did an EPIC cook-up.  I took photos and put some stats on Instagram so I thought I’d share it here instead of explaining again how it went. Here are my stats:
--Time started: 6pm.
--Finished 1:45am. 

--Total meals cooked: 92.
--Estimated cost per meal: $0.73.
--Approximate money I've saved by not buying the 92 meals takeaway: $669.
What I made
--Different recipes I cooked: 8.
--New recipes I tried: 3.
--Glasses of wine consumed to assist said cook-up: 2.
--Times I shamelessly licked the bowl: 1.
--Ingredients I ran out of: 1 zucchini.
--Times I made do with another ingredient instead: 1 shallot.
--Estimated time of the next time I'll be due to do a cook-up: 3 months.
--Hours estimated I have saved myself prepping/cooking over the next 3 months minus tonight's effort: 109.
--Percentage I was over it by the end of the night: 100%.
--Amount I will be thankful for spending my whole Friday night in the kitchen multiple times a week over the next 3 months so I have time for other stuff: Priceless. :)
  • I’ve also been trying to focus even more on my goals and put myself first.  I’ve been making an effort to give myself more time.  It’s challenging to do this at this time of the year (!) but I’m trying my best.  I’ve started declining some parties and social events as I’ve been getting too stressed out.  I have no time – so, I am trying to make time.  Just for a few weeks I need to get my priorities straight, and where possible, remove myself from events where I am going to spend unnecessary money, be tempted with unnecessary calories, or just things that take up too much of my time.  The whole life balance thing is a continual juggling act for us all.  But I am really trying to manage mine at the moment.  I’m so set on achieving my goals at the moment that I’ve decided I need to be strict. 
    I bought myself a selfie mirror too!  You think you've seen enough selfies?  I have only just started ;)
  • I’m a little behind in my weekly goals but I should catch up this weekend.

I think that’s all…I am so happy with my work for Round 4 so far.  All I need to do now is to keep it up, don’t give up, and step it up.  I have been on the straight and narrow like I’ve never been before – but I know within myself that I could do even better.

Will see how I go by Week 4…. :)  But I will be back soon with other posts I have in my head!

Love Kate xo

More random Instagram photos from my week:
I got my Hero prizes delivered this week!  So thankful - thank you all so much again

This is my favourite part of the prize :)  I haven't been able to afford to get my old Polar fixed so haven't been using a HRM for about 6 months!  I have no idea how I survived.  Here I am on the first day ready to measure myself again!

I've been eating heaps of red meat, I'm deficient in iron and have been craving steak!

Food prep for the week!

Part of my cook up

I fit into Size 12 pyjama pants!!!  I'm NOT Size 12 yet!  But these are Size 12 and they fit like a glove! :) :)

Lunch today - colourful!

I love my new Mix & Go!  They're awesome!

I made 12WBT pavlova this week - so cool :)

Umm yeah this is how many eggs I needed for my epic cook up!

Sunday, 17 November 2013

Quick update and the scary kangaroo

So tiaras and princess moments to one side, it’s back to discussing business for me. I have weight to lose and that’s what I’m focussing on! I mentioned a few weeks ago about my new
At the top of a hill I climbed this morning
rules that I wrote for myself. They are working so well! I think I've discovered what really works for me. Because of these rules, I’ve had 99% perfect nutrition days for over 2 weeks now! And when I say perfect nutrition, all I mean is as per my plan. Part of that plan was having a break over finale weekend. I did that, and got straight back onto it. 

My rule was that I was calorie counting free from the time I was at Brisbane airport to arriving back to Brisbane airport. Usually when I go away that extends wayyyy beyond the actual trip away…because dinner that night is effectively still the same day of travel, and the next day I often have off work so effectively it’s still part of the ‘trip’! And effectively the following day………and the week after that....

Finding my balance
Well to be bluntly honest, effectively I have a binge issue and that hasn’t been working for me. Effectively I need to stop what I was doing and find something that does work. So – my new time rule worked. I ate and drank carefree over the time I was away, and as soon as I left that airport on my arrival home, I was back in the game. I’ve never been like that before! The amazing thing was as well, when I arrived in Sydney I was really hungry. I was in a newsagency and was ‘allowed’ to buy whatever I wanted. There was chips and chocolate and a lot of junk. What I was craving – what I was excited to find – and what I bought – was a 100 calorie protein bar like I eat regularly! I couldn’t believe it. The first ‘meal’ ‘off the hook’ and I didn’t choose all the crap! The rest of the weekend wasn’t all like that :) I ate what I wanted and it was great. But I also didn’t binge. I could have gone crazy but I didn’t. 

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders – I don’t feel deprived like I usually do. I know now that I have a day coming up where I can have anything I want. I’ve been really relaxed and it’s simply been working – andddddd the weight has been dropping off. :) :)  Having rules is regimented and it's a little odd and having basically one full day a month where I have permission to eat ANYTHING under the a little full on.  It's like treat meal but my own version.  But I reason that I will get to goal a lot sooner by doing this rather than my usual trick of feeling deprived then having one slip up that turns into a three week binge.  After 16 years of this cycle I may have just found a fix that's going to work for me.

I also did up my plan of how I’m going to tackle my full marathon in July. I think it’s going to work. I’ve been prepping my meals and planning and watching all of the Mish videos which I’ve been slack with lately. Nothing I’m doing is crazy or out of the ordinary, I’m just doing what
I have to do. It’s a good reminder that this thing works. If you follow it. 

My sticker chart tells the story for me - this week my nutrition and training each got 6 out of 7 stars.  The 7th one I missed weren't big deals, just slightly off plan.  My water's been getting heaps better.  SLEEP is still amiss.  I was at the theatre the other night and had to leave before the show finished because I was so tired and fell asleep.  I usually battle through but I was such a mess - I shouldn't have even been driving.  My sleep has been shocking so it's time to knock that on it's head and make more of an effort this week.

Before I go I said I’d tell you about the kangaroo story. My friend Alana and I had planned to do a crazy bushwalk a couple of weeks ago. It was 5 laps of the Brisbane Kokoda track – we’ve done 4 laps before but we were going to do 5. That’s about 25km and 1 out of
Head lamps are hot
every 5km was the crazy steep hill, so it was going to take approx. 8 hours. We didn’t want to be out there in the heat of the day – and simply didn’t want to be out there full stop all day! 8 hours is a LONG time to exercise and I get frustrated when I exercise for that amount of time. So we decided to meet at 3:30am and start walking then – that way we’d be done by mid morning. Perfect. Knowing it would be dark, Alana bought us a head lamp each.
Awful wake up time
The night before, as I was setting my alarm, (for 2:45am!) I realised that the last time I had to get up at some crazy time, don a head lamp and meet someone in the bush, was the infamous princess bushwalk.  If you are new to my blog:

Princess story
Princess video

I smiled to myself thinking that must have been about a year ago now. I stopped for a second, looked it up and found out it was EXACTLY a year ago – to the day. I couldn’t believe it. I suddenly panicked. Was I completely stupid? I was going to set myself up in the exact same silly circumstance, exactly a year later? I’m not supersticious but I do know when I’m attempting risk. And this was one of those times.  What was I doing :( But - I didn’t
The most patient girl in the world
want to change plans at the last minute and I simply didn’t want to be out there all day, so I kept my date with Alana and went to bed, quietly worrying. I told myself that just because last year went balls up, didn’t mean that this time would. We could take it really slowly. I was determined to be able to do this without ending up in hospital by the end of the day. 

I got up and sat in my car at 3:30am at the top of Mt Coot-tha, waiting for Alana. It was really scary and eerie being there at that time of night. (Or morning?) I locked myself in my car and when Alana arrived we set ourselves up, took some obligatory selfies and started
The biggest princess in the bush
walking towards the bush. And that’s when I remembered. Now long time readers of this blog will know me by now that I plan crazy adventures all the time and only really think it through the day it happens. This was one of those times. We were prepared – it wasn’t the preparation that was amiss. We had probably 10L of icy water in our cars, and food, and the head lamps, and other stuff. Oh, the preparation was fine. 

What I failed to realise, was, that we were doing this in the dark! 

I’m scared of all animals! 

What kind of animal fearer walks into a bush on the side of the mountain at 3:30am?? (And can I just say, what kind of blonde doesn't realise this until she gets there!)  As we walked into the bush, I realised it was absolutely pitch quiet and we could hear everything. I grabbed Alana and told her I was scared and that I didn’t realise it would be dark and quiet. We’d probably walked, ummm, 3 metres by this point?  Still 25km to
Don't let the stick fool you....
go ;) Alana is the sweetest, most patient person in the entire world – I had always guessed this, but now I know this is a fact, with how she dealt with my stupidity. She didn’t flinch. I started rattling off about how I knew it would be dark, but I just hadn't thought it through in that it would be eerily quiet and that animals - big ones! - would probably be out to play.

We kept walking a few metres; my heart rate had sky rocketed to about 180 in a matter of moments. She offered for us to turn back; I said it'd be ok - and at that moment we heard something. It was the

sound of something big. By now we'd probably walked about 20, maybe 25 metres.

Me: "What was that??" 
Alana: "Nothing."
Me: "No, it's something big!  It's an animal!"
Alana: "It's probably just a kangaroo."
Me: "What?!  That's worse!"

Now I don't know why kangaroos were suddenly worse than ... umm..other animals?  All I
know is that I started running.  I DID NOT THINK THERE'D BE KANGAROOS!  What the hell was I doing there?  I ran for a few metres back towards the cars and grabbed Alana again.

I was pretty scared.  I may have mentioned something about wolves.  Alana was just beautiful and generous and the best.  She offered again for us to go and wait in the cars until it was a bit more light.  I was so torn - I didn't want to waste our 2:45am wake up for nothing - I didn't want to let her down - I could get over my wasted early get up, but it wasn't fair on my understanding and extremely non judgemental friend :)  But on the other hand, my heart rate was exceeding 180 and I was
beside myself.

We stood there for about 30 seconds while I tried to make a decision.


The noise started again.  Jump.  Jump.  Jump.

That was it.  I was outta there.  I believe there may have been quiet girly screams and we ran out of that bush (the whole 25 metres hahaa) all the way to the cars.

We sat there until it was light-ish and went back for Attempt #2.  

We actually ended up only doing 2 laps (10km) because we both weren't feeling well.  I'm still really proud that we called it off instead of pushing through exhaustion and lack of energy.  I'm also proud I didn't end up in hospital that day - if we kept going feeling unwell we may have
Some of the lovely girls from this mornings walk
done just that though!  We listened to ourselves and called it a day.  The unexpected fear factor challenge was enough for our poor hearts anyway. :)

And that's where I got my idea to finally try kangaroo this round ;)  I'm not scared of kangaroos as such, but I am when I hear them jumping in the middle of the night in the bush on the side of a mountain!  I am just scared of all animals.  Funnily enough I went on another bushwalk
The 9 faces of fear of animals this morning
with Alana today (this time when it was light at about 5:30am and with a whole stack of other girls) and we saw 3 kangaroos!  In the wild!  I was Jumpy McJumpison but I survived.

Far out.   

Now seriously, IF you hear me say that I am going on a bush walk...with a head lamp...any time between the time of 12am and 5am...please send me links to this and the princess blog post and slap me over the head.  I will remember, and I will not try this again, I promise.

Oh, and by the way, while we were walking, I did Google wolves...and there's none in Australia.  So you can all relax ;)

Photo for Jodie

The gals from this morning

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Kate Does Finale

There's very few times where I'm speechless or don't know how to blog about an experience...and this is one of them.  So..............................................................I did finale!  Did I ever!  It was one of the craziest weekends of my life.  It was overwhelming, amazing, crazy, humbling, fun, unbelievable and totally insane.  I'm still processing it now.  As always with finale, I find it hard to blog about it as it's such a personal and amazing experience - something that just can't be conveyed in words.  And this one is no exception - but this time to the highest extreme.
Hugging Mish

I was awarded 12WBT Hero.  It's an award for "Inspiring, Supporting, and Paying It Forward."  It's nominated by 12WBT members, which makes it all the more special.  5 of us got Hero and 5 were awarded a Top Transformation award for the round.  To be in the Top 10 of this amazing program blows me away.  12WBT is massive.  Like huge.  How could I be chosen to be up there?  It's with absolute no word of a lie when I say that a couple of times in the week leading up to finale, I almost emailed Larah from 12WBT to say that I'm not sure I should be up there.  

Part of me felt like it was a fairytale and I needed her to pinch me because it felt like I was in a dream - I actually stopped believing it.  And the other part of me felt like I shouldn't be there.  Surely there was a mistake.  You see, I was just this chick from Brisbane who used to be morbidly obese and wouldn't
One of the strangest moments of my life
even catch a train out of embarrassment at my size.  I've been on this journey to lose weight, sure, but it hasn't been perfect. It's been so far from perfect that perfect isn't on the spectrum.  I fail all the time and I'm not even 'there' yet.  And now you're saying I'm a 12WBT Hero?  I think they have the wrong person.

Yet this is what they told me.  So leading up to the weekend I was daydreaming about this - I have no idea how I concentrated on work for the week.  I'm an actor and I'm onstage all the time.  But that's hiding behind a character.  This was going to be all about me...just Kate.  It was hard to get my head around it all.  I was excited, overwhelmed and in shock, all at once.

So much happened that it seems as surreal now as it did at the time. I had pre-drinks with Mish!  I had to stand on a podium under spotlight and be delivered to Mish onstage while being flanked by a video camera while Katy Perry's 'Hero' played. It was so full on that my name may as well have been up in lights. Oh wait, it was. My name was in lights on the big screens. Can you see why it was overwhelming??

Then as if being onstage for Hero wasn't enough, a whole stack of other exciting things kept popping up.  One of them was that I got to be a model for the One Active fashion parade at the finale group workout!  One Active is my favourite label - I was going to model my favourite label!  This was the most exciting thing ever for me.  And it was so much fun - the group of girls I was with were awesome.  I swung my jacket aka Full Monty on that stage like I had all the confidence in the world - despite shaking on the inside.  

You'd think having drinks with my favourite Mish, having my name - and me - up in lights and
About to model One Active!
modelling my favourite clothes would be enough for one day but there was actually more.  It just didn't stop.  Even more amazing things happened.  When crazy things happen to me, I sometimes say to myself "my life is so weird".  This was an understatement for Saturday.  It was a day and night I will never forget, and hopefully one day soon, I'll be able to process it and make sense of it all. :)

A wholehearted thank you to those who nominated me.  It is incredibly overwhelming to have so much support -
Swing that jacket!
not just for this award but just always.  I would never be able to do justice in words at how much support I have around me.  Thank you for following my ups and my downs and not budging from my side no matter where I am.

Another huge thank you to the amazing 12WBT staff for their tireless efforts in putting each finale together. Not only do they work their butts off, they personally go out of their way to look after you and make you feel like the most amazing person in the world. I held more than one of their hands on the night! That's the kind of beautiful, kind hearted people they are. And another shout out to a few special friends who are always by my side, but particularly were all weekend and this fortnight. I'm going to leave someone out if I name them but you know who I'm talking about. I am blessed to have you around me and I don't know where I'd be without you.

It was an incredible honour to be awarded Hero and I'm still trying to process it all. The closest I've come to making sense of it was when I had two men separately approach me at the party. Each of them scoped me out to say thank you for helping their wives change their lives. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. I speak like this to women a fair bit, but for this to come from men was really special. Each of them was simply glowing with pride at their beautiful wives. I made sure I found each said wife and hugged them and both times the 3 of us had this little moment. The special thing here was that I haven't done anything. I just did (and am doing) my own thing. I think this is all about the fact that sometimes we just need to know that it's possible to achieve something to know that we can do it ourselves. 

I feel so fortunate that I was able to thank Mish herself on Saturday for helping change my life. She replied by saying that I did the work. A year ago I would have (and I actually did lol) gush back that no no no, SHE changed my life. However on Saturday I agreed with her, and said that yes. Yes, I did. She (and her team) gave me the tools - and the hope - and I did the work. That's what I said to these men and others I chatted to. You can grab onto any inspiration or feel motivated by watching someone else do it, but when it comes down to the crunch, you are the only person who can do the work. Just keep doing your own thing, stay true to yourself and work hard, and that's when you become your own hero. That girl on stage in the photos is actually just that chick from Brisbane who wouldn't catch a train at 141kg. On the inside I'm still the same person. I'm a lot lighter, more confident, fit etc. now but really, I am still just Kate. I'm simply doing my best to be the best version of her that I can be. That's all I can ever ask of myself.

Thank you so much again xo

My little moment on the podium

With the beautiful Thee and Larah

Top 10

On stage


At pre-drinks with my amazing and supportive friend Kirsty, and Mish

My beautiful friend Cathy

Love this photo!

This girl is amazing.  Michaela is just so inspirational and was such a rock for me for the night <3

My official photo with Mish

Arriving in Sydney and I bumped into 4 12WBT friends!

Friday night drinks with Court and Sarah

On my way to the fashion parade rehearsal

Clothes and shoes we had to model!

My clothes!

Being interviewed!

Workout fun with Jo

Its 'our' book!  Leonie and I wait for autograph hunters...ok, no-one?  We'll wait a little longer :P

I have been wanting to meet Dane for 6 rounds!  I finally got to on Saturday and it made my day!

Makeup time!  (For the 3rd time that day!)

All that glitters....

With Kirst <3

With the beautiful Heather

Just before we went onstage.  Such an amazing moment

Love Larah and Kim :)

Flying home

One Active models!

My 1st ever caricature!  They had caricaturists at the party!  So cool!