Wednesday 22 February 2023

Is running like riding a bike?

So, I'm worried about how my knee will hold up on Sunday's event.  This week I've been daydreaming about being able to run the length.  (Yes, it's a fun 'run' but you are allowed to walk it.  So no, I'm not shooting into an event with no training, I know that I'll be able to walk).


But, still, I wondered... I haven't even attempted to run since I injured my knees.  Why would I?  But this week I started wondering... is it like riding a bike?  What if I just start running?  My body will just do it, surely?


How amazing would that be?  When I asked the doctors whether I could ever run again, they hesitated to say a straight out 'no', but I could tell that's what they were thinking.  They said they have seen stranger things (or words to that effect).


So, me being me, I decided then and there that I would in fact run again.  If it's possible then I will make it happen!


I guess despite having completely damaged knees, I've still, on the inside, never given up hope, and genuinely can still see myself as a runner.


Which is how I came to wondering this week if it is like riding a bike...


I tried today (two days before the event), and while it genuinely felt like riding a bike to 80% of my body and that I fitness wise could just keep going, my left knee said NO.


I'm really upset about it.


Attempting to run (just around the loungeroom) was a big reminder to the fact that yes, my knees are actually stuffed!  My right knee seemed fine, but my left just felt so weak and it hurt. *shaking my head*


The rest of my body was screaming YES!  We remember how to do this!  I 1000% felt like I could run - and keep running.  Except for that left knee.  I looked at some scans and you can clearly see that I have literally no padding between the bones on my left knee - well, less so than on my right.  It just felt like it wouldn't hold up, like there was zero support.


So maybe running can very well be like riding a bike!  .........unless you have a stuffed knee.😞


In a flurry I quickly jumped online and ordered a knee brace from Big W to pick up tomorrow.  Yes, not my most medically sound purchase I've ever made, but I don't have the time or the money to get a proper one before Sunday, and I reasoned it could only help.


I'll just walk it. Of course I won't go out and hurt myself but I just want to run it so much!!!


Anyway this event is not about me running 1km, or 1 metre for that matter.


It's about all the reasons I listed on my previous post.


I just digressed because the running aspect is on my mind today.


I want to run it so much!

Monday 20 February 2023

Entering my first fun run in 6 years!

Okay, I'm starting to write this on Friday 17th February, but I won't be publishing it until at least Sunday 19th.  I'll likely come back and do a few edits before I do publish it.

Why?

Because I've entered my 4 year olds and myself into a FUN RUN on Sunday and I haven't told anyone about it yet!

What the actual thing am I doing??

Until this week (YAY, go me!) I hadn't exercised in 7 years (see my current Instagram posts about this):



And I haven't done a fun run since...looking up now...26th January 2017: The Australia Day Running Festival, a 5km event.  [Side note: Oops...okay, that was more likely the last day I exercised, not a 2016 boot camp. Okay, so it's been 6 years since I exercised.  And, fun run wise the exact same.]

Literally just over 6 years.

REALLY, what am I doing??

So.

How did I get to this strange point?

So back when I was doing my run of Pinkie Tris and fun runs, like 10 years ago, I started getting inspired to one day take my nieces along to one of their events.  They have a few kids events on the day and it's heaps of fun.  Heaps of people dress up and there's glitter, tutus and the colour pink EVERYWHERE.

I was in awe of the parents and kids there and thought what a cool and amazing thing to do as a KID.  So good for them and so much FUN.  It was so inspiring to watch. I had two brand new nieces at the time and this ultimate aunty visualised myself taking them to one myself one day.

Fast forward a few years, add a 'few' too many kilos, a few too many injuries, a not so healthy bout of social anxiety, and I have been of course in no state to even consider participating in an event any time soon.  But the dream never left me.

In 2021 when the girls were 2, it occurred to me that umm, I now have two of my own daughters now!  Yes, I was very aware that I had become a parent.  But it just made me realise that hey - I could actually bring my OWN kids along to an event!

I was absolutely nowhere near close to being ready to enter one in 2021, but I started daydreaming and googled the events out of interest.

Yes, they still had kid events.  They had two kids triathlons, and 3 fun runs: 1km, 3km and 6km.

There were minimum age limits for the tris and fun runs (7 years old), but I couldn't see any age restriction for the 1km event...?

I emailed the event organisers and asked them whether there was a minimum age for the 1km.  They replied and said that no, there wasn't!  They did say if they were under 5 they would request an adult to run with them, which of course I would do regardless.  But it was cool to know that whenever (??) I was ready, that I had a green light to bring my own two little girls along!  

I didn't imagine I'd be ready for a couple of years anyway (let alone my 2 year olds!  lol!)

Anyway, fast forward to late 2022; I was daydreaming again.  I'd had the surgery fairly recently so was definitely going down in kg's, but I wasn't ready to enter a fun run yet of course!  I was still limping with each step that I took, and I hadn't even inadvertently walked longer than the length of the local shopping centre in years.  But my eyes were opening up to many possibilities and opportunities again.

I jumped online and looked up the dates of the events near me.  I'm lucky in Brisbane, in that we've got 3 events each year that we can easily get to: Brisbane, Gold Coast and Sunshine Coast.

I'd done them all many times.  It appeared now that the Sunshine Coast event was no more, but I still had Brisbane and the Gold Coast!

Of all the days for me to think to look it up, it happened to be the date of the 2022 Brisbane event - like, that very day.  It was happening as I was googling.

That meant that the next Brisbane event would be a year away.  As much as this is about my girls as well, my googling this day was more about me trying to find an event for me, one that I could set as a bit of a goal and work towards; physically and mentally.  And a 1km event (THAT COMES WITH A MEDAL!  You need a medal) - was the perfect starting point for me.

Possibly overconfidence speaking here, but I was hoping that I would be far beyond needing to stick to a 1km event in one years time.

So I looked up the date of the Gold Coast event.

I wasn't too keen on the GC - I do love the GC! - but it's about an hours drive, and taking along my young twins to a different city for my first foray into events since 2017...I don't know...I needed to make this huge goal as simple and achievable as possible for me.

I looked it up anyway and the next event date was set for the 19th February 2023.

Hmmm.

As much as the date was better than a whole year away, I didn't know if I could be ready by then!  (I was looking this up in October/November).  I'm still hugely morbidly obese and I need a double knee replacement. February was very soon...

But, me being how I am, I started considering it, for real...

I started a 'dummy entry' just to check the cost of entry for the 1km, but it wouldn't let me put my girls dates of birth in...?  I pretended they were 7 years of age instead, and this time it let me.

I emailed the event organisers with my previous email trail below, and enquired about it.  I asked whether the rules had changed and did they now have a minimum age for the 1km event too, or was it was just a technical error.

They didn't comment on what I was told a couple of years ago, but just said that they do have a minimum age of 7, but if I wanted to enter, then to let them know and they could request special permission from the race director.

Oh, Kate.  It may be 6 years since your last event, but it seems you haven't shaken the irony of somehow having officials or special circumstances going on with your events.  At least (at this stage anyway!) there were no police or loudspeakers involved... 😳. (If you're a new follower you can find previous blog posts about all of my interesting event experiences listed here).

I didn't want to have to ask for special permission or anything! 😅  I'm a just-go-with-the-rules person / rules follower. If the mininum age is 7 then I'll bring the girls in 3 years time! 🤷. No biggie.  The only reason I was enquiring about it is that they had told me themselves that there was no age limit.  (And their website actually says that there's no age limit lol). 😉

This being said, I did of course appreciate the offer of getting special permission.

I kept it at the back of my mind for all of like two days haha, and then emailed again and said that capital 'Y'; Yes, I have decided, I do want to enter.  

WHAT?  

I have no idea where this gusto and confidence came from, but I went with it...

They replied soon after and said that the race director had given the girls special permission to enter. 😆😂  Oh goodness...I've only ever wanted to blend in at events, and it's never managed to happen...and it seems that continues.  We hadn't even entered yet and already we have special permissions... 😜🙈

So, I entered us.

And that's how it came about!

I've tried not to think about it too much.  I am excited.  I'm looking forward to:
  • Sharing this experience with my girls
  • Watching them participate in their first event
  • To give them this experience
  • To perhaps kick off something that they'd like to continue (eg. running / fun runs / athletics)
  • Getting myself back into events
  • Getting medals.  Derr! 😆
  • Being proud of how bloody much mere grit and strength its taken for me to make this day happen (in several respects).
  • Achieving something I daydreamed about doing 10 years ago.  With my own children. 😭
  • Going to the beach afterwards!  The girls LOVE the beach.
And that's why I'm doing it, and why we'll be turning up.

But I am equal parts terrified.


My social anxiety is bloody intense man.  I struggle walking into Woolworths.  And here I am planning on attending a SPORTS STADIUM - in a different city, to participate in a running event alongside hundreds of fit people?  Like, who does that?

I got our race numbers emailed to me the other day and it blew my mind.  It's been 6 years since I've been given a race number.  And to also see my babies names on their own race numbers... oh gosh. 💓
And then I checked the address and realised the venue is called the Gold Coast Performance Centre... whaaaat? Hahaa

It's the same stadium I've attended the same event in many times before.  But it must have changed names over the years and now it sounds even more elite than it already did.

A few days ago I was reading one of my blog posts from my first Pinkie event in 2012 and I said this in that blog post and will say it again now: 'I don't tend to frequent sports stadiums.' 😅

And the reason I haven't shared what I'm doing in advance, and why I won't be publishing this post until after, is not because I'm unsure if I'll do it, or anything like that.

It's sort of sadly because I told someone a couple of months ago what I was planning, and they kind of laughed at / dissed me.  I was so embarrassed and ashamed and haven't wanted to tell anyone since!  It's a bit of a stubborn response on my behalf, but I was hurt and ashamed.

Yes, 1km is nothing. 

But to me, at this exact stage in my life, this is like me doing a half marathon.

If I can run 30km, I can walk 1km, right?

If I can dream it, I can turn up to the Gold Coast Performance Centre on Sunday and do my first event since 2017, right?

I'm not actually asking.

😊

It's been years since I had a race timetable 😌

😳

Wednesday 25 January 2023

"You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns."

"You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns.

This is a direct quote from something my dietician said to me on Monday. 😅
(Although she said my actual start weight).  (I'll be ok to share what it was one day, by the way.  No time soon though!)

It may sound brash or a strange thing to say in a dietician consultation, but it was actually quite the comfort to hear this.

Ever since I started this journey properly (as in, decided on a surgeon), I've been regularly seeing both a bariatric surgery dietician and a bariatric surgery psychologist.  Obviously both are accredited in their individual fields for general help in their areas, but they choose to specialise in assisting people who are or have undertaken weight loss surgery (WLS).  I believe my psychologist will only see WLS patients now!  (She doesn't see any clients who don't.  She still counsels in any area you need to talk about; it's not just WLS related talking, but her client base are WLS patients only).

When I first announced to my GP that I wanted to have WLS, the first thing she said was that I need to make sure that I find a surgeon who takes a holistic approach, and incorporates both dietetics and psychology within their team, as these aspects are crucial for long term success.  From my own research, most WLS surgeons do have teams that include these, but they vary surgeon to surgeon in terms of how much it's encouraged that you use them.  Some surgeons have them as part of their 'official team', ie a dietician and psychologist who work alongside them in their physical clinic, and some surgeons just have recommended people you can contact.

My original surgeon had a very strict plan in place as to how often you had to see his.  I remember going to visit for my very initial consultation, and I firstly spoke with his head nurse.  I was a 'WLS freshie', as in, I was bright eyed and eager and uneducated.

She showed me an A4 piece of paper, which had the process that their clinic followed, to do WLS.  The first step was to have the initial consultation with her.  TICK!

My eyes wandered down the page, as I took in all of the other things I had to tick off.

Rightttttttt down the bottom of the typewritten A4 page, was 'Surgery'.  It was at the very bottom of a long list of pre-work that they needed me to do first.

It was surprising, but comforting, that they were so detailed, and this proved to be the main catalyst for why I ended up choosing to go with them (originally, until I changed my mind!)

As part of their protocol, they required all of their patients to visit their:

Dietician:           2x before surgery / 1x after surgery
Psychologist:    1x before surgery / 2x after surgery

So, 3x total each.  You could always see them more as you saw fit, but those numbers were the clinic's minimum requirements.

Conversely, my actual surgeon (the one I ended up swapping to), had no such requirements.  You had to see one of his dieticians before surgery, because you had to be educated on your pre-op diet, but aside from that, I don't believe they had any mandatory visits that you had to tick off.

So my original surgeon required me to see the psychologist 3x in total.  My actual surgeon didn't require me to see the psychologist at all.

To date I've seen mine 13 times.😂

I've taken full advantage of the holistic view that my GP originally mentioned, and have made it a (self motivated) priority to see them both regularly.  (I've seen the dietician 8 times).

And I will continue to do so!  I feel so lucky, in that I adore both the psychologist and dietician, so it's easy to want to continue appointments.  The irony is not lost on me that I can say that about a dietician.  No offence to the worldwide cohort of dieticians and nutritionists out there, but up until now, I was not a fan of them.  To be fair I can't even recall having a terrible experience with one, to make me form this overarching opinion.  I must have talked to one at one stage though, because I've always been very anti them.  I was losing my mind when I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes (GD) in pregnancy and was forced to see a GD dietician.  I visited them (internally) kicking and screaming.  (Fortunately they decided I didn't need to continue to see them, and immediately released me from their books).

But the reason I hated the idea of them so much, (I'm sure they're all lovely people!) is that I didn't need to be told what to eat.  I may be fat, but I do know what to eat.  I just don't!  A dietician, in my mind, was never going to solve that issue for me.  I needed a weight loss psychologist.

Anyway, the dietician that I was paired up with from my original surgeon was just the best.  I was happy enough to see her initially because I knew that she had a specific task to do for me: to educate me on the pre-op diet, and to coach me through safely introducing foods again to my rerouted and surgically altered digestive system.  That was fine.  I was cool with that.  It was about physical restrictions.  No problem.  I needed an expert for that, yes.  That was okay.  What wouldn't have been cool was if she had lectured me on how to eat a balanced diet and discussing the food pyramid.🙅

She did all that (the coaching through restrictions), but she's also been almost like a weight loss psychologist herself.  She's very understanding, respectful and I guess also 'accomodating' of my history with food.  She's done more for me than just coach me on the physical food restrictions and reintroductions.  Obviously I discuss more psychology based stuff with my psychologist, and definitely see her more, but the dietician has been a surprising highlight to my 'health team'.

I asked her, sensitive and tentatively on Monday, whether she has other clients with binge eating disorders / behaviours, and she threw her head back almost laughing and exclaimed "yes!  Of course!  That's why there's such a thing as weight loss surgery!"

In retrospect it was a silly question.  But I was feeling quite low in confidence and was starting to feel like the only person who's ever had an issue with overeating.

I've been struggling a bit with old habits creeping in and its been getting to me.  You don't want to spend thousands of dollars and physically alter your body, for it not to work.  I mean, every weight loss venture, you want it to work!  But this time feels like there's a lot more (expensive) stake.

And of course, it's not that it's *not* working, it's just that its fucking scary when you realise how vulnerable you actually are.  

-I decided to have the surgery.
-I had the surgery.
-I dealt with all of the restrictions.
-Now I have an altered digestive system AND free reign of food, so now it's 1000% up to me.

And I've said this before, it's not like surgery fixes your brain.  You go to hospital one morning and a few hours later you've been cut at and rewired physically.  But that's it.  Decades of learned behaviours don't get fixed in that hour in theatre!  (I wish they did)...

Have you ever heard of people talking about how it's still possible to stuff up weight loss surgery because you can find ways around everything, for example, melting down a Mars Bar and drinking it through a straw?

It's an old adage that's been around for years.  Years and years before I even remotely contemplated having surgery myself.

To be honest it was probably a contributing factor as to *why* I never seriously considered doing surgery myself.

Not that I would ever melt down a Mars Bar and drink it.😅

But I guess I've starkly realised this month, that you don't have to melt down a Mars Bar to stuff up weight loss surgery.  (I mean, you can bloody EAT a regular Mars Bar like before, anyway!  Why would people even need to melt it??😜)

But there's so many other things you can do, and that's really scaring me.  

This whole journey has had it's 'hards'.  It was 'hard' to navigate the process of having WLS.  It was 'hard' doing pre-op.  It was 'hard' to recover from major surgery.  It was 'hard' having 3 months of restrictive eating.

But this part feels the hardest -  coming to the realisation that it's VERY easy to still 'overeat' (whatever that means for you).

I haven't fixed old behaviours.  I've been trying!  And I'm making progress!  But the issues are still there and will take longer than a day in surgery to resolve, or at least manage.

And that's why my dietician said what she said on Monday: "You don’t get to be *insert my start weight here* without fucked up eating patterns."

I was discussing the old behaviours that I've noticed creeping up.  (I feel like I officially 'binged' for the first time since surgery 2 weeks ago).😞

She looked at her computer, and she said "Kate, I don't think you're ever going to completely cure your binge eating behaviours."

That statement took the breath out of me.  I was instantly crushed.

I felt like she'd lost hope in me, and that she'd deemed me a failure.

That's not it whatsoever, but I've been feeling low and that's how I initially took it.

(Two days later, I remembered that I'd already realised this fact years ago!  More on that another day).

But on Monday this is what was the catalyst for her to comfort me by saying what she said, about how you don't get to my size without fucked up eating patterns.

It was so true and just so comforting to hear in that moment, because I was feeling pretty failure-ish!

A minute later she also said: (I scribbled these in the notes of my phone so I could remember them):😁

"You can’t expect to unfuck yourself in 3 months".

Again, true.  (Well, its actually been 4 months since my surgery, but I'm sure the same statement still stands for 4 months too).

And it'll be the same for 5, 6, and so on.

I guess I just have to remember that I accepted a few years ago that I will always have an issue with eating behaviours.  And as much as it was confronting to be told that this this week and remember that it's actually likely true, it's actually not as scary as it could sound.  It's probably a fact, and the sooner you can accept stuff, the more freedom you acquire.  And that in turn gives you more time to deal with things.  And manage them, which is all I need to do.

I've given myself this HUGE, helpful tool to catapult me forward, but it's always going to need management, and new strategies and habits, which are technically within my control.  Frightfully hard, and marred by my eating disorders, but literally still, within my control.

I'm making progress, I'm making improvements, I'm inching forward and I'm making better choices overall.  And maybe this is simply a good time to remind myself that life, and success, is never quite linear, and all I can do is to keep trying.
xx

P.S. Apparently you can get these: 

You don't even need a straw 😉


Tuesday 24 January 2023

What type of weight loss surgery did I have?

Hi! 👋

Okay, so in true Kate fashion, it's now 9 weeks since my previous post, surgery is on Monday....in FIVE DAYS - and I haven't even told you what type of surgery I'm getting. (Let alone anything else, but let's focus on one topic at a time).😅

EDIT - I started writing this in September and never finished it.  I only had a little bit more to write; it was practically done.  It's now January and 'Kate fashion' needs to be entered into a dictionary to describe the most annoying term of not getting things done because I'm actually ridiculous.  I'll fill you in when I can but let me just finish and publish this blog post first!  (I'm now currently 4 months post op).

Before I delve into the details on any part of this, can I please just say for the record that I feel a bit weird sharing info about any part of this process. Why? Because it really feels like everyone who's battled their weight has already had weight loss surgery (WLS). I feel like I'm the only one who's never looked into this prior to now, and I'm finally jumping onboard with what everyone else has already done, and thus is all over.

I know that it's not entirely correct, and maybe I just happen to know of a LOT of people who have had it done. But I still feel really late to the party. I'll share anyway because when do I not Hahaa, but also it's possible that there's someone out there who is struggling, is contemplating this path or is just interested.

I guess what I'm saying is my apologies to those readers who have gone before me. And for everyone else, please remember that I am in no way an expert, this is just my own experiences. I've had to educate myself very quickly about how this all works.

SO! My usual disclaimer is now done haha.

I really wanted to tell my story consecutively, so that it organically make sense. But...if it's taken me 9 weeks (EDIT: + 4 months!) to get around to my first real insight, then let's just let that idea go and get my stories out there, in whatever order!

Because of this there's going to be things that don't make sense until I get to explain them, such as the fact that 3 weeks into pre-op, I decided to change surgeons. I'll share why in another post,  but to help me tell stories such as this one, for now I'll call them Original Surgeon and Actual Surgeon.

So I went into this with the idea that I wanted to have 'the sleeve' (Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG)). Because I never thought WLS was for me, I was very uneducated about the entire process. I really knew very little, including the types of WLS's available. 

My old boss had had lap band surgery many years ago, and I was vaguely aware that that wasn't really done anymore. I'd heard of the term 'mini bypass' but the method that I'd heard used the most was the sleeve. #GastricSleeve and #vsg were the only hashtags I ever noticed.

I knew what the sleeve was, and it sounded like it was the new 'go to' WLS option. The current gold standard. So, before I did any research, I was confident that that's what I would want. With some things in life, I just like to go with the majority. It's going to sound like this regardless of how I attempt to explain it I think, but it's really not at all like me being a sheep or a follower. But instead, for many things, I like to do the average thing: take the safest route. 

Such as with WLS, if 80% (I made that figure up just now) of WLS patients have the sleeve, then I'm not going to be inclined in the slightest to want to do some other method that's less well known. I am very strong minded and research and educate myself fully about things so that I can make informed choices. But I'm also going to be very influenced by the figures. There's a reason most people do the sleeve!

Okay, I still totally sound like a sheep, I know. But I'm really not! 😂

Anyway, so that thought process was the first line of influence for me, and I started getting ready to do my own research.

Once I made the decision to do (some type of) surgery, I was full pelt into it. I don't ever do things by halves. lol, case in point:

Why have 1 baby when you can have 2?


The very first time I saw my GP after I made the decision, we only had 2 minutes to chat, so it was a very rushed mention. She was so supportive and encouraging about it, and I said that I'd come back the following week after I'd done a bit of research, to talk properly about it and to get a referral.

As I was walking out of the door, I remember her saying that different WLS methods are good for different types of people, and that she wasn't too sure herself, but she thought that bypass surgery was the one that would probably suit me better?

I was so surprised, because as I said I'd already assumed I'd be 'normal' and be on track for the sleeve! She said again that she wasn't too across the different methods and maybe she was wrong and had it mixed up?

I briefly looked up what the bypass was, and I was like yeah, nah, just the usual sleeve still, thanks!

You can google yourself all of the different weight loss options, but if I had to explain this to someone unfamiliar sitting in front of me right now, this is how I would describe them (and how I did, each time I discussed the options with family and friends while I was deciding).😆

(Again, these are my (VERY non-medical, VERY non-technical) words!  Just trying to get the idea across: please don't take my layman's terms as anything other than what they are.😂)

________________________

Lap band: where they put a 'rubber' band around your stomach so you can't eat as much.  Not often performed any more.

Sleeve: where they cut 80% of your stomach and remove it from the body.  This causes restriction as to how much you can eat.  Not reversible.

Mini gastric bypass: where they cut your stomach and make a little pouch (but leave the remaining stomach inside you), and reroute your intestines so that food 'bypasses' some of the digestive track.  So that you have a smaller stomach but also less chance for calories (and nutrients!) to get absorbed.  So this results in weight loss via restriction like the above, as well as malabsorption.  Reversible.

Roux-En-Y gastric bypass: same as the mini bypass but there's more rerouting of your intestinal tract.  (Two joins rather than the one that the 'mini' bypass has).  Reversible.

SADI: a combination of the sleeve and bypass.

________________________


There are other types and I think there's different names for some, but these were the ones I started learning about.  I'd obviously crossed the lap band off my list, and I crossed the SADI off my list too.  One surgeon told me something along the line of that the SADI used to be called something else, and it had poor outcomes or something bad happened, and they renamed it...yeah that was enough for me to cross that one right off my list! 🙅

Here's a diagram of the main ones I was looking at; sleeve vs one of the bypasses:

Sleeve vs bypass


Anyway I started to do my research and everything supported my desire to choose the sleeve. I went back to my GP and got referrals to weight loss surgeons.

I had initial consultations with two different surgeons to compare (Original Surgeon and Actual Surgeon).

My first appointment ironically was with my current surgeon (Actual Surgeon). Still very new to this whole thing, I rattled off that I would be looking at the sleeve but would be guided by him as the expert. I asked what he would suggest for me, and he said, and I'll always remember this: "If I had to bet my own life on giving you the right surgery, I'd do a bypass on you today."

What? 

Another professional saying bypass...

This surgeon is very renowned and an expert in his field.  I'd first saw him on TV actually, on an expert panel.  So while I remembered what he said, I still was stuck on the majority, and was hoping I could convince myself that this expert didn't know what was best for me.😂

The following week I went to meet the Original Surgeon for the first time.  Similar conversation, but less strong wording on his behalf.  I told him I was looking at the sleeve, and what would he suggest.  He said it was up to me (as did the other surgeon), but if he had to suggest something, he'd suggest one of the bypasses.

Damn.

So, as I thrust myself forward into choosing a surgeon, starting preparation and then pre-op, and getting everything organised, I continued my quest to prove to myself that the sleeve was the better choice for me.

I'd chosen the second surgeon I'd met with ('Original Surgeon') as my surgeon to go with.  I started meeting with his dietician and psychologist, and they too were both gently leaning toward a bypass within conversations.

I didn't have to decide until I signed the consent forms a couple of weeks out from surgery, so there was no imminent rush to choose.  But it was still hanging over my head.  I felt exactly like it was when I was trying to decide on birth options for my twins: attempt to deliver naturally, or choose a caesarean?  Everyone (medical professionals) were recommending a caesarean, and deep down I knew that was what I should do, but I really wanted to attempt a natural delivery.  (I ended up choosing the caesarean, which I think I already knew that I should*, but it took months of pondering for me to finally be able to make that decision).  

*Should = do what was best for my babies and me.
(A C section ended up being the safest thing for us 3). 

Anyway, that was pregnancy, this is weight loss surgery!

I first met with the surgeons in May.  My surgery was planned for early August.  Late July it was time for my consent paperwork to be signed.  And I still couldn't make up my mind.  I rang the surgeon's office and asked if I could meet with the surgeon one more time to discuss the different surgeries before signing on the dotted line.

(This will have been only the second appointment with him, its not like I'd been to see him 7 times and kept going over the same stuff).

They said they could make that 'consent appointment' actually a discussion appointment, and I could always come back the following week to sign the paperwork.  I knew that I would, because there was no way that I would have wanted to go in and discuss alternate options and then sign immediately after!  

However, ironically, that's actually what I ended up doing...

I went along and met with him.  I asked him to be specific as to why he suggested a bypass for me.  In a nutshell, the reason this was everyone's suggestion, was that a gastric bypass was proven to be better for long term weight loss, especially when you have a lot to lose, like I did.

I also remember my Actual Surgeon telling me that it was very common for patients to get the sleeve, but then end up coming back 1-2 years later and requesting a revision surgery from sleeve to bypass, because the sleeve was no longer working for them.  He said let's not waste my time and an enormous amount of money twice over, and just get the right* surgery first up.

(*Right surgery for me). 

So, back to the Original Surgeon 'consent appointment' that was now a 'discussion appointment'...

After he discussed the different surgery options, he then said that they had had some results come back for me.  This surgeon had required me to do 101 tests prior to surgery 😳
One of those was a gastroscopy (endoscopy) (where they shove a camera down your throat and check the upper part of your digestive system).

I'd had all of the required tests and as far as I knew, had gotten all of the results back from each one, including the gastroscopy, and everything was fine and in order. (?)

He proceeded to tell me that they'd discovered that I had something called 'Barrett's Oesophagus'.

I had no idea what that was, and to be honest, still am not very confident in my education of it.  In my own words to sum up the brief overview that he gave me in the room that day, Barrett's Oesophagus is damage to the oesophagus:  Apparently the cells in our stomach wall are tough and 'hardened', so to withstand all of the stomach acids that we have.  The cells of the wall of our oesophagus, however, are 'not tough'.

Over time though, if people have a lot of reflux (stomach acid coming up into the oesophagus), the cells in the oesophagus can change, and harden, to mimic the type of cells that are in the stomach.  (To handle the acid).

And then over time, with the cell changes, they can change even more and become cancerous.

Whoah.  I was just expecting to have a chat about which type of surgery was best to fix my weight problem.  I was so blindsided from this diagnosis; I wasn't expecting to have any results given to me this day.

That's pretty much all he told me, and all I was able to ask was "so it's not cancer though, is it?"  Because hearing the words 'cell changes' is pretty frigging scary.  As is asking that question...

He said no, not currently, but I would need to have a gastroscopy every year to monitor it, and that this diagnosis would be another reason to support me having the bypass done.

Sold.

That was the defining moment that made me finally make a decision.  I specifically remember saying to him "ok, well I'm not going to muck around with that, bypass it is then."

(Apparently bypasses are better for reflux because physically it's harder for the stomach acid to come back up due to the rerouting of your digestive tract; whereas with a sleeve it can come straight back up just like it used to).

I'm still surprised by this diagnosis, because as far as I knew, I've never really had a reflux 'problem'.  I had really bad reflux during the second half of pregnancy, but surely that wouldn't be enough to cause this, having been from such a concentrated period of time?  I've experienced reflux other times for sure, often when I've eaten a lot of high sugar foods.  But not often!  Maybe pregnancy tipped me over the edge from the little I already had?

Anyway, I dunno.  I already have to have annual colonoscopies, so it'll be easy to add in the endoscopy and do both ends at once.  I'll have a chat to my specialist and doctors one day and try and get a bit more understanding surrounding it.

Anyway, so I signed the consent form right then and there, and never looked back!  (Never looked back at the surgery type I chose, I mean).  I looked back many times and as mentioned ended up changing surgeons the week after this appointment!  Which I will explain.  But that's how I came to decide what surgery type was best for me.

I remember being told that it will also depend on the day when they open you up, as to whether they can even go ahead with your chosen type of surgery.  I was told that even if I chose a bypass, I would be consenting to both a bypass and a sleeve. Because if for some reason anatomically they couldn't perform a bypass, they would change to a sleeve on the day, while you're opened up!  I don't know in what circumstances this would happen, I imagine it could be an issue if they couldn't reach certain organs, especially if your liver was too big, which is the point of pre-op, to shrink your liver for surgery.

I remember my Actual Surgeon also mentioning at one point that unless he told me, I would have no idea of knowing what surgery he performed, once he'd closed me back up.  (Btw it's keyhole surgery, so technically you're not actually 'opened up'.😅). But he was just saying this to hint at the point that when all is said and done, all weight loss surgeries basically work in a similar way, so not to get *overly* caught up in which is best.  They're all weight loss surgeries and you still have to work at each and every one.

On the day of my surgery they were able to perform the bypass, so that's what I have had done!
A Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass.😊

And because I posted my first 'before and after' photo on my Instagram just this morning; here it is here, too.  My first one that I've shared in 9 years.💗