WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Really - what do you want?  Do you know what you want?
I've been thinking about this a lot lately.  It can sometimes be hard to know what you want.  You have to do a lot of soul searching if you don't know.  One idea is to open up your eyes and look around you.  I keep thinking back to a chapter in my favourite book of all time: "Nine Secrets of Women Who Get What They Want" by American author, Kate White.  I am not a self help book kind of girl.  But this is a book that I stumbled across for $5 when I was about 17 in one of those makeshift book shops in a shopping centre.  Random buy, life changing book.

It was incredible and I read it over and over through the years, until I lost my copy a few years back.  It's incredible and I recommend it to anyone.  It helped me to get a promotion once, among many other things.  One thing she teaches in her book is to embrace the colour green...well, so to speak.

You know that awful, horrible emotion, ENVY?  The feeling that makes you feel wracked with guilt?  Well she shows you that it's actually a really positive emotion.  It shows you what you really want.  Are you envious of the girl down the hallway at work who just got that promotion?  Are you envious of your best friend's new razor layered hair cut?  Are you envious of your gym buddy who has just hit their 30kg loss?  Whatever it is, no matter how random or small, if it makes you envious, have a think about it - is that just showing you want you actually want?

It's not a bad thing!  In fact, I think it's very healthy.  Jealousy can be at different levels, and we have all heard stories of where jealousy can be taken to its limits and cause damage.

But don't give up so easily on envy.  If you're not sure what you want, have a look around you.  What makes your stomach burn?  What makes you get dreamy eyed?  What makes you salivate at the image you can conjur up so crystal clear, of what you would love to have?  These are your answers!

Get inspired...surround yourself with pictures of what you want...immerse yourself in books, magazines, Google, photos, hand scrawled notes....if you're surrounded by things that inspire you, chances are, these will spur you on to keep achieving your goals.

I'm not feeling particularly envious myself lately, but I already know what I want.  I want a lot of things - believe me :)  But one thing I didn't have to think about as I already know, is my weight loss goal.  I want to achieve this!  I've been thinking about it a lot.  How important is this to me?  How much do I want to achieve it?  Two questions I asked myself:

1. Is it at the top of my 'wish list'?
2. Am I treating it as my top priority day to day?

I had my answer there.  I have to dedicate myself to this and make choices - sometimes this will be hard.  There will be conflicting priorities day to day.  I had a big one last weekend.  I'm an actor and was supposed to be performing in a show at the same time as Round 2 finale.  Instead, I decided (some weeks ago), that Perth 12WBT finale was a bigger priority for me.  I never miss shows.  Trust me on that :)  Years ago I once had a secret symbol for a particular show I was in - I was very, very sick, but I refused to not perform.  So I had this symbol that, if I used it onstage, it meant to call an ambulance.  Fortunately I didn't have to use it, but I had my Stage Manager and Director in a tizz for whole show!

So yes, unless you're dying or already in hospital, you perform (in my books) ;)  However when I knew about this clash, I made a decision that finale was more important to me than this show.  I didn't bail on it, it was organised well in advance that I wouldn't be partaking.  But it was still a huge thing for me.  I'm lucky I had an awesome finale to distract me from being sad that I wasn't on stage, performing in Brisbane.

But I made my choice.  I wasn't choosing acting over my weight.  But I decided that being involved with and being inspired by finale, was more important to me at this point than this particular show.  I think it's important to prioritise every day.  We're all so busy and we all have so much going on in our lives.  But you have to be, as Mish says, "gut wrenchingly honest" with yourself and ask.....what is it that you truly want?  If you're not sure, open up your eyes, get on the green envy train or immerse yourself in everything until you find that thing.

That thing that makes your heart BURN with excitement and anticipation.  You'll know what you want when you feel that.

Today's training

My big current thing is my weight goals.  So today I kicked some ass training and went hard at it, morning, noon and night to kick start the week for myself.  I put this as a priority for myself, because, I know, that that is what makes my heart burn with passion...that is what I really want, right now.

What do you REALLY want?