Friday, 19 October 2012

But you don't understand, I'm actually too fat for the stairs?

This is a text I sent a friend this morning. Today was the day I had planned to walk the infamous Kangaroo Point stairs with a group of 12WBT friends.

What I stared at for 20min., not my phone
I wrote this fairly lengthy blog post about this morning and every thought and action and....I've just deleted it. Because I'm trying to increase the red in my life - I don't need to harp on about what happened this morning, just as much as you don't need to read it :) Nothing 'happened' as such. It was simple. Essentially I was looking forward to it. I was fine until I got there, and I panicked- I couldn't do this. I was actually too fat for the stairs. Don't start yelling at my for using the 'f' word, I'm being completely serious. I wasn't too wide to stand on the stairs, but I was too wide to stand 2 people deep. And that's what freaked me out. And that's why I couldn't do it. I stood frozen at the top of the stairs for 20min pretending I had received a very important email on my phone that required my undivided attention. I texted my friend who I was meeting, 'R', the text above. 

She turned up. She said I could actually do it. What I didn't tell her was that I was actually too fat for the stairs. She said I could do it, and come on, let's go. In my head: "yes but you don't realise, I'm actually too fat for the stairs?" My legs were actually feeling like they'd buckle. 

'Unfortunately' for me I don't lie, I don't like making a fuss, and I avoid confrontation. So.......... I walked with her. Ummm what the? How did this happen? I just told her I couldn't do it! I don't think she heard me ;)

I was still telling myself this, the whole way. Even when we had gone down the path towards the bottom of the stairs and were ready to tackle them on the way up, I still thought I might be able to get out of it. Because I didn't tell her this, but I was actually too fat for the stairs. 

And thanks to R I took that first step at the bottom of the stairs that I decided I was too fat for. And we walked to the top. And it was ok. And then we did it again. And then I had to go but we still did it one more time :)

And it was ok. And I could do it. I may have been too wide to stand 2 people deep but I can still walk those stairs. I still fit. 

Sometimes we forget we can do things. Simple things. Like climb stairs that we tell ourselves that we're too fat for. And we just need a little reminder. Yes, this is leading into my upcoming blog post. :)

Thanks R :) xx

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