Wednesday, 15 January 2014

My wallet is too heavy and my diamond shoes are too tight :(

Before you read ahead, please immediately ignore the title of this post. The only thing my wallet is weighed down with is receipts and rubbish that I never clear out, and the only diamonds I own come in a form of the rare and exotic stone, Cu-bic Zir-con-ia. The title of this post is obviously a tongue in cheek way of describing something I'm trying to get across.

Last night I had an appointment with my GP - it was partially a follow up from my hospital visit, and predominately an opportunity for me to get a second opinion. If you read my post "Diagnosis: Athlete", you'll know how I got a crazy diagnosis last week of - as the title states, being an athlete and being fit.  As you do?

As I mentioned in the post, as much as the diagnosis was super cool, I was still unsettled in the days that followed. It was such a strange thing to be told and something that I felt I couldn't believe. And my heart rate was so, SO low - surely it couldn't be normal?
Pictures from this week (well, not the one on the left!)

Firstly, I felt like an idiot walking into the medical centre. I'd been doing hill runs outside to maximise my time and to fit my training in. So I was wearing training gear and sneakers. I was probably looking all rosy cheeked and refreshed and I bounded in, literally straight from exericise, to see a doctor. I didn't feel like I quite fit in, in a hub for the sick and injured! I briefed my doc and he hooked me up to another ECG and looked at everything again.

And? The second diagnosis and opinion mirrored the first: "you're just really fit".

Pretty awesome, hey. To be told twice in a week that you're an athlete...that you're fit...that you have a resting heart rate lower than most professional athletes.

You'd think I would have been jumping up and down and hugging the doctor, the receptionist and everyone in the waiting room.

Instead, I almost burst into tears. I've had a bit of time to process it now, and I realise it stemmed from utter disbelief. Utter and pure.

1st time wearing a sweat band for its actual purposes ;)
I was in shock. What do you mean? I don't understand this language. If anything I was more surprised at yesterday’s second opinion compared to last weeks first. Last week I was in a bit of a daze, I was there through the night and falling asleep and everything always seems a bit unreal and strange when you're in hospital. It was also an emergency department where they don't exactly have a plethora of time to spend on each patient. Yet yesterday, this was my normal GP who I've seen for years. He's very blunt, matter of fact and great at his job. I'm not fussed on his bedside manner but I completely trust him on a medical stand point. So to hear him verify what the emergency doctors told made it just more real.

And this is what I couldn't understand. I asked him several times if he was sure. "I know mine's low, but it was 33 at one point...are you sure that's not too low?" "So there's really nothing wrong?" " sure?"

I almost wanted to cry fact I almost did. In my head I was screaming at him: "I can't be! People like me don't get told stuff like that." It was just as if I couldn't imagine this being true. I was overwhelmed. A lifetime of weight issues, bad habits and health stuff flashed before my eyes.

How could I stand in a doctors office, dressed in running gear, and be told over and over that I’m extremely fit and healthy? Who was I? Please for a second don’t get me wrong. This is the best thing in the world. I’m absolutely not suggesting that I wanted bad news or to be told anything else. Hence, the title of this post. I was in just so much disbelief, that I couldn't comprehend it.  And on top of feeling overwhelmed and shocked, I also felt guilty for being a bit upset.

Talk about first world problems! My pony is sick :( … I left my Rolex on my yacht :( … the 5 star restaurant brought my lobster out late :( … fat wallet, diamond shoes, all of those things, wahhh wahhh wahhh. I’m fit, healthy and an athlete wahhh :(   Ha! See what I mean! I wasn’t sad about the diagnosis, it just sounds that way, and I probably came across as disappointed to my GP!

My hair is permanently in a bun lately - no time to maintain!
Instead, I know this might sound weird, but I was so highly overwhelmed that I actually couldn’t comprehend it. You see, morbidly obese people who hate exercise, who smoke, who have life threatening blood clots, who have such a large file at the hospital that the doctor felt the need to comment and advise you of this last week etc etc etc, I could go on............THESE PEOPLE DO NOT GET TOLD THIS KIND OF STUFF!

Does this make sense?  Because it didn't to me :(

Oh!  And he also told me that the heart condition that I got told I had a month ago?  The doctor who told me that was overreacting and I don't actually have a heart I was not only told that I am fit, I also got a condition taken off me.  Ummm?  Is this like the Mayfair and Park Lane or golden Rolls Royce of doctors appointments?  I left the medical centre so confused from being overwhelmed that by the time I got home I was actually crying.  Far out - and this was after good news! ;)

I've had a day to process it and I understand why and am able to comprehend it now. :)  I think it's just been a big few days with changes.  Over the past literally two days, I've had so many comments of people telling me I've lost weight - just all of a sudden everyone seems to be noticing and telling me.  Also over the last week my photos are really making me look different, and what is even bigger, is, I can see the changes. 

So it's kind of been a big few days of changes to process.  Medically noted heightened fitness, and both those around me and more significantly myself noticing my weight and shape changes = HUGE milestones.  It's like it's all hit and once.

I have so much more to say and so many more things to update on here but I will get back on here soon.  I just had to write to be able to process this myself.

I know I've made a joke about it and first world problems in this post but I'm not trying to downgrade how important this is.  I was just trying to work out why I have had such trouble grasping what I've been told.  I know people would kill to have a diagnosis like this and that most aren't that lucky.  I am so grateful and I couldn't ask for a better confirmed diagnosis.  It may be extremely hard to comprehend, when for most of my life I have been so incredibly the opposite --- but, I am getting my head around it now.

And it makes me feel like the most blessed person in the world <3     

1 comment:

  1. We work our arses off to be better, slimmer, healthier, but our heads take a little more time to catch up, we don't realise it until something like that happens. Congratulations on the 2nd opinion reaffirming the 1st, and on NOT having a heart condition!