Week 3 fail

Where to start.

I'm not even going to bother with an overview of this post, or a nice introduction or anything.  Let's just blurt it all out in any way that it comes.  And just a warning, I've just finished writing this and have come back to let you know in advance, that this is a bit of a whinge fest post.  #sorrynotsorry.  Feel free to skip this if you wish. 

I've had a shit week.  It's not been fun: I've spent heaps of it crying, some of it in pain, and most of it just in blah-land.

Overarchingly, from a weight loss point of view, I have been really, really struggling to get my head back in the game since the cruise.  I've read lately how a few of my friends and other 12 weekers dealt with their cruises, and most of them seem to say they were strong and controlled themselves in the overflowing buffets of food that never ends.

…

I am not one of these people.

It was like being stuck in a 4 day long game of The Biggest Loser temptation.  I would suck at playing that!

I was expecting to 'relax' on the ship (except for my exercise thanks to #operationcruiseship!) but what I didn't factor in was getting back in the game after I got home.  I've been off track for over a week now, and that's just since arriving back, not to mention the cruise itself!

I have been mega struggling to jump back into it.  And it's doing my head in.

And other stuff...don't we all have 'other stuff' going on? :)  Well, it's made for a pretty shit week.

What has me baffled though, is I keep crying!  I don't cry much these days, but man, this week!!

It's like I'm crying at the drop of a hat...and I'm dropping hats a couple of times a day!  Some of the 'hats' have been genuinely emotional moments...the arrival and announcements of three friends' long awaited for babies, a friend’s mum getting a potentially terminal diagnosis, my friends tween daughter hysterically confiding in me that she heard her mum being hit (!), being unable to be with and help 2 family members when they were in a car accident interstate... some of the hats from this week are non judgingly tear-worthy.  But the other tears, they are at any given moment! Far out!

It got to the point on Friday, that I even cried at work.

And I don't cry at work.  Well, I guess I do, because I did! :(  But I haven't cried at work (that people have seen!) in maybe 3 years?  I pride myself on that.  But Friday stuffed that running streak!

It wasn't corporate train wreck stuff.  It wasn't bad.  It wasn't even in the office.  It was one colleague, who saw me out at lunch and unfortunately for her, asked me how I was at the wrong moment...

But still --- what is wrong with me this week?

If my nutrition has been bad, my training hasn't been much better. My workouts have fallen somewhere in between fairly skewed and non-existent, thanks to pain/injury etc., and that’s been doing my head in too, which in turn hasn't helped my plight of getting back in the game.

Monday I did boot camp we did hill runs.  I don't know what it was, I actually think it was a combo of still being a bit unsteady on my feet after being out at sea, together with pushing myself to my extreme in my workout, but after we finished I suddenly got jelly legs and felt

faint, and my trainer had to hold me up and help me walk!  I was fine but I skipped my second workout that arvo just in case.

Tuesday is my rest day.  I did pretty well with that!

Made in the 80's!  Not the 40's... :(

On Wednesday I wore this shirt to boot camp and I had a little whinge afterwards.  Because I suddenly got so sick of having to do alternative exercises because of pain that I have.  Like my shirt says, I was made in the 80's. ;)  But increasingly I keep feeling like I was born in the 40's or 50's!  Between my back, my O pain (I will explain this) and random aches, it's getting ridiculous.  I'm old, but I'm not that old!  Usually I just do alternate exercises without a second thought, but on Wednesday I got so over this!  I just felt like I couldn't do anything.  My back and O pain means I can't always do leg raises, burpees, squats, tricep dips, clean and press, get-ups etc.; the list seems to be increasing.  My back even started to give way on my warm up run of just 200m – and I’m supposed to be running 42km in 6 weeks??  It's frustrating not being as agile and carefree (?) as I should be at my age.  As I said I usually just substitute and get on with it, but Wednesday I just had a little stamp of my feet!

Now, this O pain.  I've talked about it on here before.  The O pain is intermittent pain I've had for about 18 months.  This time last year, I was at my wits end, trying to work out what it was.  I saw a string of doctors, had every test imaginable, was in two different hospitals and at one point was prepped for surgery.  They thought it was possibly Ovarian cysts, or my Appendix (hence, the almost surgery).  That didn't go ahead, nor did anything else.  No-one could tell me what it was, and I gave up searching for answers.

Instead, I've just put up with the pain.  I'm just used to it and if I need to explain why I can't do a particular exercise, I just touch the area, shake my head in frustration and call it my 'Ovary pain'.  Which is ridiculous because they didn't find cysts, or anything else, so it’s not necessarily coming from there.  But I don't know what it is!  I don't know what else is in that area, hence the nickname 'Ovary pain' - or, 'O pain'.  It feels as frustrating as it sounds stupid, don't you worry.

Anyway.  Thursday night I got the 'O pain'.  Not a big deal.  It's been part of me for 18 months.  But this time was pretty bad, and it didn't seem to go away.  I was squashed in an uncomfortable chair out at a lengthy dinner with friends at the time, so I just assumed once I got home and lay down, that it would settle.

But it continued for the rest of the night, and was still there when I woke up.  It had never been this constant.  It made me skip Friday boot camp and I think it fuelled the work tears.  Against my own pride and fear, I finally booked a GP appointment for Friday afternoon.

With minimal examining, the GP said it was ligament damage/strain - probably the inguinal ligament. (?) She wasn't even slightly concerned that it was anything more internal than that.  This was a huge relief, but as much as I wanted to believe her, her diagnosis was at a long line of inconclusive tests and investigations, so I didn't feel I could take it as gospel.  Regardless though, it relaxed me a little, which is what I needed.

By the time I woke up on Saturday morning, it seemed to have gone, and that's when I climbed Nick's Mountain!

I don't remember it hurting at all while we did the mountain.

After the mountain, I had Marathon School.  I arrived at the University where it was being held – it was our first and only practical session – the rest is theory.  I had come straight from the mountain to Marathon School, aside from a 5 minute run into my house to change my top and shoes.  I hadn't had time to stop and think, or to assess how I was feeling.

I walked from my car to the group, and realised I was feeling a bit sore.  It was to be expected - a 4 hour climb of a 'wild' mountain would do that.  But by the time I got to the others, I realised it wasn't really DOMS, it was the ‘O pain’, suddenly back.  And it escalated quickly, with a vengeance. 

We were just standing in a group while one of the trainers explained what we were going to do.  But I could barely stand.  I was trying to lean on my side, and was doubled over.  I wanted to lie on the ground but was embarrassed and didn't want to be weird or to make a scene.

Don't ask me why, but I then went on the warm up run with the rest of the group.  Well, I tried to.  I did one of the two oval laps we had to do, and stopped... I know, I shouldn't have done that, I was really hurting.  The other trainer came over to ask if I was ok and I explained about the stupid ‘O pain’.

She immediately told me it's probably my abductor tendon...?  She said that I should ice it each day, not run, get an MRI and see a Physio or sports doctor.

This was getting so weird!  For over a year, I've assumed, and been worried, that there's been something wrong with my organs...now it really seemed like it was ligament / muscular!  I sat down on the grass to watch the class do their drills, trying to take note of what they were doing.  I couldn't sit though, I was in agony.  I lay down in a weird position, but every way I lay, hurt.  Apart from that I just found it really hard, lying there and watching them run, not being able to join them.  I was beyond frustrated.

And to add to it, a free fun run that I was also supposed to do that afternoon, the Schnitzel Run, actually ran past where we were training, starting their run.  I actually took this

photo...you can't really tell but it's me looking up from the grass, with the fun run running behind Marathon School, neither of which I could participate in.

I ended up leaving as I couldn't handle the pain or the disappointment that I couldn't join in!

And then Sunday.  Sunday morning I had a 10km run event. 

It did not go to plan. 

I’ve been trying to work out ever since whether I should blog about it.  If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll know that it was a total fail.  But all that I’ve been able to share so far, is that it involved police, hiding, and a lot of tears.  I’m still up and down as to whether I’ll write about it.  I am absolutely embarrassed about it.  I was starting to think I would tell the story, but when my boss’s reaction when I told him, was to put his hand on his wide opened mouth, gasp, and exclaim that I shouldn’t repeat this story, it didn’t give me much confidence!

So I will see.  I will however blog soon though about ‘my marathon is in 6 weeks’ fears, especially now with my ‘O pain’ and how this fits in with that….

So as a result, my Week 3 star sticker stats were:

Nutrition: 0/7
Training: 4/7
Sleep: 4/7
Water: 0/7

My sleep has been getting so much better.  But I have no excuse with the water.  And nutrition and training, see above. :(  So as a result, you can imagine the scales weren’t my friend this morning!  I'm just feeling so blah (is it any wonder??) which isn't helping my self esteem factor! 

Sorry for the down and out post.