Wednesday, 5 March 2014

The wagon

Just a little message I wrote on IG and 30+ a few nights ago...sorry to those who have read it on there already...and to those who haven't, I hope this helps you somewhat.  Just a little reminder xx

Sometimes what people don't see in between before and after photos is also a lot of other
stuff. In between these photos is 50kg. 

But also what's in between these photos, that you don't see, is a lot of slipping up. A lot of "I'll start again on Monday(s)." Bingeing. A sprained ankle. Rest days that turned into 5 in a row. Sometimes more. Crutches and a moon boot. Falling over. More bingeing. Embarrassment. Awkward conversations. Self discovery. Self awareness. Hospital visits. Putting weight on. Making lists and charts and colour coded spreadsheets and then not following through. Life/work/family issues. Skipping pre-season tasks. Being put down. Ahh, whatdaya know, more bingeing. Tears. Oh, so many tears. Promises to myself. And to others. Being dropped all of a sudden. Gritted teeth. Clenched fists. Wearing sunglasses so that people can't see me cry. Fear. Collapsing at finish lines. Times where injuries mean I can't train. And times when emotions mean I won't allow myself to... 

And it's not like I got to 50kg lost and then things were perfect. I could only wish... Some of this stuff still happens. And still will, for a very long time. Probably forever. Coz, (apart from the fact I'm personally not there yet), that's the name of the game. It happens like this. It's ok. If things are tough right now, keep going. Take your imperfections and all of the things making you feel like you're off the 'wagon' and realise, that in fact you never left the wagon. 

Sometimes we're in the front drivers seat, in cool and collected, calm control. Sometimes we're standing on the roof with the wind in our hair and a (low cal) martini in hand screaming and jumping with utter joy. And sometimes we're under those clunky wheels, being spiked and run over, day by day, being dragged along screaming and crying. The wagon is all these things, it always changes and we just have to take in and enjoy the martini roof rides and cope as best we can with the wagon wheel running over us times. Coz each one will pass. And we'll eventually get back into the drivers seat each time.

Don't give up - your journey was never meant to be perfect. No matter what bump you're experiencing right now, just know that that is part and parcel of this whole thing. Stuff ups and imperfections and falling over and all of that? They're all part of this incredible journey. Those before and after photos you see may look impressive but they don't show the in between stuff. You need to know that that in between stuff is normal. And it's ok... 

So just hold onto your hat and keep going for the ride, no matter how bumpy it may be. Keep faith. You'll get there - imperfectly - but you'll get there :) xx

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