Do you remember that children's book, "Are You My Mother?" by P.D. Eastman where the little bird asks all of the different animals if they are it's mother? Well, I'd like to write my own version: "Are You My Size?" ... because I need to find my (clothing) size!
Seriously! I can see it now:
Are you my size, Size 26?
Are you my size, Size 24?
Are you my size, Size 22?
Are you my size, Size 20?
Are you my size, Size 18?
Are you my size, Size 16?
Are you my size, Size 14?
Are you my size, Size 12?
Are you my size, Size 10?
I've been asking that all week and I just don't know the answer.
There's a couple of issues:
- Clothing sizes are so 'unaligned' - a Size 18 in one shop = a Size 14 in another.
- I have a strange obsession with my old clothes which are too big for me.
- I have a weird dysmorphic (?) issue where I literally can't tell how big I am, or compare myself in photos.
My obsession with old clothes though is a bit harder to work out. I spoke to some friends about it and they suggested it's the whole 'taking longer for my head to catch up' thing. I'm not sure that it's that. I understand the concept - someone loses a stack of weight and it takes them a while to 'realise' how much smaller they now are. But I am not close to goal weight yet. I think it may be a 'comfort' thing. One side of it being that bigger clothes are physically more comfy to wear as they are loose. But the other thing being that there's an attachment issue to them. Take these 2 pairs of pants. I wore them both this week. And thought it was ok:
The top picture pants I wear with a bulldog clip to make them smaller. I do own smaller pants but am attached to these ones. The bottom pair - I could fit a cushion in the spare space around the backside area. They stay up with elastic ok, but they are so baggy that they could double as a parachute if I really needed to.
I didn't throw these pants away when I finally looked at them like this. They're currently being washed so I can wear them again! Why do I do this?
The other issue is I just can't tell how big I am. I saw a photo today and was shocked as I thought I could tell that I've lost weight. Then I saw another photo and was crushed at how fat I looked. These 2 photos were taken all of 5 minutes apart! Seriously, my mind is screwed up when it comes to my size!
You may have read about my new Size 16 dress that I wore in Sydney. I believed it was a one off Size 16 that happened to fit me. I guess that's because I don't fit into Size 16 pants or anything else - just this dress. I tried on another dress from my cupboard one day recently and pulled out a Size 16 and it fit. Not enough to parade it in public, but it physically went on and fit. I decided that that dress may be wrong sizing too. The next day I tried on another Size 16, and it fit too. And another. Yet I refuse to believe I am a Size 16. Because I know that I'm not. But maybe I am? I have no idea what size I am! With a combo of non-standard sizing, and my comfort and dysmorphic issues, I am a bundle of no help when it comes to knowing what size I am.
The photo comparison above is something I put together the other day. I keep looking at it and can tell that there is a difference. Then I think that there's not. Then I go back and forth with myself. It is a diffence of 25kg - taken at the start of my 12WBT journey and now. I know that that"s the difference. But recognising the difference? Different story.
Why do we have such an issue with sizes? Why is there such a massive difference between sizes? And most importantly, what size am I??
I have no idea.
Surely I can't be a "Size 14-26"? That is a huge range.
Are you my Size?