But...! I am serious. Because the answer to how to put on 10kg in 4 weeks is very simple:
You binge eat a lot of crap, day in day out, and don't move your body.
There you go folks!
The end.
But it's not the end - because, as I'm slightly known as the girl who will never give up, that's still the current situation, and always will be. My little foray AKA Attempt #341189 that I started at the end of October was going well. If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook and all the rest, you would have seen my little Post-It notes going strong. Every Wednesday I posted how I was tracking:
That was up to early January. Up until then I'd managed to hold onto that 10kg-ish lost for a few weeks. I was hovering... I wasn't losing, but I was maintaining - which was progress for me.
But early January I just went nutso. January 1st is supposed to be the day we're all 'perfect' from, isn't it??😉
Aside from the fact that there's no such thing as perfection, I also had a family emergency on New Years Eve that threw me way more than I was expecting - it took me about a week to recover - and it wasn't even about me. On either side of that, in mid December and twice in mid January, I had three horrible experiences that sent me spinning. Really, it's not much to expand on - it's just stuff that each and every one of us face every day - that thing called 'life'. But with so many hard moments smooshed so closely, as well as the heightened emotions of Christmas and my January birthday, I really struggled to keep up even a 'Kate smile' for most of January.
Anyway - that kind of explains the month, but back to the 11th Jan....that day I just couldn't face the scales. I'm not someone who lets the scales affect me emotionally. I use them as a tracking tool because I'm obsessed with numbers, planning and goals - but 99% of the time, they don't dictate how I feel.
But that 1% occasionally pops up, and that's how I felt this day. I decided that they would do my mindset actual detriment rather than simply recording digits, so there was no point in checking them. (I still took a photo of the scales without looking, so that I could still keep my tracking up to date, because I'm slightly OCD like that.)
So instead, I posted this:
Cute - if it was a once off.
But, the next 2 Wednesday's...there were no Post-It notes on my social media. I didn't explain their absence, and for any faithful followers, I of course didn't need to - their pure omission explained it all.
I still weighed and recorded (and checked my weight from that emo day), but while I wasn't sharing my weigh ins, I was essentially sitting back and watching my body inflate as I shoved food down my throat with well rehearsed vigour.
I just checked my previous post and yeah - basically I've continued that type of meal
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| Regular dinner shot on my Camera Roll |
In between those staple 'meals'😑, I'd litter my diet with half a tub of ice cream in one sitting - more ice blocks - (I'd even suck one down before my hot cross bun breakfasts some days) - chocolate bars - packets of chips - jam drop biscuits - those Malteser bunnies - frozen Cokes and soft serve cones... and did you know that Easter eggs are currently available to buy? I do...
This food intake is my norm, when I'm not focusing on my diet (and by 'diet' I mean 'dietary intake', not 'diet to lose weight'). It has been since I was 16 years old. I've made it no secret that I've struggled with eating disorders and I believe I always will. (That's not me being pessimistic, it's me coming to peace with it, releasing the pressure of years of agony and realising that I can instead learn to manage it. But that's a whole other blog post (that I've already written!)) 😊
So yep - I'm definitely no stranger to this kind of eating. (I just happen to be being a little more explicit in my public descriptions lately...eeek!)
And it becomes quite hard to hide - well it does if you don't want to be embarrassed. There was one day last week where I just failed with the hiding from morning till night.
I have many 'hiding food in public' techniques - I should write a blog post about that one day... But anyway - my 'hot cross buns lathered in margarine technique' is to cut them in half, and place them into a non see-through Tupperware container that will become your plate as well. Put them in the microwave, hopefully before the kitchen gets busy, and get your margarine ready and as hidden as possible.
Once the kitchen is clear and the buns are warm, hunch over the Tupperware container, pouring margarine onto one half at a time, using the lid as a plate. Quickly shove the margarine dripping half back into the container, and get out the next half, and repeat.
Secure the lid back on so that the smell of yummy warm hot cross buns doesn't waft too far and make more heads turn than absolutely necessary.
I won't go on, but you get the idea.
The other day though, I miscalculated the busyness of the kitchen or wasn't using my peripheral vision to it's full capacity, and mid 'hiding hot cross buns', a girl came in to put something in the fridge. This girl, of course, is a gym junkie and works her backside off every day.
Just as she opened the fridge, I accidentally dropped literal margarine 'globules' onto the kitchen bench, instead of onto my hot cross bun that I was attempting to hide.
'Globules' is the only way I can describe it - it wasn't like I dropped the knife and smeared a bit of marg on the table top. No - this was margarine that I could pick up.
I was going to describe the whole day, but you get the picture when it started with picking up margarine globules as a fitness lover put her protein shake into the fridge right beside me...
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| I got given a birthday present in this bag💝 |
Anyway somehow over the last week and a half I managed to pull myself together and organise to get my shit together! Starting today.
I said to a fellow weight loss friend just tonight, that I'm sure people read my blog or social media posts, shake their heads and think "here she goes again" - as I'm forever falling and standing back up.
But how else do babies learn to walk...smokers manage to quit...job seekers get employed...any of us master anything...they/we get back up again, no matter how many falls, fails or knock backs. Otherwise we'd never achieve anything.
I weighed myself today and I've literally put on every single gram of that weight that I had been losing since the end of October. Plus 400grams.
That means I have literally put on 10.5kg in the last 4 weeks. Steller effort there, Kate.
So that's how it's done.
But we always have the chance to get back on the right path... So, back to this morning.
I screwed up before I'd even gotten out of bed today - I had a bit of reflux before my alarm went off for my grand return to boot camp... it was only reflux, but it was enough that I grabbed my sick bowl from under my bed because I thought I was going to throw up.
When the alarm went off, I stood up, snoozed it for an hour, and blonde-ly lay back down and tried to decide whether I should still go. I promptly fell back asleep, and woke up an hour later, at 6am, as boot camp was kicking off, a 25min drive away...
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| My food prep last night |
I intend to go to boot camp next week, and I've tricked myself into going to parkrun this weekend - but other than that, anything extra is a bonus. My injuries etc. are so rife that I'm just not able to do much anyway. But - start small....
What I can control, though, is my food - which was on point today.
It's Day 1 (for the 600th time), but I got through it and did myself proud. Day 1 sux, but we all have to take that first step, say no to that cigarette for the first time, and apply for that first job, in order to eventually succeed, in whatever we're trying to do. :)
On a completely different note, just because it's 8th February as I type this; this is me exactly 3 years ago today:
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| 8 February 2014 |
I'm going to try to use myself as inspiration. xx
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