"Repeating Year 4"

So I have an update on the whole injury / running factor.  To be honest I've had the update for 3 days but have taken this long to articulate it in my head, to then share.

I went to see my Osteo again on Tuesday.  Finally making an effort to see her regularly has been making a world of difference.  We're working through about 5 or 6 issues, but mainly my back (ongoing) and my knee (current / temporary).

Back wise, I realised the other day how much the treatment has been helping it.  Usually when I wake up each morning, it takes me a good few minutes to move to then be able to get out of bed - but I realised I've been moving a lot quicker lately!  I often still call out in pain

#notarecentphotoofcourse

when I then get out of bed, but even the wincing and calling out has reduced a bit. 

I shared my excitement about how good my back has been with my Osteo, Bec, and she said she had noticed it took me a lot less time to shift on her table from my stomach over to my back which was great, (and true).

Exercise wise, I haven't been doing burpees or much stuff on the ground recently, because it takes me about 42min. to move from the ground back to a standing position.  Obviously that's a slight exaggeration, but it still takes too long and it kind of doesn't make sense to do exercises on the ground when the recovery just to stand up from doing it takes more effort and time than the exercise itself.  It's just temporary while my back and flexibility is not so great. 

So it was great to feel my back responding to the treatment.  That being said, I spoke too soon, as today I've been in a lot of pain with it.  I had to work and eat standing up for about 3 hours today, because it hurt too much to sit.  And tonight my neck is in agony. :(

Anyway!  That is life with back issues!  Knee wise, however, well that's just a temporary injury and is the reason I haven't ran for 4 months.

#notarecentphotoofcourse

I've been extremely patient for these 4 months and have put absolutely no impact on my knee at all.  If my boot camp team go for a run, I walk.  If they run and do 'high knees', I walk with high knees.  If they do star jumps, I step it out.  If they do step ups, I squat.  It's been so upsetting to be so limited in what I can do, but I have been patient.

So Tuesday it was time for me to ask Dr Bec for an update....when does she think I can run again? 

And....

In 2 weeks time (from last Tuesday), I'm allowed to try to run.

Which is awesome!

You'd think.

I never thought I'd be sad about this.  I have permission to run again!  Shouldn't this be a great thing?

#notarecentphotoofcourse

We'd been working towards the start of July (Gold Coast Marathon: I'm registered for the 5.7km event).  But I realised that I shouldn't go out and suddenly run 5km after such a long break.  She of course agreed, and we've worked through a plan.  And it's not what I had been expecting. :(

Without thinking things through, I had this romantic ideal that I'd be able to go out and run like I used to.  That one day I'd be injured and staying off my knee, and the next day I'd be allowed to run again and I'd be back to where I was 4 months ago.  I knew I wouldn't jump immediately back into a half marathon or anything, but I truly thought that I could go out and run my 5.7km at the Gold Coast in 5 weeks time.  And then soon after maybe try a 10km'er,

My first half

and in a few months go back to my beloved halfs.

But on Tuesday I realised that it's probably not going to be like that: It didn't occur to me that I'd need to retrain my body.

I Am So Crushed.

The thing that's got me, and I guess the thing that made me really realise what I need to do, is that her advice was to try and follow the "Couch to 5km" program.

I tried the Couch to 5km program almost 3 years ago.  I completed Day 1, and then that weekend I went out and ran my first 5km.  I never looked back.  It's not that I intentionally completely skipped the program, but I just happened to sort of 'miraculously' manage to run 5km by myself, separately and coincidentally the same week I started to do the program.  

And now she wants me to go back and follow it.

The thing that's crushed me is that I realise that it's not because I don't know how to run 5km (or 30km!)  I don't need to learn how to.

However my body needs to physically be retrained to do so again.  And that sux. 

I've been pondering this for a few days now, and I'm trying to work out what it feels like - and I can't pinpoint it.  The only thing I can liken it to, is that it's sort of like being asked to repeat a grade at school, but on a technicality rather than merit.  It's like getting to the end of Year 4

#notarecentphotoofcourse

and you being across all of the school work and curriculum, but then the school requesting that you do Year 4 again for some technical reason.  And it's so frustrating because you know you can do Year 4!  You've done the whole grade already - you know all the work.  But you still have to repeat....to safely get back to where you already were.

Look I know it's not the end of the world.  I'm still able to run.  There's no time limits on this stuff.  I'll suck it up and forge ahead and do what I have to do.

But that doesn't mean I can't be completely disappointed right now.

To be honest I don't know how the running's going to go at the start.  It's possible I may need surgery.  But for now we're going to test out the 4-5 months of rehab we've just done and see how I go.  

The basic plan is, in about a week and a half, I'm going to start out with some very short, slow runs, just 200m here and there, just to test it out. 

My running journey

If that goes well, I'll continue to 'up' it by the stock standard 10% each week, up to the Gold Coast weekend.  My mind says otherwise, but my body won't be ready to go out and run the 5.7km like I thought.  I do though have her approval to run short bursts throughout it, sticking to the 10% rule.  I'll then continue working slowly forward........................to where I already was...................and eventually back to my long standing marathon dream. :(

So Gold Coast will still be, as I imagined, my 'comeback race'.  But it won't be all guns blazing running the whole thing, it will just be on and off running.

In saying all of that, if I have any pain when I test it out in a week and a half, I have to stop and continue treatment.

So yeah.  I'll keep you updated....please think pain free thoughts.

"Repeating Year 4" just to retrain my body is so disappointing.  But I guess eventually school kids get up to Year 12 and they never look back on the fact they had to backtrack way back in Year 4.

I'm sure it'll be the same for me.  That when I've retrained and gotten back to where I was, all that will matter is that I get there, not how bumpy and backwards the journey was along the way.

:(