Sunday, 16 December 2012

The day I realised

This is what 25.5kg of corn, spaghetti, baked beans & tuna looks like

One of the awesome QLD Crew members, Ingrid, organised an event today, where we had the opportunity to donate goods to charity.  The idea was that we donate goods to the weight value of kg's that we've lost.  It was called "Our Loss, Their Gain."

It sounded like a lovely idea and I was keen to be involved.  Helping charities out, especially at Christmas, and thinking of the disadvantaged people who would get comfort out of these goods: win/win.

It was actually our gain
I soon realised that 25.5kg in food/drink is quite an expensive little venture!  I considered donating Diet Coke - how cool would that be for me :)  But 68 cans is expensive and there's more healthy things I can donate ;)  Instead, I emptied out my pantry of all of the tins of stuff that I have had stocked up but tend not to use.  I made up the rest of the tins at the shops - I think the check out lady thinks I have a baked beans addiction!

It was heavy!
All good, I put the cans together, and as I stacked them up...it hit me.  I started to get overwhelmed.  This used to be inside of me.  It was really heavy!  Like really heavy!  I used to carry this around every day!  Have you ever bought this many cans at the supermarket?  It wasn't until I did this, that I realised what 25.5kg was.  I know I've lost weight and I have seen some benefits - clothes are looser, I've tightened my HRM strap, that kind of thing.  But doing this exercise was epic!  I was actually proud of myself for the first time.  When you have a long way to go, like me (ie. a lot of kg's to lose), it can be easy to get caught up and not see the little picture.  I see the big picture all the time.  It's actually the little picture that I haven't seen yet.

The little picture is 25.5kg.  25.5kg that is gone from my body.  Fat that has disappeared from me, never to return.  I didn't realise this would be such a moment of truth.  I was just a chick donating some stuff to charity!  I believe I got just as much out of it.  I lined the cans up and took the photo above and got emotional.  I carried the cans to the car this morning, almost breaking my poor fingers!  Thank goodness that weight didn't all come from my hands hahaa!


Trailer full of donated 'weight': 216kg
We all gathered the goods up this morning and I realised that I wasn't the only one who felt overwhelmed.  The beautiful Rina and I threw our bags of stuff onto the ground, AKA The Biggest Loser style, representative of the fact that the weight is donated...for good.  Throwing it to the ground was amazing - it was such a special moment - kind of like a promise to myself.

All up we donated over 200kg - from a small group of amazing people, this was a fantastic effort.  I recommend doing this yourselves.  Even if it's just for yourself, at home, weigh things around your house and see and feel how far you have come.  Whether it's 2kg, 20kg or 50kg.

This was the day I realised how far I have come (so far).  I told Ingrid that this event for me is no longer called "Our Loss, Their Gain."

"Our Loss, Their Gain."

"Our Gain, Their Gain."

:) 
Rina and I throwing away our weight for good!  This is a real donation!

Super Girl does bushwalk

Hello :)

Just a short post tonight to show you some photos from our QLD Crew Week 4 Challenge we did today.  It was to climb Mt Coot-tha dressed as superheroes!  Ok, the challenge part was the walk, the costumes were just for fun. ;)  We did a different track than usual, as the 'downwards' section of the Kokoda track is still closed off.  So we trialled a new track - actually two: the Simpson Falls Track and the Eugenia Circuit.  It was an approximate 4km loop - it was still climbing Mt Coot-tha, just not as steep as Kokoda!

The track was a lot more overgrown and rocky and narrow than the others.  My foot's been playing up so I took it very slow and very steady, and I was lucky enough to have Batman, Wonder Woman, Christmas Superhero and other really kind people superheroes helping me get stable footing.  I did have a few #princessbushwalk flashbacks. :)
One time I wished for a RBT ;)

I even crossed a raging river, aka Bear Grills style!  Ok, it wasn't raging and it wasn't even a river, but I felt really Bear Grills at the time.  We had a great crew - all very supportive and lovely and I am so proud of the newbies who came along and pushed their comfort zones to the limit.  This is why you are superheroes.  A special shout-out to the lovely Courtney, a fellow blogger: http://sporadicbuckets.wordpress.com who I officially met as she was literally pulling me up over a large rock.  What a gorgeous girl and what a cool way to meet someone :)

Anyway it was just a fun day and I got some great photos that have been making me smile so I wanted to share them! :)  Hope you're having a great weekend xx







Fun photoshoot on the top of the mountain!



#completelynormal
Wonder Woman holding the snake stomper aka ankle stick!

Proud Bear Grills moment, scaling rocks ;)

The waterfall
Batman helping Super Girl awww

We did it!


Friday, 14 December 2012

Unlimited possibilities



#becauseitmakesmesmile
I'm writing this post from a cafe although I'll publish it later.

I came here this morning to sit by myself and dream up my possibilities for 2013. I do this each year. I've been writing notes and I am so excited that I have butterflies in my knees :) There are unlimited possibilities. I have some ideas, and then I have all of this space for more ideas to imagine and dream up.
Running my own race
Being December of course, I've been reflecting on this year - I don't know that I could ever accurately describe it. It is a year that didn't go to plan whatsoever. Almost everything has changed for me. Things were turned upside down almost on a weekly basis. The carpet was pulled out from under me so often when I didn't think there'd even be any more carpet to pull. I lost most of my pride. I became more liberated. I was forced to come to terms with my mortality.  I had to deal with the unexpected after effects of that. I became courageous beyond my own imaginable measure. I 'fell into' transforming myself. I thought it would just be a 'weight thing' but it ended up being about transforming my entire life. A transformation of everything. My friend calls it 'The T'. I had a major revelation and thought that was it. Yet I kept getting truck after truck after truck, ramming me on every turn I took. Oh, here comes another truck. Oh, and another one.  And... Enough already! STOP IT! What was it trying to show me?

Well somewhere between the Sunshine Coast and a pot of popcorn tea, I realised the missing piece from the puzzle. This week has been a big shift in mindset for me. I thought the constant stream of trucks were over, until 8 weeks ago, I got another couple of major ones.  They almost completely railroaded me. I've spent 8 weeks in a tough place. Some days it took me 4 hours to get out of bed in the morning. It's been really hard.  I've hardly slept. People know some stuff but not one person knows everything. I haven't been able to bare to put my Christmas tree up yet. I don't know exactly why. I love Christmas and Christmas trees make me smile. Even my first Christmas away from my family when I was shacked up in a lonely hotel room, I bought a tiny little miniature tree for myself and put it up with ridiculously large decorations that were bigger than the tree itself. Yet I couldn't put mine up this year until I had a few things sorted.
I was forced over and over to stop, shut up and listen, literally slapped onto the ground (multiple times on multiple times!), pinned down and choked.  I tried to ignore it but eventually everything finally stopped me for long enough to pay attention.

This year hasn't all been bad, by any means. I have met THE MOST...beautiful...friends. I became a first time aunt to not just one, but two most gorgeous little girls. My friends and family stood by my side. I improved my health more than I could have imagined: this sentence alone encompasses so much. There really was a lot of awesome stuff. :)

But the best thing of all- the crux of both the 'wind knocked out of me' moments and the 'precious life' moments, have been this.

  • I realised how strong I am.
  • I realised that the brightest light really does come from the darkest places.
  • I realised that the power has always been inside of me.
  • I realised that I have been running through life for years at the highest speed, ignoring warnings, consumed in to do lists and diaries and calendars and ridiculous working hours and no sleep and not really living.  I realised that people are right - you can only keep this up for so long.
  • I realised that I was pretending to be happy...even to myself.
  • I went to a video arcade with one of my brothers and realised that I couldn't remember the last time that I had had fun like that.
  • I realised that we can use our pasts to walk on- we don't need to ignore them, we just need to recognise them.
  • I realised that this whole 'T' isn't about becoming who we want to be, it's about becoming who we forgot we were.
  • I was asked in a game the other day when the last time was that I laughed so much that I cried. I couldn't remember and I realised that is sad and that I want to change that.
  • I realised that becoming vulnerable is actually self empowering.
  • I realised that it's ok to forgive ourselves.
  • I realised that opening ourselves up and letting people in makes us stronger, and the people around us too.
  • I realised that my friend was right when she said earlier this year "life is beautiful". I agreed but didn't believe her at the time.
  • I realised that life is not all or nothing and that flexibility and acceptance can propel me forward.
  • I realised that my mum is right. She said to me when I was growing up that "there is never a problem that is too big that it can't be fixed."
  • I realised that it's ok to accept help. And that to do that shows strength, not weakness.
  • I realised that everything is a choice to bring you further or closer to where you want to be.
  • I realised that my life is now full of possibilities.
  • I realised that you can live each day as it comes, if that's all you are able to do. And that there is freedom in that.
  • I realised that faith is the most amazing thing in the world.  Faith in God, faith in myself, and just simple, unadulterated, blind faith. Sometimes you just have to trust.
  • I realised that I have the world at my feet. I have unlimited possibilities. And most importantly, I realised that I am excited about that.
Bring on life :)


Tonight I'm going to put my Christmas tree up :)


Every kg lost is a celebration


Yesterday I reached my 25kg lost mark. I realised it in the morning but didn't think it was worth celebrating as it wasn't a '10kg' marker like losing 20kg or 30kg. Then I realised no, it IS very much so worth recognising. 25kg is significant and for me, the last 5kg has been the hardest yet - I have gone around in circles ever since I hit the 20kg lost mark and have finally made it up to 25kg.

So I did recognise it :) Later that day a friend who's lost a lot of weight told me how when she was losing hers, that she had a table that showed when she hit particular milestones, like % dropped and lowering her BMI etc.  She said it worked out that basically each kg there was some milestone to reach / celebrate and it encouraged her along. So guess what I did tonight? She is right. It's amazing how many milestones there are! There was pretty much at least one milestone for each kg. I have added a new page to show my table and I will update it each week. Notice that I filled in the rest of the weeks as every kg IS worth celebrating. :)

Next stop, 25% of my weight lost!

My 'every kg lost is worth celebrating' page: Every kg

Thursday, 13 December 2012

I fucking want to run: a lesson in patience


AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

That's me yelling out loud. Something I wanted to do in my training session today but held myself back because there were kids around. Because what I would have yelled out would have been a lot more colourful than 'Augh.'

This is not going to be a polite post. I am not going to apologise for it either. Just let me get it out and I'll feel better. Bare with me. I am unleashing here because I have to blurt it out. Time for the truth.

I want to run again!

I am so frustrated that I can't!

I'm not going to be polite like I am in other blog posts and smile and say that I'm "trying to be patient."

I'M NOT FUCKING PATIENT AT ALL! I'm over it!

With other things in life, I'm as patient as the next person. I'm not too bad.

But this fucking injury!

I'm frustrated that it's now been 5.5 weeks and that it is still sore and that I'm still not allowed any impact.

I'm frustrated that I'm supposed to be doing the 10km running program and so far I haven't been able to do 1 session.

I'm frustrated that this is holding me up from my big running goals for 2013.

I get angry when I see my hips in the mirror because they're not shrinking as fast as they would if I was able to run.

At training today I shed some secret tears and had an internalised princess hissy fit because I am so frustrated seeing everyone else running and I have to fucking power walk! I was chanting to myself: "I fucking want to run." I'm so lucky I have an awesome trainer who has modified everything for me. I'm so thankful, especially due to the fact I've been able to keep training through this injury. But I want to be better dammit! I've been so patient (ok, I've tried to be) - but for some reason today I just got over my injury. OVER IT!

Come on, HEAL already!

I'm jealous of people sweating! I want to sweat more!

I'm annoyed that I can't do burpees, squat jumps, normal jumps or mountain climbers. I want to!

I miss going crazy in a session.

I'm sick of having to tread lightly when I walk on uneven ground to protect my foot.

I'm annoyed at myself because I should have been wearing the moon boot a bit this week and I haven't once and now my ankle is a bit sore. I'm pissed off at the boot. For no other reason than it doesn't have feelings so I can hate it. When I got given it I believe my words for it when I told my friends about it was 'fucking moon fucking boot.'

When my doctor said that I have to be patient and I agreed, I didn't really agree. I was frustrated!

I want to run again dammit!

Screw being patient, I'm not at all! I want it to be better now. I'm mad that if I give in, ignore the patience and just go running anyway, that I could damage it more or prolong recovery. I've waited 5.5 weeks already, I'm not making it longer than it has to be. It annoys me that I'm being responsible about this!

I'm mad at myself that I probably could have looked after it a bit better to date- maybe RICE it a bit more and stay off it. I'm mad at myself for admitting this to myself. ;)

I'm so frustrated that it's not funny. It had better heal by 6 weeks, 7 at the most. Just putting it out there, anything could help!

I am just...AUGHHHH!

I just...fucking want to run! That is all. 

Wednesday, 12 December 2012

The butterfly effect of one lolly


This is basically a blog post about how I've been quite stupid, what this causes and why I will try not to be stupid anymore. :)

Worst VPL ever, sorry ;)
Firstly though, a good thing to emerge from the past few days: I did my Week 10 goal! My second one! My initial Week 10 personal goal was to do a push-up on my toes, and I achieved that a week or two ago. My trainer then suggested that a new goal for Week 10 could be to do 12 push-ups in a row! Game on: I had a new Week 10 goal. At boot camp on Sunday I felt like giving it a try, even though it was still Week 3. And I did it! In fact, I did 16 push-ups in a row! Very proud of myself. That's about all that I'm proud of this week so let me bask in that.... ;)



Now onto the stupid stuff.  I haven't done anything terrible, but I've done a few silly things and learnt a few lessons. I'm not trying to be negative, however I feel the need to call myself on a few things that I could have done better- I'm owning up for myself but also maybe something here might help someone else.



1) Why being sun smart is important



I mentioned this on an earlier post but I thought I'd include it in here. This photo was taken a week after I got burnt. Bad, hey. Stupid, actually. I didn't realise just how bad it was until I took this photo to see how terrible it made me look in my dress on Friday night.



I wrote a bit about the sunburn on my post: Summer, Sledgehammers & Sticking to it. I don't want to harp on about it so in a nutshell, I have been furious at myself. I say this lightly of course, but in a way, this has been the best sunburn that I have gotten, as I finally, after years and years and years of being fair skinned in the Australian sun, have learnt my lesson.



2) Why I need to fix my sleeping



I've been having a bit of insomnia lately, for approx. the past 7 weeks. It's been driving me crazy but I've just been riding with it. I have trouble falling asleep, I toss and turn, and I wake up earlier than I want. It's not every night and some nights are better than others. The other night was the worst night that I've had. I think I may have slept for an hour and then I had to get up at 4am. Once I was up I felt fine, and I did all day.



However. I was driving home from a friends place that night and they asked if I was ok to drive, and if I wanted to stay at their house for the night. I had been on the go non-stop from about 5am - 11pm and I had only really had one hours sleep so I did stop to consider it but I did feel fine to drive. I deem myself a very safe driver and if I had have been too tired, I wouldn't have driven.



It was about a 1 hour drive home. Just before I got off the highway, I think I started to zone out: I was on my way to falling asleep. It scared the hell out of me so as soon as I could, I pulled over to the side of the road. I sat there for about 10 minutes. I assessed myself and felt fine to continue on my way home. I cranked up the music and made sure I was completely focused. I was fine, until just before I got home. I think I fell asleep at the wheel. :( It was for a split second, I think I just nodded then sat up straight away. I was so close to home that literally the next possible spot for me to pull over was my own driveway, so that's where I pulled in.



I don't need to explain how potentially dangerous that was: for me and any people or property around me. A split second is all it could take.  I should not have been driving. I will be making sure that never happens again. And as for the insomnia, I am just going to have to do my best to fix that.



3) Why I need to plan for the unplanned



I have been doing really well with my nutrition this round; I have been very good at planning things out and sticking to it. But what about those days where things don't go as planned, or I can't easily bring my nice little snacks or microwaveable 12WBT meals with me? I usually cope fine, but over the last week I've had too many days of needing to find alternatives, and being in situations where it's been too easy to not make the best choice.



The last few days I haven't pre-planned snacks that I could have brought with me, and as a result I haven't eaten the best.  The other day I was helping one of my brothers move house.  I didn't bring a days worth of snacks or enough water and just planned on running to the shops at lunch.  After hours of cleaning asbestos laden walls and windows etc., I needed food.  I should have eaten earlier because I didn't just want food by now, I needed food. Circumstances meant that I waited for another hour until my brother arrived back from his new house with lunch.

#socruel
I get hypoglycemic sometimes and feel faint if I don't eat regularly.  I shouldn't have waited for so long because I almost fainted while I was waiting.  (And apart from that I was left sitting next to a packet of Doritos which I did not open but was this close!)  When he got back he had brought me a sandwich which I devoured.  I have no idea how many calories were in it but I think it was probably too many.  I didn't care, I needed to eat.  I felt fine after I'd eaten.  Dinner was hard also.  We had no refridgeration or way of heating things all day.  They all ordered pizza, and I went to IGA and bought a packet salad.  It was SO hard sitting there eating lettuce leaves with the smell of pizza in front of me.  But I survived. :)  So that was a better choice than lunch - but the fact is, I should have pre-planned for the whole day, planned food for myself and made sure I had snacks on hand.  I had done the same thing the day before - I ate breakfast at 4:30am, then due to not planning didn't get to eat again until 4pm, at which point I was feeling faint and had to buy something at Wooly's that I could eat in the car.  Not cool.  Things happen though, no point worrying about it.  But I did reassess what I did and didn't do, and my lesson is learnt ;)

4) Why I shouldn't eat lollies

This is a side joking carry on story from the moving house day....later in the day after my sandwhich incident, everyone helping move house sat down and ate some crackers and chips and lollies.  I was hungry again so unfortunately ate a few crackers and chips.  Not much, and definitely not the amount I usually would, but I didn't need to.  I ate 1 lolly, too.  Everyone stood up again to continue working.  I did too, but as I did, I saw the open lolly packet, thought about it, and bent down to pick another one up.  It was a soft lolly, just one more (okay, two).  It can't hurt....

Well I swear Mish has supersonic powers that knows when 12WBTers are being good and bad, or 'nice' and 'naughty'.  Kinda like Santa.  You may have read on a previous post how I was driving last week, considered bingeing and noticed that the number plate of the car in front of me read 'MSH' (Mish).  I thought she was pretty good then!

But this lolly incident: no sooner had I literally put the lolly in my mouth, I felt a massive crack and thought I had cracked my tooth.  At that exact moment, my brother and his girlfriend anxiously called out to me as a massive shelf they were moving was falling on top of his girlfriend and they needed help to get it pulled off her.  AND at that very moment, my baby niece started crying.  In what felt like the longest second in the world, I did a bit of a 3 way panicked circle dance, not sure which way to turn - from the mirror to check my tooth, to the collapsing shelf or to my very upset niece.  Augh!  I got my head together and of course ran to help save my brothers girlfriend. ;)  But seriously!  This is why I shouldn't eat lollies!  Terrible things could happen! ;)  Mish is good. ;)  (And just so you know, my brothers girlfriend is fine, we got the shelf up, I cuddled my niece and made her smile, and I can't find a cracked tooth so I will get to the dentist as maybe I actually pulled out my filling).

See, 'just one' can hurt!

So there you have it.  Some silly actions this week.  Everything's ok but I learnt a few lessons, that's for sure.

I did do some non-stupid things this week too.  One was that I met up with some awesome local 12WBTers at the beach for a get together.  This group of women are incredible and it was so nice to catch up with some of them, and get to meet others.  One of them I met was the awesome Vicki who writes http://rayondreams.blogspot.com.au/ I love this blog (check it out!) so it was fantastic to actually meet her and the other amazing women.

My 1st Australia Day 2012
I also celebrated Australia Day (2012!)  Yes, it was 11 months late but I made sure it happened.  I love Australia Day but this year it was when everything started to fall apart and I was in hospital.  My mum did bring me in one Anzac biscuit on the day :) but I was really disappointed that I had to cancel my Australia Day plans.  So this week my friends put up with my weird request to theme our annual Christmas dinner with Australia Day!  And I finally got to celebrate it how I wanted. :)  

Happy Australia Day...in December!
I've done my fitness test and measurements and will get the results up here soon, once I compare them.  I think I've done ok there.  From a weight point of view, I lost 1.4kg this week, which brings me to 8.9kg lost so far this round, and 25.5kg lost in total!  In other news, my foot's getting better, it's still sore and I still can't run :( but I'm trying to be patient. I'm happy with how I've done this round, but there's many things I am going to improve on.  Most is going well - and imagine if I can just make sure that I also wear sunscreen, sleep better, pack snacks and don't eat lollies, I could conquer the world! :)

I'll leave you with a few photos from an awesome boxing session I did on the weekend, extremely hungover.  The latter part of that sentence is another silly thing I did this week ;)  Let's see if I can make the next week a smart week :) xxx




Selfie in the car for my blog.  Always thinking of you ;)