The difference of 43 seconds

Hello!  Just popping in to tell you about last weekend before this weekend happens - more epic adventures are planned!  Need to update you before I get behind in posts.

Quickly though, this will be a lot more positive post than the last.  I'm sorry I've been so

Me at Glow Run

negative.  It's been a rough few weeks and I didn't deal with a couple of things very well.  I often stuff up but I don't often get SO downhearted as I did this week.  Thanks for those who reached out to me or allowed me to reach out to them.  A very lovely friend (Cat <3) told me this week that she admires that I bounce back from things.  I think she's right and I'm kinda proud of myself right now because I can feel myself bouncing back.  I'll save all of this for my next post - but I've worked out a few things to help get me back on track and I'm looking forward to sharing them with you here.

But for now!  I need to tell you about how I ran my second half marathon!  My second one in 3 weeks :)

Do you remember how I posted here a few weeks ago about my first half, how awesome it was, how I did everything right for it and smiled the whole way?  Yeah, well, imagine the opposite - and that is pretty much how I can sum up Half #2.  Basically every thing I could have done to make it harder on myself, I did.  It was like a really silly experiment of how NOT to prepare for a half marathon.  I finished it!  Oh yes indeed, I did.  But that doesn't mean it was easy by ANY stretch of the imagination. Lesson learnt!

Lesson #1 was don't sign up just 3 days before.  This is a half marathon - not a movie/dinner date.  It takes a lot of mental preparation and I think this is what had me on the backburner

Me, Ange, Pais and Don at Glow Run

from the start.

I was totally not prepared.  Fitness wise, absolutely.  But mentally?  Not even close.  I was 110% on the ball for Half #1 - I had been planning, calculating and counting down the days for months.  I had visual reminders everywhere and pictured every detail in my mind, right up to after I went through the finish banner.

Half #2 however, I did not treat with the same respect and comparitively was a scrambling mess.  I didn't get a chance to read the information booklet...I drove to the wrong beach before Googling where it actually started from...that kind of thing.

Due to my poor planning, I had to get a friend to pick up my race bib.  The lovely Corinne went and did this for me. #lifesaver  But not being able to do it myself was just another thing that I let hold me up in the morning - I was pinning my bib on my shirt 5 minutes before the start of

Glowing!

the race - a time when I should have been getting ready.

Also very poor planning on my part meant that I had Glow Run the night before!  Half #1 I had an early night with forced relaxation.  Half #2 saw me at what was essentially a rave!  Seriously!  Glow Run was great - a lot of fun and I do recommend it.  But it could easily be mistaken for a rave!  I found myself dancing and jumping up and down amidst flashing lights with glow sticks and the like - thinking is this seriously a fun run?  It was like Colour Run on Prozac: the same essence but at night and a little more crazy!

So as much fun as Glow was, while my friends were dancing and really enjoying the moment, I was locked to my watch, stressing out about the time.  I didn't allow myself to enjoy it.  I also walked it, to preserve every ounce of energy for the next day.  My friends were laughing and applying glow paint to their faces - I was wondering where I could carb load and looking distracted.  Carb loading before a half probably does not mean finding yourself at a food court at 9:30pm,

eating Mexican...see what I mean?

I was going to stay at a friends house that night as the event was 100km away, but I got home so late and still had to pack / organise everything for the night, the half and my play the next afternoon, that I ended up cancelling that, got myself packed, slept at home, and made my way up the coast early the next morning.  I got about 3 hours of sleep.

I didn't hydrate properly in the days leading up, I didn't eat well.  I stretched but not as much as I should.  I meant to write in Nikko on my hand but forgot the pen and couldn't really do that because I had my play.  I didn't taper training ...well, because I hadn't been training so didn't have anything to taper!  I wasn't 100% still after

my accident.  My Osteo (as well as my Dad lol) told me afterwards that I shouldn't have run so soon.  There's probably another dozen things I did wrong, but you get the gist.

But do you know the main thing I did wrong?  I didn't believe in myself.

I was on the back foot before I started, because of that very reason.  You know, I could probably have done the run, as I did, with all the stuff I did 'wrong', and still done ok.  But I slipped myself up from the start because of the last point.

I had all this negative self talk happening - it was ridiculous.  I asked myself why I signed up when I wasn't sure...I started worrying about being the last runner...I freaked when I saw police...I kept telling myself over and over that I was struggling...and you know what?  I subsequently did.  I struggled for about the first 18km.  SO much.  I wanted to start walking.  I kept tempting myself.  We went past so many cafes with people having breakfast...I wanted to join them...I ran past about 4 places I've had coffee / drinks with Ruth, Cathy and Sarah...all I wanted to do was to stop in them and be having raspberry tea again...I was daydreaming about this SO

The beautiful coastline

much...but no...I was running a half marathon and had to keep running...why are you running a half marathon Kate?!  You are crazy - you should have just revelled in the joy of your first.  You could be running just an easy 10km today.  You always choose the most insane things.  Didn't your friend Damian tell you it's not recommended to do too much in a short space of time?  Why are you doing 21.1 then?  You can't do anything.

Get the picture?  You think that was a headache to read, you try thinking this  it for 3 hours straight!  Yeah, not fun.

Some things helped me through...my "Kate's Half Marathon iTunes playlist" :)  - my beautiful friend Kirsty Talkboxed me some cheers...basically she sent her voice to my phone saying to "go go go Katie!" and telling me I could do it <3  I played it out loud - I didn't care who heard it - I pretended she was right there.  SMS exchanges with a few friends...runners from the Awesome Runners group kept running past and encouraging me...they were great.  Random

I struggled

people would occassionally clap for me...I asked one man and his young daughter if I had very far to go...he said no, I was almost there...I burst into tears.

I kept running...it was so hard.  It was so hot - and I was starting to get dehydrated and hungry.  I have never been so hungry on a run before.  I NEEDED food.  I almost considered asking people for food who were sitting outside their house.  I wouldn't have done it but I was so desperate!  Eventually a radio station handed out some lollies and as I ran past I grabbed a banana chewy lolly and a Spearmint Mentos.  Not my type of food and something I would never usually eat.

However these were officially the best food I have ever eaten.  haha.  From now on I will be carrying food with me!

I kept going and battled through.  It was one of the hardest runs I have ever done.  So many times I considered stopping - or leaving the course - or, because it was 2x 10km laps, just doing 1 lap and finishing after 10km. 

I did Half #1 in 2:49:26.  All I wanted to do this day for Half #2 then was to finish it, and it would have been

So hard

cool to finish it in a better time.  But it got to the point where I just wanted to finish it within the time cut off - there was a 3 hour cut off.

And then things got so hard that it got even beyond that and it became about me just wanting to finish it, full stop.  I didn't even care about the 3 hours then, I just had to finish.  I started struggling so much that I even turned my Polar around my wrist so that I wouldn't look at it, because it started stressing me out.

The last 3km was ok as I knew I was almost there.  I kept pushing it and I made it.  I finished it.  As hard as it was, I didn't stop once.  I got given my medal and a shirt, I inhaled some watermelon and oranges, found some shade and crumpled to the ground.  I was in so much pain and just exhausted, wanting to cry.

The beautiful De came to find me, helped me up and gave me the rest of her jelly beans!  I needed sugar and bought myself a snow cone!

I chilled with the Awesome Runners for a while then made my way to Cathy and Sarah's, aka

my planned shower stop / hotel / rejuvenation palace.  I used their shower, had them feed me this amazing Mexican lunch, took their foam roller and skedattled out of there, to the theatre. ;)  Awesome friends :)  And then I somehow managed to perform a high energy play with 3 dances and a lot of choreographed physicality!  What a day.

My official time was 3:00:43.  10min. slower than Brisbane and 43 seconds out of the cut off time.

Now seriously, please don't think I care about the time, because I truly don't.  I am not at the stage of needing good times for my runs.  I am just happy that I was able to finish.  But it did get me thinking...I reckon that extra 10min. - and definitely that extra 43 seconds, could have been shortened - had I believed in

SheargoldMcGee lunch

myself.  Telling yourself you can't do something for 3 hours straight - that's a long time - and when you're hot and exhausted, both mentally and physically, you tend to believe the bullshit you dream up.

I reckon if I had a more positive mindset, I would have at least gotten under the 3 hour mark.  This lesson for myself isn't about running faster, it is simply a lesson in doing things the right way and simply believing in myself.  Lessons I should take to other areas of my life...  Being positive and believing in yourself can mean the difference of 43 seconds in a half marathon...and it can also mean the difference of carrying on and getting through the rough days without faltering.

I lost belief in myself during the run and on a grander scale, during the week.  Time to start getting that belief back.  Watch this space for my next post about how I will be doing this! :)

But on a side note, all that aside, the fact is, I ran a second half marathon. :)  Done!

5.1km to go...that's just a parkrun!  Come on, Kate!

I ran past this restaurant so many times, that I decided I want to go there one day.  Who's going to join me?

On ground...can't move...

Treat snow cone!

Yummy Mexican lunch

Fist pump across the finish line

The no name post

So when I don't know what to do, I blog...

I don't know what to do :(

I don't even know what to call this post!

I'd love to say that I kicked my butt during the week and have got The Worlds Best Action Plan on how I'm getting back on track - but ahhhhh no, I don't.  At all.  I am in this huge rut and I don't know how to get out of it.  The positive side of this is that it hasn't been going on for too long (like, 2 weeks) so it shouldn't be too convoluted to get out of it.

But, a rut is a rut and any rut is bad enough!

Thank you very much for your comments on my Smashing It :/ post.  They were lovely responses and some of them may have made me tear up!  I feel bad that it's now a week later and I am seemingly nowhere closer to getting myself out of this.  In that week I have

The beautiful Court and Pais

however done Glow Run and run another half marathon!  So I haven't given it all up.  But yeah - the rest of it - is out of the window.  I'll post separately about the runs.  This post is more about how I don't know how to get out of this lull that I'm in.

I've had some lovely support - two friends (Courtney and Paisley) came over on the weekend to help me write my meal plan together, shop and do a cook up!  Time wise we didn't get to the cook up but the planning was done and the thought behind it meant so much.  I can't believe they did that for me.  And then tonight I got the most beautiful surprise in the mail, a gorgeous friend, Cat, who I met at Melbourne finale sent me a little present in the mail...a "fitbook".  She tracked down my address and sent it with this lovely card.  I love the present but the sentiment behind what she did meant even more.  Very overwhelming.  12WBT has introduced me to the most kind hearted people.  These are just 2 examples of people I am so lucky to be surrounded by.

From the lovely Cat <3

Yet I singlehandedly still manage to stuff it all up.  This is no great new thing to me; as we all know, I stuff up all the time.  But each time is not pleasant and the energy and positivity it takes for the comeback is sometimes hard to muster.  I'm having (car accident related) trouble elsewhere in my life at the moment and I've sadly let it affect my food, which I have then in turn let affect my exercise.  Why, after so long, I still manage to turn to food, is beyond me, but hey, that's what has happened.  It's that whole stupid all or nothing thing that I've fallen into again and I've let it continue for 2 weeks now.

I know I'm the only one who can change it and I'm only letting myself down and I just have to do it, and I know what to do, blah blah blah.  But my mind is SO distracted elsewhere, that I just can't focus on anything else.  I don't doubt that I'll get there, but 'when' and 'how' are my big stress points right now. :(

Sorry for the completely unmotivating and uninspiring post, but hey - this whole thing does include falls sometimes.  And I guess this is one of my falls. :)

Crazy people run

Nothing better than being crazy. 
Crazy people get up early, crazy people run, even crazier people pay to run. 
I wouldn't be any other way but crazy.
(Corinne Wessling)

So...guess what I did yesterday?  I signed up for my second half marathon!  My first was only

3 weeks ago.  And I'm doing another one...in 2 days time!  What.Am.I.Doing?

It's the Sunshine Coast Marathon Festival....it was always on my list of events to do...but I couldn't decide which event.  The 10km or the half.  Half or 10km.  10-21....21-10....I just couldn't decide.  Entries closed at 5pm yesterday.  It got to yesterday morning and I still couldn't decide!

I know I can do a half now!  So why wouldn't I choose that?  But if I couldn't decide, then maybe that's showing me that I should stick with the 10?  Be safe and all that... But it's in line with my goals - and there's not many halfs out there.  I have to take these opportunities when they arise.  But...I haven't been well this week after the accident.  I should really take it easy.  A few days ago I was flat on my back.  But it's supposed to be a great, flat course - along the coast!  Beautiful...  But apart from boot camp / fitness tests, I haven't run since my half!

Far out - you think that's annoying, you try being in my head!  Or being one of my poor friends who was lucky enough to listen to the pros and cons...several times.

Usually, on the inside, I know what I want.  But this one I was truly in two minds about.

One of my friends said to do the 10km and I was immediately disappointed.  That was my first sign.

The second sign was, it was 4:30pm and entries closed at 5pm.  Nothing like leaving it to the last minute.  I kept thinking that if I can't decide, just sign up for the 10.  But it was like this thing inside of me.  Something was stopping me...I had to sign up for the half!  So, I did.  30min. before entries cut off.  I know that I'm crazy.  My last post I was chatting about how I'm struggling and not in control...so I do the logical (?) thing and sign up for a half?

All I can think of are all of the things going against me, compared to my 'perfect' first one.  This one is 100km away from home, I have the 5km Glow Run the night before so no relaxing, early night, I'm so not mentally prepared for this one, I haven't been 100% (I'm feeling ok now though), I'm performing on the same day, there's a 3 hour cut off, I'll be sans my amazing cheersquad, I haven't been drinking much water, blah blah blah. 

So I may not be as mentally prepared as I was with my first one just 3 weeks ago, but I do have one thing going for me, and that is that I want to do this...for me.  I don't know why?  I guess I just know that I love to run.  I said to Corinne, this gorgeous, inspirational runner / triathlete star friend of mine yesterday, "I know I'm crazy." (For doing this).

She answered with what I wrote above (I asked permission to publish it...because it just spoke to me:

Nothing better than being crazy. 
Crazy people get up early, crazy people run, even crazier people pay to run. 
I wouldn't be any other way but crazy. 
(Corinne Wessling)

And that, is I guess why I am doing it.  Coz I love it.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it (again).  I don't feel ready and self doubt it plaguing me.  I may be crazy for doing this, but that's what we do!  Crazy people run.  They get up at some ridiculous hour on a weekend to run for 3 hours straight - and pay for the pleasure.  But there's something in it that I can't put my finger on.  Crazy people love it. :)  And crazy people run.  And I wouldn't be any other way. :)

Wish me luck!

Smashing it :/

So my good ol’ Joshua Kadison who I like to quote was right and sometimes things turn out just the way you planned. The operative word being ‘sometimes’. Coz sometimes they definitely don’t! Just like my last week. I had planned to do well and smash Week 1 (and beyond). Well smash I did, however it wasn’t Week 1 that I smashed, it was my car. :( I had a car accident on Thursday...and that definitely wasn’t in my plan.

I was driving to work, my first day back from holidays. I’d lamented to my friend just 20min. earlier that I wanted the rest of the week off. I was going back to work on a Thursday...couldn't I just have had the next 2 days off too? I was just being whingey, I do love my job. Well, be careful what you wish for. I got all the way to outside of work, and as I was exiting a roundabout, a car tried to enter the roundabout on my left without giving way to me, and I smashed into them. It was head on for me, the side of them, in a T-bone.

I was then trapped in my car for 10min.; I couldn’t open my door. I didn’t know what to do! I was in total shock. And no one came to help me! I'm still upset about that. There were a few witnesses to the actual accident, not to mention the people in the other car - and it was peak hour in Brisbane. And not one person came to check if I was ok. Pretty disappointing. Last month some friends and I were first at the scene of a minor accident and we stayed with the people for 2 hours - that's what people do isn't it? :(  (Later on a few work friends came out to help me and were amazing and my family and friends have since made up in the love stakes - but when it initially happened....not one person even came over. :(

I tried to call for help but eventually realised I could crawl out the passenger door, which I did. I was in so much shock that I didn't realise I could do this straight away. :/  I got taken to hospital just as a precaution as I was in pain and pretty dizzy.  I just had chest/breast brusing, whiplash and back pain.  The occupants of the other car were unharmed also which is good - obviously, that is the main thing!  Everyone was ok.

My boot camp medal :)

I spent 3 days lying down - I was pretty sore and shaky for a long while after.  I got my 2 days off! :/  I missed several boot camp sessions and pulled out of a 10km fun run that I had on Sunday which was really disappointing.  Most of my week's been spent in a myriad of phone calls with insurance companies and hire car companies, visits to the police and trying to track down witnesses.  I'm fortunately fully insured and I've had it confirmed that it's 100% the other drivers fault, so I should be ok.  It's still very frustrating though.  I'm waiting to hear back about my car, but I think it's going to be a write off.  My very first car. :(

And so jump forward to today, weigh in day, and I have put on 3.8kg.  I said I'd be open each week this round (whose silly idea was that??) so today I posted my gain everywhere, as I promised.  That felt great.  Not.

I've been in pain and have been grumpy, shaky, stressed and not sure what to do about some things.  I've been eating shit and I feel out of control.  I can't blame it entirely on the car accident though - I've been through worse things before and I can't fall apart in the food department each time life throws a curveball!  But I guess I have this time though.  I'm disappointed in myself for not staying strong.  I know most of my downfall this week was due to poor planning - or complete lack thereof.  I haven't finished Pre-Season...I haven't got my plans up to date...I haven't organised myself AT ALL.  No wonder I fell off the smashed wagon!

Best trainer in the world, my trainer: Margie <3 xxoo

I have no plan or idea on how to get back on track right now.  My mind has been / still is preoccupied but I know that I will make a plan and know what to do.  Not sure when that will be - for my own sake I hope that I'll get my shit together soon - and I will be sure to tell you about it when I do. :)

On a brighter note I had my boot camp dinner this week - it's a bit of an awards night and I got given the Encouragement award :)  So lovely.

Will be back soon I am sure with grandiose plans and maps of where to next.  This is just a short and sweet post to tell you of my downfall week.  I'll get back up there.  Thanks for listening :) xoxo

My Adelaide finale! Welcome to my personal photo album!

Sooo it's time for my finale wrap up!  Leitchy said it really well the other day, that what happens at finale, stays at finale.  I'm afraid he is right and some of it will in fact have to stay there ;)  But I

thought I'd share some of my favourite photos with you...56 to be exact!  This isn't actually that many considering that I took over 700! ;)

It was a great weekend :)  I had a ball, as always!  It wasn't without it's dramas though.  I was supposed to be flying down on a 6am flight on Friday, arriving at 8:30am with a group of friends.  As I stepped out of the car at Brisbane airport as the gorgeous Leisa dropped me off at the ridiculous hour of 4:30am, I received a text saying that my flight had been cancelled.....!

That caused a bit of unexpected stress and running around - I was subsequently rebooked on later flights.  I was now to fly via Sydney and then onto Adelaide, arriving at around 3:30pm.  And I was one of the lucky ones!  My friends were all on much later flights. :(  I missed out on climbing Mount Lofty

The push ups mini challenge!

and going to the markets which was annoying, but my friends had a full day of tours booked - it was really upsetting for them :(  So it ended up being breaky in Brisbane, lunch in Sydney and dinner in Adelaide!

It actually ended up really cool as I happened to be rebooked to be on the same flight out of Sydney as the gorgeous 12WBT team!  Crazily enough I was even allocated a seat in between them!  It was really lovely being able to chat with them - Heather, Gabi, Larah, Erica, Kim, Georgie, Amanda and more, thank you xxx

I was picked up in Adelaide by a new friend I had made on Facebook that morning!  Thanks Jess!  I just love that each finale I meet amazing new friends in the strangest circumstances - often by being picked up from the airport by generous 12 weekers.

After calming down at the hotel after a long day of travel, it was off to the pre-finale party organised by the SA Crew - and it was awesome.  It's so special to catch up with friends you grow so close to but only see every 12 weeks, and to meet new friends. :)

And the next day was finale day!!!  I was volunteering at the workout so I missed breaky with my beloved 30+ers :( but I had an awesome yet busy time working on Mini Challenges, timing / judging everyone doing push ups!  I had an awesome team, thank you for your

The gorgeous Dayna, Tanja, Bec, Cass & Anne-Marie

hard work Court and Amanda, and also to the 12WBT team who lent me a hand when things got really busy, particularly Amanda and Georgie!

Then Mish's workout.  OMG.  I wrote this on Twitter and I will say it again: I have been to finale in Perth, Sydney, Brisbane, Melbourne and now Adelaide, and this workout was my hardest yet.  And that's saying something seeing as I was 40kg heavier in Perth!  It was amazing - such hard work, but so much fun. :)

It was then a mad dash to the mall to find a bag for the party, grab some lunch to eat on the walk back to the hotel and the quickest shower/hair wash/dry ever, as I had to be in hair and makeup at 2:30pm.  My beautiful room mates, Zoe and Mish even went to buy my suck in undies for me while I was at the workout!  This saved me so much time and also just goes to show how beautiful 12WBTers are!

This is what I ended up wearing!

The party itself was also a stack of fun, as always :)  I was able to cheer on some very special heroes, including Cathy, Hailey and Emily - amazing girls - and to dance and have a ball with some fantastic friends.  Finale is SO much fun - if you ever get the chance to go to one, DO IT.

Back at my hotel room I had to have a shower and braid my hair into little plaits in preparation for my play that I was performing in the next afternoon.  That was the last thing I felt like doing at that time of the morning!  But I did it, ended up having 2 hours sleep and was back at the aiport.  As I stepped out of the cab, I received a text about a flight change....!  What the?  I was so panicked that it was happening again - I had literally one hour up my sleeve to play with - I needed to be back in Brisbane for my play....!  But all was ok, it was just advising that my flight was 1 minute early... ;)

And all was ok - I made my play on time :)  It was an awesome weekend - thank you everyone who was a part of it.  Can't wait to see you all at Sydney finale in just 12 weeks time :)  Hope you enjoy my photos :)

xxx

The sight that greeted me on Friday morning :(

Pick the one who's flight WASN'T cancelled ;)

Still smiling despite an unexpected 9 hour flight delay!

Finally on my way!

So excited to be able to catch up with Gabi, I was sitting right behind her!  I just adore her!

Finally!

With the awesome Greg and Zoe at pre-finale drinks

Adore this woman!  The awesome Jules xx

Just me!

Court and I making sure the stick worked for mini challenges ;)

On your hands and knees and give me 20! ;)

In the hair and makeup chair!

It's so nice to be excited about what I'm wearing again :)

This was me!

Quick bathroom selfie!

With the beautiful Bella

Amazing friends Zoe and Mish xx

This girl is just a downright superstar - love you Bec x

My beautiful friend Paisley

The gorgeous Heather - love her!

And the one and only Mish! <3

With Gabs and Colleen xo

Court, Gabi and Kate <3

Bec, Dayna, Cass and me :)

With the lovely Fiona, Pais and Court!

This photo makes me laugh...yes, we were playing up to the camera!  She is fixing my bra for a photo <3

This was a cool moment: 'spray painting' that I've lost 40kg ooh yeah!

Beautiful Larah and Kim - two of the most lovely girls x

Godfrey rocks!  Just before this photo, I shook his hand and made a promise that I'd work hard this round!

With rock stars Cathy and Bella!

With the beautiful Emily - so proud of you x

With Sharon - having heaps of fun x

This is Laura and I think she is just beautiful inside and out xo

Fitting easily into aeroplane seatbelts - I don't know that it'll ever get old :)

Above the cloud on my way to Round 3...