I think you've tried for long enough

HELLO 😀

My goodness.  So, it's been a while. 🙈

I don't know how to start a blog post - the words aren't coming...but never fear, my words always arrive...oh yes, they do.  That hasn't changed.😂

So, what has changed?  My twinnies are now 3.5.  How, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I just blinked.  (Don't blink.😞)

And me?  Well, I've gotten fatter.  A lot fatter.  

Yes, my size doesn't define who I am / I am more than my weight, and yes, I've had a lot more change than just my fat stores.

Buuuut, my size is dictating most things in my life right now; it's (in some ways literally 😳) suffocating who I really am and how I want to live my life, and....this is a weight loss / health transformation blog, so let's not chit-chat about parenthood (because let's be honest, that's really the only other thing happening in my life 😂), and talk about what we're actually all here* for.  (*Here = as in on my blog, not in life 😅).

I've been battling my weight for 25 years.  Twenty-fucking-five.  Aside from being elbow deep in navigating IVF and solo parenting twins, there's another reason I haven't been as active in writing this blog for a few years.  It's that I got to a point where I was so sick of doing the same thing over and over with attempting to lose weight and it continually not working out long term...and then writing about it.

I've spent much of this time in some kind of 'freeze' state.  Never giving up, but also not attempting the same ways as before.  And as a result, my disordered eating habits have ensured that the one thing that hasn't frozen, has been my size.  It's crept up and up and I am currently the.biggest.I've.ever.been. 

This is not the blog post to do it, but one day I will share just how much my weight has affected me and just how big I've gotten.  What I will share today though, is a big decision that I've made on my next step.

And that is, I've decided to have weight loss surgery.  

I never imagined that I would end up going down this path.  Weight loss surgery was never something I thought was for me.

Yet, I'm all booked in to get it done.  Soon.  My pre-op diet starts...tomorrow.😳. Whaaaat.  Yes, today is the day of the last supper(s).  Goodbye, food.  Nah, not really, I can still eat, of course.  But it sure feels like goodbye food.

This, (like me), is huge.  There's sooo many aspects to update you on, of course.  But for now, think of me while I indulge in my last 24 hours of my current way of eating.  (This has been me for the past fortnight (but there's no broken fridge, just impending weight loss surgery):

I thought my first blog post / Insta post / story about this would be explaining the whole background, decision maker, journey so far, plans, all of the information.

But unlike everything else in my life, let me try and make this post (sort of lol) short and sweet.  I'll be bringing you guys along for the ride, and I will of course get you up to speed.  But to summarise this whole decision, let me leave you with what my GP said when I told her that I wanted to do this:

"I think you've tried for long enough."

25 years is a long time to battle something.  This surgery is not at all taking away the battle!  I am going to have to try, and work harder than I have before.  But it’ll just be in a different way, because everything I've tried for 25 years has ultimately not worked.  Surgery will be giving me a tool, or a helping hand to get myself out of the situation I've put myself in.

Enough is enough.  I've tried on my own for long enough.  I need help with this.🙋

Welcome, Kate, to the world of weight loss surgery... 🙈