Saturday, 7 June 2014

Sweet dreams

Have you ever had one of those moments, that are completely normal, may happen all the time without a second thought, just day to day insignificant, but circumstantially can suddenly equal a moment so special and life changing? 
Our trip shirts that Mel made us!

I'll try to explain but it's not something that can easily be relayed.  I guess they're like 'moments of truth'.

When I was 18, there were a few days where I had nowhere to live.  I had no money, car or license, and as it was sudden and unexpected, I had nothing with me at the time: no toiletries or comforts of any kind.  I did have one change of clothes, a red superhero cape and a toy gun (as costume props, nothing else!) but they weren't going to get me far.  Unsurprisingly, I didn't know what to do.  I went to work and spent the shift having no idea what I was going to do that night.   My boss found me, sitting, crying in the dark in the corner of our
So much fun
restaurant at about midnight after we closed.  I was hanging out in safety to the last possible moment before going out to the streets. 

His name is Troy but to this day in my head I call him my Fairy Godbrother - as he took me back to his house to stay there.  I stood shivering in his spare room as I heard him whisper what was going on to his sleeping wife, who also worked with us.  We'd had a long chat at work before heading back to his house, so it was quite late when we got back, and he tiptoed around the silent house, and grabbed me spare blankets and a pillow. 
Where I saw my first whale #amazingmoment

His cat sauntered into the room and I picked it up and cuddled it.  Troy came in and settled me in, and as he left the room, he said "sweet dreams." 

I will never ever forget that moment.  I have never felt so peaceful before.  Being in a silent and calm house, cuddling a cat and hearing these magic words, "sweet dreams".... it was magical and I think I had the best sleep I've ever had.   Before Troy found me, my options that night included sleeping on a park bench or spending the night hiding in the work toilets.  The third option was a little bit worse and doesn't need to be mentioned... 
Boot camp in Ballina!

So I guess an alternative to any of those things was always going to be pretty good!  What I'm trying to say though, is that that night was so normal.  Really, it was nothing special.  It's pretty normal to cuddle a cat, have someone say "sweet dreams" or simply go to sleep in a comfy bed.  But to me, that night, such a normal moment, was absolutely incredible.
Boot camp trip

Because it was like an unexpected and much needed moment of sanctuary, amidst a heartbreaking stage of my life.  It made me believe that everything was ok, at that very moment.

And the same thing happened to me last weekend.  The moment of sanctuary happened again...not the other stuff.

Things haven't been too heartbreaking (unlike when I was 18 I have a roof over my head!), but things have been hard.  For 4
Room 501 selfie attempts
months.  I've alluded to it on here and I've told a few friends a few of the things.  Sometimes I wish I could just tell someone everything.  I kept it bottled up which makes it harder.  I've gone through worse but several pressures in my personal life gave way for a very rough ride.  And when things are rough it's difficult to keep focus, and as a result I've lost my mojo and direction, and my weight loss journey has had a fair hit.  And when that's my biggest motivation and focus in my life right now, it makes you feel kind of shit when you're not working on it as much as you'd like!  It's been a viscous snowball effect.

Muddy boot camp!

On the weekend I had a boot camp trip planned.  15 of us were going away to Ballina in NSW, to do boot camp, and to have a fun weekend together.

I was in two minds about going...I adore my boot campers, it wasn't the company that was the issue.  
Breakfast with a view!

I just wasn't up for it.  I'm a homebody at heart, have been feeling blah, and especially after my train wreck run last weekend, I really needed to do a bit of soul searching, and have a bit of thinking and chill out time. 

In the end I bit the bullet, threw my unfounded caution and too much thinking Kate! to the wind and just bloody went.

And it was...just what I needed.  You know how sometimes the best times are the unplanned times?  It was like that.  Nothing special happened!  Apart from getting dirty at boot camp, we did what you'd normally do on a weekend away, and had a ball :) 
So relaxed

But somewhere between lying on the couch completely and 100% relaxed (so much that I fell asleep), and jumping up to see my very first whale in the ocean from our apartment, I realised that everything is in fact ok in the world.  No moment of truth or weekend away can solve all the worlds issues, but it can ignite a little hope and belief that everything can be ok.

This weekend I smiled and laughed more than I have in a very long time.  I can't remember the last time I felt so relaxed and happy.  And I just adore my whole boot camp team.  I've still got things to iron out, but at least I feel like I can now.  I didn't expect to feel like that.  Which I guess is how it happens.
 If you're struggling, keep your faith as there may be inspiration just around the corner for you.

As a result I've picked up my game this week and am trying harder than I have in a while to continue my aim to get to goal.  I've got the right people around me and I just have to do it.  For now I just wanted to share this little piece from last weekend, along with some of my photos from it that make me smile.  Anyone who follows my journey and makes it to when I get to goal deserves a medal - it's been a bit of a long journey, hasn't it?  You can't always plan these things though, and you just have to do your best with what you've got.  I'm hoping this is a turning point to help me get away from the snowballed cycle from the last few months.  
True strength

And speaking of inspiration, this is my trainer Margie, who I watched yesterday compete in the National Titles for Powerlifting.  She broke multiple Australian and world records and got 1st place.  This is her dead lifting 200kg, breaking a world record.  Watching the determination and grit on everyone's faces yesterday was absolutely incredible and I haven't ever been more inspired in my life.  There is so much focus!  And in particular, this woman here inspires me every day but yesterday more than ever.  She reminded me how strong the mind is and that we can push through anything and do things that we never thought we could do...

Yes it was

Delving into a second hand bookshop #purebliss

Penthouse party!


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