EDIT - I only got a few paragraphs written and it's now a few days later as I continue this. #thereiam
EDIT AGAIN - It's now a week after that and I've finally finished writing this post 😄
So, my baby girls turned the big ONE year old last week. I've been using Instagram stories
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| Madeleine |
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| Ashley |
in a way like my pseudo blog over the last few months; which has been as therapeutic as it has been fun. I wanted to recap how the birthday went, but the story is way too long for even stories, so blogging it is. If this can be the start of regular blogging again; I'll be stoked. I miss it and it helps me so much.
By the way, despite how my Instagram grid looks at first glance, I have not transformed into a 'mummy blog'. A lot of my posts and stories are mum related, but that's because I don't have anything else going on at the moment. 😆 I still have my other stuff (mainly weight loss) to share, but there's a few bab
Anyway, their 1st birthday.
So, in true Kate fashion; I knew about it for a year, and started getting things done 3 days before.
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| I've known about their birthday for a while... |
I do not recommend this.
I had been imagining how their birthday would look for months. But quite annoyingly, 'envisioning' does not equate to 'doing', and I found myself a week out, with nothing done, except for having sent the invitation a few weeks prior.
Their birthday fell on the Saturday, but due to my family's availability, we had the party on the Sunday. I knew the gist of what I wanted:
Their actual birthday: Wake up to balloons. Open presents. Go out and do a fun activity. Start family birthday traditions.
Their party: Have a simple get together in the park.with family and friends. Minimal fuss and effort. An opportunity to get together to celebrate the girls, but also to thank those around us for their care and support over the past year. Extremely importantly to me, a cake EACH (rather than sharing). Allow the girls to eat their cakes and try sugar for the first time. (They had not consumed sugar as an ingredient before this). Have some special way of thanking people who came. No theme - just bright colours and fun.
I'd deliberated over the theme aspect for a long time and finally realised I didn't want to project a theme onto them for the sake of having one, if that makes sense? I also realised that this may be the only year or one of the only years where I can choose - once they start getting interests, I won't have too much of a choice.😉
So I had the ideas, and as mentioned had managed to get the invitation out. But that's it.
The girls recently started day care and currently go Mondays and Fridays. So I planned for Friday (yes, two days before), to be my runaround day and tick everything off. (And Monday to recover).
One thing I did manage to do before Friday was to book the hire of a number '1' cake tin. How good is that, that you can hire them? I had no idea that you could. It cost me $7 to have it for 3 nights.
I bought the Women's Weekly kids cake cookbook as soon as I got pregnant. In fact I may not have even been pregnant yet. It was one of the first things I bought. You know, buying all the important stuff first.
That cake book, like so many Aussie kids, was one of my favourite childhood memories. Each year my brothers and I used to pour over the book and carefully select which cake our poor mother was expected to recreate for our respective birthdays.
I talked about this on my Insta stories, but it was important to me to make their first birthday cakes. I may outsource in the future, but their first year I wanted them to be homemade, by me. Which is an extremely annoying desire, seeing as I hate baking and cooking SO much. I'm going to share the Insta stories I did on this, here, to save me repeating it:
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| Buy WW cake book before pregnant. Flip through it in the car the day before your babies first birthday. |
I picked up the cake tin, feeling somewhat accomplished. TICK! ✅
Now, just to do every single other thing for the party.
My non-planned out, somewhat sketchy goal for the day was:
- Complete all shopping and errands before lunch
- Be at home before 1pm for my friend Dani to drop in* (see below)
- Bake both cakes in the afternoon - a la Suzy Homemaker
- Pick up the girls - a la a got-it-together 'Tupperware Mum'
- Ice and decorate the cakes after the girls were in bed, - a la Nigella Lawson
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| Cake tin acquired. Only 216 things left to do |
So far, so good. Other than the cake tin, I had to go to:
- Big W
- Spotlight
- Kmart
- Woolworths
I ticked off Big W and Spotlight quite quickly. I ordered balloons in person at Spotlight as I just hadn't been able to get my shit together prior to this. I went up to the staff member in the party section, and looking and sounding helpless (no acting required, coz I was), she helped me order the balloons. I got 2 huge '1's to tie onto the girls cots made up to take away while I was there, and then I ordered a handful of bright balloons to be ready for Sunday's party.
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| Jenga. |
So my beautiful mother's group friend Dani was dropping around, because she had messaged me to say that she had baked for the girls birthday party. She wasn't even able to attend, and of course I hadn't asked her to do anything! But she just baked and messaged me photos of her creations and asked when she could drop them off. Gobsmacked much?? She had made pink macaroons and these marbled biscuits with the girls names embossed / stamped into them. Like a professional! "MADDIE AND ASH" and "ASH AND MADDIE". I couldn't believe it.
I got home, hid the balloons, met the angel Dani, and sat down to organise the photos to
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| Made with the greatest thoughtfulness |
I'd have to bake the cakes that night, but that was fine. I could still ice them on Saturday, leaving plenty of time. As long as the baking was done on Friday.
I finally sorted the photos and drove to Spotlight. As I was in the checkout line, I got a
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| Dani's amazing pink macaroons |
What? Talk about a heartstopper notification! As I scrambled to open it, I reasoned with myself that if it was anything serious they wouldn't let me know via a basic notification, and I was right. Maddie had just slipped while crawling and bumped her head a little. She was fine, but they of course had to write an incident report. My first parental incident report - a little anxiety inducing!
It was now almost 4:30pm. I really didn't want to have to take the girls to Kmart, but I knew that if I tried to 'duck' there now, before picking up the girls, it would likely take longer than expected. I'd then be rushed, late and stressed, and the girls would be more tired and grumpy etc. I also just wanted to run to Maddie and cuddle her after getting the report. I knew she was ok, but I wanted to be with her.
So I went to pick the girls up, via the post office to get their outfits. I bundled them in the car and off we went to Kmart and Woolies. I decided that I'd see how they went. If they were getting too tired then I'd just buy the cake ingredients and order the party food online. But the cake ingredients were a non-negotiable to buy that day. As I walked into Kmart, I was mentally slapping myself to be doing this at 5:30pm on the eve of their birthday weekend. Next year I would be organised!
We got to the photo centre and I sat down to order the prints. ...And the girls started to crack it.
They are truly amazing babies. They are so placid and well behaved, they don't whinge or cry or scream for no reason and they're just very good, smiley and happy girls.
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| Ashley's outfit |
But they're also 12 months old. They were tired after a big day care day, it was just past their dinner time, and Mummy's sitting down in a bright shop looking at a computer?? They didn't like that at all, and started to show it. I tried to keep them happy while I madly chose photos to print, but to no avail. We were on dummy rations (we own 20. I can only find 2). I didn't have any food with me (disorganised oversight). They threw every toy and interesting and safe object I could find in my handbag out of the pram, and were getting louder and more upset.
They got so loud that the young staff member from the photo centre actually came over and asked if she could help me. (Remember, with two babies you get stereo sound!) Without direction, the staff member knelt down in front of the pram and engaged on eye level with the girls, while I madly finished selecting photos. What an angel. I managed to find a pouch of food in my bag (a Mary Poppins bag at it's finest! I had no idea that I had it there). So that helped a little. I ordered the photos and we started pacing Kmart to get the last few things that I needed, while we waited for the photos to print.
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| Maddie's outfit |
My idea was to have some really well thought out, cool, safe, healthy, interesting or creative party favour to hand out to the kids attending. Not that I'd worked out what that would be yet... I can't wait to make party bags like I remember from my childhood when the girls are older, but for their first birthday where the kids attending were such a mixture of ages, I wasn't about to put together little bags.
I've seen my brother and sister-in-law make the most incredible party favours for their kids parties over the years, which is probably why I hold such high party favour standards. One year my brother hand drew and made colouring in books that were personalised for my niece's birthday for her friends.
So with that inspo; here I am, trudging the floors of Kmart on my kids birthday eve, last minute settling on handing out mass produced plastic bubble wands to the little party guests. Same same!
They were the opposite of creative and well thought out, but they were 50c each and I had to just decide on something. And all kids like bubbles, don't they??
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| Last minute 50c Kmart plastic bubble wand party favours #wellthoughtout #creative #unique #personalised #interesting |
I had no idea how many kids were coming, because I hadn't checked the RSVP's. (C'mon, to do that I would have had to be semi organised, remember?) I did a super quick estimation while standing next to the bubbles display in the outdoor section of Kmart, and picked up double that. There was no way I wanted any kid to miss out because I didn't have enough! I reasoned I could return any surplus to Kmart the next week, because the packaging would be untouched.
I thought running through the aisles of Kmart would interest and settle the girls, as they love being out in the shops, but we were well past the point of no return. They continued to lose it, crying being VERY LOUD. Because they've only lost it in public a couple of times, I'm really not used to it and I guess it gets me a little flustered.
I had well and truly decided that our visit to Woolworths (in the same centre) was definitely only for essentials (birthday cakes ingredients). I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed. I was looking forward to being in Woolies because I could find some food for them. It was 6:30pm-7pm-ish and I was feeling like the worst parent in the world for having the girls out at this time. We definitely go out at night for dinner etc. occasionally, but that's always planned and they're always well fed. This early evening disorganised shopping trip was my fault and I was so mad at myself for leaving everything to the last minute.
We grabbed the photos and finished up at Kmart. I raced us to Woolies, and before I had a chance to get to the baby snacks aisle, I remembered the 'free fruit for kids while you shop'
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| Hallelujah |
The bananas quickly got demolished, and they needed something else. I've never done this before, but I grabbed a packet of rice crackers in the baby food aisle to crack open instore, and pay for when I left. I was so frazzled and the girls needed food so I would have just gone ahead and done it, but I did make my way over to the service desk and ask permission to do so before opening the packet. The manager I asked was kind and said it was fine, but she made a joke about my honesty and when I walked away I was blinking back tears. Miss Sensitive, much? Okay, so now 3 of us were tired and teary.
I almost just grabbed a couple of packet cake mixes, but I was so determined to make these cakes myself (from scratch). I still hadn't quite worked out how I was going to decorate the cakes, so I pretty much decided in the Woolworths aisles that evening.
I grabbed the last few items, as well as 2 more bananas from the free fruit basket. The girls smashed these down as well.
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| My twins on their actual birthday |
Finally, we were on our way home. It was about 7:30pm. I was focussed. Girls: dinner, bath, bottle, bed. Me: dinner and bake 2 cakes. The rest of the prep could wait till the next day.
Walking briskly, we walked outside of the shopping centre and crossed the pedestrian crossing that led to the pram car parking, where we were parked.
We got to the other side of the crossing, to a pedestrian island within the car park, and I realised there was no ramp for prams or wheelchairs to go down on once you were on the island. So we turned around and went back onto the pedestrian crossing via the ramp that we had just come on, now needing to walk on the road to get to our car instead.
I took a few steps on the road and pushed the pram over a small speed bump. And in what felt like both slow and fast motion, I felt the pram off balance. In that split second, as much as I tried, I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do about it; as suddenly the pram tipped, and flipped upside down, on top of me, with both babies strapped inside.
I looked up to check on the girls, who were upside down but thankfully completely strapped in (in hindsight the design of the pram saved them). Having them looking down at me was a horrible image. Ash seemed fine but I couldn't see Maddie's head straight away. I moved a bit of the pram and I was then able to see her, too. I don't have words to describe those horrible couple of seconds.
Once I knew they were okay (conscious and alert at least), I realised I needed help. I needed someone to lift the pram off me and upright in a way to make sure that the girls were protected, and to allow me to get off the ground. I was also aware that we were on a road and it wasn't very well lit. It was just a road in a car park, but a car could still come along at any time.
Maybe it's just me, but I just assumed that people would come over and offer help. It felt like we'd been on the ground for a couple of minutes, but no-one had come. It was 7:30pm on a Friday night so it was much less busy than usual, but there were definitely people around. Quite a few in fact. But no-one came.
I realised I had to call out.
"Can someone please help?! Can someone please help?!"
I yelled it out, but still no-one came...
My gut wrenched.
I have never felt more alone in my life.
I kept yelling.
"Can someone please help?! Can someone please help?! Can someone please help?!"
After the second lot of yells, 3 young men rushed over. They picked the pram up and turned it upright. I got up. I think it was my yelling that started the girls crying; they were silent before that. They both started that horrible, heartbreaking cry that babies do when they're terrified. Where there's silent gasps in between each cry.💔
The guys had no idea what to do. Which I understand.
I was crying myself and all I could say was "I just need to hold my babies." I unstrapped each girl from the pram and tried to comfort them at the same time. All 3 of us sobbing.
The guys just stood there. Kindly, but not knowing what to do. One of them offered me a cigarette. Helping in the way he knew how. I remember saying that I wished I did smoke.
I was so shaken and upset and I remember just feeling in that moment that I needed someone to look after me (us) and take control. But there was no-one to do that. I was the mother, I couldn't just lie on the road and sob my heart out, like I felt like doing. I had to pull myself together to some extent and direct the scene.
I asked the guys if they could just please accompany us to my car. They picked up my groceries and 24 bubble wands that had spilled a little over the road, and pushed the pram to the car. They didn't know what else to do and appeared awkward so I thanked them and they left.
It probably sounds over the top, but I felt so extremely broken in this moment. Aside from the obvious of not knowing if the girls were ok, I'd had such an extreme feeling of emotion while lying under the pram, simply for the fact that no-one came to help straight away. It took a lot of yelling to get those guys to come over.
I feel embarrassed sharing that, like maybe I'm expecting too much, but that's how I felt.
Six years ago I was in a car accident It was in a busy inner city area in peak hour, with so many people around; in cars, on foot and in shops. I was trapped in my car and no-one, including the occupants of the at fault car who were pulled over nearby, came to see if I was ok. I had to use Facebook to call for help while inside my car and eventually managed to crawl out the passenger door.
I got a bit of PTSD from that car accident, and I think that in this pram situation, having to yell out many times until someone came to help, just brought on the same feelings. To be 'trapped', no matter how minimally, with people around but not assisting, leaves you feeling invisible and so alone that it hurts.
(Even if that is momentary).
After the guys left, I put both of the girls into the car (unstrapped) and closed the door so
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| My Ash |
When we go to the car at home to drive somewhere, I don't have the pram, so I'm carrying both babies. Maddie just recently realised that when I place her into her car seat briefly unsecured so that I can walk around and put Ash in and strap her in before coming back to do Maddie, that she can stand up within her car seat and move around. She thinks that she's extremely clever, and that it's the best thing in the world and absolutely hilarious.
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| Very proud of herself. |
So I switched them, and started placing Ash in; then would walk around and secure Maddie before coming back to secure Ash.
Of course though, Ash very quickly learnt this awesome freedom as well, so now it doesn't matter which baby I place in first, they ignore my requests to "please sit down and wait for Mummy", and move around and laugh at me.🤦 (Exhibit A in this photo taken on Friday. (She's not wearing a shirt because we were on our way out the door when I felt that she'd wee'd on said shirt; I already had both girls bundled up so I took off her wet shirt, grabbed a clean one and changed her in the car).
So this evening, with both of them not strapped in, it was frigging party time, and they were having THE BEST TIME EVER.
Meanwhile, their mother's standing outside of the car, crying in an emptying car park.
Aside from making sure the girls were okay (their fits of giggles from within the car was very reassuring), my focus from earlier was still the same, just a little more heightened: I needed to get these babies home, fed, bathed and in bed.
But I knew that I wasn't in a state to drive, and I just felt so lost and alone. I hate asking for
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| My Maddie |
I needed help.
I began calling family and friends. I started with people who lived closest to me, to lessen their inconvenience.
Murphy's Law, I had 1% battery on my phone at this point. It lasted, however. After a few phone calls, one of my friends answered. He lives a street away from me so was close to the shopping centre where we were. And ironically, he's also a nurse at the children's hospital. I think he even turned up in his scrubs.🙂
Because, he, of course, said he'd be right there, and turned up 5 minutes later. He was great, he was confident that the girls were fine, and helped us get home. (Escorted - I drove after I'd settled to a safe extent). He helped me carry everything and everyone up the stairs and then helped me get the girls fed, bathed and in bed. We ordered Thai, and he left about midnight.
Needless to say, there was no cake baking done that night, after all that. After he'd left I ordered the food for the party to be delivered the next day via Coles Online. I got to bed
I managed to wake up just in time to see their reactions to the balloons, which was really fun.
I'd woken up though, feeling like I'd been in a car accident. I was so, so sore. The whole left side of my body (and some of my right?) was starting to bruise. My elbow was grazed and I was limping. And I was feeling really emotional about the night before.
Other than feeling like I'd been hit by a truck (funny; I call the pram "the truck"!🙄), the day (their actual birthday) went mostly as planned. I laid out the girls presents (that I'd bought months ago... yet had wrapped that morning (#organisedaf)).
...And I then opened the presents that I'd wrapped myself just 10 minutes earlier because the girls had 5% interest in helping me do so.
I gave them their first doll each, a personalised puzzle of each of their names, and a book to share about being able to be anything you want to be. I lit their very first birthday candle each and sang happy birthday to them (individually) for the first time. My beautiful friend Donella came over and we took them to the park for a little swing and a play in the grass in the late afternoon.
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| First birthday present ever |
Maddie had a temp for some of the day. Nothing too bad, but not nice for her all the same. Aside from that, the only other thing that made the day go different to how I imagined it, was that, of course, I still had a zillion things to do before the party. In particular, I had not yet baked either cake, let alone iced or decorated them. If I felt like I was leaving things to the last minute on the Friday, not being any further ahead on the Saturday just bumped the disorganised stakes up by 1000%.
This blog post is already epically long and we're not even at their party yet, so I'm going to leave this one here, and do a Part 2 to finish off the story soon.
In Part 2 I'll share how I accidentally baked a penis cake for my daughters first birthday. As all good mothers do.
Back soon,
Love Kate 😘
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| Good morning - you're 1 today! |
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| Good morning - you're 1 today! |
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| Both girls instantly put the dolls dummies in their mouths |
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| My children are geniuses. They spelt out a word.😆 |
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| Ash swinging on her birthday |
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| Maddie swinging on her birthday |
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| Turning one is exhausting |
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| First nap as a one year old |
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| If the crown fits... |
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| Happy birthday Miss Maddie |
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| Happy birthday Miss Ashley |
