I’m addicted to selfies and the word ‘Triathlon’ turns me on

Hi :)



So it’s Week 12.  I’ve been doing a bit of thinking and have been trying to get myself out of my mini mental slump.  I’ve been like this for a couple of weeks and it’s not very fun.  Yes, life happens, our support networks change, boot camp fields get flooded, and we cry ourselves to sleep over boyfriends and potential surgery.  But we can’t stay down.  Well, we can ------ but that’s not a very nice place to be.



Left is me at a friends birthday in June – I look happy here but I was depressed, uncomfortable, embarrassed and wearing my ‘good black outfit’.  Right is me at a friends birthday last night.



I’m not feeling crash hot – I’m still a bit sad, still a bit in pain, still a bit lost and still annoyed at the stupid fluid in my stomach and how I’ve reacted (read: self-sabotaged) to counteract this small hiccup.  BUT.  I decided I can’t stay like this so I have to change.



 

Me dressed as Britney for a party last week.  Baby, one more time.

 Week 12 is always a week of self-assessment.  We look at how we’ve gone, we judge our performance, we crunch figures.  And then, next Monday, it continues and it's like a mini fresh start.  Whether we’re doing Week 1 of 12WBT or continuing on our own, life goes on as it always does.



Some ways that I hold my pants up.  You know when they say to wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident?  Well they should say the same of wearing safety pins on pants.  It was embarrassing showing this in hospital!

 I decided that this week for me will be Transition Week.  I’m going to check in with myself with how I’ve travelled through Round 4, enjoy myself this weekend in celebration of it, and get to work on setting myself up for next week and beyond.  I’m not going to obsess over this round, instead I’m going to look at it, learn from it, and smile about it.  Because I feel good about it.  It wasn’t perfect and I certainly wasn’t perfect.  At the start of the round I wrote this post: Aiming for the moon: The Plan.  And I did.  I didn’t reach the moon but the adage is true, I instead fell amongst the stars.



:)

 Some things that have changed / happened:

• I didn’t lose the total amount of weight that I wanted to, but I still lost a lot of kg’s and cm’s.  I’m in a whole state better than I was 12 weeks ago.
• I improved my fitness ten – or eleven (!) fold.  I did my Week 12 fitness test yesterday morning.  My stats are here but I’m really proud of my time trial.  In June I started out with 10:21.  4 weeks ago my result was 7:23.  And yesterday it was 6:47.  I wasn’t in a good state afterwards but I pushed it and was so excited to get under 7min.
• This round, things finally ‘clicked’.  And more importantly, I realised that they will continue to ‘click’.



Things are so different.



• I let go of my long standing weight goal and developed a slightly more realistic mindset about it.
• I became obsessed with selfies!  Seriously – I’ve always taken a lot of photos, but I think I have an issue!  Since the start of January, I have found myself taking selfies non stop!  Everywhere – in the bathroom mirror, in shop windows, in the lift at work, in hospital, at the SES, while walking – you name it, I would have taken a photo.  I’m also obsessed with creating before and after collages.  I have so many!  I would be so embarrassed if anyone went through my phone!  There’s photos of me….me….and me….!  I guess it’s kind of like that movie “Suddenly 30” where Jennifer Garner’s character suddenly goes from being 13 to 30 years old and she keeps looking at her newly developed chest.  Ok, I’ve always known that I have boobs (!) but it’s like I’m suddenly looking at how I look now and trying to be comfortable with this as my body changes.



Selfie in the work elevator.  Like I seem to do every day!



• I played. I played a lot. :)
• I finally accepted that if you need to wear safety pins, bobby pins, clips and office bulldog clips to hold your pants up/on, you probably shouldn’t be wearing them.
• I cry when boot camp is cancelled.  Yes – as you know, I do.  I used to cry if I was forced to run for the train (because I wouldn’t – that was the point, and then I'd miss the train).  Now, boot camp is the highlight of my day.  Every day.  And sometimes twice a day. :)
• I gained a little more self confidence, self belief and self respect.
• I get excited when I see tractor tyres and sledgehammers in my trainers cars.
• I’m slowly learning what the words ‘moderation’, ‘self-acceptance’, ‘rest day’ and ‘consistency’ mean.



Pics of the flood at work.



• I fit into the yellow dress!  And the black one shoulder dress!
• I set myself a mini milestone / goal / challenge each week.  I did some awesome things!  I didn’t get every single thing done.
• And I am ok with that.



I saw this BUPA ad on a bus stop while I was walking the other day :)



• I get turned on (excited!) when I see the word ‘triathlon’ or ‘fun run’ or see a new fitness event promoted.
• I went from running 5km to 11km non stop!
• I realised just how strong I am.
• I managed to do push-ups on my toes.
• I shared undies photos – and not just any undies photos, before and current undies photos!
• At various times I found myself barefoot, injured, with no pride, devastated, frustrated, lost, hurt, sleepless, and I came out ok.
• I climbed, ran, hobbled, ran, skipped, and crawled my way through events, obstacle courses, running tracks and the work corridor at 3am.

And, the most important thing I did, was:

• I worked hard and did my best.

And that’s all I can ask of myself.



My body measurements where I started - where I am now - and where I aim to be.

 Week 12 is a funny week, in a way it is shorter, we have finale, and everyone’s starting to focus on Week 1 of the next round.  And I’m going to also do that.  I’ll work hard for the rest of it and have a ball at finale, but I’m going to start to focus on my next round and beyond.  I’m not in a perfect state but as long as I keep trying, that’s all I can ever do.  I’m proud of myself and I know that I did my best.  But Round 4 is over.  Eyes to the future; let the planning begin.  I told someone yesterday to fake it till they make it and I think I should take my own advice.  I may not feel 100% but I’ll just pretend.  Besides, the 100% is inside me.



It was traumatic wearing this bridesmaid dress at the time.  And this wasn’t even at my biggest.

 I've got so many goals, dreams and plans and it's time to focus on these. We always need to reset. I'll blog soon about my goals for Round 1 and what I'm going to put in place for myself to help me achieve these. Round 4 is finishing. I'll remember this 11-12 weeks as a period of immense personal growth for myself.

And if I ever forget what this round has been about or what I have done, I have 1796 selfies to remind me. :)

Have a great week everyone :)