I fucking want to run: a lesson in patience

AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

That's me yelling out loud. Something I wanted to do in my training session today but held myself back because there were kids around. Because what I would have yelled out would have been a lot more colourful than 'Augh.'

This is not going to be a polite post. I am not going to apologise for it either. Just let me get it out and I'll feel better. Bare with me. I am unleashing here because I have to blurt it out. Time for the truth.

I want to run again!

I am so frustrated that I can't!

I'm not going to be polite like I am in other blog posts and smile and say that I'm "trying to be patient."

I'M NOT FUCKING PATIENT AT ALL! I'm over it!

With other things in life, I'm as patient as the next person. I'm not too bad.

But this fucking injury!

I'm frustrated that it's now been 5.5 weeks and that it is still sore and that I'm still not allowed any impact.

I'm frustrated that I'm supposed to be doing the 10km running program and so far I haven't been able to do 1 session.

I'm frustrated that this is holding me up from my big running goals for 2013.

I get angry when I see my hips in the mirror because they're not shrinking as fast as they would if I was able to run.

At training today I shed some secret tears and had an internalised princess hissy fit because I am so frustrated seeing everyone else running and I have to fucking power walk! I was chanting to myself: "I fucking want to run." I'm so lucky I have an awesome trainer who has modified everything for me. I'm so thankful, especially due to the fact I've been able to keep training through this injury. But I want to be better dammit! I've been so patient (ok, I've tried to be) - but for some reason today I just got over my injury. OVER IT!

Come on, HEAL already!

I'm jealous of people sweating! I want to sweat more!

I'm annoyed that I can't do burpees, squat jumps, normal jumps or mountain climbers. I want to!

I miss going crazy in a session.

I'm sick of having to tread lightly when I walk on uneven ground to protect my foot.

I'm annoyed at myself because I should have been wearing the moon boot a bit this week and I haven't once and now my ankle is a bit sore. I'm pissed off at the boot. For no other reason than it doesn't have feelings so I can hate it. When I got given it I believe my words for it when I told my friends about it was 'fucking moon fucking boot.'

When my doctor said that I have to be patient and I agreed, I didn't really agree. I was frustrated!

I want to run again dammit!

Screw being patient, I'm not at all! I want it to be better now. I'm mad that if I give in, ignore the patience and just go running anyway, that I could damage it more or prolong recovery. I've waited 5.5 weeks already, I'm not making it longer than it has to be. It annoys me that I'm being responsible about this!

I'm mad at myself that I probably could have looked after it a bit better to date- maybe RICE it a bit more and stay off it. I'm mad at myself for admitting this to myself. ;)

I'm so frustrated that it's not funny. It had better heal by 6 weeks, 7 at the most. Just putting it out there, anything could help!

I am just...AUGHHHH!

I just...fucking want to run! That is all.