Punchy week

Hiiiiiii guys :)

Hope you're having a happy week.  I'll be honest, I'm not.  I wish I could be all happy chappy and perky and GO TEAM GO motivating tonight but I am just going to be what I am with this entire blog, and that is, honest.

View from Tuesday's walk

I won't bore you with details but I just felt the need to write. :)  I'm hoping this can be like a Dear Diary moment, I can get stuff off my chest and then go back to cheery Coco tomorrow.  Well that's the plan anyway ;)

I was back in hospital this week.  And that's really pushed my emotions to the edge.  I was so excited last week, I thought the whole* debacle (*aside from long flight injections) was behind me.  I think that's why it hit me so hard.  I was only in emergency for 7 hours or so, it's not like I was admitted, but still, another trip up there?  I think this is Visit #8 in as many months - I've actually lost track.

By the way, this is a little lesson about why exercise is bad for your health!  I'm joking, of course, but read on.  On Tuesday on and off through the day, I had minor chest pains, shortness of breath and pain in my left arm.  Umm, warning sign??  You'd think.  I waited the whole day at work to go to the doctor.  Yes, you can slap me - but I've just started a new job, and I didn't want to overreact.  It's the same pain I've had on and off throughout 'Season PE'.  I even walked my 5km back to my car before going to the doctor - probably not the best idea.

Anyway long story cut short but the GP gave me an ECG, it was fine but it looked a little odd, and especially because of my recent history, he asked me to go straight to hospital to get checked further and so they could compare my records.

Ironic

They ran heaps of tests and in the end they said it wasn't cardiac and highly doubt it's new PE's as I only just had the VQ scan which is clear.  After some discussions, it was suggested that probably it was from my 5km walks!!!  Can you believe it?!  Who can tell for sure, but essentially it was believed that the pollution in the air (which I could actually feel coating my lungs after walking) caused the SOB problems and the pains could be muscular from my beloved (but heavy), backpack.

So there you go folks, don't exercise!  I'M JOKING.  But seriously?  I think you need to make sure you choose exercise in healthy environments!  Or maybe I should just stick to my 12WBT exercise plan only and not do anything extra like these walks! :)  Who knows if it was the air / backpack that did it.  I do doubt it but that's all they could tell me and I can't do much else except go by what they said.

I was enjoying my walks too - and this was only Day 2 of these ones!  It's all ok though, I've worked out a new plan.  I work alongside the Brisbane River and it's beautiful down there.  Also, if I get to work early enough, I get free parking - so I'm going to drive to work earlier, and walk along the river for 10km split throughout the day, morning, lunch and after work.  Cleaner air, accessible car at work, time out before, during and after work, and I don't have to carry my backpack with me

Anyway I got a bit sad the next day about it all.  I'm so sick of hospitals and worrying about my health.  I'm sick of feeling scared if I'm going to die.  It may sound dramatic but it's a real fear of mine when I'm lying there with these symptoms etc.  On a side note, I also hate my new job.  I am so unhappy there.  The last thing I felt like doing after hospital was go to work.  I got home at 2:30am-ish and told work I'd be in late, but I just wish I could have taken the day off.  I just really want a break - the last 6 months has been full on and I just want to stop and reconnect.

The morning after hospital was our last Weigh In Wednesday.  (I seriously almost tried to do my fitness test in hospital!)  Anyway I got really down this day about the whole Week 12 results too (I'll write a new post about this).  I've been doing so much reflecting about this whole thing so will enlighten you very soon once it settles in my mind.

Sunset on Tuesday

Sorry for the down and out post, but I told you this blog would be truthful!  Hospital/my new job/wanting a break/Week 12 is just proving a bit too much for me this week.  I want to settle everything and I will, I'm just having a sad week.  I don't usually let myself get so down about minor things, and let's be honest, it's all minor, but I just am down and can't seem to help it.  Or just blame the fact that I'm a girl - we're allowed to use that as an excuse for anything ;)  I'll try to rejig myself very soon.  It's all good - this is just one of those punches that we roll with, isn't it? :)

I'll write more soon about Week 12 / end of my first 12WBT round :)  And then, we start our beautiful Round 3 on Monday!

Love Coco xoxoo