My blue door

Hi guys :)  So....I had a pretty full on week last week.  There were a few ups and unfortunately many downs.  I seemed to have a week of moments where I felt disappointed by people.  Some people who I love more than anyone, some people who I admire from a distance.  I felt crushed, rejected and on the outer all week for various reasons.  I don't usually feel like that.  I have a loving family and amazing network of friends.  I guess it was just a down week.  I had mascara streaked cheeks more than once in public without realising after crying many times in private.  Just wanted to tell someone that I had a bad week...so it's done :)

Anyway - I did have an amazing moment amidst that week.  I went to see Emazon.  Check her out here if you want to find out more: www.emazon.tv

How can I describe her?  She's this 6 foot something leather pants and knee high boots blonde Glamazon (Emazon!) who knows a thing or two about, well, neuroscience and much more baby!  You just look at her and feel WOW.  She's been on The Biggest Loser and I've heard people rave about her in the past.  She visited Brisbane for a week and a lot of my 12WBT pals were going along to see her.  I wanted to go but I had a few reasons holding me back.  (Valid reasons, not excuses).  But in the end I just made a hasty last minute decision, ignored all the reasons against and just went with the one reason for it.....this could benefit me if I give it a chance.

I attended her Mindfit session.  Wow.  It was mainly all about being in an Alpha state or you won't be able to move forward.  I won't go into the neuroscience backing it, but in essence, what I got out of it was this:  Emazon did this visualisation with us.  She got us into a state using her breathing techniques.  There was a lot more involved but the gist of it for me was that she asked us to see a door.  Any door, any shape or colour, and then open that door and see yourself how you'd like to be.

I visualised this old, blue, wooden door like you'd see in Alice in Wonderland.  Kind of like this picture I just found :)  Behind my door was a field full of flowers and all of these wonderful things.  I used to visualise a field full of flowers when my Year 9 drama teacher would do visualisations with us :)  It kind of was like I was in a fairytale or Disney movie.  And there I was in the field of flowers.  I was thin, I was beautiful, I was bubbly, I was HAPPY.  And my healthier self told me that I could do this.  She spoke to me and said some things, and basically showed me what I can be.

Slightly off topic, but I think this was the point.  Sometimes in life we lose belief in ourselves, often through no-meaning-to of our own.  A couple of years ago, a random guy on the phone changed my life with 8 words.  I don't know him from a bar of soap.  I think I wrote his name down somewhere to remember it.  He was a financial advisor and I was chatting to him for probably 3 minutes.  He said to me: "you have a bright future ahead of you."  It was a random comment by a random person who doesn't know a thing about me, but it struck the biggest cord with me and incredibly, flipped the switch from a 2 year bout of Depression to the road to recovery.  It was incredible.  I'm serious.  That one comment changed me from that very moment forward.  It was still a ride to get out of, but that catapulted me a million steps forward.  One day I hope I can thank him (if I can find his name).

Anyway the point is, it's amazing how much you can believe in yourself if you let yourself believe that you can do anything.  And sometimes, all it can take is for someone to tell you that.  I know my man on the phone story sounds strange, but it happened to me and I am not going to dismiss such an amazing point in my life! :)  Emazon reminded me how important and influential thinking is on our actions and how it's possible to rewire your brain.

I quit smoking in March.  12 years of smoking 30+ cigarettes a day, stopped overnight.  I haven't smoked since.  I rewired my thinking with that so I know that I can do the same in other areas - I'm reminded now that this is possible: If you feed the correct thoughts and belief.

So that is what I mean in regards to my visualisation - my future healthier self, told me that I could do this.  And strangely enough, I believe her.  (Who better to trust than yourself, huh?)  I had to close the blue door and come back to where I am right now (I did this crying) - but I know that she's still there and I know that I will be her one day soon.  Ever since, I have likened this experience to those BUPA ads, where people meet their healthier selves.  No offence to BUPA (I am a BUPA member myself!) but I've kind of thought those ads were a bit wanky ;)  ....till now.  Man alive....I met my healthier self in that visualisation and I KNOW that it is possible.  I'm not usually one of those people who's into that kind of stuff.  But I can't describe in so many words how I'm feeling about this; all I know is that I am focussed and feel changed every since that night.

Another exciting thing is, that same night, Michelle Bridges read out my question on her 12WBT live chat.  She has these throughout her 12 week challenges and I LOVE them.  Really love them.  I've always dreamed that she'd read out one of my questions one night, and she did!  That very same night!  And she said to me as a part of her response: "don't let anything stop you."  I have taken this to heart in an amazing, good way! :)

So yeah....I had a great night last week :)  I'm still the same person but something shifted within me that night.  A mix of Alpha, the brilliant Glama/Emazon, a field full of fairytale flowers and blue wooden doors mixed with the opportunity that Mish and 12WBT have given to me.


I can't wait to open my blue door.  And I know that I can.

I'm off to sign up for Round 3 of 12WBT.  I've been feeling like a bit of a failure within myself as this round has been all about mindset for me and I have only lost 10kg so far.  We still have 3 weeks to go and I know 10kg in 9 weeks is still good, but it is not close to what I had aimed for.  But this week I have become ok with this.  The rewards I have received with my mindset are worth 1 million kilos on the scales :)  My mindset has shifted completely and I said once that I've been living through a light show or fireworks display since pre-season, with all of the light bulbs that I've had going off.  I think Round 2 I have shined in my head, and Round 3, baby?  I will shine on the scales.  I LOVE this program.  If you have ever considered doing it, do not hesitate.  12WBT has changed my life and it is continuing to do so, every day.

"Don't let anything stop you." :)