Checking in and my strange new attachment

Hello!  We're into Week 2 already!  Time is just flying!  And, as always, I have so much to say.  Quick sum up of my last few days - things have been fairly on track.  But one thing I have to focus on is my organisation.  This is lacking and I have to revisit this pre-season task pronto (as in tonight) to help me out.  It is vital to my success :)

3 HRM's and none are working!

Training is going ok but not great. I know this sounds like an excuse but I am really struggling without having a HRM.  It is affecting me so much.  My beloved Polar has been broken / not working properly since Round 2 Week 12 and I still haven't been able to get it fixed - I can't find my proof of purchase so I can't send it away until I do.  I started getting so frustrated without it that I went to 2 different Aldi stores to buy a replacement HRM in the meantime.  They were selling them for $20 and I decided that $20 was worth the sanity until I can get my Polar fixed.

Both stores had sold out and I am still sans HRM.  I even have an old one that I have tried and it also isn't working.  And I tried the HRM connected to my treadmill - that doesn't even seem to be configured right - but obviously would only work on my treadmill anyway.

I've been training but (and I know this sounds dumb) I feel like I'm not compelled enough to train as hard if I can't measure it!  I know!  That is dumb!  I'm such a numbers person.  I didn't think I'd ever be so attached to my HRM!  I am struggling without mine.  I don't want to pay much more than $20 for a back-up one but I may have to.  I'm going to Perth finale in 2 days and I want to have one there.  Will see what I can organise tomorrow.  And in the meantime I need to find my proof of purchase so that I can get my Polar fixed!

A little reminder :)

Apart from that things are good - although I just got out of hospital (again) :(  I'm fine, it was just precautionary to do with stupid symptoms that keep recurring.  I (and when I got there the doctors) thought that I could have more blood clots.  This was only based on my symptoms.  Long story but they kept me in overnight and ran heaps of tests.  I was ok and not panicked this time...I was worried and upset but strangely calm.  My main immediate concern was if I had more, would I be allowed to fly to Perth?  The great news is that I have no clots :)  Not in my lungs or in my legs :)  I'm so relieved and I feel like I have a new lease on life again.

Anyway I am really tired, I think I slept for 3 hours at 1 hour intervals this morning, I kept getting woken up and prodded.  I fell asleep on the phone to a friend this afternoon (literally - the phone kept going silent on my end as I fell asleep) ;) so I have gotten home and had a shower, and I'm going to have an early night tonight.

Back to my job I hate tomorrow...I can't wait to get out of there.  It's toxic on my health.  I actually opened up to my new boss yesterday about my current health 'issue'.  I've only been there for 6 weeks and already have taken some time off because of hospital and doctors (1.5 days in total).  I thought I'd explain it so that she didn't think I was making it up or just being unreliable.  I broke down in front of her (doh!  I try to never cry at work (in public)) :( but I was so worried, I had shortness of breath and just wanted to go to the doctor.  I was trying to hold out until after work and she said to go early if I needed to, health is more important.  Excellent - however she then proceeded to ask me to finish some things before I left, and then texted me in hospital to ask me to do something.  One day I'll have a compassionate boss!

Anyway so back to the hell-hole tomorrow but it's just for 1 day and then I am off to Perth....my first time to Perth, a few very much needed days off work and I am excited I have SUCH a special weekend planned with some amazing people.

I came on here to write a post about my finale dress and haven't even mentioned that yet!  So I'll save that for another post - I also have an exciting story for you as well.  So much still to write!

Will sign off now as I need to go to bed but I'll write more tomorrow.

Lotsa love,
Love Coco xx

Bloggers Challenge #1: Week 1

Hi!  I'm taking part in the 12WBT Round 3 Bloggers Challenge, set up by the amazing 77Noni!  I'll continue to write my usual posts, but in addition, each week there'll be a new Bloggers Challenge topic to write about.  It sounds like a heap of fun, and hey, I'm already addicted to blogging, so this just gives me another excuse to write :)

If you're interested in taking part, check out 77Noni's awesome blog:

http://fitandhappynotfatandhippy.com/2012/08/29/bloggers-challenge-week-1-its-never-too-late-to-be-what-you-might-have-been/

So, here we go for Bloggers Challenge Post #1!

1. Describe yourself in less than fifty words. What is it you want us to know about you?

Blonde.  Lover of pink.  Wear my heart on my sleeve.  Have a mega cute new niece.  Adore 12WBT.  Actress.  Open.  Empathetic.  Sensitive.  Love poking bruises.  Huge heart.           

2. This program is called a transformation. When you signed up for this round (whether is your ninth round, first round or somewhere in between) what was it about yourself you wanted to transform?

At the start, it was just my body.  With no flowery words lightening this up, I was fat and needed to lose weight!  Simple as.  What I didn't realise though, was that Mish was this amazing mindset transformer too!  And I guess what I also didn't realise, is that that was what I needed. As soon as I was in pre-season, I realised how much I had to transform in my mind before I could consider my body transformation being for life.

3. One of the phrases Michelle Bridges says that has struck a chord with me is that we should be striving to be the best version of ourselves. To me that means we don’t have to change ourselves completely in order to have a successful transformation. What is it about yourself you are happy with right now? It can be related to your mind, body or soul, and of course there may well be more than one thing you are happy with.

I'm simply happy that I have 31 years full of memories and experiences that have helped mould me who I am right now.  This gives me a foundation to have a transformation in the first place.  If I had a perfect rainbow glitter unicorn life then I wouldn't appreciate how amazing it feels to tranform myself.  And that's half of the fun of it, right there.  We all have experiences that have shaped us, both good and bad and everywhere in between.  We don't want to get rid of who we are/were.  No way!  We just want to get the best bits out of us and make them even more awesome than they already are.  

4. What aspect of this program do you think will present you with the toughest challenge. What are you going to focus on to ensure you feel successful at the end of the twelve weeks?

The toughest aspect is my mindset.  Training and nutrition and everything else?  Piece of cake carrot if you have your mindset right.  We are all capable of doing anything our hearts can imagine......If we believe in ourselves.  I struggle with this.  Well, I have in the past.  This is what I really need to work on.  I'm going to focus on strengthening my mind and resolve to go gung ho......For the 12 weeks?  Absolutely.  But mainly, for life.

5. What is it you look forward to the most in the next twelve weeks?

The entire 12WBT program - I love all aspects.  But mainly?  I look forward to smashing my goals and not letting anything stop me.

7. Can you describe what you want to see, think and feel when you look in the mirror on Sunday 18th November 2012.

I simply want to feel proud of myself.  I want to look in the mirror and know truthfully, on the inside, that I have worked my ass off over the 12 weeks.   Metaphorically....and literally ;)

You'll start happening too

WELCOME TO ROUND 3!  Today's the first day of Round 3 of 12WBT!

I have so much on my mind at the moment, I'm feeling overwhelmed....so what do I do?  I write on my blog.  No promises that this post won't be a mismatch of my thoughts, in a random order....I have no thought structure in my mind tonight so I doubt it will get into any such order in words :)

From a program point of view, I had a good day.  Calories in and out were good.  Just a few hiccups that have really been frustrating me.  I'm going to complain for a sec and then get over it.  I just have to get it out - nothing's that huge but I'm letting little things get to me, so bear with me :)

And I know you'll hike far

My Polar isn't working :(  I've known about this for a week too, since it fell off at boot camp - which just makes me frustrated at myself for not getting it fixed sooner.  I had a vague sense that the Polar fairies may have fixed it and it may have rectified itself.  No :(  It may just need a new battery, but it seems to be broken.  So I couldn't trust my calories burnt this morning when I did my 5km walk (along the river this time, no hospital visits!).  Then tonight I tried to use my old cheap HRM but it didn't work.  Then I even tried to use the one connected to my treadmill while I did Learn To Run.  I don't think those calories were right.  I was running, and it showed less calories than I burn while walking.  AUGH!!  I am so frustrated! 

My first whole pumpkin ;)

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm very numbers focussed.  I adore my Polar and live by it.  And now I have to be without a HRM for a few days while I send it away to get fixed.  I tried not to let it bother me but I did.  I had a crap day at work (it's a bit hard not to when you hate your job).  Then while I was running tonight, my shins really hurt and I don't know why and I couldn't run or even walk for as long as usual.  I am recovering from a very minor cold but I doubt that's it, I was fine with breathing etc.  Maybe my feet are just tired from walking today?  Who knows.  I started crying on the treadmill - I don't even know why.

Soup all made!

Anyway, I shouldn't worry because all of these things are fixable, I can estimate the calories burnt and the main thing is I was on track with calories and everything.  On a brighter note, I finally made pumpkin soup that didn't fail!  I've only tried it 2-3 times before and each time I have miserably stuffed up.  But I tried this week's recipe one and it worked!  Ooh yeah!

And now I have heaps of meals in the freezer for those last minute meals.  I also love that I had to buy a whole pumpkin to make these meals - I've never bought a whole pumpkin before!  I loved it :)  Another first, I bought artichokes for the first time....I didn't even know what they were so it was hard to find them!  Ahhh the small things hey? :)

View on my walk today

Starting Round 3 today made me think of how I felt when I started Round 2.  I was terrified for one!  I loved it.  I was overwhelmed.  I did everything.  I was excited.  Similar feelings today, except this time I'm not terrified :)  I watched a video before a couple of times, it's one that I posted here once (here's a link): Today is your day  I often watch this to cheer me up (watch it, you won't regret it!)  One of the phrases struck me tonight: 

And when things start to happen, don't worry.

Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You‟ll start happening too.

It's right you know.  Just go right along....just keep going....and you'll start happening too. :)

I realised that I haven't made my commitment yet.  I've been working on it, but I haven't put it out there yet.  So that will be my next step.  I've also got to finalise my goals.  I think I'll feel a lot more on track when I do those things.  I've decided that I am moving forward and not looking back.  Enough chit chat and thinking, more JFDI and chasing those dreams until I can grab them.

I hope everyone doing Round 3 had a great first day.  I'm off to prop myself up.  I'm really excited about this round; I'm proud I didn't let little things stop me today, but I have to get a bit more cheery. :)  And I will.

Just go right along...............this round there will be no excuses.  Team, you're off to great places.

Oh, the places you'll go.

Love Coco xx

Coco Girl's round up of Round 2 :)

After a very reflective few days, I put together a list of things that I've learnt, achieved and become aware of over the past 12-14 weeks.  I'm putting this out there for myself.  I have learnt a lot on the inside; I feel I have freedom from myself (if that makes sense) and I know I now have the tools to keep at it.  So tomorrow I will put Round 2 to rest and make my commitment to Round 3 (and beyond), and simply look toward the future.

 

My first 12WBT round, Round 2, 2012:

• The boring numbers: I've lost 15.4kg (12.9kg since Week 1) and lost 52.4cm.  My BMI reduced from 46 down to 41.  These numbers may not be as much as I 'wanted' but the rest of the stuff I have gained far outweighs the numbers at this point.  But in saying that?  I am smaller than I was 14-ish weeks ago and I will own that. 

• I've trained like a demon at times and I know that I can train more.

• I became well acquainted with my HRM and calories as a whole - in and out.

• I've realised that I can push myself and push through pain.

• I'm a runner!  My first fitness test in Week 1, I felt like I would collapse after running for 200m.  Now I can run for 1km!  (And am building on that: 5km by the end of Round 3 baby!)

• I realised how important 'military precision' or simply being organised is to this journey and just to life in general.

• I realised that it is very easy to make a commitment / promise at the start of the round when you have a packet of Tim Tams next to you.  Actually carrying through with this commitment - that is the real test.  And I have done so :)

 

• I not only attempted my first boot camp, I now love them!

• I did many things that scared me and achieved all of my milestones (so far - one more to go next week!) :)

• I met the most amazing people - fellow 12WBT'ers.  The things I have shared with these new friends is so sacred.  They have been pillars of strength and inspiration.  They have answered my questions.  They have been honest with me.  They have been patient with me when maybe sometimes I took a while for things to click...I've always been a late bloomer :)  I have met up with many of them - new friends are awesome.  I've had some of them offer to meet me for dinner just to make me smile after a bad day, others offered to pick me up from or just sit with me in hospital, , others who send me messages of encouragement, others who have driven an hour to cheer me on in things outside of 12WBT, others just make me feel 'enough' :) --- these are girls I've either met once briefly, or never met!  12WBT'ers have the biggest hearts.  I have been inspired by their strength and courage.

• I had so many light bulb moments that it was like a fireworks display.  Things clicked in the last 12-14 weeks more than they have in 15 years.

• I now understand the importance of the word 'consistency'.

• I finally worked out where my previous weight issues have come from.

• I finally realised that I was an emotional over-eater.  I didn't realise this before!

• I have become comfortable with weighing myself once a week (instead of every day) and not panicking - because I trust the program and know that it will work. Weighing in is now just a tracking process that makes me smile rather than a daily mood setter.

• My pants have fallen off a few times! (Thankfully not in public) :)

• My fitness test results have improved every 4 weeks and I can feel that improved fitness when I train.

• I have had fun! 12WBT is really fun- there's so many aspects to focus on, keep me entertained and help me.

• I am learning to not self sabotage.

• I've learnt not to eat my emotions......and just feel feelings.....and roll with the punches.

• I am getting my sparkling eyes back :)

• And perhaps most importantly, I now believe in myself.  I can't wait for Round 3.  Thanks Mish and 12WBT :)

My perfect 12WBT round :)

So I lasted about 30 minutes after my last post before attempting to write this one. ;)  See?  I said this is like writing in a diary, I just had to get that stuff off my chest.

SO.  It's currently Day 4 of Week 12 of Round 2 in 2012.  Wow.  Just a few days to go until the end of the round.  I am super keen to get stuck into Round 3, but this week I've been thinking so much about how this round has been and how I have gone.

As I mentioned earlier, I was a bit disappointed on Wednesday.  In essence, my results were not what I wanted.  All I've been thinking about since, is that quote: "Don't complain about the results you didn't get by the work you didn't do."  This quote couldn't be more true.  Although it didn't say you couldn't be upset or beat yourself up!  I haven't complained to anyone other than myself.  I have been thinking about my stats and have been staring at my 'after' photo a lot (note to self: don't study before and after underwear photos on your phone in the lift at work (!) - that was a close call yesterday!). 

My results are not exactly what I had planned.  My distorted mind can't tell whether my photos show a difference - I think they do.  Either way, I have been thinking about how this round has gone for me.  Miss Perfectionist here promised that I would not be perfect.  So why did I still beat myself up this week?  I was never going to be a washboard stomached Size 10 after 12 weeks.  Yes, I will be a washboard stomached Size 10!  But it'll take a little longer :)  I knew that, but I guess I also thought that I would have gone crazy into it and wowed myself.  What I wasn't giving myself credit for, is that I am human.  And I have 15 years of weight issues to quash.  Mish is brilliant and 12WBT is a life saver and I am a smart girl.  But there's no easy fix.  I've had so many ups and downs this past 12-14 weeks and I thought that was bad.  I didn't have a perfect round - I thought I had failed.  But I lost weight, gained a mountain of knowledge and had so many wins.  I've been soul searching and reflecting on this and it kind of made sense when I watched Mish's mindset video last night.

She said something along the lines of that she doesn't expect people to be perfect.  She said that there will be ups and downs and blood, sweat and tears, and the clincher: and that that was perfect.  I've thought about this heaps and I love this.  The ups and downs?  That is perfect.  In my way of analysing this, it means that it's a whole lifestyle thing.  It's a life thing.  Life isn't perfect.  We all have rollercoasters in our life, the highs, the lows, and as I have been saying, the good times and the punches.  It's about managing things as a whole - being realistic - and being open minded - and being flexible.  If we attempted to be perfect we would surely fail.

If there was a magic pill to 'solve' my weight issues then I would have bought it long before now.  It was never going to be easy.  But if we can get to a place where we're ok - and that we finally 'get it' - no matter how many fist pumps and falling down with skinned knees up and down episodes there are on the way, then I think we can say that we have won.  And as Mish said, this is perfect.

Bring on Round 3! 

Punchy week

Hiiiiiii guys :)

Hope you're having a happy week.  I'll be honest, I'm not.  I wish I could be all happy chappy and perky and GO TEAM GO motivating tonight but I am just going to be what I am with this entire blog, and that is, honest.

View from Tuesday's walk

I won't bore you with details but I just felt the need to write. :)  I'm hoping this can be like a Dear Diary moment, I can get stuff off my chest and then go back to cheery Coco tomorrow.  Well that's the plan anyway ;)

I was back in hospital this week.  And that's really pushed my emotions to the edge.  I was so excited last week, I thought the whole* debacle (*aside from long flight injections) was behind me.  I think that's why it hit me so hard.  I was only in emergency for 7 hours or so, it's not like I was admitted, but still, another trip up there?  I think this is Visit #8 in as many months - I've actually lost track.

By the way, this is a little lesson about why exercise is bad for your health!  I'm joking, of course, but read on.  On Tuesday on and off through the day, I had minor chest pains, shortness of breath and pain in my left arm.  Umm, warning sign??  You'd think.  I waited the whole day at work to go to the doctor.  Yes, you can slap me - but I've just started a new job, and I didn't want to overreact.  It's the same pain I've had on and off throughout 'Season PE'.  I even walked my 5km back to my car before going to the doctor - probably not the best idea.

Anyway long story cut short but the GP gave me an ECG, it was fine but it looked a little odd, and especially because of my recent history, he asked me to go straight to hospital to get checked further and so they could compare my records.

Ironic

They ran heaps of tests and in the end they said it wasn't cardiac and highly doubt it's new PE's as I only just had the VQ scan which is clear.  After some discussions, it was suggested that probably it was from my 5km walks!!!  Can you believe it?!  Who can tell for sure, but essentially it was believed that the pollution in the air (which I could actually feel coating my lungs after walking) caused the SOB problems and the pains could be muscular from my beloved (but heavy), backpack.

So there you go folks, don't exercise!  I'M JOKING.  But seriously?  I think you need to make sure you choose exercise in healthy environments!  Or maybe I should just stick to my 12WBT exercise plan only and not do anything extra like these walks! :)  Who knows if it was the air / backpack that did it.  I do doubt it but that's all they could tell me and I can't do much else except go by what they said.

I was enjoying my walks too - and this was only Day 2 of these ones!  It's all ok though, I've worked out a new plan.  I work alongside the Brisbane River and it's beautiful down there.  Also, if I get to work early enough, I get free parking - so I'm going to drive to work earlier, and walk along the river for 10km split throughout the day, morning, lunch and after work.  Cleaner air, accessible car at work, time out before, during and after work, and I don't have to carry my backpack with me

Anyway I got a bit sad the next day about it all.  I'm so sick of hospitals and worrying about my health.  I'm sick of feeling scared if I'm going to die.  It may sound dramatic but it's a real fear of mine when I'm lying there with these symptoms etc.  On a side note, I also hate my new job.  I am so unhappy there.  The last thing I felt like doing after hospital was go to work.  I got home at 2:30am-ish and told work I'd be in late, but I just wish I could have taken the day off.  I just really want a break - the last 6 months has been full on and I just want to stop and reconnect.

The morning after hospital was our last Weigh In Wednesday.  (I seriously almost tried to do my fitness test in hospital!)  Anyway I got really down this day about the whole Week 12 results too (I'll write a new post about this).  I've been doing so much reflecting about this whole thing so will enlighten you very soon once it settles in my mind.

Sunset on Tuesday

Sorry for the down and out post, but I told you this blog would be truthful!  Hospital/my new job/wanting a break/Week 12 is just proving a bit too much for me this week.  I want to settle everything and I will, I'm just having a sad week.  I don't usually let myself get so down about minor things, and let's be honest, it's all minor, but I just am down and can't seem to help it.  Or just blame the fact that I'm a girl - we're allowed to use that as an excuse for anything ;)  I'll try to rejig myself very soon.  It's all good - this is just one of those punches that we roll with, isn't it? :)

I'll write more soon about Week 12 / end of my first 12WBT round :)  And then, we start our beautiful Round 3 on Monday!

Love Coco xoxoo
      

Just one foot in front of the other

I did something today that scared me :)  It probably won't sound like a big deal but it was to me.  For a while now, I've been driving to work and walking 1.5km from my car to the office and back again - it was free to park if I did this, and it gave me 3km of incidental exercise - because I had to get to work, and I had to get back to my car.

3 weeks ago I started a new job and I decided to 'up' the walking to 5km each way.  This is because this is the closest to the office that I can park for free, and of course, I would then get 10km of walking 'incidentally' a day!

I've been putting it off for 3 weeks....I get so nervous walking in public and this was the main reason that I, I'm sad to admit, made excuses for 3 weeks why I should drive to the office (and pay $8 to park there each day).

Well today I JFDI!  It went fine!  Exactly 5km each way.  Well, it was actually about 300m short of 5km, so when I got to work I walked around in circles until I reached 5km.  A guy from my office saw me and must be thinking that I was having second thoughts about going to work today, because I'd walk up to the door and then walk away....walk back....no, still not 5km, walk away... hahahaa :)

To make myself do it today, after my 2 boot camps day on Saturday, I drove straight to Big W and bought a backpack so I couldn't use the excuse of it being 'hard to walk carrying my handbag and lunch etc.'.  I love my new backpack by the way!  (Side note, I carried a few heavy things home from work- out of interest I weighed it when I got home and it weighed 9kg - probably helped me!)  So yes - I had my new backpack, my headphones and my shoes and I was off!

I was pretty nervous walking --- it was peak hour in Brisbane City....I walked around some of the busiest intersections....eeek!  But I listened to Mish's podcasts the entire way and that really helped.  (Side note: these podcasts have become my new music - I hardly listen to songs anymore!  I listen to them constantly.  In the car, walking, even at work.  I'm actually really unhappy in my new job :(  but I pop in my headphones and podcasts cheer me up!  Loving them).  Anyway I listened to them, and tried to focus and not worry.  I had a few moments where I got really anxious but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other.  I also took a lot of photos (of course). :)

I didn't manage to leave work this afternoon when I planned to, I stayed back for an hour so the sun set only 1km into my walk back to my car, so it was dark for most of my walk.  I don't want to make a habit of that as it's not entirely safe, but I was fine and walked back to my car for 5km.

Unfortunately I think my Polar HRM is broken :(  It fell off at boot camp the other day and has been playing up since.  My heart rate this morning was 110 then jumped to 210 and stayed there.  Then it wouldn't budge, then would drop as I walked up hills.  So I can't believe the calories it picked up unfortunately.  But I tracked the time and speed it took me (morning and night):

I wasn't trying to go fast, I was just testing the waters and I also had to work with a lot of pedestrian lights.  But in saying that I would like to try and improve on the time going forward.  5km is my magic number to run in Round 3 - also I'm doing my first 5km fun run/walk as my major milestone next week so it will help to do this twice a day.

I am planning on doing this every day apart from days where time wise I just can't fit it in.  I don't want that to become a regular excuse though.  It is though, about 2 hours extra in my day...when I thought of that tonight I did stop and think.  But that's the plan for now and I'll see how I go.  In a lot of ways it was nice to walk, I got some time for myself, I could update things on my phone and just chill out for an hour each way.  And some of the views on the way home were so pretty...check out this photo I took - just snapped with my iPhone.  I felt really lucky to see this view just by walking home :)

When I got to work this morning, I changed the desk calendar quote that a friend gave me - I choose a random one each day.  And I kind of liked today's quote.  It made me think of how much this is true - it's all within me, and these powers have been aroused :)  I'm feeling quite reflective this week, being Week 12 of my first 12WBT.  I'll write another post soon about my thoughts on this, as I have been thinking about it a lot.  But for now I just wanted to share with you my little 2x 5km journey that I started today. :)