Cadet Coco!

Me again!  So much still to say :)

I'm feeling really good today, I actually put some time aside and sat down and got some things organised.  I have started on my Round 3 pre-season tasks and plan to get up to date today, I sat down with my diary and to do list and got through some paperwork that I have let pile up, I cleaned my house and did some other as equally boring sounding but important stuff done.  I feel so much more focussed than I did just 2 days ago.  Mish said the words 'military precision' in one of her tasks and it has been buzzing in my ear ever since.  It is so true!  I need to have military precision in my life when it comes to training and being organised.  The last 6 months or so have been so crazy for me and I have seen what can happen if I don't stay on top of things.  I want to continue on 12WBT for Round 3 and beyond and do so many other things, and it's only going to work for me if I organise myself with militray precision.  So - I had a clear mind this morning which may have helped why I feel like I do today:

I went to boot camp this morning............and loved it.  Umm?  I really, really enjoyed it!  Some perspective: as you may have read, my very first boot camp was the day before Day 1, Week 1 of this round.  I was terrified and shed some secret tears when I got there.  I had never been to one before, the words 'boot camp' were always really scary for me.  It was something that my very fit friends did and I truly believed they went through torture with it.  I really had to push myself to go that very first day.  When I eventually got there, everyone else 'appeared' to be boot camp pros, and I was extremely unfit.  It did actually go well that day, but I was just very overwhelmed and wasn't great at it.

Fast forward 11 weeks to today: I haven’t been able to get to another boot camp since, instead I’ve been of course doing the 12WBT exercise plan plus my own training for 11 weeks.  I was strangely excited this morning about going along to my 2^nd boot camp.  That confused me ;)  But I wasn’t disappointed!  I really enjoyed it!  Like, really enjoyed it!

I loved the boot camp itself – I loved pushing myself to beat my own reps – I loved the atmosphere and group – I loved the trainer (Ange, she is awesome) –  I loved when I looked up at the trees in this park and felt at peace - I LOVED that I could feel how much fitter I was today than 11 weeks ago – I LOVED that when we were asked to jog in a circle to warm up, I didn’t stop – whereas at Boot Camp #1, I could barely jog for 20 metres before feeling like I was going to collapse.  I couldn’t stop grinning either!  Seriously, what the? :)

My calories were 490 in an hour.  Not bad...I need to finish SSS today though.  So on the way home, I even considered doing another boot camp this afternoon!  (Ange is running a few today).  I am purposely still wearing my training gear, I have a few things I have to get done today so if I can go hard and get things done, I think I will go to this afternoon’s boot camp too!  From tears at boot camp #1 to wanting to do 2 boot camps in one day in just 11 weeks?  What is wrong with me?  Mish, I think we need to chat.  What have you done with the real Coco Girl? ;)   These two events really showed me clearly how much I've changed.  Everything else may seem more gradual to me right now, but when I look at Boot Camp #1 to Boot Camp #2, it makes things really obvious for me.  My life has completely changed over the last few months and it continues to.  I am loving this so much and I have so many aspects of it that I'm reflecting on this week.  I'll leave that for another post.  But I am loving this and have the biggest smile on my face.  Bring on Week 12 and then Round 3!

Sharps containers and chainsaws

Hi!

So much to talk about!  I'll try and keep it short (well, short for me) ;)  And I think I'll do a couple of posts today to stay on topic. :)

I had a big week.  I had my GP appointment to confirm that I could come off the Warfarin.  Firstly, it was great news.  I was taken off it immediately, the PE's are gone and there is no scarring in my lungs.  Awesome :)  I was so excited before I went in, it felt so monumentous.  But I felt a little deflated afterwards.  I think because I thought everything could return to normal after, but he said any time I travel long distance for the rest of my life, I need to inject myself with Clexane or take a massive dose of Aspirin.  My clots were caused by being on the Pill which I am now off, but anything to reduce the risks for me is worth doing.  He said if I travel overseas, or go on a long bus trip, or (he actually said this): "for example, if you ever go to Perth".

I'm going to Perth in 3 weeks for finale!  Quite funny.  Anyway, so I have to do this for my Perth flights.  I did not expect to have to take needles with me on the flight!  I was pretty upset about that.  I don't know why exactly but I think it was just a little disappointment: for 6 months now I've believed that everything will go back to normal in 6 months, and now there is still one thing I have to do.  The words 'for the rest of your life' are quite daunting too.

But really?  I know this isn't a big deal.  It's not like I go to Perth or overseas every week!  (Or every year for that matter!)  In the grand scheme of things - it's nothing.  Everything else goes back to normal!  I'm alive and very lucky and if that's all that I have to put up with?  That's pretty damn good, isn't it.

I have some questions I didn't think to ask him and I am going to have to keep an eye on my anxiety with headaches etc. but overall it's awesome.  As one friend reminded me that night, I am off the 'poison'!  (That's the nickname for Warfarin because it's so full on).  She also said I can now go and eat broccoli and play with chainsaws!  hahaa I love her.  Ok, so I haven't done that yet but the point is, I can if I want to. :P  I can take the pink Post-It note out of my wallet that warns people that I'm on Warfarin (if I'm in an accident) and I can do so many other things (see my Rollercoaster post for the long story).  As another friend wisely said, life would be very boring if everything ran smoothly with no bumps.  So true.  I think I was expecting an internal fanfare in the GP's office that day and I initially found it hard when I didn't get that.  But 'retrospective perspective' is a wonderful thing and I am cool now.

I may have to keep my sharps container but maybe that can just be a reminder for me of how lucky that I am.   My new motto that I recently developed is "roll with the punches and love the good times".  I'm definitely loving this time.  Bring on the broccoli!

Love, Coco :) xo

My 12WBT inspiration

Below is a link to a video that I made to say thank you to someone who inspires me very much...my inspirational 12WBT'er xo

Who inspires me?

Bring it on!

Hi guys!  Just wanted to say hi....I don't have much to report, but I just wanted to say I am feeling SO inspired and SO excited about my journey :)  I've spent the night working out some new goals for myself.  I'm still working it out but to help me out I've made a new page on this blog where I can list my goals, and to then tick them off!  It's here:

Coco's Goals

We have a public holiday here in Brisbane on Wednesday (mid-week - best thing ever - I CAN NOT WAIT).  And apart from 4 small things I have on / have to do, I am spending the day planning my goals moving forward, and working out mini goals to get me where I want to be.  

I'm so excited, I haven't felt like this for a long time and I can't wait to smash out some great results moving forward.  I've turned a corner over the last week, LOOK OUT! :)

P.S. This is a photo of my HRM from SSS on Saturday.  I was struggling to reach high numbers in my calories burnt per hour (usually max 500-600.)  I pushed myself on Saturday harder than I usually do, and whatdya know, I was able to!  And I ran more!  This is the quickest I've reached 1000 calories so far.  Now, to beat that time! :)

Almost off the rollercoaster!

Hi guys!  I have an exciting post tonight.  Well it's exciting for me anyway.  Hope you like it too :)  (I will explain the Willy Wonka pic in a sec).  Just quickly though, thanks so much for reading this - all who are reading it and for people who have been commenting and sending me messages.  I haven't had a chance to respond but I will do.  But I wanted to let you know how much they mean to me.  Loz and KD today, you made my day.  Loz I was listening to this song when I got your comment and I was dancing around (as much as I could in my seat at work ;)  It's such an upbeat song, I love it.  It's a bit random but I thought I'd share it with you.  And KD thanks for your encouragement, and feel free to stalk away baby! ;)  Will respond to you both soon. xx

But for my other news....as you may have read on here, back in January I was diagnosed with 2 Pulmonary Embolisms (blood clots in the lung).  It was caused by being on the contraceptive Pill (Coco side note: GIRLS BE AWARE OF THIS!  It's one of those things the doctors probably mentioned when I first went on the Pill, and also one of those things that you ignore because you think it's one of those side effects that is so rare and could never happen to you.....hmmm.  It can, and it did to me).  Anyway :)  (If you don't want to read about blood clots I'd stop reading now, otherwise this post may bore you sorry). :)  I split this post up into headings, so if you want to just skip to the final headings which tells you the gist of this story, go ahead.  But if you are interested, then read on....

What it was like:
So for 6 months I've been living with them, having them monitored and trying to get rid of them.  A little babbling about what it's been like so you can understand why I'm excited today:

It's been both terrifying and annoying.  I've been in and out of hospital, I think I'm up to 6 times; pathology and doctor appointments almost weekly....have had to have regular blood tests to monitor my INR level....it started with daily, then every couple of days, then in the last little while it's just been weekly.  I had lunch with the lady who collects my blood the other day - we've gotten to know each other that well!  I get SMS'd my blood results, new medication quantities, and next blood test date.  In the first week I also had to give myself  2 injections each morning.  I'd get to work at 8am and would have already had 3 or 4 needles :(  I have my own sharps container!  Something every girl wants!  Not! ;)  I used to have a phobia of injections called Trypanophobia - I'd (literally) run from nurses holding needles and needed to be sat on to be injected.  Man alive have I had to get over that phobia quickly!  I had a regular blood test today and watched it for the first time ever.  Kind of a symbolic thing to prove I could do it ;)  (I think it was my last blood test for this whole thing).

Because of my medication, I haven't been able to drink more than 1-2 alcoholic drinks at a time since January.  I am actually not a big drinker.  I used to be, but in the last 5 years or so I could easily go months without one drink.  But do you know how much you want to drink when you're not allowed to? haha!  It's been so annoying.  There's been a few times where I want a few drinks and have to stop myself.  One night I had 2 drinks but I was sneaky and made them very large drinks....in my mind I was only having 2 drinks! :P   I ended up in hospital from that. :(  When this is over, to be honest I think I'll have one night of having a few drinks (ie more than 2) to celebrate and that will do me for a few months.  I don't need to drink, I just get frustrated that I can't, and I just want to be allowed to! :)

I've had to monitor how many green veges I eat.  That's been one of the most annoying things.  This is because green leafy vegetables contain a lot of Vitamin K, which is what I have to be careful with because it helps you to clot.  I remember one day I ordered a salad at a work lunch - practically a plate full of spinach, without thinking.  I rang a friend who is on the same medication as me, almost in tears to check if I should eat it.  One night I was in hospital right at the start of this whole thing and one of my beautiful brothers and his girlfriend brought me in a home cooked pasta and salad so I wouldn't have to eat hospital food.  The salad had spinach in it and I was panicking while eating it.  I've calmed down with the whole green veges thing since but I'll never take eating spinach for granted again!

I've been on Warfarin, which is a very effective yet very dangerous medication.  It's dubbed a 'blood thinner' - it's been trying to dissolve my clots.  It's basically saved my life so I am very thankful for it.  But it has to be monitored very closely (therefore all of the blood tests).  I carry around a pink Post-It note in my wallet, explaining that I'm on Warfarin just in case I'm in an accident.  I've had to be really careful with any knocks or being hit in case of internal bleeding because my blood is very 'thin'.  I have to be careful it's not too thin also - just find a happy balance ;)  It's amazing how many people know someone who is on Warfarin.  Every person I speak to seems to have a parent/friend/grandparent/themselves who is on it.  It's a wonder drug and I am thankful to it.  It was kinda strange though when I was comparing medication with both of my grandmothers who are on it!

Random other things: I wasn't allowed to fly for a month and had to cancel a trip to Sydney to attend my sister-in-law's baby shower :(  I have to take kids multivitamins.  I really wanted to start taking multivitamins but there's a whole list of herbs and ingredients that I can't have while on this medication.  I saw a Naturopath and Chemist who determined the only ones I could go on were kiddie ones :(  I want to try a bit of protein powder and that Natures Own Rest and Restore vitamins (I think it's called) but I haven't been able to.  I can't eat cranberries and random foods like that because of what's in them.  Not a big deal, but it's just taken a lot of getting used to when you've grown up being able to eat anything you like.

I've had a few 'freak-out' moments...when you're on Warfarin you tend to bleed a bit more.  Let's just say I've had blood...where...I haven't seen blood before.  I've called my GP several times almost hyperventilating because of moments like this.  They're just side effects.  But it's scary when it happens.  It's probably because of this that my GP said I developed a bit of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from this.  I accept that, but to be honest I don't know how avoidable it is.

That's pretty much what it's been like.  Apart from that it's just been extremely terrifying, moreso at the start.  The night: It all started when I had heart attack like symptoms.  I had a sore left arm and very slight discomfort in my chest and very slight shortness of breath.  The latter two were so minor that I thought I was making it up.  I had the sore arm for 5 days before I did anything about it.  I didn't think I had to worry as heart attacks symptoms are 'tingly' or pins and needles in the arm, right?

Ah, no.  Apparently not.  Any pain or tingling, associated with chest discomfort is a reason to call an ambulance apparently.  I didn't believe that so after 5 days I rang 13HEALTH for advice as it was about midnight.  They called an ambulance who did an ECG on me (for my heart).  It came back clear so I thought "great - I can go back to bed!"  One of the ambos said they should probably take me to hospital to get checked just in case.  I live life at a million miles an hour so this was quite inconvenient for me. ;)  I went along but I watched the clock all night as test after test was carried out.  Even at 3am, I thought I could still make it to work on time the next morning....if I could just have 1 hour sleep...

The next morning there were more tests, and finally at around midday they had a diagnosis: 2x PE's.  (Blood clots).  The first time I got really scared was when I was in the Nuclear Medicine department in the hospital (seriously, that name scared me enough!) to get a VQ scan.  More on that in a sec.  But this was the test that determined what I had.  An orderly wheeled me up in a wheelchair to get the scan.  After the scan the orderly was ready to take me back to my bed, but someone said we had to wait for the 'nurse escort'.  I thought: ok.  If an orderly, pushing me in a wheelchair, in a hospital, isn't safe enough and they need a nurse to stand next to me while doing this, then there's something seriously wrong.

It was just precautionary but, yeah, that's when the scare factor started :)  I have never been so petrified in my entire life.  I was fine now, I was being put on medication immediately (and being taken off the Pill immediately!) but I didn't understand what it all meant.  I kept thinking what if....what if I hadn't called 13HEALTH or what if the ambo hadn't said casually to get checked over.  What if the ER doctor hadn't ordered 1 more test in the early hours of that morning....  I was so lucky.  PE's are treatable but if I hadn't gotten treated, to put it simply, I could have died.

I feel fortunate as I had about 6 people at work who had the same thing (crazy, I know - it's so common).  Two people connected to work had died from this in the last year also and that really scared me.  But these people gave me advice and gave me some great tips and were so helpful.  I've had some good support and my family and friends have been fantastic.  But there's also the other side that I've never let anyone see.  No-one knows how I would (and still do to be honest) get so scared when I get a headache on the left side of my head.  I must have had a headache there in hospital once and now I associate that with it.  A few times when I've had a headache there, I get scared about there being a blood clot that's moved to my brain (it is possible).  And I get scared about dying.  I've had other pains and scares that have petrified me too.  And it's really upsetting when you just don't stop bleeding.  Most of it is emotional crap but at the same time it's hard to determine what to get checked out and what to ignore.

So.  This has been a really long story about PE's, hasn't it?  This wasn't even what I came here to talk about would you believe?  Well it is, but I just meant to talk about the last 2 days, not the last 6 months! :)   If you're still reading, I am impressed :)

Yesterday's scan: The standard time frame to be on Warfarin when you have a blood clot in your lungs is 6 months.  Apparently it's just standard, and the clots should be dissolved by then.  I got an appointment letter from the hospital to come and get checked over last week.  Unfortunately I was so busy, I didn't read the letter properly and didn't realise that I had to confirm this appointment.  They then sent me a letter a week later saying that they had cancelled the appointment as they hadn't heard back from me.  I rang up to see if I could make another time but the earliest they can get me in is October.  I was so upset at this.  I was so mad at myself for not reading the letter properly, and then just upset at having to wait 3 more months.  I've waited 6 already, I know 3 months isn't much, but it is.  

I went to see my GP and asked if he could take me off the medication - he can!  He sent me for a VQ scan which I had yesterday - this would determine whether the clots had gone.  This is my 3rd VQ scan so I knew what to expect but I was a bit nervous.  The 2nd one I had, I panicked and almost started to scramble out of the machine.

I'm sure Google can offer you a more technical way to describe what it is, but in my words, it's like this: it's a test that measures the amount of blood vs oxygen in your lungs (this can determine if you have a clot in your lungs).  The first part of the test involves breathing in 'radioactive stuff'.  I don't know the technical name.  But you have to breathe it in and breathe out, until you get the right amount of radioactive stuff in your lungs.  I found it really scary, as you have to breathe in this gas through a tube, and breathe out into the same tube, without taking your mouth off the mouth piece WHILE wearing a peg on your nose.  And you have to do this continually for 3-4 times.  It's kind of like being breathalysed over and over with your lips glued to the police straw, with a synchronised swimmer peg over your nose.  

You feel like you don't get any oxygen for 3-4 breaths, but I'm sure there's oxygen in the tank.  I'm a bit claustrophobic - and I found this quite scary.  The issue is, you can't just take the mouth piece out and breathe normally if you panic.  Noooo.  You have to tap the radiologist on the shoulder with wild, crazy, panicked eyes, and she has to make you breathe out into the machine and then turn the machine off before you can catch a breathe.  Apparently this stuff you're breathing into your lungs is too dangerous to breathe out into the room, but it's safe enough to breathe directly into your lungs??

So that's Part 1.  Then you go into a machine that looks like an MRI machine.  I had an MRI last year and due to the claustrophobia thing, I was so scared beforehand that I got put on Valium.  I survived ;)  Anyway the VQ scan is similar, but you don't get completely submerged into the 'tunnel' - the machine 'goes' around you but you're partially out in the open.

When I had my 2nd VQ scan in hospital, for some reason I panicked and felt like I couldn't breathe and almost started to (involuntarily) madly scramble out of the machine.  It was really scary.  I calmed myself down and stayed in there but I'll never forget that feeling.

So when I had the one yesterday I was prepared.  The place where I had it done has a really hot radiographer who I was hoping to get as I'm sure he would have made the experience more pleasurable....but no, I had a middle aged lady...she was nice :)  but she wasn't my hot doc I was hoping for.  Oh well ;)

Anyway I told her how I was the last time; we took it slowly and even though I panicked during the breathing thing, in the machine I was fine.  I even thought "wow, what was I worrying about" when I suddenly remembered.  The machine went 'around me' and then I forgot, and the lady forgot to tell me, that the machine pulls you into the 'tunnel' after it goes around you for 20 minutes.  It was like that scene from Willy Wonka where Augustus gets pulled up into the tight pipe.  I felt like I was being swallowed into a tight tunnel and wouldn't be able to breathe.  I panicked and turned my head to see the radiographer, but she wasn't there!  And before I knew it, I was in a panic, and almost scrambled out of the machine.  It sounds weird but basically you are lying down outside of a 'tunnel'.  And the bed then moves you into the 'tunnel' - the 'tunnel' is really quite small so for any claustrophobic person it would be tough.  But when you're also very overweight?  I was terrified I'd very truthfully, get stuck!  I started to scramble again but the reason I couldn't see the lady was that she was on her way inside to me to tell me it was fine.  That's all it took and once the machine stopped and I was in the tunnel and still able to breathe, I was fine. :)

Then she injected me with some radioactive dye thingy and then I had to go into the machine again.  This time I was prepared for my Willy Wonka tunnel moment :)

The results: Anyway.  So today I picked up my results.  They should be sent straight to my GP but he is on holidays (another thing that almost made me cry - another wait!) so they allowed me to pick the results up.  And this is the very exciting thing that I read this afternoon:

I am SO excited, relieved, happy, thankful.  There's still 2 more steps to go through, I have to see my GP to get taken off the medication, and I have to go to hospital one more time, but this time just as an outpatient.  And then it'll be over!  So even though I'm not there yet, I feel like I am THIS close, because my lungs are clear and I no longer have the clots. :)

So 2 more steps in this journey and I will be back to normal.  It's been the scariest thing I've ever experienced, but it's also made me realise how strong I am.  I think of Kelly Clarkson often: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" :)  I think of other people going through much, much worse than this - and my heart just spills out for them.  I am so lucky - this was treatable, it got discovered early enough, and I am ok.  As much as I'm excited, I am actually quite scared to come off Warfarin.  It terrifies me that I was walking around with these clots and had no idea.  I'm scared, what if I get another one?  It makes me wonder how many other people have them.  So my little Coco advice for the night is: .......be aware if you are on the Pill..........if you are concerned about any pains, call someone - if you're in Australia call 13HEALTH - they are amazing......don't ever ignore the left arm / chest thing.  I've read about it and been trained in it before, but when it happens to you, it's easy to think you're imagining it.  All of my doctors and ambos since have told me since to never worry about being asked to be checked.  You just never know.

The Pill isn't the only cause of PE's.  I believe that Serena Williams (tennis player) got PE's....so many people do each day.  Friends of mine have had them from: a genetic condition, a long plane trip, an operation and an accident.  It's more common than I realised. Of course, please know that this is just my story and has no medical basis other than what I have been told.  If you are interested from a professional point of view than please speak to a doctor or at least Google a medical website! :)

But I just wanted to share with you my exciting news for the day.  I'll let you know on Thursday after I see my GP whether I am off the medication, but for now let me tell you I am so relieved that my lungs are clear.  A weight on my shoulder has been lifted :)

To celebrate I bought Mish's One Active red jacket (see photo).  Who am I kidding, I've been wanting it and would have bought it anyway! ;)  It was just an excuse but it's a kind of nice excuse.  Clear lungs + Mish jacket + Friday night + hope = a happy Coco :)   Hope you all have a great weekend xoxoxoo

How I made my gym

Before and After

Who needs a gym membership?  Make your own! ;) 

I'm not a big fan of gyms.  I was a member of one about 10 years ago and was a bit of a gym junkie (I'm currently wearing the jumper I won from being Gym Member of the Month!) but then I stopped looking after myself......and therefore stopped going to the gym...

I joined my work gym in March this year and started going along.  I went, but not as often as I had planned...I just didn't enjoy it.  I wanted to try to jog on the treadmill and was petrified of people seeing me do this.  I was 141kg at the time - I didn't think anyone would want to see that :(  So I didn't let myself try.

I also got frustrated with the times.  If I trained in the mornings, I hated having to think about what I was going to wear to work - I like being able to change if I put something on and don't feel comfortable in it and obviously didn't have the convenience of my whole wardrobe to choose from at the gym.  I didn't like showering there either.  And then there was the scare factor of walking 1km from my car to the gym in the dark, not in the safest area.  Afternoon sessions would dig into my schedule too much.  So I didn't go as often as I had planned.

When I found out I was changing jobs, that did it for me.  I lost complete interest as I knew that I would have to leave once I changed jobs as it was a work gym.

Around that time was when I watched my Round 2 pre-season task of "Gearing up".  I had a hit of inspiration.  Why couldn't I make a gym at home?  I am lucky enough to have a spare room which up till then had been used as a storage room.  Why couldn't I convert it into my own gym?  I got excited :)  I made a plan.  And I made a gym!

I considered hiring gym machines.  I couldn't afford to buy any outright so hiring was the best option for me at the time.  I really enjoy using treadmills and reasoned that if I hired one, I could then walk and run to my heart's content without the stares of other people and I could run at midnight if I wanted to and not be worried about my safety!

Before and After (storage boxes now under sheet / behind room divider)

I would have loved to have hired a cross trainer and rower (and more!) but I did my research, and for financial reasons decided to hire a treadmill only.  The one I got is actually not hired, the way it works is I pay it off (including a load of interest of course!) - I liken it to layby but you get it from Day 1.  I used the money that I saved from cancelling my gym membership to pay for this - and I get to keep it in the end!

Goal dress hanging up

That was basically the only thing I had to buy.  I was surprised at how much stuff I had collected over the years.  I already had a wind trainer, a bike, a fit ball, a yoga mat, a step, boxing gloves, hand weights and fitness DVD's (including Mish's Crunchtime!)  I have an adding-to-my-gym wish list which includes a boxing bag and a small TV/DVD player so that I can do my DVD's in there as well.  But one thing at a time :)

Stickers still rock at 31

It's still a storage room, but I've hidden that stuff away using a black bed sheet that I don't use, and a Marilyn Monroe room divider.  I also have my training plan laminated and stuck on my wall.  I may be 31 years old but I can't tell you how satisfying it still is, to be rewarded with a sticker for doing good work.  Yes folks, my training plan doubles as a sticker chart ;)  I put a star sticker over each training session that I do, and then I get a "Good work!" or "Star" sticker if I complete all of my training sessions in one week.  I feel like the biggest knob head telling you that!  But who cares?  If a cheap sticker is going to help me bring me closer to my goals (even if I am 31?) then bring it on. :)

Personalise it

I LOVE this room.  It's been like my little sanctuary ever since I made it.  I've personalised it - I love Marilyn Monroe and found all of these gorgeous prints of her exercising!  Perfect!  They match the Marilyn room divider :)  I have my goal dress hanging up on the door, and other bits and pieces as you will see in the photos - I keep my 12WBT training plans in there too.  I've been meaning to add some more motivational posters to the room and a huge 'JFDI' sign as well, so I will get onto that.

Posters and words to motivate

When I go in there I feel confident because no-one else can see me, I feel comfortable because it's a room that I created myself and works for me, and I feel excited because I know I'm doing something great for myself by being in there.

Hand weights and exercise DVD's

It's not for everyone, but man it's worked for me.  It gives me privacy from my flatmates, and a safe place to go.  It's a little room for me and my goals.  I know that not everyone has a space that they can do this in, but I think that if you think outside the square or just think about what works for you, you will be amazed at what you can set up for yourself.  Because when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter where you are, you can train anywhere.  It just has to work for you.

Love Coco xo

My blue door

Hi guys :)  So....I had a pretty full on week last week.  There were a few ups and unfortunately many downs.  I seemed to have a week of moments where I felt disappointed by people.  Some people who I love more than anyone, some people who I admire from a distance.  I felt crushed, rejected and on the outer all week for various reasons.  I don't usually feel like that.  I have a loving family and amazing network of friends.  I guess it was just a down week.  I had mascara streaked cheeks more than once in public without realising after crying many times in private.  Just wanted to tell someone that I had a bad week...so it's done :)

Anyway - I did have an amazing moment amidst that week.  I went to see Emazon.  Check her out here if you want to find out more: www.emazon.tv

How can I describe her?  She's this 6 foot something leather pants and knee high boots blonde Glamazon (Emazon!) who knows a thing or two about, well, neuroscience and much more baby!  You just look at her and feel WOW.  She's been on The Biggest Loser and I've heard people rave about her in the past.  She visited Brisbane for a week and a lot of my 12WBT pals were going along to see her.  I wanted to go but I had a few reasons holding me back.  (Valid reasons, not excuses).  But in the end I just made a hasty last minute decision, ignored all the reasons against and just went with the one reason for it.....this could benefit me if I give it a chance.

I attended her Mindfit session.  Wow.  It was mainly all about being in an Alpha state or you won't be able to move forward.  I won't go into the neuroscience backing it, but in essence, what I got out of it was this:  Emazon did this visualisation with us.  She got us into a state using her breathing techniques.  There was a lot more involved but the gist of it for me was that she asked us to see a door.  Any door, any shape or colour, and then open that door and see yourself how you'd like to be.

I visualised this old, blue, wooden door like you'd see in Alice in Wonderland.  Kind of like this picture I just found :)  Behind my door was a field full of flowers and all of these wonderful things.  I used to visualise a field full of flowers when my Year 9 drama teacher would do visualisations with us :)  It kind of was like I was in a fairytale or Disney movie.  And there I was in the field of flowers.  I was thin, I was beautiful, I was bubbly, I was HAPPY.  And my healthier self told me that I could do this.  She spoke to me and said some things, and basically showed me what I can be.

Slightly off topic, but I think this was the point.  Sometimes in life we lose belief in ourselves, often through no-meaning-to of our own.  A couple of years ago, a random guy on the phone changed my life with 8 words.  I don't know him from a bar of soap.  I think I wrote his name down somewhere to remember it.  He was a financial advisor and I was chatting to him for probably 3 minutes.  He said to me: "you have a bright future ahead of you."  It was a random comment by a random person who doesn't know a thing about me, but it struck the biggest cord with me and incredibly, flipped the switch from a 2 year bout of Depression to the road to recovery.  It was incredible.  I'm serious.  That one comment changed me from that very moment forward.  It was still a ride to get out of, but that catapulted me a million steps forward.  One day I hope I can thank him (if I can find his name).

Anyway the point is, it's amazing how much you can believe in yourself if you let yourself believe that you can do anything.  And sometimes, all it can take is for someone to tell you that.  I know my man on the phone story sounds strange, but it happened to me and I am not going to dismiss such an amazing point in my life! :)  Emazon reminded me how important and influential thinking is on our actions and how it's possible to rewire your brain.

I quit smoking in March.  12 years of smoking 30+ cigarettes a day, stopped overnight.  I haven't smoked since.  I rewired my thinking with that so I know that I can do the same in other areas - I'm reminded now that this is possible: If you feed the correct thoughts and belief.

So that is what I mean in regards to my visualisation - my future healthier self, told me that I could do this.  And strangely enough, I believe her.  (Who better to trust than yourself, huh?)  I had to close the blue door and come back to where I am right now (I did this crying) - but I know that she's still there and I know that I will be her one day soon.  Ever since, I have likened this experience to those BUPA ads, where people meet their healthier selves.  No offence to BUPA (I am a BUPA member myself!) but I've kind of thought those ads were a bit wanky ;)  ....till now.  Man alive....I met my healthier self in that visualisation and I KNOW that it is possible.  I'm not usually one of those people who's into that kind of stuff.  But I can't describe in so many words how I'm feeling about this; all I know is that I am focussed and feel changed every since that night.

Another exciting thing is, that same night, Michelle Bridges read out my question on her 12WBT live chat.  She has these throughout her 12 week challenges and I LOVE them.  Really love them.  I've always dreamed that she'd read out one of my questions one night, and she did!  That very same night!  And she said to me as a part of her response: "don't let anything stop you."  I have taken this to heart in an amazing, good way! :)

So yeah....I had a great night last week :)  I'm still the same person but something shifted within me that night.  A mix of Alpha, the brilliant Glama/Emazon, a field full of fairytale flowers and blue wooden doors mixed with the opportunity that Mish and 12WBT have given to me.


I can't wait to open my blue door.  And I know that I can.

I'm off to sign up for Round 3 of 12WBT.  I've been feeling like a bit of a failure within myself as this round has been all about mindset for me and I have only lost 10kg so far.  We still have 3 weeks to go and I know 10kg in 9 weeks is still good, but it is not close to what I had aimed for.  But this week I have become ok with this.  The rewards I have received with my mindset are worth 1 million kilos on the scales :)  My mindset has shifted completely and I said once that I've been living through a light show or fireworks display since pre-season, with all of the light bulbs that I've had going off.  I think Round 2 I have shined in my head, and Round 3, baby?  I will shine on the scales.  I LOVE this program.  If you have ever considered doing it, do not hesitate.  12WBT has changed my life and it is continuing to do so, every day.

"Don't let anything stop you." :)