If at first you don't succeed...

Sometimes you just have to try again and everything will be ok…..

A year ago I did my first triathlon at the Gold Coast.  I’ve mentioned it on here many times – it

As of yesterday I am no longer a sucker for punishment

was the day of many really, really bad crying breakdowns.  My second triathlon earlier this year wasn’t any better – it ended with me rocking back and forth, shivering on my friends floor…  It appears I either have a very short term memory or like to feel pain - a lot - and I went back for a third time, in April this year, to do another triathlon.  And it happened to be awesome :)  It made up for the first two.  I was flanked by friends and everything went ok.

Well yesterday was the same event as Triathlon #1 – the Gold Coast one had rolled around again.  Never short on ideas to torture myself, I signed up for it again.  I was determined to do it a year later, I guess to prove to myself that I could improve.  Does that make any sense?

Triathlon #3 had gone so great that I didn’t think I’d have any issues with it…but as the day rolled around I started getting apprehensive.  I’ve had a really bad couple of weeks – I have been in a bad way.  It stemmed from someone who I put complete trust in pushing me to one side, and I've had a lot of trouble dealing with it.  It doesn’t help that that person is a professional.  It hurts enough

Rina, me and Bron after our 5km

when anyone breaks your trust....but when you pay someone to help you and even they don’t care?  It’s heartbreaking.  Its been really, really hard.  Without getting too down and sad in this post, I’ve been feeling awful – like I’m not a good person – not worthy – all those kind of lovely, positive thoughts. :/  I sound like I’m 5 when I say this but it’s still so true…….Why are people so mean?

So this was my motivating lead up to Triathlon #4! :(  To say I didn’t have much faith in having a good day was an understatement.

Not one to do things even by full measures, I also signed up to the 5km fun run held a couple of hours before the triathlon.  I did this last time and it just added to the personal challenge for me.  Why do just a triathlon when you can do a triathlon AND a fun run in the same morning? ;)

Event #1 of 2

Last year I arrived feeling hopeful and left feeling crushed.  This year…I arrived feeling crushed…and left….on top of the world!!  It went so well!  I had THE BEST day!

All the memories came rushing back when I arrived at the sports super centre but this time it was different.  It’s a year on, I'm a lot lighter and way more fit.  I knew what I was doing and knew what to bring.  I was relaxed and happy.  I did the 5km fun run, got my first medal of the day, and hung out with my lovely friends as we leisurely racked our bikes and got ready.  We headed to the pool for our race briefing, all was calm.  As soon as I laid eyes on the pool, I started to doubt myself quite heavily.  The swim is my weakest leg and this was the pool where it all started to go horribly wrong last year.  Bron and Court pepped me up and I was ok.  I just took my time and tried to calm down.  As I swam past the lifeguard I willed them to not attempt to throw me a noodle as they did last year.  I almost whispered it out loud “don’t offer…don’t offer…don’t…” and they didn’t :)

I kept going, I had one moment where I almost panicked when I got water in my mouth and a

#hotstuff - Courts, me and Bron ready for the swim

bit further on a girl hit me by sort of swimming into me, but I kept my wits about me.  AND I WAS NOT THE LAST PERSON LEFT ALONE IN THE POOL!  I fit in with everyone else!  I ran out and transitioned to my bike.  I borrowed a friends bike again and this is what helped me.  It was amazing.  It was so easy to ride and I started riding like the wind.  I couldn’t help myself but I just zoomed off, I kept overtaking people!  I have never overtaken anyone on my bike before!  It’s not a competitive factor that excited me, it’s just that I’ve physically never been able to overtake anyone before – it was so weird for me not to be all clunky, hundreds of metres behind everyone else, watching them all disappear from view.  I zoomed around the track grinning my head off, loving it.  There was no trying to read supportive texts from friends through tear filled eyes.  There was a small hill and I got determined to ride up it.  I pushed and pushed and as I got to the top, the volunteer who was there clapped for me and I gushed as I rode past him “last year I walked up this!”  Said it all really.

Coming in strong from the 5km!

I transitioned to the run and it was great.  There was no hyperventilating like last year – no official marshall riding past ignoring me as I couldn’t catch my breath, breaking down, no being left 100% alone on the running track by the volunteers.  And that infamous moment on the running track where last year I had to dig my fingernails into my hands just to push myself to get to the end and not completely lose the plot?  Well that thought was long gone.  Instead I was linking arms with Courtney and Bron, Court who had stopped and waited for us to catch up – and we ran through the finish line together, just like we did at Brisbane tri.  Smiles and grins and jumps, a second medal for the day, and the MC even interviewed me!  One question he asked was why I did the event.  And I said my answer I’ve been saying lately: “because I never imagined I could.” :)

There was no breaking down in the car park this time – instead this was my face:

A beautiful girl called Shellie witnessed me in the car park last year - check out my face this time Shellie! :)

I didn’t need to pull over to the side of the road as soon as I left the car park because I was crying so much and couldn’t see the road, I drove straight past grinning and happy :)

We had lunch at the Subway I went to last year (on purpose lol – I am very ceremonial, have

Bron, me and Court: finished the tri!!

you noticed?) and then Courts and I went to the shops so I could finally start finale dress shopping – yes, I left it to the (almost) last minute again!  And…..I didn’t think this would ever happen but I found my dress!  In the first shop we went into!  We did look around all the other shops and came back to this one, as you do, but still!  

I love the dress :)  I don't know if I actually look that good but I feel like a Cinderella princess in it.  I NEVER feel like Cinderella or a princess.  But this dress.... I think an apt description is that the shop assistant, when she saw me after trying it on, said "ooh I wish I had a fairy wand to give you!" haha!  It's just an awesome dress and Cinderella is my personal little 12WBT theme story so it is just perfect.

So two successful events, finding my finale dress, then I got home and my brother called me and I heard my beloved baby niece say my name for the very first time :)  It was an awesome day and just what I needed.

Yesterdays medals!

I feel like I can put that tri pain behind me now.  It was a good lesson for myself.  Try again.  Always try again.  You never know how much you might just surprise yourself if you do.

My tri jump :)

The lovely Rina and I before the events

Bron and I on the run :)

My 5km jump ;)

We keep practising the 'magazine pose'...hahaa I need to work on mine!

Such lovely support, thanks Tracey, Rina and Courts xx

I wrote the word 'GRIT' on my hand as that's what I needed the first time I did this.  I think I need to start doing my 'G's' a little differently...they look like 'S's!'

Fist pump

Triathlon #4 done and dusted :)