CHECKIN' IN...

Hi there :)  I've been a bit quiet this week I'm sorry.  I've had a not so great week and have had a few things taking up my time and focus.  But I feel the need to write so here goes - (and warning, this will be a gamut of random thoughts in no particular order)....

I've had a down day today but am really proud that I haven't turned to food once!  Usually by now I'd be head deep into a bag of M&M's with a side of BBQ chips with KFC on top.  But no, I've stuck to my planned food, am within calories, am craving my 12WBT meal for tonight (I'm waiting on my groceries to be delivered, I couldn't afford to buy them before today) and on top of that I've done my 5 planned walks.  They were mostly incidental too - which are the best, as it doesn't feel like you're wasting time.  I haven't gone through my training files yet but I think I probably walked about 8km all up.  Yay me!

I had a bit of a lapse late last week.  I made some incorrect food choices.  They weren't terrible and there were positives out of it.

1)  The first one was when I had a wrap organised for lunch.  I was so hungry that morning and I knew it wouldn't fill me up.  I ate it at 11am (I usually eat lunch around 12pm).  I knew that I'd still want more, so I went to get some sushi (my current guilty pleasure).  I still counted cals but really, it wasn't exactly on my food plan ;)  But the good thing is that I didn't fall apart after that moment (usually I would see that as stuffing up (not being perfect) and I would gorge on everything else in site (and not out of site!)  I just continued with my planned dinner etc.

2)  The next day I had my 1st red flag lunch.  It was just lunch at a hotel/pub with a workmate.  I knew the menu quite well and there were lower cal options I could have chosen and had planned to.  However when we sat down I thought "you know, I want a burger and chips!"  So, I ordered a burger and chips!  It wasn't a terrible meal, it was a steak sandwich and I took note of the ingredients to count approximate cals later - but it wasn't the best option I could have chosen.  Especially the chips!  I ate some chips, maybe half of them, and I didn't finish the steak sandwich on purpose.  Small win following a bad decision.

3)  That afternoon I was pretty down about some work issues I have.  I had what I call "Coco Night" that night.  Coco Night is basically where I sit down for a couple of hours and watch TV or a DVD.  I try to do it once a week.  It's the only time I sit down and do nothing, and it's to help with my stress levels.  I have to put my phone on silent too, and I just veg.  I don't watch TV any other time, even though it's a favourite activity for me.  Anyway - I've missed the last couple of weeks so I was determined to make it happen this night.  Coco Night in the past has always (of course) included a vast array of junk food to accompany me.  This was my first Coco Night I've had since making my commitment!   I decided I wanted a packet of chips to eat while in front of the TV.  I decided to do it and count the calories to make up for it.  I cleaned out my kitchen of junk during pre-season, so I consciously went to the shops, and bought a 180g (big) packet of chips!  To be honest I didn't even want them as much in the end, and only ate around half.  The next day I ate more, because they were in the kitchen still.  I kept them for some friends who were coming over - I thought they could eat them instead of them going in the bin.  I put the chips out and guess who ended up eating most of them!

4)  These few days I had also slacked off pretty much completely with my training.  I was sad and down on myself, and the JFDI / commitment fire within me wasn't burning bright.

So because of that, that afternoon I was feeling frustrated and very out of control.  So I sat down and worked out numbers wise (I'm a very big numbers person).  I worked out that I had stuffed up about 13000 calories in the past 2-3 weeks (too many calories in most days, the blowouts, and also slack training).  I thought about it rationally, and thought well I can make myself feel better by getting rid of 13000 more calories!  I didn't want to skimp on food for a week, that could be more detrimental.  I knew there was only one way, so I put my shoes on, jumped on my treadmill, and trained pretty much non stop for about 22 hours!  (With a 7 hour break for sleeping).  By the next afternoon I had burnt just over 4000 calories.  And it was hard to get to that number!  I decided to try to get to the 13000 was probably dumb and fairly impossible without really burning myself out.

Since then I've just gone on with my normal planned calories in vs calories out and I'm ok.  I still have stuffed up 9000 calories over 2-3 weeks but I'm just going to have to let that one slide and treat it as a learning experience and move on.  This is hard for me!  But it's the only way.  In saying that though, I've still lost about 8kg over the 3 weeks!  Tomorrow morning is weigh in so I won't know till then, but I did a sneaky weigh in this morning (honestly, it was my 1st sneaky one all week which is a record for me!) and as of this morning I'd lost a total of 7.5kg.  I've been losing about 500g a day or so most days so I think by tomorrow I may have lost 8kg.  Maybe not, it's just a prediction :)

Anyyyyyyway.  This post wasn't as random as I thought!  I have a lot of other stuff happening and things I want to write about, but for now I feel better after writing this out, about my stuff up and turn around.  I'm proud of how I handled the set backs.  One of my commitment points was that I promised that I would not be perfect.  That has been the best point I have made so far, as that is what is seeing me through.  I'm not perfect!  I had minor stuff ups and I fixed them as best I could, but the best thing is, I haven't quit because I wan't perfect.  There's a lot to be said for persistance.... :)

Till later,

Cocooooooo x