Thursday, 14 March 2013

40kg lost, bandaged boobs and magic water bottles

Hey there...Just dropping in for a quick update on this week...all random stuff today...

My biggest news is I have now lost 40kg! It was pretty exciting when it happened! Every 10kg, actually every kg – is challenging for different reasons – this stuff is hard. So when you get to different milestones like this one, it’s quite overwhelming, but it’s a chance to step back and enjoy reaching that moment. No resting at this point though –I’m only just over half way and have a lot more work ahead of me. I’m now vying for the under 100kg mark! Can not wait!

 

My magic water bottle
In other vitally important news, I have found a magic water bottle. Seriously! :) I’m usually pretty good with drinking water, but I still don’t drink enough. I went out and bought two lots of water bottles that I thought would help me drink more....I blogged about it....I put reminders in my phone....nothing worked. And then I found this bottle. I don’t know what it is but it is working and I’ve been drinking my 3-4L a day plus more for training ever since I bought it. The reason that it’s magic, is it works for me. It’s massive (just under 2L), it’s cumbersome and my work mates tease me about it, but it encourages me to drink out of it and ultimately that’s all that I need! I’m starting to realise more and more that we have to do what works for us personally, otherwise we’re simply not going to stick to anything.

Dinner last night
I'm also getting better at listening to my body. This week I hurt my foot. It's painful to run, and now walk. I have a running event on Friday night that I've been looking forward to so much and have been aiming to get a PB at. So this foot thing is pretty frustrating! I learnt my lesson with my ankle though about how much injuries can prolong for so I wanted to do the right thing and not make this worse. I also wanted to make sure I can do the run tomorrow night. So as much as it (mentally) pained me to do this, I have stopped running for a few days. I'm postponing today's boot camp. I didn't go to running training. I changed my 12WBT half marathon training to stair climbs. This is Week 1 of my new training plan so it's pretty upsetting, especially when it comes to my slightly OCD created spreadsheet. I've also had a few more body/pain issues, (ongoing ovary pain and back pain and some bad random chest chafing that caused me to bandage my boobs yesterday!) so last night I was running out of exercises to do that didn't hurt somewhere.

So this morning I called off training and slept, to rest, instead. I'm proud of myself. Just two months ago I would have ploughed through training regardless, and potentially hurt myself more. My spreadsheet may not be perfectly highlighted but my body is more important. :) I'll see how I go tomorrow night. I probably can't (shouldn't) make my PB. But I'll continue to rest it today and see how I am tomorrow.

That moment when a picture makes you smile
My medal arrived in the mail from the tri. It was definitely not the same as receiving it at the event----the shine was completely lost. But I have to say it was kind of cool to see the picture on the medal...a cyclist, swimmer and runner.I loved my 1st tri medal because it was pink.But this one made me smile to myself...I never thought I'd be getting these kind of pictures on medals. I have plenty of theatre mask medals for acting...but triathlete ones? It's kind of cool. :)

Apart from that I've just been working on a few things. Things are a bit full on for me still and I'm working some stuff out. But in the meantime I'm eating well (some beautiful food this week!) and I'm now doing training that I love. My new plan forward has a lot more running in it, and some dancing and kickboxing: the things I love. I also didn't realise that one of my trainers was a run coach- we had a chat, have made some plans and I now have a run coach!


Princess Kate
I've been planning, chatting, listening, trialling, and to be honest just trying to get through each day. We might have some profoundness on its way soon but we'll see.

I'm also closing my Coco Girl Facebook page down as I don't use it much and it's pretty boring...apologies to those lovely people who have been liking it! You can still follow me here or on Instagram and Twitter:

Blog: www.cocogirlbutter.blogspot.com
Instagram: cocogirlbutter
Twitter: cocogirlbutter

Wish me luck for tomorrows run and for my next milestone: double digits (!) I’m a bit lost right now but I decided that while I’m lost I can still eat well, train hard, look after myself, and drink water.Out of my magic water bottle.
Love Coco xoxox
Boot camp selfies


Good food


My trainer gave me the shoes off her own feet!  So spoilt.  Best trainer ever x


I felt like stopping training early, lying on the floor and eating grapes.  So I did. ;)


Rice paper rolls - so yum!

Sunday, 10 March 2013

OMG all I wanted to do was lose weight!

This weight loss thing.  IT'S NOT JUST A WEIGHT LOSS THING!

At the tri last weekend
So you think your list is going to look like this:

1. Decide to lose weight.
2. Lose weight.

WRONG!

Did you know there are about 500 steps, or moments, in between there?  The number differs for each person but for arguments sake let's just call it 500.  And before you jump up and down, yes I am completely generalising here, and no, not everyone has the 500 moments.  Some of you may be lucky and have the 2 points listed above.  But for a lot of us, especially those with 30+kg's to lose?  There's a whole shebang of 500 other steps that no-one warns you about....

Some of these moments are wonderful and exciting and monumentous.  I can't wait to get to some of them; some of them I've already reached.  You know, like:

Step #424: The moment you get to wrap a normal sized towel around you with no gaps.
Step #473: The moment you can get a photo of yourself in one leg of your old 'fat pants'.
Me with the gorgeous Courts and Lyndall: IWDFR buddies
Step #167: The moment you are able to run 1km without stopping.
Step #63: Your first organised fun run/walk that you hyperventilate about beforehand but survive.
Step #256: The moment the scales get under 100kg.
Step #4: The moment you realise you have a new found addiction to selfies...
Step #486: The moment you realise you are actually going to get to goal.
Step #488: The moment you realise you are actually going to get to goal and are ok with it.

You get the picture....so many of us have these same moments.  It's a finger printed, individual journey yet with so many similarities along the way.


At the IWDFR 5km finish line today
And as with life, we have our disappointments mixed up in all of that.  If the 500 Steps of Losing Weight were all fantastic, we would have done them years ago.  Nope - in the middle of all of that are the hard bits.  The moment where you eat some bacon chips at a party then think you've stuffed up all of your hard work so you follow this up with a cheeseburger meal, and a Magnum.  Oh, and some Chicken Crimpy Shapes...  The moment you repeat this behaviour two weeks later and again two months later then beat yourself up because surely you should have learnt by now?  The moment you injure yourself so much that you can't train like normal.  Your first boot camp / gym class / walk in public.  The moment it all gets too hard and you seriously stop to consider that it might actually be easier to be overweight for life.

These moments are interspersed into our journey and seem to flare up just when we think everything's going ok....  It.Can.Be.So.Hard!


So often I think: "all I wanted to do was lose weight".  Yet I constantly stop to find myself having this amazing, wild, fantastic, terrifying, courageous, brilliant, tearful, gut wrenchingly insane ride to get there.  When did it get so complicated?  Can't I just lose weight??  These 500 steps are hard work!  I'm sure some people are reading this and thinking "Umm, I just actually lose weight and that is it..."  Well that is great :)  But for me, and for I think many of us, there is so much that we go through while that was happening.  Things come out of the woodwork that we didn't realise was there - or didn't want to think was there.  I'm personally trying to solve the world's problems (AKA my own) along the way.  I've lost weight before.  Then gained it back again.  This time for me, is for real - so I'm trying to do this properly.  I'm questioning, challenging, delving and opening everything I find while I do it.  And sometimes it's really tough.

I've had one of those weeks this week.  It's been one of my hardest weeks yet and to be honest it's still going on.  I've been a bit MIA and I've retreated from everyone and everything that I can.  I had the triathlon last weekend.  Things were rough before then but this day just ripped me apart.  It wasn't that bad, really.  Nothing major happened, and I finished it.  But oh wow.  It started with a lifeguard missing my signal when I thought I had to be rescued and ended with me shivering in a disabled bathroom wrapped in toilet paper...hmmm.  Something went wrong.  I guess it was Step #242: The moment you do a triathlon and you subsequently fall apart afterwards. ;)

I'd usually do a blog post about an event like this but I'm going to leave this one.  I decided I'll paste a screenshot of the post that I put on my personal Facebook afterwards.  It pretty much summarises it.  There's no point writing out the whole story.  That can stay between me and the waves from my first open water swim...unless one day you ask me about it.  Just take it from me for now that my experience (not the event), was pretty awful. :)


My summarised triathlon report

So just a quick update on everything else while I'm here:

I got to Step #250: I'm halfway!  Well, past halfway, kg wise.  I was 102kg on Wednesday's weigh in which took me over my half way mark, from start weight to my goal weight.  A couple more significant milestones are very close now... :)  I'm losing kg's but I gained cm's in my Week 1 to Week 4 measurements!  This was tough!  I don't know why....

I've started getting more into the training for my half marathon which I have been loving.  Apart from this encounter below!  This was the first time I had trained outdoors, running, by myself - what a welcome!


#snakesonpaths


Craziness :)


Climbing Mt Coot-tha yesterday
Apart from dodging snakes, I've been focussing on getting my training organised and have done up a new training plan (more on that later).  And yesterday I climbed a mountain and today I did a 5km fun run.  I loved both - some photos are below.  I think I enjoyed this weekends events because I had some amazing girls by my side.  The tri sucked for many reasons but one thing was I did it all alone.  I've decided that I don't like that.  Especially when right now, I need a bit of support.  I'm such a fiercely independent person that I think I can do everything on my own.  Most stuff I can, but maybe not everything.

I Nikko'd all over my arms for the tri, as you can see in the photos.  My right hand said "BREATHE"...my left arm said "WILDLY BRAVE".  And my left hand said "Keep going".  This has been the catch phrase of my week.

All I wanted to do was lose weight.  Umm, yeah.... Step #252: The moment where you realise there's a lot more to it than that.

Keep going.



1km, 2km, 3km, 4km and 5km finished!
 

The 5km course today


Oranges after!
Crossing a creek Bear Grills style

Tri fuel: special protein pancakes #spoilt

Met these beautiful girls yesterday

#matchingshirts #pre-tri-hugs

It's all fun and games to do a pretend stressed selfie before a tri until the tri is a disaster...

Beautiful Cathy presents

Just in case... #youcantbestoosure ;)

Top of the mountain!
 
Climbing Mt Coot-tha


Oranges and bananas never looked so good

Yes we are!!




Lovely girls doing Mt Coot-tha

The beautiful Rina

Saddest photo but an important one.  Middle of tri...tears...sweat...rain...starting to flood in the background.  #struggling #keepgoing

Friday, 1 March 2013

The 1st of March

Today marks 1 year since I started to change my life.  I made heaps of full on changes on the 1st March 2012.  The only one that lasted was quitting smoking - so it's 1 year today cigarette free! :)  I didn't start 12WBT or get on my roll of losing weight till June so I guess I can have another health-anniversary then.  But the 1st March is probably more significant.

Coz this is the day I made a decision and I started to change my life.  Things haven't gone smoothly and so many times since then, I've had to reset, or pick myself up and get back on track.  But on a whole, it's been 1 year since a promise to myself.  I didn't even know what the promise exactly was the day I made it.  I wanted to lose weight, and I wanted to quit smoking, but those two things were masking the real underlying thing.  I wanted to save my life.  I just didn't know it yet.

This year has been indescribable.  I've been thinking about "the 1st of March" all day.  I feel like I should mark it somehow.  I pierced my ears on another anniverary in January --- maybe a blog post is enough for today. ;)

Tomorrow is my tri and nothing has changed since this post - I am still terrified.  I picked up my race pack today and I am #502.  Keep your ear out for #502 in tomorrow nights news bulletin. :P

So I was thinking, maybe tomorrow's tri can be like a significant thing for my "1st of March" thing...even though it'll be a day later.  Maybe last year was all about saving my life.  Now I've started to save it, maybe now I need to create it.

Through the process I feel like I have stuffed up so much.  Yes, I have done heaps of positive things and achieved a lot.  But on the inside, right now, I feel like I have screwed up big time.  I feel sometimes like there is no way of fixing things - things are too big.

One of my lovely readers, Jil, said she thought of this when she read about my tri: "feel the fear and do it anyway."  I love that.  Maybe it's ok to be scared.  Maybe it's ok to believe other people, if you can't believe in yourself for a while.  Maybe it's ok to feel like this. Maybe it's ok to be overwhelmed and not know what to do.  Maybe it's ok to fail and fail and fail over and over again.  Maybe one day I'll get it right.  One of my favourite lines from a song, "Jessie", is: 'maybe this time, things will turn out just the way you planned'.  Maybe screwing up is good because you can then create the life that you really want.  Maybe I was right the other day when I said:

If it doesn't challenge you.....it doesn't change you.....and I really need to change....?

Maybe I need to take my own advice from my 1st tri:

Keep your head held high. 

And maybe I just need to keep trying.

Feel the fear and do it anyway. :)

Wish me luck for tomorrow - and let's hope for no tears, hyperventilating or police loudspeakers for #502. ;)  Happy 1st March everyone xx


Yesterday I went to a pool

I went to a pool yesterday. Like a public pool. And I swam. Last year friends asked me to go swimming and there was no way on this earth I would consider going with them- togs are not even on the thought radar but even wearing clothes, NO WAY - are you kidding me - people would see wet clothes sucking onto every lump and bump!!
Then I did the tri in October & made a fool out of myself in the pool, one reason being I freaked out putting my head under water because I didn't think I could breathe. So I made it as a goal this week to go swimming - no event, just at a plain old regular pool and take it slowly. I planned it for yesterday then talked myself out of it.
Then I just did it.
View from my car before I went in: so scared!
It was so unplanned that I went in the gym clothes I was wearing and I had no towel and saturated my car afterwards. I freaked out with having to swim under lane placers to get to my lane (breathing) but I did it and swam 500m no worries and could have kept going. I did my new stroke: Keep My Head Out Of The Water At All Times Breaststroke but it doesn't really matter does it? Then I made myself dunk under the water 5x before I hopped out.
I survived. And no-one stared at my wet clothes. Even if they did I wouldn't have cared because I felt confident enough to be there in my own body.
So different to last year.

Wednesday, 27 February 2013

Sometimes I do stupid things and I don't know why




Do you remember this post?

Keep your head held high 

Or this picture?
 

















Well check out the potentially stupid thing I did this week:

 
 










SERIOUSLY!

Why do I do this to myself?

If I'm speaking in too much code, or you can't be bothered to read the linked post above, in a nutshell this is what I have done:
  • I did my 1st triathlon in October 2012.
  • I completed it but came very last out of 4 events that were held that day.  Not only my event, but the whole event that started after me overtook me.  Every single person.
  • I was shattered during and after the event.  I hyperventilated during the run when I realised I was the last one there and have never held my head higher than I have in my life as I had to do to get through that finish banner.
  • I decided to try another tri in April 2013.
  • This month when I was working out my goals, somehow "Bribie Tri" appeared on my Week 3 list.  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  It was full on enough I was doing another one in April!  But the start of March?
  • I wrote it down but didn't think much about it.
  • Yesterday I registered for the event.
  • I asked a few friends yesterday if I was stupid - I meant that question to the core of it's being.  Truly - what am I doing??
I am petrified.  The weird thing is, I am not petrified of finishing it.  I know I will finish it.  I probably wouldn't have signed up if I didn't think I could.  I'm not that stupid. ;)  (Well, I think I will finish it!)
 
I've been thinking about it non stop ever since. I am so so scared.  I sat back and was thinking WELL WHY DID I ENTER?  AND WHY, EVEN THOUGH I AM TERRIFIED, AM I STILL GOING TO SHOW UP ON SATURDAY?  I was wondering what am I actually scared of?

I'm scared of the water (just a recently developed breathing/anxiety issue).  Also this is my first open water swim!  I'm a little scared about coming last.  It's not the fact that I would be last --- someone has to be and I know I'm still doing it blah blah blah.   If you've been reading my blog you'll know about THE Bike Ride and since then I have been last at a few events.

I think I'm actually scared of upsetting myself SO much at the event, if this happens again.  My event is the last of the day.  Yes I'm a lot lighter and more fit now.  But it was only 4 months ago!  And I'm still obese!!!!!!  It's highly likely I will be last again.

I have lost all confidence in myself lately and I don't want to break down again.  YET I AM STILL DOING IT.  Why do I do this to myself?  Am I really trying to push through boundaries?  Maybe I am just holding out hope that one day I will do an event that is hard and I will not be last and then that will be an achievement.  Is it just a matter of try and try and try and try again?  Or am I just stupid?  I truly don't know.  Probable self-inflicted torture sounds like fun, doesn't it?  Is it that there is some reward in pushing personal boundaries?  (Over and over and over again).  Or is it just that if it doesn't challenge you.....it doesn't change you.....and I really need to change....?

Sunday, 24 February 2013

Operation Organised


Anything helps

Well after my big reveal that I am not actually Super Girl (I know, it came as quite a shock to me, too), I have been getting down and dirty with getting back to the basics of organising myself for Round 1.

I set myself up for Round 4 with some stuff that worked for me, so I decided to do similar things now to get myself back on track.  There’s nothing earth shatteringly new or any dramatically invented tricks of the trade here.  It’s just plain old basic stuff, Mish/12WBT advised stuff, things that have worked for me stuff, and plain common sense stuff.  Essentially, the stuff that works. :)

Here’s what I did and here’s my plan of attack:

Mish and The Magic 8

My first step was to do my Pre-season tasks.  There’s a reason Mish puts these out, and it’s not to occupy us until the round starts.  Each one is so important.  I know that it’s probably no coincidence that the rounds where I haven’t done as well, I haven’t done the Pre-season tasks…  The other night I got home from boot camp, I cooked dinner, I sat down, and I watched each video - even for the tasks I'd already completed out of habit.  I did each task.  And I ticked each one off.  With 'military precision.' ;)  I then caught up on Mish’s Week 1 and Week 2 videos and Snip Tip videos.  Done, done, and inspired. 

This is my 'Say it out loud' commitment that I put up all over the place, on social media and printed it out for home once I'd done it.  Each thing is what I commit to trying to achieve.  These feed up into my goals:

My commitment to myself, my friends, my family, Mish, 12WBT, my trainers, my 30+ crew, my HBW gals, my QLD crew, my bootcampers, my 12WBTers and my other crews.
 
Dear Diary

I know this is one of the Pre-Season tasks, but it deserves its own category: Diarising and Organising.  This is what I’ve been missing!  My calendar and To Do list are usually my 3rd and 4th arms.  They are these amazing vehicles that keep me on track.  When these aren’t up to date, I’m left feeling pretty sick and I can more easily screw my life up like I've done recently.  So this week I got reacquainted with my old friends Outlook and ToDo (an iPhone app by Appigo).

I’VE MISSED THIS!  I can not describe how much better this instantly made me feel.  Training days, rest days, red flag days, meal planning days, grocery shopping days, weigh in days, Mish video days, everything - and of course, --- the rest of my life --- all of it is updated and in my calendar.  And I started afresh with a new To Do list that I am still rebuilding.  2012’s list has been put to bed.  2013 is the list I now go by :)

Inspiration surrounds...
My Round 1 inspiration board


In a quest to continue to be surrounded only by positive and inspiring stuff, I did a few things:
My inspiration wall / wall that makes me smile is growing!
  • I did my Inspiration Board last week for the weekly challenge.
  • I spent some time updating my physical inspiration wall and surrounding myself with other reminders around my apartment of my goals and a few pick me ups.  When I found myself sticky taping some inspiration in my pantry I realised I was getting a bit over the top...but it's not hurting anyone and I am happy to try anything that can inspire me and keep me going.  So I put more up ;)
  • I wrote on my mirror with lipstick (see pic above) - a great idea I've seen others do in the past.  Again, it's worth trying anything!
#getinspired

Bring on the apocalypse

Well actually, please DON'T, but I feel like I could face one if I had to, because I just cooked 78 meals!  My freezer would be so good in an emergency right now.

It took me a couple of nights but it is going to save me SO much time. At the start of Round 4 I did a big cook up and the meals that I prepared and froze ended up lasting me the entire round, so I think this weeks effort will do the same!  I cooked/prepared 78 meals: 9 different 12WBT recipes.

The coolest thing with this is I worked out how much it cost me for all of these meals.  My groceries cost $159.20.  This works out to be less than $2.04 per meal because the groceries included my snacks for next week.  How cheap is that?  And this cost was including having to replenish heaps of stuff that I would usually have in my fridge/freezer as I had to empty the contents a couple of weeks ago from the QLD floods.  It's very frustrating having to re-buy all of the little jars that are usually just staples of any fridge.  So that is less than $2 a meal including having to buy everything from scratch!  Cheapest takeaway ever.
78 meals ready to go!

My last day at my work was Friday - so until something comes through, I am officially unemployed.  So I may be barefoot and broke but I at least I will have good nutrition! ;)


I'm not usually this anal, I promise.  I'm just riding with it while it lasts ;)


Aim for the moon

Ahhhh.  GOALS.
So many goals.
I was drowning in the mere thought of wanting to do so much, let alone achieving them!  And between you and me, some of them stopped interesting me.  Then why try and do themSo I took a tip from a beautiful friend of mine, De.  She said recently, about goals: "Does it take your breath away?"
That's all I needed to remember.  Now, each of my goals does take my breath away.
 
Streamlined.
One list.
Flexible.
I may not make them all.
Some are huge and potentially unattainable.
But you've gotta aim for the moon...
 
I now have goals, challenges and tasks.  Goals take my breath away.  Challenges are things to push my own boundaries.  Tasks are goals that don't take my breath away but I want to get done. :)

My challenges: Like last round, I have made a personal challenge for myself for each week of this round.  Kind of like a weekly mini milestone.  I'm dubbing this list: "Do all the running events" because that seems to be what I'm focussing on this round.  Below is also my rejigged mini plan - just a list of basic stuff that I try to follow to keep me on track to achieve my bigger goals.

Weekly challenges AKA #doalltherunningevents

Week 1
Get organised
Week 2
Get organised
Week 3
Swim training AKA Operation Get Back In The Water

Bribie Tri

32km walk for my 32nd birthday
Week 4
International Women's Day Fun Run

Be under 100kg

Start dancing

Get back to parkrun
Week 5
Mooloolaba Twilight Run - 5km in 0:37:30
Week 6
Twilight Running Festival - 10km
Week 7
See the fireflies / glow worms in the Gold Coast Hinterland
Week 8
Triathlon Pink Brisbane & Pink 5km run
Week 9
Zombie Run

Colour Run
Week 10
Run 10km in 1:15:00
Week 11
Climb/walk Mt Coot-tha loop via road
Week 12
Run 12km in 1:30:00

Significantly reduce Diet Coke
 

Mini plan

Daily
Stick to nutrition plan
Daily
Stick to training plan
Daily
Track all food
Daily
Track all exercise
Daily
Drink 4L water a day & 1L per hour of exercise
Weekly
Do the weekly challenge
Weekly
Go through nutrition plans / plan meals / shop
Weekly
Watch all of Mish's videos
Monthly
Reassess goals
Monthly
Do a cook up if needed
 

Next weeks goal weight reminders.  I can't escape it!

The most important thing in this list

I have to now put my head down and bum up.  Miss All or Nothing here can have her extremes: be behind in everything and self sabotage, or do all the great things of a highly organised person and make it look pretty cool on a blog post.  But the latter is just as effective as the non-taken multivitamins sitting on my kitchen bench; if I don't actually do the work that I've now set myself up forIt's awesome to have plans but now comes the hard bit.

It's time to put my head down, my bum up, and work my backside off to get to my goals.  This whole thing isn't easy!  But to put it completely simply:

I love the journey. 
And I want to reach my goals.

And that's why I do it.

THIS


Basil - this is as green thumb as I get

One of my fave meals: Chicken Parmigiana





This isn't an organise-y pic, but I fit into an old denim skirt I used to love yesterday and I thought that was a pretty cool thing to share :)



My Top 20 prize arrived, so exciting!  Including a very cool fitbit!  The box was so big I took a photo!


The back of my front door.  The last thing I see when I leave the house each day.  The above pink frame has a quote: "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"